Editing Dark Eldar

[[Image:Dark_Eldar_Symbol.png‎|center]]
''"Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight."''
- Albert Schweitzer

The [[Eldar]], after the [[FATAL|disaster]] that caused [[Slaanesh]] and [[Eye of Terror|turned their empire into the universe's biggest Goatse.cx reference]], destroying their once-great race and [[grimdark|killing 90% or so of their population outright]], were a dying race. Slaanesh was devouring their souls like Eldar McNuggets, and it was only through ascetic mysticism and use of Soulstones that Eldar could avoid getting nommed by She Who Thirsts. Conventional wisdom was that these Eldar only survived on craftworlds and maiden worlds that the Eldar had colonized before the fall.

[[Dawn of War|Conventional wisdom]], of course, [[C.S.Goto|means little in the 40K universe]]. Whilst most of the Eldar went assraped to death by Slaanesh when their falling into depraved cycles of decadence reached critical mass and caused a Chaos god to be born, a few of them survived because they were in parts of the Webway (a portal network that the Eldar use for transportation). They escaped with no real ill-effects, or so they thought. In reality, Slaanesh was slowly nomming their souls just like she does every Eldar without a Soulstone - however, they found that by [[Matt_Ward|continuing to engage in rampant hedonism and by torturing and inflicting pain and anguish on other creatures would reduce or even the reverse the effects of Slaanesh's hold on them]], forcing them to seek out and capture, kill, and torment the "lesser" races of the galaxy in order to satiate themselves and stave off their doom. Some claim that this was [[Just as planned]] by [[Tzeentch]]; some scholars hint [[Eldrad]] may bear some responsibility.

[[Image:Dork_Elfdar_Winch.png|thumb|right|My bra is a face. Your argument is invalid.]]

Sadistic and psychotic to the point of making your average [[Chaos Space Marines|Chaos Marine]] look benevolent in contrast, hopped up on cocktails of combat drugs that would put an [[Eversor]] in a coma, and armed predominantly with weapons and equipment that cause [[Indrick Boreale|unspeakable agony]] in those they go after, the Dark Eldar are easily the most depraved and vicious race the 41st millennium has - a hell of an accomplishment when the others vying for the title are [[Necron|soulless killing machines that want to exterminate all life in the galaxy]], [[Tyranids|unfeeling predators that wish to consume all biomass]], and [[Chaos|servants of the chaos gods who want nothing more than to watch the galaxy burn]]. Hated by literally every single faction in the 41st millennium, the Dark Eldar are perhaps the only race with [[Anal circumference|bigger assholes]] than [[Eldrad]], though in spite of this, unlike their sissy counterparts, the Dark Eldar are hated much less by the playerbase - presumably because their army actually takes some brains to use and isn't a giant bunch of status-quo-defending [[Eldar|faggots]].

In battle, Dark Eldar center around hit-and-run tactics, dealing huge damage and moving fast; few of their units can really take much abuse, making them even more fragile than their counterparts. Their standard infantry armor is identical to that of a Guardian (not terribly good), their vehicles are predominantly lightly-armored transport and attack craft that can be brought down by anti-infantry gunfire, and the armor on a typical Wych or Grotesque is no tougher than the ramshackle metal plating favored by Orks, but without the whole "I believe this armor will protect me, which is why it does" and at absolute best will cover only nipples and vulva, meaning that it would take considerable skill (and a somewhat sadistic shooter) to bounce a round off of their 'armour'. Suffice to say, they are extremely fragile, and getting the most out of them takes skill and patience that is rarely-seen on [[/tg/]]; whilst most fa/tg/uys will openly mock your average Eldar player, they will give pause and show some respect to a Dark Eldar player worth his salt.

The Dark Eldar are known for the ''excessive'' amount of [[Faptau|fapping material]] involved with them, and they are the subject of thousands of sexual fantasies by teenagers incapable of handling [[Female Space Marines|real women]]. They did, after all, kind of rape/drug/kill/etc themselves into oblivion, which tends to lend itself towards certain abuses. They are also known for having some of the most fucking awesome-looking models on the tabletop, even if the armor of half of what they field will suffer critical existence failure at the hands of your typical [[Space Marine]].

==Codex Update==
[[File:Dark_Eldar_Safe.jpg|thumb|right|1998-2010 - twelve years of codex blue balls]]
The Dark Eldar, historically, have always been the race for the professionals; they were insanely hard to use by any stretch, their units too lightly-armored, their models requiring some expertise to pick up without impaling yourself, and they were easily the ''least'' played faction in the 41st Millenium. Nearly 12 years passed before a codex update - and suddenly just recently (2010), [[Games Workshop|GW]] decided to throw the Dark Eldar players a much-needed bone.

Sweet [[Emperor|Jesus]], talk about buffs.

Very little changed fluff-wise, though a lot was fleshed out, but the Dark Eldar gained substantial staying power and can actually field a reasonably <s>tough</s> hard-hitting army now. Their new Power from Pain rule makes them tougher as they score kills, and the army now has a lot of potential for being much more forgiving of mistakes (previously it was a case of either steamrolling foes or getting curb-stomped). Lots of new options and extensive access to poisoned range weapons makes them extremely versatile - as well as the bane of Tyranid players everywhere.

==The Dark Eldar Themselves==
"I came to bring the pain, hardcore from the brain/Let's go inside my astral plane." - ''Method Man, Archon of the Wu Tang Kabal.''

The story of the Dark Eldar's fall and their need to inflict pain and horror in order to live - as well as elaboration on their kabalistic practices - have gone a long way towards deepening their fluff considerably (as one noble fa/tg/uy surmised, less retarded Saturday morning cartoon villainy). While some have balked at the more vampiric flavor of the New DE Codex, several denizens of /tg/ have managed to extract comic gold from this. A common musing is that they are ambitious, sex-crazed, easily shot down, boat-and-plane-loving pseudo-aristocrats haunted by a dark curse - ergo, they're not vampires, but, in fact, the Kennedys.

Putting it simply, the soul of a Dark Eldar is [[Grimdark|an open wound that can only be salved with suffering, a void that can only be filled with tortured bodies, a thirst that can only be quenched by spilled blood.]] The origin of this void within the Dark Eldar, and the source of the nigh-religious terror that drives them to commit these daily atrocities, is the knowledge that <s>[[Matt Ward|THEY SHALL NEVER BE ULTRAMARINES]]</s> upon death, their soul is forfeit to the Chaos God Slaanesh - an eventuality they intend to stem off at all costs.

Fortunately for the Dark Eldar, provided that someone recovers enough of their remains, their dead body parts can be brought to the Dark Eldar Haemonculi (an ancient order of Dr. Mengeles, the people that educated Fabius Bile in the art of being a gigantic [[Creed|dick]]) and regenerate themselves in case of death, complete with personality and mental faculties intact. This also keeps their soul from being devoured by Slaanesh - but at a price - this regenerative process is fueled by pain just as surely as the Dark Eldar themselves. This is the reason Dark Eldar raids are so eager to get in and get out as fast as possible; [[grimdark|if the subject is dead for more than a day or so, they're beyond recovery]].
[[Image:1287692229240.jpg|thumb|left|A lot like this, really.]]
Their diet of anguish has blessed the Dark Eldar with some of the longest lifespans in the setting, only surpassed by godlike figures like the C'tan, Necrons, the [[Emperor|Emprah]], and the Chaos Gods. If they die, they just respawn back at base once the Haemonculi have managed to torture enough pain out of their subjects to allow the occupants of their rejuvenation pods to regenerate. 

The Dark Eldar have also overcome the traditional [[Gay|Elven birthrate problem]] by finding a fun workaround to the long gestation period of conventional Eldar - they can remove a fertilized ovum and place it in an amniotic tube to age them quickly enough to be useful. This is looked down on by Dark Eldar society however - they even have an elite unit, the Trueborn, that are basically a bunch of spoiled brats who feel entitled to all the good weapons just because they got pushed out of a proper twat. Additionally, Dark Eldar society has a MUCH larger population of Eldar-human hybrids than anywhere else. What, you thought human slaves were only there for toil or torture?

The Dark Eldar have some of the most advanced tech in the 41st millennium, in cases even surpassing the powerful weapons of their cousins. Access to weapons that basically fling incandescent dark matter and miniature stars around goes a long way towards giving them serious "I'm going to fuck your shit up" power, and their access to arcane wargear and super-fast vehicles even more so. In fact the only race that comes even close to the technological level and destructive power of the Dark Eldar is the [[Necrons]], whose basic weapon rips the molecules off its target, flaying one layer off at a time (though it's still near-instant).

All that said, at least now their continued survival is not as implausible as the Reavers from Firefly maintaining a functional spacefleet - the Dark Eldar are smart, and even though they'll fight each other to death over a biscuit in Commorragh, during a raid into Real Space they set aside their differences to [[/tg/ gets shit done|GET SHIT DONE]].

==One Veteran's Analysis on the Fall of the Eldar==

[[Image:Macha 8.png|thumb|right]]

[[Macha]] got laid. Ages ago. She's been lying to us. The universe at large thought that this was an affront, and tore itself a new one in response. You silly fuckers, did you think that just by fucking, the Eldar race as a whole could create the Eye Of Terror? 

Actually, it is far more likely that the [[C%27tan| C'tan]] did it. Hell, it's more likely that the [[Tyranid|'nids]] did it. Macha will never get laid. It may have also been a result of the weekly card game between [[Tzeentch]], the [[C%27tan|Deceiver]], and [[Cegorach]], and the Emperor. We may never know for sure.

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==COMMORRAGH WELCOMES CAREFUL DRIVERS==
The Dark Eldar live in the Dark City of Commorragh, basically an impossibly large extradimensional port city fueled by two stolen suns. Think of a sprawling cross between 19th Century Shanghai/Singapore with Vice City, a wretched hive of scum and villainy with a drug/torture/rape-based economy and the warped architecture of ''Inception''. So watch out, Utica! Commorragh is a city on the... Grow!

It's only been invaded twice, once by Orks and once by Daemons, and the only time it was in serious danger was when Vect, plotting a coup against the ruling Archons, arranged for a ship filled with a few hundred Space Marines (In a shocking change from the norm, the [[Salamanders]], for once; [[Matt Ward]] is rumored to have had the vapors from this) to be towed to the Dark City. Of course, the entire city's armed forces fought the Space Marines, who managed to escape despite heavy losses. 

To clarify: <s>A few hundred unsupplied and dazed space marines fought off, ass raped everything that was thrown at them and escaped from a billion or so Dark Eldar on their home turf, a place that humanity [[troll|doesn't even understand the physics of]].</s> A single strike cruiser of Marines managed to barely hold back the Dark Eldar breaking into the hull who thought a ship loaded of superhuman warrior monks would be easy pickings. ''Then'' a goddamn battle barge showed up, along with two dozen more ships akin to the ''one'' the Dark Eldar had brought home. Even then, the majority of the Marines died, and the battle barge was almost captured, too. 

Five-hundred combat equipped Space Marines in a close defensive formation were barely able to hold back the Dark Eldar long enough to free their battle barge (and the initially-captured ship), and lost well over half their number doing so. All the while, the Dark Eldar counterattack was impeded by Vect's battlefield assassinations of important Cabal leaders and stalling of reinforcements from the rest of the Houses until the people he wanted dead were dead. Does being manipulated into a frantic and losing fight for survival to further the political goals of a Dark Eldar sound like the hallmark of Matt 'Khornate Knights' Ward? The Salamanders didn't even need to cover their armor in blessed semen to protect themselves from Slaanesh.

==Special Characters==
At least the Dark Elfdar actually have playable special characters now: 

[[Asdrubael vect| Asdrubael Vect]], the Pimp Master General of Commorragh who's now a manipulator on par with Eldrad and, impossibly, an even bigger dick; 

Drazhar, the Master of Blades, who's strongly suggested is the fallen Phoenix Lord of the Striking Scorpions aspect; 

Lelith Hesperax, an oversexed gladiatrix/snuff-film porn starlet so badass her fucking hair counts as a power weapon (srsly, so much implied masturbation in her profile, it's not even funny); 

Lady Malys, an anime villainess and Vect's pissed-off ex-wife.

<s>Kruellagh the Vile, possibly the worst-named character in 40K history.</s> NO LONGER EXISTS. ALL HAIL LORD KELLY!

Lord Hellion Baron Sathonyx, who many on /tg/ believe to be Spider-Man's archnemesis; 

Kheradruakh, the Decapitator, who, uh, cuts peoples heads off and collects them like beanie babies; 

Duke Sliscus, a pirate king who drinks poisons, has all the best drugs, and brings all the bitches to the yard with his gigantic [[Eldrad|cock]]; 

Urien Rakarth, a hyper-evolved Pavi Largo.

== Dating a Dark Eldar ==

{| border=2 cellspacing=2 cellpadding=2
|-
! Likes !! Dislikes
|- valign=top
|
* "Playthings"
* Latex
* Whips
* Hardcore, ballbusting Sex
* Drugs
* Rock'n'Roll
* S/M
* Holes
* Rods
|
* Sunshine
* Puppies
* Flowers
* John Denver
* Sobriety
* "Vanilla" sex
* Erectile Dysfunction
|}

==Gallery==
{{NeedsImages}}

<center><gallery>

File:Duke_uses_poison.jpg#file.png|Kill like a DEldar, DEldar.
Image:40kshock.jpg
Image:LynnminwenCD.jpg|Buying this CD is [[Heresy]]! Download it from torrent.
Image:Advice_Darkeldar.jpg.jpg|No, no, you got it right the first time.
File:Blackholeinabox.jpg#file.png|Oh, that wacky Vect.
Image:TalosRapeTrain.jpg| "Well, look. I mean, is he gonna be able to chase us? Cause if I woke up lookin' like that, I would just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it."
Image:Inception.jpg|Your daily commute in Commorragh, except everyone's an [[Dwarf Fortress|elf-rapist]], the pistols shoot poison that can kill robots, and the chicks are soul-sucking crack whore gladiators.
File:Wych_Battle.jpg|Some armies clad their dedicated combat units in armor that covers more than areolas and genitals. Some armies are for ''pussies''.
Image:Dark Eldar Raid Colored by MajesticChicken.jpg|Mercy? Interesting word, I always wanted to know its meaning.
Image:Dark eldar.jpg|
Image:Commorragh Runner.jpg
Image:Commorragh.jpg
Image:Idealized.jpg|Fucking [[My Little Pony|Pony]] nonsense... Fucking with... Sense of... What were we talking about?
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Dark Eldar|Tactics/Dark Eldar]]
*[[The Enshrouded]]

[[Category:Dark Eldar]][[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]