Editing Jack of Clubs: 'Grandfather'

Put that blasted thing away! What? What? No, I don' care if it belonged to your ol' pa, put the watch away before I shoot the freakin' thing! I don' want to hear another watch ever again, I tell ya!

What, ya want to know why I've got a problem with clocks? Okay, fine, if ya wanna know, I guess... this one happen'd a few decades ago, back when I was young, doin' some... well, fine, banditin', ya happy? It's a nice profitable job, everybody's doin' it! Okay, me and me posse had an ambush put up next to a road: the others were hidin' in the woods, while I would stand up in the middle of the road and tell 'em to surrender and leave their belongings and we won't hurt 'em, ya ken? Okay...

Well, a nice expensive lookin' coach shows up, right? We think it's a good catch as any, so I step to the road and stop 'em, and tell 'em how things are. The guy at the driver's seat was this young man, who seemed a bit worried, but not tha' much... so when I'd told 'em about the stuff, I head a female foice from inside: "All right, we'll think about it... just wait a tick."

Think 'bout it? They'd never think about it, they'd just... well, they'd just surrender. And then I heard the new noise... there was this sound, like a clock tickin', pretty strong and deep like a grandfather clock, ya ken? I really hate grandpa clocks...

Tick, tick, tick, it went, once a second, a weird infuriatin' sound comin' from somewhere. If they'd had a grandpa clock on board why didn' it tick right away, ya ask? Well, ya'll hear it... see, we hear ten ticks, in total, and then...

BOOM!

There was a gigantic blast, like a roarin' thunder, leavin' the coach, like they had a cannon inside! It was strong enough to sway the coach and nearly tumble it on the side, the driver tryin' his best to stop them horses from just goin' and freakin' out... an' just then there's an explosion from the woods, like a dynamite storage had blown up, and suddenly it rains wood and dirt and... blood and little bits of flesh an' innards, all that's left of me posse... oh god.

I'm sorry... just lemme grab a glass... ... Okay. Right. Well... after that, I see that there's this big gun, just a pistol but a big one for those, stickin' out from the coach window, held by a pretty feminine lookin' hand... it pointed at the woods, and... then, it started to point at me. Didn't see no face, no eyes, just the gun, pointin' right at me head. "Looks like you're alone, then," the coach driver said at me. And he was right. I was all alone now.

And the tickin' had started again. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick... it's a lazy thing, ya see? When it's first pulled, it ain't got much power - compared to a Card, anyway - but give it a second or two to gather itself, and it'll blast everythin' away. And the last shot had ten seconds, so... yeah.

So, couldn't do much, could I? I let' em pass. Probably why I'm alive right now, and hatin' the shit out of any clock shoved at me sight. 'Cuz I met the Grandfather, and ya can't be pointed by that thing and not hate anything that ticks for the rest of your life.
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