Editing Avatar (section)

==The cast==
*'''<s>James Cameron</s> <s>John Connor</s> <s>Jack Dawson</s> <s>Jake Sullivan</s> Semaj Noremac:''' A not-at-all self-insert character who is a cripple and finds his brother has died and left him a ''Second Life'' account, allowing him to live vicariously as a furry abomination in a magical fantasy land where he can bone barnyard animals with his hair. Sent to tell the local abominations to pack up and move to a different tree since the biggest mineral deposit on the planet happens to be under the one they're currently living in. He proceeds to totally fail to do so, lies to every one of the furries, avoidably gets half of them killed, and then be forgiven for it after capturing a legendary Pokemon. He then rallies the natives and gets the Earthers sent back, rather than killing them all. Like [[Exterminatus|that'll work out.]] 
*'''Colonel <s>[[Miles Quaritch]]</s> Milhouse Quidditch:''' Three-times world coffee drinking champion and Earth's top xenophobe, sent to yell incoherently and blow things up. The unsung hero. He's also a big enough of a badass to rival [[Ciaphas Cain]], but without the sense of cowardice or the need to fake the grandstanding.
*'''<s>Selfridge</s> <s>Not Burke</s> Selfish:''' A greedy executive with a "subtle" name who wants to get to the huge reserve of plotdevicium, which, for no adequately defined reason, cannot be mined without cutting down a large tree, as sub-surface mining techniques are apparently impossible. Known for being an enormously passive-aggressive douche who's as unhelpful as possible outside of the need for a useless fuckwit to whip over the plot for the first two acts before promptly disappearing.
*'''<s>Dr Grace Augustine</s> <s>Not-Ripley</s> Useless scientist''' and '''<s>Trudy Chacon</s> <s>Not-Vasquez</s> Useless helicopter pilot:''' Two female characters who exist to be awestruck by the furries and their respect for all life, since placing yourself in the middle of the food chain is noble and beautiful and not, for instance, incredibly dumb. One is the classic Hollywood woman scientist character who still has a job, despite not once accomplishing anything useful for the people who employ her, and is generally actively acting against their interests. The other is a helicopter pilot, who, although a heretical traitor, actually is competent at her job and kicks an acceptable modicum of ass. She pulls a [[Creed|tactical genius]] moment at one point, but fucks it up by not using all of her dakka. When they are done being awestruck they are both struck in a more traditional manner and die.
*'''<s>Norm Spellman</s>''' '''Useless Scientist #2''': A male scientist who helps with the Avatar project, and was originally supposed to be the original diplomat until Semaj Noremac proved that a soldier was better at negotiating with a slightly warlike tribe. He has no apparent use outside of getting over his inferiority complex, but that was also a plot thread with Cameron saved for a spin off, or something. He turns out not to be a complete pussy, though: in the climactic battle, he gets killed in his avatar, but that just sent him back to his human body. In other words, [[Kharn|he just survived death, and got right back up to keep killing.]]
*'''<s>Neytiri</s> Pocahontas cat:''' A blue cat-thing who has been taught the arts of self-righteous speechifying and being perfect and noble from a young age. There for Semaj Noremac to fuck.
*'''<s>Tsu'tey</s> Angry cat:''' A scowly, growly cat-thing who is set up to marry Pocahontas cat, and glares at Semaj Noremac a lot. Unfortunately for him, Semaj Noremac screws Pocahontas cat, making sure he won't get to marry her. This also screws up being the heir apparent or something, probably not but Semaj Noremac still screwed his girlfriend. Usually, this would be the guy who betrays his people out of jealousy, only to to be killed by the people he sold them out to, because that's how evil they are. This was clearly not perfect enough for the blue cat-abominations and so he just glares at stuff and then later stops when he dies; in the extended version he gets badly wounded but lives long enough to jerk off Semaj's ego before the latter preforms a mercy kill on him.
*'''<s>Eytukan and Mo'at</s> Pocahontas cat's parents:''' Exist to stand around being wise and vaguely judgmental towards humans. Their only real function is for one of them to get killed to show how mean the humans are and make Pocahontas cat angry at Semaj Noremac, and the other to spout exposition about Their Ways (except one moment where she saves Semaj's and Useless Scientist's avatar bodies from being lynched by most of the other Na'vi).
*'''Other cat-abominations:''' Many lanky cat-creatures who are strong and mighty and noble, never fight among themselves though for some reason they have warriors, have diseases and parasites they have no idea how to cure, ostracize people for no real reason, or anything mean. In other words, native culture put on an impossibly high pedestal as part of a ridiculous attempt to apologize for the entire colonial era by defeating a bunch of <s>pretend white people</s> evil humans ([[Derp|because a fursona movie will make up for years of attempted cultural/ literal genocide, right?]]). The cats are magically linked together by their USB hair into a giant biological internet; like the real internet, it hates them and lets giant doom-animals try to eat them constantly. This largely serves the function of preventing them being impressed with the <s>white man's</s> human technology like real people would be.
*'''<s>Ewya</s> Stupid Deus Ex Machina:''' The living spirit of the planet and the deity of the Na'vi, which shows up one second before the movie ends to kill the humans with a bunch of large animals despite the entire preceding film, and Pocahontas Cat - one of Ewya's most knowledgeable followers, being very clear that it does not do this.