Editing Commissar Yarrick (section)

==The Man, The Myth, The Legend==
[[Image:YarrickPortrait.jpg|frame|thumbnail|50px|REAL Hero of The Imperium]]
 
After his parents suddenly died, a young Sebastian was sent away from his comfortable life as the son of merchants to live with his only living relative ; his grandfather, who had once served in the Guard. His grandfather then ended up paying local bullies to beat the shit of a young Sebastian until his grandson finally asked for lessons on how to toughen up and survive. Sebastian learned quickly, and continued to learn even after the ruse had been blown. It's from here that his determination came to the fore.

He wasn't even into his teens when orks invaded his homeworld. His grandfather quickly went off to fight and Sebastian never saw him again. He then spent a large amount of time putting his lessons to good use, evading the orks and even freeing some people who the orks were keeping around for food. After being found by a guard contingent, he attracted the attention of the attached commissar who then had him sent to the Schola Progenium. It was also at this point that he took on his Grandfather's surname, Yarrick.

At that time he was on track to become an Imperial Guard Stormtrooper. He served in this role for several years after graduation, but eventually transferred to the Commissariat. He apprenticed under the respectable Lord Commissar Rasp, becoming a full Commissar and having a long and distinguished career before retiring to [[Armageddon]]. Yarrick's first name is also Sebastian, possibly inspired by the crab in the little mermaid in reference to his huge claw.

He became an Imperium-wide household name there, coming out of retirement to kick the teeth out of [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka|Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka's]] WAAAAAGH. Ghazghkull thinks he's the [[awesome|bestest humie evar]]. He also has a [[Bale Eye|laser eye,]] ''a la'' Superman, and an ECKSBAWKS HUEG power klaw.

Are we gonna talk about how he wields a storm bolter one-handed when the only ones who can do that are superhumans clad in Terminator armor? Hell no. Why? Because EXBOXHUEG Powerklaw, that's why. Also, because Yarrick <strike>has only one hand</strike> is such a bad ass that he never needs to reload, or has someone else reload his gun for him.

He got his fuckhuge powerklaw from an equally fuckhuge [[Ork]] who wanted Yarrick to bend over while [[Squad broken|something]] [[anal circumference|horrible]] was done to said commissar, but Yarrick proceeded to say "FUCK YOU FILTHY XENO SCUM!!!" and kicked the Ork in the teeth with his Commissar-legs. He also had his arm chopped off in that fight but no one really cares because he stole the Ork's arm with a free fuckhuge power klaw attached. He then gave himself the satisfaction of passing out LIKE A BOSS!!

The man is not only legend among men, but Orks as well; should Yarrick manage to finally kill Ghazgkhull, its only a matter of time before Orks start worshiping him, or at least naming him Gork and Mork's favored, and da baddest Warboss ever. Considering he can actually use his powerklaw and Ork arm functionally means they consider him, at the very least, to be quite downright Orky and all. And as we all know, what Orks believe, becomes true. He also speaks Ork. Yeah. It's not that hard. I mean, it's mostly just angry howls with the odd blow to the head for emphasis. It should be mentioned that since Ork teck is faith-powered, this makes Yarrick the ULTIMATE believer in his own abilities. Well, belief is belief after all.

[[Image:Yarrick Fuck Yeah.jpeg|thumbnail|left|250px|They say eye for an eye makes you blind, I say it makes you shoot death lasers out of your eye.]]
Yarrick got his [[Bale Eye|laser eye]] when he heard that the Orks thought he had the gaze of death, and could kill an ork with a look. Yarrick decided that if the orks thought he could kill with a look, then he was damn well going to be able to. Once again, what Orks believe, becomes true.

He also never dies, because <strike>of Iron Will</strike> DYING IS FOR [[Ferrus Manus|PUSSIES]] AND [[Horus|HERETICS]]!!! It doesn't hurt that the Orks ''believe'' he can't die, so he really can't.

[[Image:Yarrick34b.jpg|thumb|[[Fortress of Arrogance|The Fortress of Arrogance]]]]He is an absolute monster of a combatant and can easily hand virtually any [[Space Marines|Spehss Mehreen]] his ass on a ceramite platter in combat (unless they have an invulnerable save....seriously the stats for ''Old man'' Yarrick are bullshit). Not even genetic enhancements and power armor are a match for an ECKSBAWKS HUEG power klaw and fucking Superman-style laser vision when paired with the <strike>standard issue balls of steel that every person in the Imperial Guard comes with</strike> MARS PATTERN ADAMANTIUM TESTICLES. He even fucking made a [[Space Marines|Spehss Mehreen]] shut up with a single stare at him for yelling during Yarrick's speech in Armageddon third war.

Yarrick is currently chasing after Ghazghkull along with High Marshall Helbrecht at the head of a [[Black Templar]] [[Awesome|crusade]] in the most [[grimdark|amazing]] road trip ever.

He also has HIS OWN PERSONAL [[Baneblade|BANEBLADE]] called the Fortress of Arrogance, however it can only be taken in apoc.

[[What|7th edition made Yarrick.....strange. He lost his fearless, though it got replace by a warlord trait, didn't gain Stubborn every fucking other Comissar gets and he gained summary execution despite the fact that his presence on the battlefield caused no soldier to run away. So yeah, unless Yarrick is in charge, Yarrick would rather <strike>run away than lead by example and fight</strike> say "I'm too old for this shit", and wander off to sit on the porch like the grouchy old-ass retiree he technically is]]. WTF GW....WTF. He also had the stupid Chain of Command SR, meaning by default a Company Commander ''must'' be the Warlord, not him.

8th edition returned Yarrick to awesomeness. He's dropped the stupid Chain of Command rule, and replaced Preferred Enemy: Orks with a universal re-roll 1s to hit for all squads within 6" of him (this becomes re-roll all misses when fighting units with the Ork keyword). <s>He can still execute Guardsmen from squads within 6" of him</s> treat this as Guardsmen themselves clubbing the only coward trying to run with the Old Man nearby to death with butts of lasrifles, and he gives all Astra Militarum squads within 6" his awesome leadership of 9.