Editing Kaldor Draigo (section)

==Origins in the Fluff==
Draigo first showed up from out of no-where in [[Matt Ward]]'s [[Skub|infamous]] Grey Knights 5th Edition codex, previously there had been no mention of the character anywhere, but suddenly we were presented with this all new guy, with a list of deeds equivalent/greater than any of the established 40k heavies, including several [[Primarchs]], yet somehow completely and unbelievably infallible.

As a lowly Battle-Brother he banished the [[M'kar|Daemon Prince M'kar the Reborn]] and he has risen steadily through the ranks to become the '''SUPREME''' Grand Master Chosen of the most secretive Chapter of [[Space Marines]]. Yet ever since his other battle with [[M'kar]], Draigo has been cursed to a life within the Warp, doomed to walk within the [[Chaos|Realm of Chaos]], [[Mary Sue|to remain pure when constantly assailed by Chaos]] and to show fortitude and personal strength [[Mary Sue|that is beyond comprehensible measure]]. ''(In other words, he's got [[Plot armor]] of a scale equivalent to a 1++ unmodifiable save.)''

But while Draigo lives, he will [[troll|prevail]], and one day, he will return.

===Wait this sounds so familiar... Oh, son of a bitch!===
''Long ago in a distant land, I, M'kar, a shape-shifting Daemon of Chaos, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Grey Knight warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. (Sword fighting happens) Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in space and flung him into the Warp, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the Materium, and undo the evil that is M’kar!''

[[Samurai Jack|Dammit, Matt Ward's ripping off stories better than his own again.]]

To be fair, Samurai Jack is <s>ripped off from</s>{{BLAM}} {{BLAM|'''HERESY'''}} inspired by Frank Miller's Rönin; if you haven't read that Samurai Jack's like a less violent, samurai-and-fantasy-based version of [[Fist of the North Star]]. Though Matt Ward's fluff is still awful and unworthy of even sharing the same paragraph as those three.

Another theory poses that Draigo is a copy-paste of Khal Drogo from [[A Song of Ice and Fire]], whose only notable characteristic for most of the series was being literally undefeated forever. Khal Drogo got better later; Draigo didn't.

===Listings of Deeds===

Kaldor Draigo is famous for:
*Killing a Daemon Prince in his first combat action. Admittedly it was [[M'kar]], Daemon Prince of Jobbers and Getting Shitstomped by Main Characters, but still. ''First bloody mission.''
*Banishing Daemon [[Primarch]] [[Mortarion]] back to the warp, somehow carving the name of the previous supreme grand master Geronitan (a fucking long name) into the heart of said Daemon Primarch ''without contracting [[Nurgle|space daemon AIDS]] in the process'' 
**to put this insanity in perspective, try cursive writing with a Chainsaw (block letters are difficult in wood to begin with, let alone flesh) while in the middle of an industrial toxic waste dump <s>without any protection.</s> wearing a punctured HAZMAT suit. Unless you have Plot Armor, then it's pretty sensible.
***<s>Another idea would be to go and listen to the audio drama "Mortarion's heart", this will resolve the issues that people have with this event.</s> Said book was literally created to shed some light on the absurdity of this event and it just turned into an inevitable Grey Knights fans hype train, with the bottom line being "Death Guards sucks, GK rule, Mortarion is a bitch", so, not much help really.
**As of [[Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters]], whooping Mortarion's rank ass for a second time, but this time [[Derp|in Nurgle's Garden,]] [[Wat|with only 4 Grey Knights backing him up (with 4 more holding off the]] [[Death Guard]] [[Bullshit|), in a trap he deliberately walked into because there was no other way to stop Mortarion's plan]]. Really, [[Aaron Dembski-Bowden|ADB]]?
*Single-handedly holding off a daemon horde for two days in real space
*Killing a Daemon Prince with a broken sword,
*Killing one of [[Khorne]]'s strongest [[Bloodthirster]]s with little to no weaponry 
*Taking said Bloodthirster's axe and reforging it into a sword for his own personal use WITH HIS MIND (<s>you know, despite it being an obvious weapon of a Daemon and automatically a corrupting influence just to hold, let alone press your bare mind against (just don't tell this to Logan Grimnar, m'kay?)</s> okay fine, this actually has precedent in the older lore and even more so in the newer fluff for being done safely; it typically requires the Daemon weapon to either be HEAVILY purified by space-priests, or a more esoteric ritual under the guidance of Stormseers or Rune Priests (as was the case for Logan Grimnar), or alternatively, just be nullified through the use of archeotech, and ONLY THEN can it be reforged without risk of corruption). 
*Slaying 6 of Slaanesh's chosen Daemonettes (when setting one's gaze upon them is enough to instantly force submission from any mortal, no matter how strong-willed, unless they are <s>blessed/cursed</s> backed by Khorne).
*Setting fire to Nurgle's garden (again, whilst somehow miraculously avoiding space daemon [[AIDS]]).
*Walking into the City of Tzeentch and single-handedly smashing it to rubble, which, given that the City of Tzeentch comprises geometry which is literally impossible, MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE <strike>''(maybe he just smashes the impossible buildings into equally-impossible rubble?)</strike> {{BLAM|Who the fuck gave Matt Ward his editing privileges back?!}}'' 

**To be <strike>fair</strike> a cunt, Great Boss [[Tuska Daemon-Killa|Tuska the Demon-killa]] did that to several different places with impossible geometry during his WAAAGH! into the warp... but then again, those are [[Orks]], for whom impossible shit forms the backbone of their war machinery, he had an army and artillery with him so they could've [[Dakka|fired in all directions]], he had an army with him that took losses as they went and they eventually were defeated, in a sense <span style='color:green;font-size:105%'>'''DEFEETED? WE'Z STUCK IN IN AN ENDLESS WAAAGH!!! WHERE U KAN COME BACK FO' MOAR EVVRY TIME U GET ZOGGED! AN' WE'Z NEVAH RUN OUTTA ENEMIEZ! GREAT BOSS DEMONA-KILLA IZ DA BEST BOSS EVAH!'''</span>)
*Slaying a large number of daemons whilst being trapped in warpspace (though not nearly as many as Doomguy, who has a confirmed demon kill count of over 400 quadrillion).
He can also be summoned by chaos cultists unwittingly instead of a daemon, no sooner returning to the Warp than after slaying them all.

===Additional Bullshit===
If anyone needed additional proof that Matt Ward is too busy wanking off at the thought of his own fluffing skills to actually pay any attention to what he's writing, just look at the chronology of Draigo's entry. He initially distinguishes himself in 799.M41 during his first encounter with M'Kar, earning the rank of Justicar. The next confrontation with M'Kar occurs 'Two hundred years to the day since Draigo's victory on Acralem' (i.e. 999.M41). 999.M41; this is confirmed in the 'Deeds of Legend' section of the Codex as well. Additionally, 999.M41 is ''also'' the point Draigo is dragged into the warp and begins his centuries-long rampage. Later on in the '''exact same fucking fluff entry,''' when he returns for the first time to the mortal plane, he has been "clearly long adrift in time, for he knew [those Grey Knights he encountered] not". Y'know, despite the fact '''[[FAIL|TIME FLOWS DIFFERENTLY IN THE WARP THAN IN REAL-SPACE.]]''' Doubtless, as we all know, time passes differently in the Warp; Kaldor himself may have been experiencing years or centuries there, but time crawls linearly along for everyone in the Prime Material, and that therefore would have ''zero impact'' on the age and number of surviving, recognizable members of the Grey Knights whom he left behind. So, unless we're intended to assume that his entry is to be read as though in the future, i.e. sometime well after the END of the 41st Millennium, then Kaldor "''I'm-a-fucking-badass-who-can-survive-indefinitely-in-the-Warp''" Draigo has really only been AWAY from the mortal plane for, at most, a few months. Giving Mr. Ward the benefit of the doubt (which seems completely unfair to readers with more than an iota of brain power), either Kaldor has been randomly deposited into points in the distant PAST, or we're intended to pretend all Grey Knight battles that include him are taking place in the distant FUTURE. Without one of these two assumptions, only two other alternatives remain: either Draigo has gone completely fucking senile/[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|has gone completely batshit fucking insane from Warp exposure]], or Draigo was too big a stuck-up, arrogant snob to ever learn the names or faces of those serving under him. This, of course, is if we want to give Matt Ward ''any'' credit at all. In other words, the above is a concrete example of '''BAD WRITING.'''

Seriously, what the fuck more do you want, GW? Who's he fluffing (is that what it's called now?) on your board of directors, that you've retained such a piss-poor hack for so long? Are you on drugs? What kind of Slaaneshi death cult has been giving you drugs? Can I have some of your drugs so I can at least make sense of your goddamned incompetence?!

===Wut?===
Clearly, the only explanation for the sheer levels of retardation and gratuitous [[Matt Ward|canon-rape]] Draigo represents is the simplest one: That Draigo is, in fact, defeated - Chaos cannot be beaten in its own realm of non-space because of the mere fact that chaotic beings are immortal, after all, and none of the above is true (though psykers can "technically" kill chaos daemons for good in the warp, it requires an amount of psychic energy and willpower that's far beyond the norm). Such a thing would be like a candle not only staying lit at the bottom of the ocean, but managing to burn/evaporate the surrounding water away in the process.

Right now, this very moment, (in the far future) Draigo is in fact a shredded pile of torn flesh and shattered bone after having his ass handed to him by the above Lord of Change and Bloodthirster, who proceeded to step in whilst the Lord kept him distracted - [[Just as planned]]. This pile of broken ex-marine is also gushing ooze and phlegm and pus as he was infected with every blight and pox Nurgle has to offer. This shredded, oozing pile....''thing'', is also being raped and violated in the most unspeakable and vile ways by the Daemonettes of Slaanesh.

And so it shall continue, for all eternity. [[Troll|Because every single Chaos God finds it fucking hilarious]].

The only reason he thinks "all is well" is because Tzeentch thought he'd have a bit fun with Draigo. He stuck Draigo into a matrix-esque dream world where everything goes his way and is just waiting for Draigo to climb as high as he can. This dream world will probably last until Draigo has crushed the Chaos gods themselves and all their armies beneath his feet and caused the God-Emperor himself to rise from the throne and suck him off!

Then, at the "funniest" possible moment, right as his bolter is about to fire its payload (and we're not talking about the one on his wrist), Tzeentch will rip it all away from him, Draigo will wake up and see what has really become of him and weep tears of utter loss and despair! "[[Just as planned]]!"

While all that's happened, Draigo thought to himself: "I have no mouth, but I must scream".

At least that's what the heretics want you to think.

[[File:Jelly thing.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Kaldor Draigo, what really happened to him.]]

<s>Admittedly, Draigo's fluff is pretty badass, but still canon-rape (no pun inten- wait, pun totally intended).</s> There is nothing awesome about someone who just goes around fucking everything up with zero challenge. It's like people who write stories about how their super awesome character killed the [[Lady_of_Pain|Lady of Pain]] or something. Nah, sometimes people want to read an overpowered character doing stuff. Not all the time, but sometimes. His deeds, taken out of context, are awesome and badass. It's only crappy when put into context. Personally, I hate his fluff and want it completely removed and for it to all have been a delusion running through his mind while lost in the Warp or perhaps he's still fighting that Lord of Change and this is just part of a psychic attack against him. But, I can see why his fluff can be enjoyed on its own by people periodically.

//{{BLAM|''Inquisitor's Note: While the above is no doubt the fevered ramblings of a mind crying out for the Emperor's peace there is a small measure of truth in it. Our [[canon|most blessed and sanctified scriptures]] tell us that Lord Draigo's victories in the warp are indeed empty ones, and that every daemon slain and fortress toppled shortly rights itself. This is his curse and only when, by the Emperor's blessing, he returns to the materium will he be able to enact any lasting defeats on the ruinous powers.}}//

//{{BLAM|''Historitor 165.82.108.238 remanded to custody for Inquisitorial review.}}//

++{{BLAM|''Thought for the Day: Many are the faces of the enemy, many are the hands of the enemy.''}}++

Alternatively you could also accept the less serious but popular fanon that Kaldor Draigo is actually traversing the Warp while high on drugs. His latent psychic abilities and drug-fueled insanity could technically allow him to shape his battles in the Warp to go in his favor. That or Draigo has almost [[Malcador]] levels of psychic abilities, the strain of which has caused him to go completely bat-shite insane, rendering the Warp into his own personal plaything to a certain extent.

===Mat Ward Sez===
''"Lord Kaldor Draigo is a combat monster - there's no other way to describe him. He's lethal against non-daemonic foes, with plenty of Strength 5 force weapon attacks to lay a beat down. When faced with hated Daemons, his Titansword becomes Strength 10, ensuring a pretty one-sided fight in his favour. Even if his enemy survives, Draigo's storm shield is sure to keep him fighting. And on top of all of this, Draigo is a Grand Master, able to bestow extra abilities on his allies. Want your Dreadknight to capture objectives? Draigo can make that happen. Want a Scouting screen of Dreadnoughts? Draigo can make it happen. He's the best possible way to keep your opponent on his toes."''

In summary: HE [[/d/|MAKES IT HAPPEN]].
(So does [[Creed]] but unlike Draigo he does OP with [[awesome|Style]])

===TTS Salvages the Unsalvageable===
In recent years a web series, [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA If The Emperor Had a Text to Speech Device], dedicated to Warhammer 40K meant as an affectionate parody correctly citing lore put forth a more plausible reason for Draigo's invincibility that combines the bullshit written by Matt Ward and the fan theory that he's been driven insane in the warp. In TTS Draigo weaponizes his insanity and infallible belief in himself to literally make himself invincible. Because he has no anchor to what should or should not be, he can alter the warp at will and create any effect he desires. This makes for an uber powerful lunatic that's barely sentient but that can slaughter legions of monsters, destroy suns and make more of himself. Together with Leman Russ, they constantly go around destroying villages of demons, pranking the hordes of chaos, and turning the livers of their enemies into ale (Russ has....interesting alcohol recipes).