Editing Old Man Henderson (section)

==The Origin of Old Man Henderson==


''Waffle House Millionaire 07/06/10(Tue)06:26 No 10966503 
:''I hate de-railing a thread on accident. Who wants to hear the Tale of Old Man Henderson, the character who 'won' Call of Cthulhu? 
''Anonymous 07/06/10(Tue)06:27 No.10966512 
:''I do 

Alright then, I'd like to start by saying that the GM was a bastard that had it coming. Bullshit tactics to make everyone go crazy like a d6 with only 5 sides. No story, no reason; lose 10 sanity. 
The others continued to allow this faggotry.
We were playing a modern day setting, with the other players being a college professor who found a couple of stray pages of a copy of the Necronomicon and wanted to find out just what the hell it was, a detective who was investigating a missing persons case connected to the local cult and a local athlete (I think it was football) trying to find out why some of his friends seemed so distant lately. 
And then... there was Old Man Henderson, who was never given a first name. 

Old Man Henderson was already a little crazy, and blamed his life's misfortunes on Vietnam. <br/>
He never went to Vietnam, he was 12 in 74. (And I will be fucking amazed if anyone gets that reference. (Not everyone does. It is the song "My Brother-In-Law" by Tim Wilson, as far as I can tell.) ) <br/>
Old Man Henderson wore combat boots, cargo shorts, and an open-front Hawaiian shirt with a wife-beater underneath.<br/>
He was dyslexic, and had a lesser case of Schizophrenia [probably referring to schizotypal] allowing him to assume that the reason he saw crazy shit was because he WAS a little bit crazy. <br/>
He had a grizzly adams beard and wore his hair in a mohawk. <br/>
He never took off his aviator shades, for any reason. <br/>
He had a stuffed parrot on his shoulder named Rupert that he constantly asked for advice, while ignoring the other party members as convenient, assuming they were hallucinations. <br/>
He had an automatic combat shotgun he knew how to use. <br/>
He also had MEMORIZED the anarchist's cookbook. He started the game with a pre-existing hatred of religion, cutlery, and books. <br/>
His motivation was that he thought that the cult had stole his lawngnomes; while he had actually donated them to a charity auction, got high, and forgot about it. <br/>
Most importantly, he had a 320 page backstory that justified EVERYTHING, from his casual knowledge of physics to his ability to speak Portuguese flawlessly. <br/>
You can just imagine the sort of Shenanigans that character was involved in.<br/>

The point to having such a long backstory was three-fold. 
# to ensure the GM would never actually read it and 
# Since he would never read it except for in excerpts I pointed out to justify things, I could re-write and change things around completely at random without anyone noticing and MOST IMPORTANTLY 
# Convince everyone that I was serious about this character, and that it wasn't simply the game wrecking bullshit that it was. 
Dickish yes, but he really did have it coming.

First outing of the group. The Detective was spying on the building of the cultists with a camera. The Jock was parked nearby, waiting for the group to let out so he could snoop it out The Professor had joined the cult to try and gain information.<br/>
Old Man Henderson very calmly parked his car, got out holding the shotgun in clear view of anyone who happened to be looking (in this case, the detective and the Jock), strolled up to the front door and kicked it in. <br/>
While everyone just kind of stopped in shocked silence for a moment, he leveled his shotgun on the lead priest/cultist guy and yelled "MUCKLE DAMRED CULTI 'AIR EH NAMBLIES BE KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN!?!?" 

Did I mention that he had a nigh-incomprehensible Scottish accent that came and went as he drank and/or as amused me? <br/>
The leader couldn't understand my simple request to return my lawn gnomes (literally, you think what I typed is hard to understand? imagine it being slurred at you by a drunken Scotsman), he assumed I was trying to cast a spell at him in an elder tongue and summoned a shoggoth by murdering one of his fellows. <br/>
One Molotov And about 20 rounds later, the Shoggoth is dead, as is the cult leader, the Professor (he made the mistake of trying to make peace-maker mid murderous rampage) and about 10 assorted cultists. <br/>
Old Man Henderson then pissed on the Shoggoth's corpse, got back in his battered '92 Buick Century, and went home. The whole event was over in about ten minutes game time and nobody thought to get the Buick's plates. <br/>
The building burned down shortly, along with about half the written plot, and every lead either of the other surviving players had. The GM called a break then to figure out how to fix and/or work around what I just did. <br/>
It only got crazier from there.<br/>

''Anonymous 07/06/10(Tue)07.36 No.10967215 
:''I must have more, good sir! 
''Waffle House Millionaire 07/06/10(Tue)07 37 No 10967237 
:''Typing up the full exploits of Old Man Henderson would take too long, can I just give you the highlights reel? 
''Anonymous 07/06/10(Tue)07.38 No.10967240 
:''I will settle for that
''Waffle House Millionaire 07/06/10(Tue)07 47 No 10967295 
:''All Right-ey then 
:''Some of his finer moments include: 
* Dropping a Yacht onto a penthouse suite owned by Cthulhu Cultists. 
* The stealing of said Yacht from cultists of Hastur, thereby starting a cultist gang-war. 
* The Tanker truck incident, 
* and my personal favorite: Hell on Ice. 
''Which one do you want to hear about first? 

''dashingbastard 07/06/10(Tue)07.48 No.10967307 
:''Dropping the Yacht. 
:''Lets take it from the top.