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== Playable Characters == List of all the major characters in Dorf Quest, as well as their major accomplishments and current status. === Beardbeard Godslayer === [[Image:BeardBeard CC.png|thumb|right]] Beardbeard is a [[Dorf]] and, for the most part, the main character of the game. He set out to make a name for himself and earn some cash. Despite his violent nature (he's Chaotic Evil), Beardbeard seems to value his friends and allies and tries to help them when possible. In fact, by this point, Beardbeard has become somewhat infamous in-game for going out of his way to resurrect or otherwise help his comrades, even if 90% of their deaths and/or problems are entirely his own damn fault. Beardbeard is a worshiper of Xom, and hails from the city of Mountainhome. He is 34 years old. Currently, he is known as Godslayer for killing Glittergold and handing his divinity to Satan. He claimed a dragon's cavern as his own and (forcefully) relocated Mountainhome and a kobold camp to the cave, which he named BuzzardLoved. He also fathered a newborn Sun, which he named Sunson. He was recently horribly maimed/mutated in a battle lost against Musclebeard's usurpation of BuzzardLoved. He has admired a fine stone bust lately. He has become the God of Strength by taking down Heracles. Currently, Beardbeared is the god of Dorfs. GOD: Xom<br/> CURRENT QUESTS: God stuff. === Garrelf Swiftrip === [[Image:Garrelf CC.png|thumb|right]] A manly [[elf]] who got recruited into Beardbeard's party, and proved for some time to be a trustworthy ally. During a drinking contest between Beardbeard, Satan, and himself, he lost his liver (and his life) when Beardbeard ripped it out so he could replace Satan's. Beardbeard, in an act that would come to define his personality, then resurrected Garrelf and transformed him into a Shadar-kai. Soon after he became king of the elven city of Teven, a process which mostly involved marrying and then shagging the queen for four days straight. He also became known as very likely the most depraved torture expert ever. He hails from the city of Teven. He is 99 years old. Garrelf was banished to the shadow realm after totally saving everyone's ass from a dragon, but then his ass was totally saved by Beardbeard, who proceeded to throw a huge tantrum and kick both Garrelf and Queen Arialla's asses when the frigid bitch left him in the shadow realm to die. Garrelf then swore to hunt down and destroy Beardbeard due to the grievous bodily harm inflicted on both him and his wife. To this end, he decided to help Satan destroy the (7) Leylines so that Satan could reassemble life in his image, in exchange for power, and he also enslaved a city of Nagas. Eventually Beardbeard and Garrelf faced off, and a huge battle occurred, which was totally epic, culminating in a duel between the two. Beardbeard ultimately triumphed, though not without cost. In the end, Garrelf seemed to regret his actions, and Beardbeard forgave him. One last ale was shared between the two, before Garrelf finally passed from his wounds. Goodnight, Garrelf. Manly tears were shed. GOD: Satan<br/> UNFINISHED QUESTS: Destroy Beardbeard, Destroy Leylines (4/7 Destroyed) === Aldwin Cardsharp === [[Image:Capability Card - Aldwin.png|thumb|right]] Aldwin is the second protagonist in the game. He and Beardbeard and Garrelf alternate weekly sessions. He is a [[rogue]]/[[cleric]] of Nemelex, and hails from Aordor. He is 25 years old. Aldwin started out as a very incompetent rogue who pretty much sucked at anything he did. However, after much training with Lily, he has come to become a competent rogue, and Goldmoon had started to teach him the ways of an assassin before making the ultimate sacrifice. Most of his power comes from his summoning abilities, however, as most of the other rogues in the story are better than him at being rogues. Aldwin, Lily, and Cultist all live inside a Windmill that he claimed as his own a while back. Due to a series of events, Aldwin was in charge of the Goldmoon slayers, but he has been relieved of that duty by Nevada for the most part. Aldwin and Cultist are currently in a relationship and are expecting a child. He was last seen in the epilogue becoming the new head of the Goldmoon Slayers. GOD: Nemlex<br/> CURRENT QUESTS: Baby Stuff === Lily Roosterhalt === [[Image:Lily CC.png|thumb|right]] A [[neckbeard]] in training and Aldwin's sidekick/adoptive daughter. She helps Aldwin stop sucking at his chosen profession and helps him in his training. Even though she is useless by herself, her extreme genre savvy helps her when dealing with Aldwin, and points him in the right direction. Also, she is the only character in Dorf Quest who communicates directly with the [[:/tg/|fa/tg/uys]], even being considered an embodiment of /tg/ itself in the game world. Also she's pink and tiny. Really tiny. Really really fucking tiny. Lily is also a glass cannon - she has one very powerful attack (Nerdrage), but she can only use it once per session, and she can't take a hit at all. She currently follows Pelor, and nobody knows where she hails from. Her age is unknown, but estimated to be around 9 or 10. GOD: Pelor === Cultist of Xom === [[Image:Cultist CC.png|thumb|right]] [[Image:Capability Card - Mado.png|thumb|right]] [[Image:Capability Card - Kav.png|thumb|right]] An orc cultist of Xom that started as just a throw-away NPC, but ended up being a member of Beardbeard's party. A pious follower of Xom, she helped Beardbeard by bringing Garrelf back, restoring Beardbeard's arm after his Satan arm went awry, and giving him the barrel of Kay-oss beer that mutated him (As a reward for getting 10 people to join Xom). She appears to be a shy and kind person, always trying to help out as much as she can, despite her not exactly beautiful looks and weird speech. She is a very obvious reference to [[Cultist-chan]]. Cultist hails from Eridia. She is 17 years old. Currently, she is living with Lily and Aldwin at the windmill. She is pregnant, and it has been PROVEN FOREVER that Aldwin is the father. GOD: Xom === Mado === A human rogue who follows Nevada around like a lost puppy. She has a huge crush on Nevada, and would do anything for her, including pretend she sucks so that she can stay Nevada's apprentice longer. She joined Beardbeard's party by force, but began to help them out after discovering that they wanted to bring back Nevada. She worships Ra, and hails from Aordor. She is 17 years old. Currently, she is happily hooked up with Nevada. [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HoYay?from=Main.LesYay Les yay!] GOD: Ra === Kav === A pixie mobster who had been sold off as a slave to the Blue Eyes White Dragon. She agreed to help out Beardbeard after he rescued her, but seems to crave action, and gets bored easily. She speaks in 1920's slang, making her exact message difficult to understand at times, but the gist of it is pretty clear. She worships Heracles, and hails from Eridia. She is 125 years old. After recruiting more and more mooks who just kept getting killed, Kav got fed up with the mafia business and opened a (supposedly) legitimate gun shop. Surprisingly, nobody actually believes her. GOD: <strike>Heracles</strike> Beardbeard === Driblis === A kobold in bone armor, and wielding a bone spear. Leads Beardbeard's army as his Double General. Notable accomplishments include standing up to Beardbeard despite being a kobold (which is how he got his job), and outdrinking a dorf (among 200 other dorfs), making him possibly the most badass kobold there is. He then went on to save the day at Garrelf's last battle, willing to sacrifice his life to stop the Illithisaurus. He survived thanks to Presley, and is now more badass than ever. He is now the Champion of Strength. Like all kobolds, Beardbeard granted him the ability to drink massive amounts of alcohol, meaning he is now able to out drink even a dorf. GOD: Beardbeard
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