Editing Fire and Fury (section)

=====Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt=====
[[File:Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt art.jpeg|thumb|left|'' WE’RE TOTALLY NOT FUCKING GAY!!! WE JUST HATE EACH OTHERS FUCKING GUTS, SHARE A SHIT-TINY ROOM AND HAVE A PET THAT NEITHER OF US FUCKING WANTED BUT WE THOUGHT IT WOULD SAVE OUR RELATI (COUGH!!!) CAPTAINCY!!!'']]
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'''Fluff:'''
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A company should only really have one captain, especially in the case of angry marines as it is a scientific fact that if you put a group of angry marines into a room together (or just two angry marines, or even a single bored marine) and ask them to come up with a plan of action, that plan of action will quickly degrade into “PUNCH THE OTHER ANGRY FUCKING IN THE CUNT!!!” However, the canteen brawl which was supposed to decide the leader of the “WHY DO WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THOSE CUNTS?!!!” company and their ship The Suicidal Insanity resulted in Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt knocking each other out simultaneously via violent kicks to the bollocks, and so the two of them were made captain. Not two separate captains mind you, there was only one position available, and instead of simply making two such captaincies available would have been too level headed and logical, and so now Dick and Cunt are both, technically, the same captain. And so now they are stuck for all eternity/until one or both of them die, to spend all their time in each other’s company like a married couple in the bitterest of relationships.

This unlikely pairing is always followed by Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger, named so because they (nobody is stupid enough to try and check its gender) are not fussy on who’s genitals it bites off. It is not known where Equal Opportunity came from, as the large numbers of honey badgers which could normally found in the vicinity of angry marines had to be removed (to make the faction a little bit more sensible from a story perspective), but as honey badgers do turn up from time to time (such as hiding in underwear draws, in toilets or as their mutant honey badger form) most people assume that Equal Opportunity is simply a honey badger that survived the editorial cuts.

Another theory (proposed by psykers who get too near the creature) is that Equal Opportunity is actually a warp familiar, spawned by the hatred between Dick and Cunt. The psykers think this because whenever Equal Opportunity looks at them they get the psychic equivalent of having their genitals chewed off.</div>
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This unit contains 1 Tweedle Dick, 1 Tweedle Cunt and 1 Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger ('''Power Level X'''). Only one of this unit may be included in your army. If this unit is your warlord then the whole unit is treated as being your warlord.
{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| '''Tweedle Dick''' || 6" || 2+ || 2+ || 5 || 4 || 5 || 3 || 8 || 3+
|-
| '''Tweedle Cunt''' || 6" || 2+ || 4+ || 6 || 4 || 5 || 4 || 8 || 3+
|-
| '''Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger''' || 6" || 2+ || - || 4 || 4 || 2 || 6 || 8 || 5+
|}
'''Wargear'''
*A Maw and Jaws you don’t want anywhere near your squish parts (Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger only)
*Three Storm Bolters (Tweedle Dick only)
*The “Sneaky” Knife (Tweedle Dick only)
*Two Broken Power Fists (Tweedle Cunt only)
*Frag Grenade (Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt only)

'''Special Rules:'''
*'''ALWAYS ANGRY!!!'''
*'''Dual Melee Weapons'''
*'''GET THE FUCK OFF MY LEG!!!:''' Sometimes, running around with two power fists is not enough for Tweedle Cunt to beat the shit out of his enemies, so he will enlist (unwillingly) Tweedle Dick to act as a larger and angrier melee weapons.
**At the beginning of each fight phase, you may decide whether Tweedle Cunt will pick up Tweedle Dick and use him as an improvised weapon. If so Tweedle Dick suffers D2 mortal wounds and may not fight for the duration of the fight phase. However, Tweedle Cunt counts as being equipped with an ''“Improvised” Weapon'' for the duration of the fight phase, but counts as not being equipped with his two broken power fists for the duration of the fight phase.
*'''YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!:''' “HOW DOD YOU FUCKING MISS THAT SHOT YOU FUCKING CUBT?!!!” (THUMP)
**Whenever Tweedle Dick or Tweedle Cunt fail a hit roll at any time they immediately suffer a strength 4 ap0 D1 hit which is resolved immediately for each failed hit. 
*'''Feel no pain:''' ITS FUCKING DIFFICULT TO TAKE A BOLT SHELL TO THE FUCKING HEAD SERIOUSLY WHEN YOUR GOT THE CUNT BADGER BITING YOUR BALLS!!!
**As long as Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger is alive, all models in this unit ignore damage taken on a 5+ on a D6, except for Equal Opportunity, who ignores damage received on a 4+.
*'''Otherworldly Badger:''' Whether Equal Opportunity is real, or a warp spawn, it’s effect on nearby psykers is undeniably effective.
**As long as Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger is alive, this unit has a 6+ invulnerability save and may deny one psychic power a turn, and may add 1 to its deny rolls.

'''Keywords''':
*Faction: {{W40kKeyword|Angry Marine}}, {{W40kKeyword|Imperium}} 
*{{W40kKeyword|HQ}}, {{W40kKeyword|Character}}, {{W40kKeyword|Infantry}}, {{W40kKeyword|Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Cunt}}, {{W40kKeyword|DEMON)}} (Equal Opportunity Genital Muncher the Honey Badger only)