Editing Fire and Fury (section)

=====Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!”=====
[[File:Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” Art.jpeg|thumb|left|'' I’M FUCKING SANTA IF SANTA GAVE YOU TAX REFUND INVOICES WHICH WERE ON FIRE!!! HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKERS!!!'']]
While Tweedle Dick and Cunt are constantly fighting or trying to Prize Equal opportunity off their balls, Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” is actually the one who runs the Suicidal Insanity, but if you’d asked anyone 50 years ago what the young (as he was known then) Joshua Biggins would do once he was filling trained, nobody would have said “second in command of an army of yellow psychopaths”. From the age of eight Joshua had been brought up as an orphan by the Adeptus Ministrorum and had shown great promise as a clerk and general organiser, with the potential of becoming middle management (effectively as comfortable as an orphan in the Imperium is ever likely to get).

However, on one fateful day at the ripe old age of 14 (ancient by marine recruit standards) Joshua was transferred to the part of the Administratum that worked with the Ultramarines, who ground him down over the course of 6 months with their “Courage and honour” and their constant babbling about the “Codex Astartes” until some poor serf said “may our spiritual liege guide you” one too many times. Nobody knows what it was that had put Joshua on edge before the serf said those words, but when the next shift arrived to relieve the clerk of his duties they found the poor ultramarine serf with his head stuck up his own arse.

After this Joshua went feral for a while, living in the ducts of ships, surviving by licking dew of the walls and burning anything ultramarine related he could find, until one day the ship he happened to sneak into was the battle barge Considerable Shouting, where he was found basking in front of a blazing fire created by burning the battle barges entire supply of Codex Astartes (used by the Fiery Aggressors in their promethium mixtures) screaming “BURN YOU STUCK UP CUNTS!!! BURN!!!” After this Joshua was quickly inducted, rose to the rank of black brother Sargent and moved over to the suicidal insanity, who’s captain Dweedle Dick and Cunt made him their second in command, partly because he is an excellent administrator, but mostly because if he finds an accounting error he will go on a burning spree through the accounts department.

Sometimes, Boring Shite will combine his two jobs of administrator and burny bastard on the battlefield, by riding into battle on his Mobile Accounts Department, an extra large black brother bike which holds extra large fuels tanks, extra flamers, flameproof filing systems and a servitor in the side car who pulls double duty as data processor and gunner. All of this colossal weight is too much even for a beefed up astartes bike, so the whole flaming mess is pulled along by a team of five normal black brother bikers, all of whom are extraordinarily pissed off that they’re stuck towing the bastard around.On such a behemoth of burning belligerence little can stand in the way of boring shite, as he continuously swaps from burning his foes alive, to running calculations on why the enemy he just roasted where a bunch of idiots.

This unit contains 1 Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” ('''Power Level 5'''). Only one of this unit may be included in your army.
{| class=wikitable
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv
|-
| '''Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!”''' || 6" || 2+ || 4+ || 5 || 4 || 5 || 3 || 8 || 3+
|-
| '''Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department''' || 10" || 2+ || 4+ || 5 || 6 || 9 || 3 || 8 || 2+
|}

'''Wargear:'''
*Burning Bag of Codex Astartes
*Molotov Cocktails
*The “Mistake” Remover
*20 Flamers (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only)
*Mega Flamer of Wrath (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only)
*Flaming Chain Flail (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only)

'''Abilities:'''
*'''Always Angry'''
*'''Dual Melee Weapons'''
*'''Burning Weapons:''' If an enemy model suffers any unsaved wounds from any weapons this unit has but is not slain; at the end of the Phase, roll a D6; on a 6, the target suffers a mortal wound.
*'''Flames of Wrath:''' Your opponent must subtract 1 from all hit rolls that target this unit. In addition, all hit rolls made of 6 that target this unit will always hit (regardless of modifiers).
*'''Pyromaniac Brothers:''' If this unit is within 3" of any friendly '''Fiery Aggressor''' unit that contains 3 or more models; this unit receive the benefits of cover, even if they are not in cover.
*'''I’M IN CHARGE AROUND HERE:''' Few are stupid enough to argue against an angry accountant when he has the numbers to back up the fact that your a fucking idiot.
**ANGRY MARINE units within 6” of this model may re-roll failed hit rolls of 1. In addition to this, if your army is battle forged then you gain 1 command point.
*Shield of Flames: The Sargent doesn’t carry around an iron halo or any kind of storm shield. Instead the flames around him burn so hot that bullets have a nasty habit of either deforming before they hit him (depriving them of their armour piercing potential) or become too scared to hit him, instead flying off at oblique angles.
**A model with this rule has a 4+ invulnerability save.
*'''BURN YOU PITIFUL BITCHES!!!:''' Boring Shite has an innate and numerical understanding of fire, and will happily assist others in being more burny if it increases the overall levels of “FUCKING FIRE EVERYWHERE!!!”
**Weapons which automatically hit their target wielded by friendly units within 6” of Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!! may roll twice the number of dice when determining the number of hits and discard the lowest half of dice.
*'''MAXIMIUM POWER!!!:''' RAGE CAPACITORS TO MAXIMUM!!! MOLTEN CARBERATOR TO OVERDRIVE!!! SPINNY DIALS TO FUCKING ELEVEN!!! TO INFINITY AMD BEYOND MOTHER FUCKERS!!!
**(Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only) At the beginning of your movement phase you may decide to have this unit deactivate all their bikes safety measures and put their pedals so hard to the floor that “pedal to the metal” doesn’t cover it. If so roll a D6 for each model in the unit, on a 4+ the unit suffers a mortal wound, but the unit gains the FLY keyword, increases their movement distance to 28” and enemy units firing at it until your next movement phase suffer -1 to their hit rolls.
*'''FUCK THIS THING'S BIG!!!:''' THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!
**(Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only) A model with this rule and a Mega Flamer if Wrath may only fire its Mega Flamer of Wrath’s FUCK SAFETY MEASURES!!! mode if it also activated its MAXIMUM POWER!!! ability in the same turn. If so it may fire the weapons FUCK SAFETY MEASURES!!! mode despite not having the TITANIC keyword and having moved.
*Belligerent Tow Crew: Don’t forget about the group of Black Brothers who tow the Sargent around. If you do it might be one of them who kills you instead.
**(Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only) A unit with this rule may make 10 additional attacks with their chain flail weapon profile each fight phase, but at a minus 1 to hit.

'''Options:'''
*May be upgraded to Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department - 250 pts./10 PP.

'''Keywords''':
*Faction: {{W40kKeyword|Angry Marine}}, {{W40kKeyword|Imperium}} 
*{{W40kKeyword|HQ}}, {{W40kKeyword|Character}}, {{W40kKeyword|Infantry}} (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” Only), {{W40kKeyword|Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!”}}, {{W40kKeyword|Black Brother}}, {{W40kKeyword|Biker}} (Sargent “IN CHARGE OF BORING SHITE!!!” On Mobile Accounts Department Only)