Editing Tales of Fail (section)

==What Kind Of Ork...==

So, a bunch of friends and I all got together for a casual 40k game we called "Clash of the Titans". It was a 4v4 team game, with one side consisting of nothing but four Superheavies, and the other side was a more normal coalition of small armies. Each player was competing against their allies as well as the enemy: Whichever Superheavy got the most kill-points on that team won on their team, and whichever army could inflict the most damage on the Superheavies won for theirs. I was on the Superheavy team with my [[Stompa|Stompa]]. The other three on my team were a [[C'tan|Transcendent C'tan]] and two variants of [[Baneblade|Baneblades]]. So my strategy was obvious: get sucked in and [[Rip and Tear|stomp everything]], hopefully scoring more kills in melee then my shootier teammates.

We got the first turn. I surged into the open as fast as I could, while the others lurked in various ruins near the back of the board. I was focused on the Chaos Space Marine army, they were all clustered together and ripe for stompin'. During the shooting phase, I let loose with my [[Dakka|Supa Gatler]], hoping to soften those Traitor Marines up before finishing them in melee. You can imagine everyone's suprise when I [[wat|hit with seven out of nine shots]] on my first burst, killing five Marines. My second burst fired [[rape|twelve shots]], and wiped the marines out before running out of ammo. I still had a lot of [[dakka]] left to fire, so I set my sights on a convoy of [[Dark Eldar]] [[Raider|Raiders]] that were sneaking around the back, trying to get to the C'Tan. The had to bunch up a bit to get around a building, making them nice and close for my shooting. I aimed my Deff Kannon at the most forward Raider, and the shot scattered to also catch the one right behind it, destroying the first and crippling the second. Then, I unleashed the Supa-Rokkits: The first Rokkit doesn't scatter at all, blowing the exposed Dark Eldar from the first Raider into so much red mist. The second scatters away from the injured Raider, but lands directly on the third Raider in the back, immobilizing it. My third missile flies wild, scattering past the raiders, past the building, and [[awesome|right into the Reavers lurking on the other side]]. Everyone at the table was stunned; I had crippled the Dark Eldar army on the first turn, and I wasn't even in melee yet. It was glorious.

Then came the enemies first turn. I took the brunt of [[rage|everyone's firepower]], as they poured everything they had into my Stompa. The Chaos player brought his [[Land Raider]] around, unleasing a barrage of lascannon shots before disgorging a squad of [[Nurgle]] [[Chaos Space Marines|Terminators]]. They charged in to fight the Stompa, [[Power Fist|Power Fists]] at the ready. I wasn't to worried; five termies versus a Stompa? I could handle it. The the assault begins: I make four attacks against the Termies, [[rage|and only hit with one]]. I roll for damage on the one hit, and [[Fail|got a 1]]. The Termies unleash their [[anal circumference|Power Fists]], hitting with all but two attacks and tearing my wounded Stompa apart with a few well-rolled Vehicle Explodes! results. I died after one turn of gameplay, but still got third place on my team due to the sheer carnage I had delivered in that magnificent shooting phase.

But what kind of Ork hits with every ranged weapon he fires but can't fight in melee to save his life?