Editing Hassan (section)

===In the mystical lands of Killik-kilik, the wives of sultans tell a story of karma, and love, and of high quality, affordable camels.===

Duke Malimont watched as his query, the young princess, rode off on the back of the strangest looking creature he had ever seen. If he had to guess he would have figured it to be some sort of mutant horse or some sort of misshapen donkey. Whatever it was, it was carrying the target of his obsession away from him at a fast pace.

As he surveyed the area, wondering where the princess had gotten the oddity, he noticed a brightly-colored tent set next to the road. Sitting on a stool in front of the tent was a strange man, accompanied by more of those strange beasts. The man with a turban and fez placed snugly atop his head, was gazing warmly at Duke Malimont, a welcoming grin decorating his face.

“Welcome, new and valued customer,” the strange man hollered, “I’m Crazy Hassan, and I would like to sell you a camel today. My camels are better than new. Only slightly used. Come my friend, come and buy my excellent camels. Cheap! Clean! Best camels in all the lands.”

The duke sneered as he marched from the hill where he had been standing, down to where this ‘Crazy Hassan’ was waiting. “Did you give that girl the beast she was riding away on?” Duke Malimont asked, his hand resting menacingly on the hilt of his sword.

“No, no, no. I sold it to her. She got a very good price. You will also get a very go-”

“How can you sell something to someone who doesn’t have any money?” interrupted Duke Malimont as his sword slowly slid out of his scabbard.

“Not for money. I sold her that fine used camel for the kiss from a chaste virgin,”Crazy Hassan said warmly. His hand lightly touched the side of his cheek in memory. “Come, this talk doesn’t get you on the back of one of my camels,” Crazy Hassan quickly said as he snapped back to reality.

“She won’t be so chaste when I am through with her,” mumbled the duke darkly. For a moment he contemplated all the ways he would break the young princess.

“What Allah wills, Allah wills,” Crazy Hassan said, his keen ears hearing more than Duke Malimont would have liked. For a second, the duke worried that the merchant would act to defend the girl, but all Crazy Hassan did was smile warmly back at him and usher the duke to where his camels waited.

Some of them were ugly looking things, but one caught the duke’s eye. Without even a thought, Duke Malimont grabbed the camels roughly by the reins and began to drag it away from the rest.

“My most valued costumer, you have not paid for that very cheap camel. Please come back! That camel might not be right for you,” Crazy Hassan called to the thief as he marched of with one of his camels.

“Why should I pay a beggar like you for the honor of me using one of his inbred, flea ridden, monstrosities?” The duke sneered at Crazy Hassan, his hand waving him away in a dismissive manner.

“A thousand pardons, but this isn’t about pay. A rider needs the right camel, otherwise it could lead to disaster. The camel must respect you!”

“Respect me,” laughed the duke, “I’ll break this beast and I’ll break that princess. Then I will be king. Now I ride!” Duke Malimont, with a mighty kick, attempted to spur the camel forward in pursuit of the princess. Yet, nothing happened. “Stupid beast,” growled the duke. With both his heels, he attempted to get any response from the animal.

“Camels, as well as women, need to trust you, respect you.” Despite his words, the duke continued beating the camel. For the first time in years, Crazy Hassan sighed, and grieved what he knew was to come. “Ride my friend, carry our most valued customer to his fate.”

Like a bolt, the camel that had once been still as stone broke off at a thunderous pace. Yet, Crazy Hassan’s words proved true. The camel was unresponsive to Duke Malimont’s directions. Worse, the duke kept slipping in the saddle as he was unaccustomed to riding a camel. It was only a matter of time before he fell from the saddle and crashed to the hard ground below. And thus Duke Malimont met his end.

Later that night another camel could be seen up the road, riding to where Crazy Hassan had set up shop. On top of it was the one of the fairest ladies in all the land. The princess and her camel glided easily across the moonlight moors. The silver light shone like a halo upon her rich, brown hair. Yet, for all her beauty, she looked distressed and conflicted, a slight maidenly blush coloring her fine features.

“Salaam, my most valued customer! Have you come to purchase another camel from me?” Crazy Hassan walked to the camel and helped the fair maiden from her saddle, his good cheer having been restored as soon as he had buried the body of the duke.

“No, I’ve come to return this majestic beast to you. I can’t in good conscience take it,” the princess said. “Even if it means I fall into that beast’s hands, I can’t cheat a good man.”

“I refuse,” Crazy Hassan said, “for how could I ever honor you with a refund? The camel is yours, now and forever.”

“Bu-” the princess began to speak but was promptly cut off by a gentle kiss from Hassan. The princess blushed deeply at the unexpected act of tenderness.

“See. A pale imitation of what you paid, the kiss of a used camel merchant. There is no fair refund I could offer you,” Crazy Hassan said calmly. “And don’t fear returning home. It is safe now. The man chasing you has gone to a place only the finest of my camels can go.” Despite the good news, the princess seemed unsure. “You do not seem glad. Perhaps you need another camel to accompany you home.”

“He wasn’t the only one who wanted me for my crown, or my looks,” the princess forlornly said. She walked toward Hassan’s vacant stool and took a seat. “Is there anything else in the world that matters to men?”

“Camels,” Crazy Hassan said simply. While it wasn’t a joke to him, the princess laughed heartily at the statement.

“I wish I could go with you. See the world, leave behind my name and title. Just be free.” There was a pause as the two exchanged a look that said many things.

“A camel is freedom,” Crazy Hassan said. “Two provide even more freedom.”

“But it is a dangerous world out there.”

“My camels are the finest camels in the land. Also provide good protection. Three camels are better than castle walls,” Crazy Hassan said, focusing on the sale instead of the mounting emotions in his heart. He knew moonlight had this effect on camels, but this was the first time he’d ever felt it himself.

“So the safest place in the world would be traveling with you,” the princess said, all traces of naivete thrown out the window as she cast Crazy Hassan a look her mother, grandmother, and great grandmother had used to great success before when landing themselves a husband.

“Yes, but in my culture, for a woman to be accompanied by someone other than her father or husb-” Crazy Hassan paused as the princesses look intensified. He knew then that there was no escape.

“Well, if marriage to you is the price of my freedom, than I’ll gladly rectify that problem.”

With a sigh Crazy Hassan gazed into the starry heavens. “What a woman wills, a woman wills. And Allah be damned.”

***

The women of Killik-kilik speak of the night and the other nights that forged the pair's undying love. They talk about their many adventures, and their peerless guile and cunning. They talk of the used camel merchant and his queen.