Editing Battle for Dominus Pillowus (section)

===Imperial Forces===

====Imperial Guard====

*'''Commissar Xenofucker:''' Heretical xenofucker lusting after some Tau [[/d/|Goods]]. After he’s caught red-handed by the Xeno-hunting Inquisitor, he defects to the Tau with half the Regiment. While in combat against Imperial forces led by the Waifu Commander, he cums on top of the bodypillow, leading to his ascension to Daemon Prince of Slaanesh, and conversion of the whole planet into a [[Daemon World]] (until it's purged of it's taint by the Imperium). What’s even funnier is that he’s not even a Slaaneshi worshipper, he just wanted a [[/d/|quick wank]] but didn't hear the annoucement made by the Chaos Lord that promised ascension to daemonhood for the first person able to [[What|climax on top of the Body Pillow]]. Later had a moment of clarity and saved everyone's asses.

*'''Craig the Guardsman:''' A poor sod whose rare [[lasgun]] got stolen and sold to a rogue trader. Also got his helmet traded for a box of fruit by another guardsman named Russel. Executed for incompetence by Commissar Xenofucker. 

*'''Saint Waifu Commander:''' Veteran Officer guardsman who served a month prior to the events that took place. Ascended to sainthood after successfully safeguarding the Holy Body Pillow of Celestine despite all odds and nearly getting BLAMMED by the Commissar Xenofucker. No one really remembers his name as Imperial forces just called him "the Waifu Commander" during the conflict. Has a crush on Celestine (not to be confused with Celestein). When Celestine leaves him for another’s battlefield, he becomes deeply depressed, turning into a shut-in. 

[[File:Guardsman and Psykerbro.jpeg|400px|thumb|Right|The ultimate bromance]]

*'''Sanctioned Psyker:''' Almost raped by a Daemonette. Currently <strike>failling horribly</strike> trying to refuse her advances whenever he dreams. Best friends with the Guardsman who was <strike>almost</strike> raped by an Eldar. Lost an eye channeling Warp energies in a (failed) attempt to ward off aforementioned Rapeseer. 

**After a bout of depression (because he failed to protect his buddy) he (very) begrudgingly agreed to not murder the rapeseer and let his bro get married, but only after a huge argument, a fist fight, and a shared crate of Lho sticks and alcohol (wherein manly tears and hugs were had in a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|totally non-homo way]]). The guy got his hand replaced with an augmetic but left his eyesocket empty after learning how to [[awesome|shoot warp bolts out of it for the intimidation factor]]. His blood is 50% [[recaf]] as he tries to spend as little time possible sleeping to avoid his new stalker in the Warp, often coming out of the exhaustion-induced comas he falls into (when the recaff can no longer sustain him) with a stream of profanities worthy of an [[Angry Marines|Angry Marine]] and the occasional warp bolt. He still serves in the Guard and has picked up the moniker "Sparky" for his preferred combat method. He got this nickname from some of the other friends he managed to make after guardsbro helped to dial back his [[derp|autism]].

*'''Unnamed Guardsman:''' Almost raped by the Rapeseer, until she did rape him. Now they're married. Is friends with the sanctioned psyker, who tried to protect him from the Eldar (but failed). Became best bros with the Psyker when he saved his ass multiple times. 

*'''Marcus:''' Good friend of WaifuCommander, is in the same training group as WaifuCommander and followed him before his ascension. Has a knack of attaching things to make "weapons" (e.g. affixing bayonets to bodypillows). Unfortunately died, but is now canonically next to the Emprah (as all humans should be), so all is good.

*'''Assortment of [[Krieg|Kriegers]]:''' Capable of affixing bayonets at speeds high enough to break the sound barrier. Have an obsession with atoning and view '''''not''''' dying in battle as the worst possible outcome.

*'''Random Harmonica Guardsman:''' Former roommate of Saint Waifu Commnder. Blessed with a beautiful voice. Made an entire [[Craftworld|CRAFTWORLD]] cry. Yes, a craftworld as in the [[What|ship itself]]. Yes, the entire Craftworld also happened to be a Daemon Engine. 

*'''Lord Solar Macharius:''' Imperial Warp entity in the shape of an Eagle, used to be Lord Solar Macharius. Gets his kicks by screeching "keikaku doori!" (TL note: [[meme|keikaku means plan]]) at passing Imperial Navy ships and pretending to be a Greater Daemon of [[Tzeentch]]. Responsible for WaifuCommander's ascension to sainthood. Is now crusading with other Imperial Warp entities.

====Space Marines====
*'''[[Dark Angels]] Chapter:''' <br> '''-Apothecary Penicillus of the [[Deathwing]]:''' Is friends with unnamed Ultramarine, whom he assisted in combat. Was on Dark Angel's vessel when it was rammed by ''Wuldkrumpa'' Freeboota hulk and decided to go on a Suicide Crusade inside it. Notably proficient in close-quarters-combat, as can be seen when he [[RIP AND TEAR|blended up so many orks]] that [[awesome|his armour was like that of a Blood Angel]]. Surprisingly magpie-like as he stole Ork Freddie Mercury's music tracks in STC form from the Space Hulk. Both escaped from the Space Hulk using a Drop Pod. Is currently with the Ultramarines and making his way back to Dark Angel territory. Enjoys listening to Queen. <br> '''-Interrogator Chaplain of the [[Deathwing]]:''' Mistook Celestein for Celestine. You can guess what happened next.

*'''Unnamed [[Ultramarine]]:''' Friends with Penicillus.  Surprisingly un-smurflike, as he’s able to deviate from the Codex reasonably, [[Uriel Ventris|rather than because all 'cool' marines do it]]. Blames someone named 'Brother Vader' for all his problems.

*'''[[Minotaurs]] Chapter:''' Same teamkilling fucktards as always. Ordered by the High Lords to retrieve the holy artifact located on the planet.

*'''[[Blood Ravens]] Chapter:''' Arrived because of holy relics on the planet, ordered to 'secure' relics for the Chapter.

*'''The [[Deathwatch]]:''' Came equipped to deal with necrons, ended up facing OrkNids. Also ended up having to deal with daemons on the Craftworld. [[TPK|The results weren't pretty.]] 

*'''[[Imperial Fists]] Chapter:''' <br> '''-Lieutenant Augustus:''' Interrupted battle between Blood Ravens and Minotaurs by shouting "who was the heretic who started this". Unfortunately, he was mistaken for a Salamander. Managed to get Minotaurs and Blood Ravens to cooperate (for the time being).

*'''[[Space Wolves]] Chapter:''' Heard the Inquisition was [[Armageddon#The_Months_of_Shame|teamkilling Imperial Guard again]].  Bjorn was awakened; after hearing the situation, he silently turned and plodded back to his cryotube, pausing only to pound every living thing that crossed his path into a bloody pulp.

====Sisters of Battle====

*'''Living Saint Celestein:''' Not to be confused with Saint Celestine. Is jealous of Celestine and is triggered when someone [[Rage|accidentally confuses her with Celestine]]. Which is unfortunately all the time. Takes great pride in her hair and appearance, which she considers to be [[awesome]]. 

*'''[[Saint Celestine|Living Saint Celestine]]:''' Not to be confused with Saint Celestein. Is a tsundere for Saint WaifuCommander, and will occasionally smile when he purges OrkNids, and on one occasion even made him lunch. Almost kissed WaifuCommander, but at that instant was summoned to another battlefield. Promised to meet WaifuCommander again. 

*'''Canoness Olivia III, Order of the August Vigil:''' Canoness of the entire sororitas order dropped onto the planet. Hot headed and extremely faithful. Has blonde hair and a bionic eye. Can drink [[Space Wolves]] under the table.

*'''Sister Lydia:''' Rhino Driver, reads [[meme|PlayEmperor]] magazines in her downtime. Good friends with Canoness Olivia. Eventually, she gets her job as the Canoness' Designated Driver. 

*'''Sister Rualian:''' Animal-loving Hospitaler, somewhat airheaded, Considered weird by the other sisters in her order for liking animals. Tended to Rapeseer's wounds and now works under a Magos Biologis. Last seen playing with Sea Slugs after voxing the Canoness to be mindful in preserving the local wildlife for "Research Purposes".

====Mechanicus====

*'''Enginseer Mike L33:''' Used an Basilisk on Daemon Prince Commissar Xenofucker. Dragged thousands of Eldar souls out from the Warp using the hook on the back of the aforementioned Basilisk, cucking Slaanesh by freeing thousands of Eldar souls. However, he has been cursed to start his sentences with words beginning with 'S' only. By his own request, he is still attached to the Imperial Guard and he considers life to be good.

*'''Magos Xenobiologis:''' Realised entire biosphere of planet was in fact devolved Tyranids. Now studying Orknids.

*'''Dominus Exitium:''' Imperator-Class Battle Titan responsible for the recovery of the Æonic Orb. Got smacked about by Orknids, but survived the battle.

*'''Archmagos Magnificus Apparatos:''' Responsible for the deployment of Titan legions on the planet as a means to both capture the Orb and to avoid an [[Exterminatus]] on the planet, which would destroy said Orb. Upon the recovery of the Orb, his cyberdong reached unlimited hardness comparable to ship-grade adamantium.

*'''Unnamed Knight House:''' Came to Antioch XLII to capture Celestine bodypillow for himself. Ended up getting his Knight blown up. Last seen hiding in his pod in rape-forest, with his serfs having crashed his ship into the planet for revenge for his (believed) death.

====Inquisition====

*'''Xeno Hunting Inquisitor:''' Puked in the back of a Rhino, responsible for outing the heretical [[commissar]]. Develops a drinking habit trying to cope with the clusterfuck he know has to deal with. Successfully purged Xenos, and for a brief moment, had possession of the holy waifu pillow, so he feels pretty great about himself.

*'''Ordo Malleus Inquisitor:''' Showed up late to the party, and when he found out about the Tau-Slaanesh-Daemon Engine-Craftworld, he left for the nearest Imperial Port to get drunk.

====Rogue Traders====

*'''Rogue 'Pillow' Trader:''' Sold a Celestine Bodypillow to WaifuCommander for Craig's lasgun, and sold a crate of fruit to Russel for Craig's helmet. When he found out shit had hit the fan hard, he sought to be rid of the rest of the bodypillows. He surreptitiously loaded them into a Munitorium ship (destined to arrive at Cadia) at an Imperial Port so as to not be associated with whatever the fuck had gone down at Antioch XLII. Little does he know that those bodypillows would be quickly corrupted by Slaanesh and become highly popular with Chaotic nerds. Later would wind up arriving near Antioch XLII again due to warp shenanigans and proceeded to hide behind a moon until the shitstorm calmed down.

====Imperial Navy====
*'''Rear Admiral Dongface:''' A rear admiral with a surprisingly large fleet of warships (up to and including battleships), his fleet came to the rescue of the planet before being promptly fucked over by the birth of the Daemon Craftworld. Some of his ships survived entry (including the Dauntless Endurance), whom he ordered to engage the enemy, before failing to command properly in the same way you would expect from a backwater rear admiral in the Imperial Navy. Presumably has a Phallic face, and behaves like an actual dickhead. Is hated by most of the crew under his command.

*'''Captain Valthuvias of the Dauntless Endurance:''' The Captain of the Dauntless Endurance, a Cobra-class destroyer which was royally fucked over, as it was ordered into fighting a daemon Craftworld at close range before being caught up in its murder orgy with the Tyranid Hive Fleet. Valthuvias self-castrated (and ordered his crew to do the same) after being exposed to Slaaneshi influence, and then fought a desperate battle to try and save his ship. He ended up getting cut in half for his trouble and died self-destructing the ship after the Daemon Craftworld ate it whole, killing the Craftworld in the process. Turned into an Imperial Warp entity by Solar Macharius, and is off with him to the war on Armageddon. It isn't clear if he ever got his legs back, but he did shit his pants somehow when he thought Macharius was a greater demon of Tzeentch.