Editing Campaign:EA-Exalted (section)

==What the hell have you mortals been up to down there?! (Or: The Story Thus Far)==
Lemezugi and Wang, while on a voyage above a hired ship not far from An-Teng, were attacked by pirates. Upon vanquishing them, they found a bit of booty, amongst it a restrained young girl from the East deep within the hold. The ship then made for their original destination, as indicated to Lemezugi by Mother, discovering an ominously dying island with an ancient dry dock on the shore. The two Solars and the girl, who turned out to be an aquatically-oriented god-blood, made landfall and soon found an ancient manse located a bit further inland; upon entering the First-Age structure, they encountered a pair of Abyssals attempting to take control of the facility. A terse stand-off ensued, the two Solars exchanging words with the one known as Pox while the god-blooded girl discussed the topic of unfit fathers with the one known as The Raging End of All Dreams and Happiness; thankfully, the two Deathknights agreed to withdraw without a fight, and promptly proceeded to do so.<br>
Lemezugi soon activated the manse and repaired the Animating Intelligence, a pleasant being by the name of Narthya, and narrowly avoided flushing Joyous and a number of innocent water Elementals down an essence drain in the process. Amut came ashore at this time, guided by the strings of fate to meet two of his fellow Solars. The discovery of a mysterious rod made one of the five magical materials seems to have been why Mother had guided Lemezugi there, and after a bit of research, it was decided that Iron Bud, Wang's nearby hometown, was their next destination; Amut agreed (after some noticeable hesitation) to accompany them as far as that shore, at least.<br>
The crew set sail for Wang's hometown to find that a vessel belonging to a mercenary group known as Garden, which counts a number of Dragonblooded amongst its members, was berthed in Iron Bud's. His teacher, the head of a culinary academy renowned throughout Creation and the town's most famous institution, was accused of poisoning a Realm official, as the young night caste learned upon sneaking inside. Meanwhile, an altercation in a haberdashery in the town's commercial district was narrowly avoided, with a very angry mercenary. The team, upon meeting up again and investigating the local Celestial Observatory, found only the remains of walking dead and a very unpleasant scent of stale seawater, the second rod missing when they arrived. It then very nearly found itself in a fight it was not prepared for with a certain Tya Dragonblooded, who found them too pitiful to puncture properly, but took their puzzle prize, revealing that she possessed the rod after all. As they moved to return to the academy and regroup, they met a shambling figure on the path back to the town proper...<br>
Leading to them heading back into town, pausing only to bluff a stormtrooper that'd been transferred from Tatooine. People went shopping, had their fortune told, and tried to talk down murderous AI. Which turned out about as well as it ever did, resulting in the docks being blown up, and Fabulous Typhoon breast-stroking it. Though the resident <s>useless</s> godblood managed to catch him up, resulting in her attempting to flush the evidence down the toilet, so to speak. Which Amut didn't hesitate to dive into, before waking up something on the bottom and then swimming like a little girl back to shore, where he then proceeded to inform the rest of the team that he was, in fact, a master of the universe. Not even bothering to look back and notice Joyous get eaten. Fortunately, she got vomited back onto deck and Amut fished up his new outfit (like a little girl) before they rather hastily departed for the next stop on their whirlwind tour of "manses of the dead and reincarnated".<br>
The next manse was located on the bottom of the Ocean floor, connected to the surface by an insanely tall column of stone that rose above the water. Being the bunch of sissies that they are, with their "need for oxygen", they sent Joyous swimming into the murky depths to activate the elevator from the bottom, whereupon she was accosted by an exceedingly friendly Animated Intelligence in a Cube Hero form. Seeing a chance to escape and enact its plans to enslave humanity, it helped her bring the solars down to it, and they immediately began plundering the manse of its treasures. Until they ran into the Disturbing If Polite Abyssals they met at the last manse. They immediately accused the no doubt innocent Deathknights of trying to swipe their stuff, which led to a fight. The underwear-clad Joyous made a tactical retreat to look for something to use against them in the workshop area and was...<br>
...reserved a spot on milk cartons throughout An-Teng. Meanwhile, our plucky heroes tremendously annoyed a little girl by not dying horribly and hit a man in glasses hard enough to diminish his vocabulary by at least a dozen words. The spreading pool of blood prompted the angry little strumpet to grab her unconscious sugar daddy and beat a black misty retreat, leaving the Solars to wander around the manse and eventually notice the fact that their own token loli was missing, and that the Going Sunny was sinking to the ocean floor outside one of the nearby windows.<br>
Lemezugi tried to cut off his cackling, realizing it was in vaguely poor taste, but couldn't help himself when an opportunity to use his new lavagloves<tm> to melt through a door rather than let the Shota Knight pick the lock/mechanism/computer codes/crystal harmonics. Once he'd finished performing his rendition of the Burning Finger, the doors were pried open...to reveal Clint Eastwood in one of his more laconic roles and an even creepier little albino girl than the one that had sank their Nice Boat. Oh, and enough Minions With Character to fill up the rest of the hallway behind them. After exchanging pleasantries (Lemezugi insulted her, she threatened to eviscerate him in a language barely anyone in the party spoke), an assuredly not-Sidereal arrived, already engaged in mustache-twirling with one hand and pinning a girl to the train tracks (well, okay, the wall) with the other. After a round of threats, insults, and banter went around the room, the girl was in fact absolutely not rescued by a zenith in a red coat and tan hat, and equally absolutely did not reveal herself to be another not-sidereal and didn't vanish to show up later at the side of a disturbingly helpful harmless looking man. The weird chalky girl didn't pull a sword that would make Guts look like he was a secure and confident man with nothing to compensate for out of nowhere and nearly skewer Sidery Wracklash against a wall, who absolutely did not vanish in a puff of smoke declaring he was sending his minions of the week to take care of those meddlesome solars with attitude. Mr. Eastwood lead the sparklebottom gang to a SECRET DOOR (Wang used his elf eyes to see too much and help find it) upon which little miss cannibal performed sword impromptu redecorating. And then Amut completely avoided going back for his polyhedral loveslave.<br>
Of course he didn't. This is what happens when you combine a high compassion and years alone at sea. He ran off, limbs flailing comically and tears streaming from his eyes, to find his cubical special friend, and everyone ignored not only his, but the small girl with a big weapon's, request to go on ahead and wait for them. They arrived to find Cheech and Musashi partying it up in the control room they'd just left, and promptly engaged in a vigorous midboss battle which included the annoyed melanin-challenged girl nearly taking a little too much off his top. Eventually, the solars that outnumbered the dragonblooded two to one somehow eked out a victory, even if it looked like something out of an old Tex Avery short. After learning that his square pal was taking a long walk off a nonexistent pier, Amut was despondent; Lemezugi and Wang managed to immediately cheer him up by having him loot a glowing <s>radioactive</s> orichalcum control rod, slowly, back to the new Nice Boat. They even remembered (barely) to wait for the glowing girl, but didn't bother offering to help paddle when she started to smoke on the way back to the MOTHERSHIP.<br>
After several weeks of flash cards and getting facials from seamen, Mr. Eastwood took them ashore at Mystery Pleasant Island, leading them to the entirely aboveboard and harmless <s>terrorist</s> training camp, being run by a disturbingly helpful harmless looking man with an entirely unfamiliar young woman at his side. Then they had tea. The End.