Editing Jetbike (section)

== Imperial Jetbikes ==

[[File:Imperial Jetbikes WOOOOOHH!.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Unfortunately due to a [[Dark Angel|certain chapter]] and a [[Adeptus Mechanicus|certain adept]], the glorious remaining Jetbikes have been hidden deep inside the secret vault of secrets. Just don't tell the [[Blood Ravens]] [[Looted|about this.]]]]
As with everything cool and deciding humanity needs to be fucked from every angle possible, [[GW]] has decided the [[Imperium]] doesn't need Jetbikes and has thus made it a lost technology to the Imperium, dumping your proud marines back onto tired (pun intended) old bikes.
 
To rub grimsalt in the wound, GW has done two things. First of all the pesky Eldar have access to Jetbike/Jetbike-like rides, so they can fly around blowing raspberries at you. (I guess Marines do get land speeders but that is like a car to the motorbike that is the Jetbikes. Instantly not as trendy). So if the enemies of the Imperium having it wasn't even, there is the second thing. During the [[Great Crusade]] the Imperium DID have Jetbikes armed with [[Heavy Bolter]]s, [[Multi-Melta]]s, [[Volkite Culverin]]s, and [[Plasma Cannon]]s ([[White Scars]] get to have the elusive [[Scatterbolt Launcher]]). Only in small numbers but growing and the [[Legiones Astartes]] used them as dedicated fast response units and to pick up chicks (check out this motor baby!).
 
But the Imperium is ridiculous at keeping back-up copies of all its technical data and they just....forgot or lost the means to make Jetbikes, a gross example of the [[fail|failure]] that has continued to haunt the Imperium and Imperial players to this day. (Heck, I wonder if the Imperium is even aware now they used to have Jetbikes.....hmmm).
 
The only remaining known one is used by the Master of the [[Ravenwing]] of the [[Dark Angels]] [[Chapter]], [[Sammael]], who uses it to hunt <s>[[Fallen Angels]]</s> HERETICS FROM THE NINE TRAITOR LEGIONS. Like the rest of the Dark Angels, he is a dick who doesn't share the fact outside of the chapter he has a working Jetbike. Of course if you thought that would mean the Imperium could, you know, start making Jetbikes again for it's armed forces, think again. The [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] is so anal about anyone touching technology they would probably hide it in a <s>museum</s> technobrothel somewhere to <s>gawk at on some stand</s> have sex with.

Then again, it wouldn't be out of character for the Dark Angels to have secretly collected a bunch of jetbikes (or even an STC) and lied about it to the rest of the Imperium, as Sammael's jetbike has been working surprisingly well for many centuries despite being dragged into one warzone after another, not to mention the numerous times it's been seemingly destroyed, only to reappear without a scratch on it...
 
Basically the Imperium has no Jetbikes left because everyone who might have access to one is a greedy superstitious twit who would rather hoard their goodies than share. And who are the victims? WE ARE because we don't get to have Jetbikes in our armies..... unless you play Horus Heresy, where <s> the flying dildos</s> Jetbikes are your standard Fast Attack unit. [[Dude, Where's my Land Speeder?|Doesn’t this mean the traitors should have Jetbikes in huge quantities?]]
<gallery>
image:Sammael.jpg||''[[Sammael]]'s'' Pimp Bike
</gallery>

=== And then...Custodes!!! ===

In a move that surprised exactly nobody, the Emperor’s personal pimps have now got access to [[Dawneagle_Jetbike|Jetbikes]]. Either they were locked up in the palace with the rest of their gear, or they saw Sammael on his when they got off their asses and pulled a <s> Ferrari</s> Mechanicus in complaining. Either way they are now riding around on giant golden eagles and holding huge jousting spears a la knights in shining armour. [[Rape|They also get Hurricane Bolters as standard.]] The older [[Gyrfalcon_Pattern_Jetbike|Gyrfalcon]] pattern is even better and starts out with a [[Lastrum Bolt Cannon]].

=== Meanwhile, on Necromunda ===
It turns out that away from the prying eyes of the Mechanicus and the higher adepta, the House Eschter gangers in the underhives of Necromunda developed their own ramshackle versions of the jetbike called the [[Escher Cutter]]. While less finely crafted than any Astartes or Custodes model, it begs the question of how hard it is to fabricate if the Mechanicus are so gung-ho on sanctioned technology.