Editing Marc Lecointe (section)

==Facts about Marc Lecointe==
*To be fair, Marc probably gets laid, like, all the fucking time.
*All the chick scientists want his cock. So many fucking artifacts.
*Marc Lecointe taught me how to love a woman and scold a child.
*Marc Lecointe once showed me a video tape of him making love to my wife. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
*How do you pronounce "Lecointe"? "Badass"
*He rides in an Avenger covered in Snakeman skulls!
*He'll eat a Chryssalid if you dare him!
*Marc Lecointe once ripped a Snakeman's throat out with his bare teeth, then went back to reading his morning newspaper without spilling his coffee.
*It was the sight of Lecointe's naked body that drove all the Ethereals insane.
*Marc Lecointe's children could make a band. An entire orchestra if you count the bastards!
*Marc Lecointe once lit up a nighttime terror mission by telling the darkness to fuck off.
*We once had a bachelor party for Lecointe. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
*I believe in the snakeman tongue the word for Marc Lecointe is pronounced Badassssssssssssssss.
*Marc Lecointe threw a smoke grenade out of his mother's vagina before he was born.
*Marc Lecointe and I were out on a nighttime terror mission once in the back of the Avenger with a live Sectoid. He grabs the Sectoid and says "I'm Marc Lecointe! Now say it!" He manipulates the Sectoid's mouth in such a way that "MURK LACONT" comes out. It wasn't exactly right, but it was pretty good for a Sectoid!
*Marc Leiconte is a ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a plasma blast standing!
*Marc Lecointe made a Muton cry. They don't have tear ducts.
*Did I ever tell you about the time Marc Lecointe came to my daughter's wedding? Yeah, he shows up right in the middle of the ceremony drunk off his ass and accompanies me and my daughter up to the altar as I go to give her away, right in between us. He's got no right to be there but I can't say anything because he's drunk, and it's Lecointe. Anyway, long story short, the preacher messes up and ends up marrying me and Lecointe! We had our honeymoon in the Bahamas and for six days and nights he loved me like I've never been loved before.
*The Virgin Mary let Marc Lecointe do her in the ass.
*Some say that he's what you get when you mix napalm with peanut butter, and that he sleeps upside down, like a bat. All we know is, he's called Sgt. Marc Lecointe.
*Simply being within 50 miles of Marc Lecointe can make an athlete fail tests for performance enhancing drugs.
*Some say that he eats by shoving food into his ears, and that his urine is 83% mercury. All we know is, he's called Sgt. Marc Lecointe.
*Some say that if you open his rib cage, you'll find a frag grenade where a heart should be, and that he was discovered in an ice floe in Sweden some 36 years ago. All we know is he's called Sgt. Marc Lecointe.
*Marc Lecointe died for your sins.
*Marc Lecointe doesn't believe in God. God believes in Marc Lecointe.
*When God said "Let There Be Light," Marc Lecointe flipped on the light switch.
*Marc Lecointe once cured a blind man by spitting into his eyes. He turned into a perfectly healthy sex-bomb of a woman, whom Marc Lecointe fucked back into blindness within the week.
*Marc Lecointe doesn't get hit by alien weaponry. He just feels pity for them.
*Marc Lecointe once ate a Sectoid whole.
*Marc Lecointe is responsible for the only successful Terror Mission on Cydonia.
*Marc Lecointe killed his wife and children. Because they were sectoids.
*In the year 2011, Marc Lecointe travels through time to kill Obama. Because he was a sectoid.
*Marc Lecointe once drank an entire X-COM base's supply of alcohol in ten minutes. Nine months later their Skyranger gave birth.
*In 2014, Marc Lecointe travelled through time again. He became Rasputin, which is why nobody could kill the fucker.
*Death fears Marc Lecointe.
*Marc Lecointe travels through time by straightening the space/time curvature with his bare hands.
*Steven Hawking told Marc Lecointe that he couldn't travel through time. That's why he's in a chair now.
*Marc Lecointe has a picture of himself on his bedroom wall. Painted by Da Vinci.
*Marc Lecointe is the human name for Tordek.
*Marc Lecointe is Jean-Luc Picard's father.
*The Ninja Turtles is based on a true story. Marc Lecointe once ate a live turtle, and when he shat it out three weeks later it was 6 feet tall and knew karate.
*X-com base attacks are terror-missions for the aliens while Marc Lecointe is there.
*I heard Marc Lecointe wrestled a Chryssalid into submission.
*Marc Lecointe eats Chryssalid egg omelettes for breakfast every day and washes it down with a glass of fresh-squeezed Snakeman juice.
*No Chryssalid is safe from Marc Lecointe.
*Due to the budget cuts, X-Com will adopt a new strategy. They will air drop Marc Lecointe from interceptors onto alien ships. He will then punch through the hull, take control of the craft and crash it into enemy bases.
*On a jet made of crystal, he patrolled the land. A plasma gun and a grenade in his perfect hands.
*Marc Lecointe's sperm use miniature blaster bombs to break into the ovum.
*You can't draw Marc Lecointe because as soon as the picture is finished it punches you in the chest and runs off the paper.
**And then he will punch aliens to death. WITH HIS FEET
*Marc Lecointe has 50 confirmed kills with electro-flares.
*Marc Lecointe retired from X-Com after the aliens were beaten, where he started his own business.  You now know him as the Immortal God Emperor of Man.
*Marc Lecointe once gave someone respeck knuckles. His whole family exploded.
*Alien Invasion was actually a preemptive strike aimed to stop humans from developing Marc Lecointe. It failed.
*The Face On Mars? The one in Cydonia? Marc. Lecointe. He carved it from his back garden using a laser pointer.
*When Marc Lecointe runs out of TU's he rips apart the fabric of time with his teeth and yanks out additional TU's. Then fires his blaster launcher. In burst mode.
*Marc Lecointe doesn't need a blaster launcher to launch blaster bombs. He SPITS THEM AT THE ALIENS, the bomb reaching superluminal speeds.
*Even Gregory House is polite to Marc Lecointe
*When Sergeant Marc Lecointe was at school one day, the aliens rampaged through killing almost everyone. After killing a Reaper with his bare hands, he beat a sectoid to death with the reaper's jawbone, took its weapon and single-handedly routed the alien forces, saving the school. For his efforts that day he was given an extra cookie at recess and allowed to play with the blocks all he wanted.
*Sergeant Marc Lecointe bursts out of aliens chests.
*When Marc Lecointe punches aliens in the face, they apologize for getting in the way of his fist.
*When Sergeant Marc Lecointe's mother was pregnant with him she complained of pains. An X-ray revealed he had two grenades and a plasma rifle in there with him.


[[Category: Stories]]
[[Category: Video Games]]