Editing Tau Diplomacy (section)

==[[Xenos]]==

'''''[[Orks|Bad Moon]]''''': Oi, givez us yer shooty flash or we'll krump the lotta ya!<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Are you sure we can't interest you in these grain harvesters?<br>
'''''Bad Moon''''': Orks don't eat none a' that, we eatz squigs! Now givez uz the flash!<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': O-okay.<br>
'''''Bad Moon''''': WAAAAGGHH!<br>
'''''Later'''''<br>
'''''Evil Sun''''': Hey, we 'erd youz lot gave plasma shootas to boyz. Giv us sum a dem.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Well, I'm sorry, but we don't seem to have any left.<br>
'''''Evil Sun''''': WAAAAAAGH!


'''''Water Caste''''': We would like to be the first to welcome you extragalactic travelers to our stars—OH SWEET F-!<br>
'''''[[Tyranids|'Nids]]''''': KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!<br>
''(Or, if you believe in 6th Edition Meta...)''<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Oh dear! This is absolutely dreadful! I require the nearest deployment of battlesuits! And bring the Riptide as well!<br>
''(One battle, three dead Zoanthropes, a dozen dead Warriors, a Flyrant and a Swarmlord later...)''<br>
'''''Fire Caste Commander''''': Ah, the power of the Greater Good and intergalactic diplomacy triumphs once again! *Grinds hoof into the Swarmlord's face. Repeatedly.*  It is delicious!


'''''Water Caste''''': The Tau Empire is pleased to open negotiations with those that claim to be the most ancient enemies of the Chaos Barbarians.<br>
'''''[[Necron|Cron]]''''': ……*Zap*<br>
''(Alternatively)''<br>
'''''[[Trazyn the Infinite]]''''': [[Troll|My dear blue lady!]] Do you realize you are the spitting image of O'Shaa'mal, the Water Caste envoy who first made contact with the Imperium of Man and precipitated the Damocles Gulf Campaign? Now strike a dignified pose while I prepare a stasis grenade.<br>
''(Alternatively)''<br>
'''''[[Nemesor Zahndrekh]]''''': *riiip* These clothes are terrible! In my day we had reliable stitching. *riiip* Terrible! This merchandise is a shame to Necrontyr weavers everywhere.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Silly robot, those clothes are for Tau.<br>
'''''[[Vargard Obyron]]''''': *Stab* You've said too much.<br>
'''''Water Caste #2''''': I hear that random strips of cloth are in fashion these days. I'll even give you a discount on those you're looking at now.<br>
'''''Zahndrekh''''': Really? Sold!


'''''Water Caste''''': We would like to extend the hand of friendship to—<br>
'''''[[Eldar|Farseer]]''''': Fuck off, newfag!<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': But if you'd only submit to the greater goo—<br>
'''''Farseer''''': I’d rather die!<br>
''(Alternatively)''<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': We would like to extend the hand of friendship to—<br>
'''''[[Eldar|Farseer]]''''':''I predict that an alliance will lead to the ruin of a dozen Tau Septs while ensuring I get a shiny penny next month'' We already agreed to accept your hand of friendship. Honor our terms to go to war.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': How many should we commit?<br>
'''''[[Eldar|Farseer]]''''': Bring your Mon'Keigh allies, they will serve as excellent soldiers against the forces of [[Apocalypse|Chaos]] we are about to fight and lure them to your worlds so we can plan an ambush together.


'''''Water Caste''''': It is good to see an elder race taking responsibility and welcoming its juniors into the galactic community.<br>
'''''[[Dark Eldar|Archon]]''''': Yyeeeeess...younger races are so soft and supple...they require guidance in this harsh universe, for they often cannot comprehend the ways of their betters.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Sir, why have you wedged your armor's codpiece between my buttocks?<br>
'''''[[Dark Eldar|Archon]]''''': What gave you the impression that I was wearing a codpiece?<br>
''(Alternatively)''<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': We would be glad to discuss terms of an alliance with an elder race.<br>
'''''[[Dark Eldar|Archon]]''''': Excellent.  marshal your armies alongside mine and we will crush the enemy.  As for negotiations, I invite you and your people to visit us in Commorragh.  My warriors will show you the way.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': You most definitely have a deal!  How many can you accommodate?  We wish not to be a burden. <br>
'''''[[Dark Eldar|Archon]]''''': Bring as many of your people as you want...Commorragh has room for all.  A word of advice, dress lightly.  ''Easy access''<br>


'''''Water Caste''''': This vessel, in service to the Tau'va, hails the unkno-<br>
'''''[[Rak'gol]]''''': *BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!...blam*


'''''Water Caste''''': Hello sir Prince, we would like to negotiate colonization settlements with your people.<br>
'''''Exodite Prince''''': Are you going to trash our lands, pollute the planet and drive us out of our homes?<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Why would you say something like that, that's a horrible thing to do.<br>
'''''Exodite Prince''''': Because it's what the humans won't stop doing, now are you going to be like them or not, I need to tend to the shrine of Isha.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Our technology is very environmentally friendly and we will respect your original land boundaries. Could you tell me about "sorcery"?  The Ethereals are very curious.<br>
'''''Exodite Prince''''': Pssssh, you wouldn't understand even if I gave you a century, kid.<br>  
'''''Water Caste''''': Kid!? I'm twenty!<br>
'''''Exodite Prince''''': Wow, you really are just a little baby.<br>   


'''''Water Caste''''': Hello there, do you have a permit for your stage performance?<br>
'''''Harlequin''''': Of course, of course *shows her*, hey you wanna hear a joke?<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Sure, I suppose I have enough time.  <br>
'''''Water Caste''''': *At the hospital a day later* Ow my sides. <br>


'''''Water Caste''''': We are most honored to welcome the Slaugth to these peaceful negotiations, regardless of how outwardly repugnant you are.<br>
'''''Slaugth''''':  Yessss, we are mosssst honored to sssspeak with ssssuch warm and inviting flessssssh.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Pardon, but why are you referring to our flesh?<br>
'''''Slaugth''''':  Yesss, we speak of your flessssh. We are hungry. Ssssso very, very hungry *Surges forward like a tide of maggots* We ssssshall feassst now.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Please remain on your side of the roo-OH ETHEREALS, IT'S EATING ME! AAAAAHHH!!!! AHHHH!!!<br>
'''''Slaugth''''':  Ssssilence your criesssss. Your flessssh sssserves greater mindssss now.


'''''Water Caste''''': We are here to inquire as to why you decided to attack a world with nothing but infantry, and then burst into interpretive dance on the battlefield before suddenly walking into our POW camps, it's a bit strange.<br>
'''''Thyrrus''''': *Flashes weird colours and gurgles.*<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': ...I don't understand.<br>
'''''Thyrrus''''':  *Strikes a dramatic pose and flashes completely red*.<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': *Tilts her head in confusion*<br>


'''''Water Caste''''': Most honored visitor from beyond our galaxy, will you accept—<br>
'''''[[Q'Orl]]''''': ''*Cricket Chirps*''<br>
'''''Water Caste''''': Uhhh...why are your proboscises on my pants and—OH SWEET MERCIFUL GO-ARGHGARARARALROLRAL!<br>
'''''Q'Orl''''': ''*Cricket Chirps*''