Editing Hassan (section)

===Crazy Hassan in Alaska===

The freezing wind howled relentlessly through the valley, and Zac was already chilled to the bones. He had wanted to search for gold in the upper regions of Alaska, as the town-near gold mines were already exhausted. Now he was alone with his four huskies, probably fifty miles from the next outpost, and he could feel that he wouldn’t make it any longer. He knew that there had to be gold here, but even if he found it, he wouldn’t be able to bring it back home. Suddenly, the cold wasn’t that cold any more, his vision blurred and he could feel his limbs going numb.
As he looked around, he saw his huskies yelping desperately, even to them, the cold was unbearable. There was no shelter in sight, and Zac prepared to freeze to death in this merciless blizzard, slowly falling unconscious. His last sight was his huskies dropping to the frozen ground, eyes closed and silent.

A dizzy feeling rose to his head as Zac opened his eyes, feeling strangely comfortable and warm. Was he already in heaven? There, in the flickering light of a campfire, he could make out a human shape coming closer towards him. He tried to sit upright and instantly fell down as he felt the pain piercing through his body, but he was able to remain conscious.

“WELCOME, GOOD FRIEND! I AM CRAZY HASSAN AND I SELL BEST USED POLAR CAMELS IN WORLD!”

Abruptly, Zac bolted upwards and literally stood in his bed. With a weak voice, he answered: “Um... hello, good sir. My name is Zacharias Lebinsky.”

“HELLO, ZACHABINSKY! NOW YOU COME AND LOOK AT POLAR CAMELS! I MAKE GOOD PRICE! DEAD DOGS FOR CAMELS! HURRY, TIME TO MAKE BUSINESS!”

Zac took a closer look at the strange person yelling at him. He had a normal physique, a huge black beard and piercing eyes that shot a piercing glance at him. He was clad in white animal hide of an origin Zac couldn’t make out... but wait, what was this about ‘polar camels’?

The man who referred to himself as Crazy Hassan dragged him out of the bed, and only then Zac realized that he was in a huge tent.
“NOW PUT ON CLOTHES TO COME OUT AND LOOK AT POLAR CAMELS!” Hassan shouted, a frightening grin on his face that exposed his beaming teeth.

Baffled, Zac did as he was told, slowly putting on a thick white fur coat and following Crazy Hassan out of the tent. It was still cold out there, but the fur gave him comfortable warmth.
As he saw the snow-white camels, his jaw dropped. Crazy Hassan hadn’t lied. He had POLAR CAMELS! Then he noticed that the camels were feasting on his dead huskies.

“NOW WE SHALL LOOK FOR GOOD POLAR CAMELS FOR YOU!” Crazy Hassan shouted and dragged Zac along with him, towards a majestic, huge polar camel that had a slightly blue touch in his white fur.
“WHERE HUSKIES DIE, POLAR CAMELS JUST GO ON! LOOK AT THIS ONE, FRIEND! NAME IS GUILLICAMEL! VERY GOOD, VERY STRONG! BUT MUST ACCEPT AS SPIRITUAL LIEGE TO RIDE IT!”

The camel snorted arrogantly at Zac, its head held up high. Zac grimaced and followed Crazy Hassan to the next pair of polar camels that looked very similar, but then also very different. It seemed like they were fighting each other for no apparent reason.

“FOURCAMEL AND THREEFIVECAMEL, VERY GOOD POLAR CAMELS! VERY KIND! MUCH FUN TO RIDE IT, BUT FIGHTING! DO NOT RIDE BOTH TOGETHER! FORMER USERS COULDN’T DECIDE WHICH ONE BETTER!”

Zac raised an eyebrow but remained silent; Crazy Hassan was already stroking the next polar camel.
It had purple fur on its head and its many teeth were sharp and threatening, but at the same time it looked really adorable. On its back were several markings, probably of former owners.

“CAMELTIST, IS CUTE, NOT? VERY NICE POLAR CAMEL! HAD BAD OWNER, POOR CAMEL! TREAT NICELY, YES? VERY GOOD PRICE, WILL NEVER DIE!”

Zac stroked the polar camel, a strange bacon odor filled his nostrils and he immediately liked the animal. How could such a... thing be so adorable?
Crazy Hassan nodded pleased and stroked his beard, then he winked at Zac.
With a low voice, he said: “and now, Crazy Hassan shows very clever polar camel.”

He lifted his turban and to Zac’s bewilderment, a massive polar camel with a green cloak jumped down. It smoked a big cigar and grinned knowingly.

“IT’S URSARCAMEL! TACTICAL GENIUS, IT IS! VERY CLEVER! VERY GOOD! GOOD PRICE!” Crazy Hassan shouted euphorically.

Suddenly, Zac thought that he had heard the wind howling “CREEEEEEEEEED!”, but this was ridiculous, so he quickly dismissed the thought.Crazy Hassan leaned close to Zac and grinned insanely. But despite this closeness, he shouted at him in his selling voice: “NOW, FRIEND! WHAT POLAR CAMEL DO YOU DESIRE? VERY GOOD PRICE, YES? WILL GIVE YOU CAMEL FOR MEAT OF DEAD DOGS! MUST MAKE DEAL, YES? YOU WILL FIND GOLD, CRAZY HASSAN GIVES CAMELS! THEN WE MAKE PROFIT!!!”

He danced around Zac and let out cries of joys – or at least it looked like that, maybe he wanted to bait polar bears for his polar camels.
Not that Zac had another choice, but actually, it seemed like a good plan to him. So he said: “Well, seems like a good plan to me.”

Crazy Hassan jumped and shouted jubilantly: “WE MAKE DEAL! VERY GOOD! USED POLAR CAMELS ARE BEST CAMELS! HURRY, BIG PROFIT AWAITS US! NOW, TO MAKE DEAL, YOU SHALL RIDE TO TOWN, MAKE CONTRACT! TAKE MY PERSONAL USED POLAR CAMEL!”

He opened a huge cage and a wild used yellow polar camel with red spots dashed out. Unimpressed, Crazy Hassan took its harness and pulled strongly.
“NOW, NOW, YOU’RE AN ANGRY CAMEL, CAMELTOE! BUT I LIKE YOU!”

He looked at Zac and grinned again. “IT’S CAMELTOE, MY FAVORITE USED POLAR CAMEL! VERY STRONG, VERY GOOD! WE RIDE TO CITY TO MAKE CONTRACT! HURRY, MUST MAKE PROFIT!”

Zac couldn’t help but smiling at the strange man with his strange steed, but he followed Crazy Hassan to Cameltoe.
Together, they rode with the used polar camels to the city, only sometimes Cameltoe dashed together with Guillicamel towards some beings Crazy Hassan referred to as ‘Word Bears’, while the yellow polar camel neighed something like: “FUCKING HERETICS! DIE, TRAITOROUS SCUM! FUCK!”

But in the end, they reached the city relatively unscathed, only Fourcamel and Threefivecamel couldn’t end their quarrel.

As Zacharias Lebinsky looked back at the story years later, he was sure that meeting Crazy Hassan was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He wondered if the old man had finally realized his dream of selling used submarine camels to merfolk, but he was sure that there was no one who could refuse an offer from this man.