Editing JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (section)

====Part 7: Steel Ball Run Villains====
=====Funny Valentine=====
The fucking president of the United States! No, seriously, he's the 23rd President of the United States, a veteran of the Civil War with the fucking Stars and Stripes as scars on his back, and the real mastermind of the Steel Ball Run. His goal of the race? To recover the Corpse of Jesus Christ and use it to lead America to a new age of lasting prosperity. And that's why you don't fuck with this President!

Oh, and his Stand, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" (D4C), which allows him to essentially jump between parallel universes. While anything else he brings will be destroyed the moment it comes into contact with its dimensional equal (meaning that he can find someone, drag him into another dimension, and collide him into his dimensional equivalent and kill them both), he is utterly immune to it and is able to replace himself by having his Stand transfer between Valentines. The issue, though, is that it is anchored to one universe: The universe where the Corpse originates from. Eventually, he does recover the Corpse, and at this point, he develops "Love Train", a secondary effect to "D4C" which sheaths him in a field of parallel dimensions. Anything that tries to hit him that passes through the field gets deflected and redirected elsewhere, allowing only good fortune near him. The issue is that it he has to leave this sheath in order to attack. Like Devo, D4C was a victim of copyright law, and in his video game appearances the subs are ''very careful'' to never refer to D4C by its full name. The writers still managed to make this as hilariously stupid as the rest of the series, though; Valentine's signature move in All Star Battle is renamed [[Derp|"Filthy Acts Performed at Fair and Reasonable Prices."]]

=====Diego Brando=====
[[File: Diego Brando.png|right|thumb|200px|Can you take a guess of what character he's based off of?]]
Essentially the SBR version of Dio Brando from the original series. Though he is [[Tzeentch|calculating and callous]] like the original, he is much more considerate with his actions, not killing innocents left and right. However, he won't hesitate to absolutely destroy anyone who gets in his way. His backstory differs in that his father left him behind and he was raised by his mother longer than Dio's (though it was only until he was six). As the original rejected his humanity because it made him weak, Diego takes a different spin on it and [[derp|blames humanity as a whole for his misfortunes]]. He participates in the Steel Ball Run race against Johnny and Gyro, wanting the fatass cash prize at the end for himself.

His Stand, "Scary Monsters", has, arguably, the [[Jokaero|stupidest]] yet [[Trazyn the Infinite|most hilariously awesome]] power in Steel Ball Run and maybe JoJo as a whole. Scary Monsters allows Diego to transform into a blue-green raptor and attack his enemies. For whatever reason as a raptor he has "DIO" plastered over and over again all over his body. If he wishes Diego can simply change his body to have sharp teeth or claws. He can also infect people through bites and scratches and turn them into raptors that are under his control. Essentially he is a [[awesome|wereraptor]], which is awesome in every sense of the word. This even extends to his horse, which he turned into a colossal raptor than can climb up walls. After being upped by Johnny and Gyro on several occasions, he teams up with Funny Valentine in order to gain some revenge and to find some of the Corpse Parts. But in a [[meme|sudden but inevitable betrayal]], Diego makes a 180 and tries to kill Valentine. Naturally, this fails.

*'''Diego 2: Electric Boogaloo:''' At some point in the story Funny Valentine uses D4C to nab another Diego from another universe to help him. He's basically Part 3's Dio with a different name and appearance. He's also still human, which limits his ability to use The World to stop time.

=====Valentine's Assassins=====
Oddballs hired by Valentine to murder Johnny and Gyro, ranging from awful to awesome in writing and style.

*'''The Boomboom Family''' The Boom Boom Family was a family, who were hired as assassins to kill Gyro and Johnny. All three members share the stand ''Tomb of the Boom''. The stand is basicaly a copy paste of Mariah's bast, and it brings nothing new to the table.
Their arc is generaly considered the weakest of Part 7.

*'''Oye Como Va'''

*'''Porkpie Hat Kid'''

*'''Ferdinad'''

*'''Ringo Roadagain''' His stand is called ''Real Man's World'', which allows him to loop time in a small area, such as his house.

*'''Mr. Blackmore'''

*'''The Eleven Men'''

*'''Soundman''' The most unusual of the Steel Ball Run's competitors, as he's an American Indian who spent the entire trip ''on his bare feet. AND HE WAS KEEPING UP WITH THE REST.''

*'''Mike O.'''

*'''Wekapipo'''

*'''Magenta Magenta'''

*'''Axl Ro'''

*'''D.I.S.C.O.'''