Editing Halflings (Warhammer) (section)

==The Halfling Rebellion==
Whilst the Moot has traditionally been a peaceful place largely spared the wars that've wrecked the rest of the Empire's shit time and time again, there is a particularly notable exception in that history.

The so-called "Halfling Rebellion" is a particularly bloody piece of the Moot's history that occurred in early 2502, Imperial Calender. A [[Orcs & Goblins|Goblin Warlord]] named Nhobgarg was gathering a WAAAGH over in the Worlds Edge Mountains, which prompted the Elector Counts of [[Stirland]] and [[Averland]] to agree to unite their forces in a singular counter-crusade. There was just one problem: how to get the two armies together to march on the Worlds Edge Mountains? The answer was simple; to use their common borders on the Moot and march their forces through it. But that posed its own problems. First, they would have to pass through halfling country, already a trial in and of itself. Second, the Moot's roads and bridges are ''legendarily'' awful, even by Imperial standards. Finally, the proposed route would require crossing the River Stir. Now, there were certainly local ferries criss-crossing the River Stir, but attempting to use ferries to transport a whole army and all its baggage would have been ridiculously impractical even if said ferries ''weren't'' being managed by a race notorious for its indolence and larcenous inclinations.

Full of good intentions, the Elector Count of Averland sought a diplomatic solution, petitioning the Council of Elders for the right for his army to not only move through the Moot, but to engineer superior roads and bridges as they traveled, an act that would incidentally benefit the Moot greatly by making trade and travel through their lands much easier. Unfortunately, halflings are as avaricious as they are gluttonous, and so this kind of enlightened self-interest wasn't enough; the Averlander Count had to sweeten the pot with a colossal bribe of gold and livestock before he got permission. Still, permission was received and the engineers of Averland set to work, making pretty good time... up until they reached the River Stir.

That was when things started to go wrong. The Averland engineers began to sink pilings for the new bridge; so far, so good. And then they woke up the next morning, and some cheeky bastard had scattered the pilings, forcing them to start over! And when they did, the next day, it happened again! And again! They posted guards, but said guards would vanish with the stones, only to turn up serveral days later in nearby ditches, bound and gagged.

As it just so happened, the area where the Averlanders were trying to build their bridge was "controlled" by a halfling ferry clan, the Tomfiddle family, and it didn't take a genius to realize that they were probably behind all this goblin business. The Averlanders pleaded with the Moot Elders to make the Tomfiddles knock it off... and instead, the Elders said that they couldn't; they only gave the Count of Averland permission to build ''roads'', they never said anything about ''bridges''!

Now, it's anyone's guess why the Moot Elders would do this. Maybe they were hoping to score another bribe; halflings are infamously corrupt, even compared to their human neighbors, after all. Maybe they were just reacting with knee-jerk halfling bigotry, instinctively deciding to support their own kind as a "screw you" to the humans, without considering the logical repercussions of their actions. Either way, it was the absolute '''worst''' decision they could have made.

Most Elector Counts would have taken a very dim view of these shenanigans, but the Elector Count of Averland at the time was [[Marius Leitdorf]]. A man whose own people called him "The Mad Count". We don't know the precise details of what communication was exchanged between the two sides, but the Moot Elders decided that the best course of action to take with an Elector Count infamous for his unpredictable behavior and maniac outbursts of intense rage was to continue provoking him. The end result? Marius gathered the Averland forces and marched against the Moot, with the stated intent of massacring the entire population. No joke; his order to his men was literally "slaughter every one of the malodorous runts".

Realizing they had perhaps made a boo-boo, the Moot's Elders marshalled all the halfling warriors they could find and sent them to the Moot's southern borders to intercept the Averland forces. It went... even worse than you're thinking; the so-called "Battle of Nearstream" became one of the most one-sided slaughters in Imperial history as the halflings took one look at the grim-featured humans marching stoically towards them and collectively thought "stuff this for a game of soldiers!" They turned and ran before the Averlanders had so much as begun the attack, but being small and near-morbidly obese to a one, they were swiftly overrun and slaughtered.

Most Elector Counts would have had their ardor cooled by this first blood, and would have leveraged the butchery to wring the Moots' Elders' necks ''metaphorically'' now that they had them fully intimidated. But Marius was nuttier than a squirrel turd, so as far as he was concerned, the fight was just beginning.

We don't know the details of Marius' rampage, except that it become so excessively bloody that over three quarters of his army quit in disgust, an act that only further enflamed the mad count's rage, to the point he would spend the small hours stalking the mist-shrouded fields and screaming challenges at trees and shrubs. Whilst the dwindling population of the Moot either ran for their lives or otherwise tried to avoid being butchered, the Elders hid themselves in the deepest, darkest holes they could find and began sending desperate letters for aid to literally anyone in the Empire they thought might be able to help them.

One of the people they contacted was, of course, Emperor [[Karl Franz]], who was mortified to hear what Marius was up to - as annoying as the halflings might be, letting one electoral province massare another would set a bad precedent. So he immediately dispatched the Reiksguard to bring the Count of Averland to heel. But it would take time for his forces to arrive.

Luckily for the Moot, two of their letters found receptive [[mercenary|mercenaries]]. The first was Lumpin Croop, whose Fighting Cocks immediately came running to the motherland's aid in a patriotic fury. Far more useful was the second; the Tyrant of a small [[ogre]] tribe, one Blaut Feastmaster. Mustering his whole tribe, or at least a decently large gathering of his bully-boys, Blaut came thundering along to the Moot and agreed to bash the Averlanders. Who knows what the Moot Elders offered to ''pay'' for his protection, but it evidently worked.

The details of the subsequent battle are murky. All we know for sure is that Marius emerged alive and apparently sated his bloodlust, at least enough that when the Empire finally caught up with him, he called off his attempted halfling genocide. The proof? The halflings are still alive! Thus ended the Halfling Rebellion.

As for Blaut Feastmaster? We don't know if he left of his own volition or ran with his tail between his legs, but he definitely didn't leave the Moot empty-handed. No, when he returned to the [[Ogre Kingdoms]], he brought entire ''clans'' of halflings with him, dragging them back to serve as slaves in the Mountains of Mourn. To this day, the Feastmaster tribe is famous for scorning the use of [[gnoblar]]s and instead keeping dozens upon dozens of halfling slaves to attend their every whim, which means they have some of the best cooking in the entirety of the Ogre Kingdoms, something that attracts great envy from their fellows. And so the once fat, lazy little bastards instead find themselves working like dogs to keep life and limb intact in the service of bigger and ''meaner'' fat great bastards.

Who says there's no justice in the Warhammer world? If karma has any sense of humor, the entirety of the Tomfiddle clan is there now.