Editing The Toilets of the 41st Millennium (section)

==Foul Toilets of the Xenos==

===Eldar Toiletry===

The very existence of [[Eldar]] toilets is debatable, since the book ''Xenology'' suggests that Eldar may, in fact, excrete crystal, which accounts for the copious amount of gemstones on anything the Eldar make.

It varies from Craftworld to Craftworld. Among the most prominent examples;

Eldar toilets, coupled with a diet of cheese and spicy foods, are designed to make shitting as uncomfortable as possible. Rumor has it that Eldrad Ulthran designed the currently used forms. Each Craftworld likes their turds disposed of a little differently.

*[[Ulthwe]] - All toilets teleport their waste through the Webway to preset points in space and time, causing little bits of Eldar shit to land atop your helmet at just the wrong moment. Just as planned.

*[[Saim-Hann]] - Screams around at insane speeds throughout the craftworld, allowing the user to engage in flying joust matches of doom while relieving himself.

*[[Alaitoc]] - Their toilets are experimental sniper rifles that use Eldar turds for projectiles.

*[[Iyanden]] - Iyanden toilets are wraithbone constructs that extract the souls of Eldar shits and inter them within the toilet itself, creating a gestalt fecal consciousness.

*[[Biel-Tan]] toilets sing hymns of ancient glories and fill the shi with desire to kill all untermensch xenos.

[[Harlequin]] toilets are elegant and covered in smiley faces and checkerboard patterns. They don't flush after use, but seal off and shrink so they can be carried into battle and the contents emptied onto the enemy.

[[Dark Eldar]] - ...do you really want to stick an exposed part of your body inside something made by the Dark Eldar? Or expose a bodily orifice to something made by the Dark Eldar? (and the overwhelming fanboy response is... YES)

*Kabalite toilets actually seem innocent at first glance (well, apart from the excess spikes) but will often turn out to be booby-trapped and will launch poisoned spikes into the buttocks of whoever tries to use them, preferably a hierarchical superior.

*Wych cults do not need toilets. Once they're finished cutting up their enemies, they dump in the bleeding wounds of whichever ones are still alive.

*Scourges just make like the creatures they took their wings from; they do their business on the wing, preferably onto the face of someone who stared at them for too long.

*Incubi sects have access to ancient, amazing toilets rumored to date from before the Fall, but only a few have the right to use them. The only way to obtain the right to use them is to kill someone who has it in a duel.

*Most of the time, any Dark Eldar or human naïve enough to sit on a toilet from a Heamonculus coterie this will get horribly tortured and raped by a grotesque disguised as a toilet. Other times the toilets usually have barbed pins on the seats or acid packs in the flush mechanism. The Haemonculi themselves have much more efficient methods for disposing of their waste such as collecting it in a colostomy bag to coat their poisoned blades with.

*For Asdrubael Vect, the toilet is WHOever he says it is.

===Tau Toiletry===

[[Tau]] - Each caste has its own specific type of toilet.

*The Fire Caste's toilets are optional wargear for their battlesuits.
*The Earth Caste install toilets right into their worker drones, in case they need to pinch a loaf while designing said battlesuit.
*The Air Caste simply shit into long vials (their long, slender bodies produce long, slender shits) and use them as bombs in air raids.
*The Water Caste will simply fashion a toilet out of the bodies of the Imperial diplomats that declare war on them.
*The Ethereals have evolved to the point where they shit morale in its purest, sweetest form. And they don't even need to wipe afterward!

[[Kroot]] - Quietly spread throughout the galaxy to every species. With every subsequent flush, the toilet becomes more and more adapted to handling that species' shit.

Vespid - Recycle their waste to build hives.

Farsight Enclave - Of the highest caliber technology, but only one is allowed per 3 battalions. Many are also cracked, dirty, and fixed many times. They're also very low and tell the user that he "needs to shorten his reach." Commander Farsight's personal field commode glows with strange energy and vaporizes any dung that falls into it.

Gue'vasa - Tau give port-o-potties to human settlements as to encourage joining the Greater Good. They're so helpful they even wipe for you. The disinfectant it sprays afterwards, however, may render you sterile and then tag you to be escorted to a work and reeducation camp, depending on your answers to the Mandatory Psychological Survey hooked up to bio-feedback monitors on the seat.

===Other Assorted Plumbing===

[[Image:Squig_drops.jpg|thumb|300px|top left|Ork bog]]

[[Ork]] - Painted red so you shit faster. Has a mounted Big Shoota and Bigga Choppa in case there's a line and the other Boyz are getting impatient. It only flushes because they truly believe it has a plumbing system. In some cases, however, Orky bogs are actually a sneaky grot trick to loot your arse. Squigs are of course mandatory.

[[Necron]] - Ever wonder what those Monoliths were originally designed for? Effects vary depending on which C'tan:
* Nightbringer's - reaches up into your rectum, and pulls out your entire large intestine, turds and all.
* Void Dragon's - leaves you with a robotic ass and no need to ever crap again.
* Deceiver's - The best toilet in the universe, but it either flushes backwards or takes you along for a ride.
* Outsider's - Ashamed of its stench, it built a Dyson sphere so nobody would have to smell it.

[[Tyranid]] Bio-toilets - Actually a subspecies of Gaunt.

[[Squat|Squats]] - They're short, wide and full of beer, <s>but no one believes they exist anymore.</s> now Canon!

[[Leagues of Votann]] - Same as above, but is also a specific COG design that is tasked with flushing and cleaning your ass afterward, and also recycles the waste as its fuel.

[[Malal]] - Trying to destroy all other Chaos toilets but none believes he exists.

[[Diasporex]] - extra tough to handle the waste of various species. Toilet seat is shape and size adjustable. Believed mostly destroyed by Iron Hands at the end of the 31st Millennium.

[[Interex]] - horse shaped without the head. Strangely mobile and mechanical.

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]