Editing Dohwar

[[File:Dohwar.png|thumb|right|A Dohwar that is fortunately not wearing their traditional clothing.]]

'''Dohwar''' are one of the many [[alien]] races native to the [[Dungeons & Dragons]]s setting of [[Spelljammer]], and definitely come down hard in the "comedic" part of the setting's design philosophy.

In a nutshell, Dohwar are a race of [[psionics|telepathic]] penguins who traverse the byways of [[Wildspace]], seeking wealth and profit as the greatest merchants of the Spheres! ...Unfortunately, they are hindered in this role by the fact that a) the [[Arcane]] already are well-established as Wildspace's greatest merchants, and b) they are incredibly incompetent at actually selling stuff. Part of this is their personality; as a general rule of thumb, Dohwar are are obnoxious, brash, persistent, money grubbing little bastards with a major chip on their shoulder, believing all other races are united in a conspiracy to ruin and/or humiliate them. Whilst this enhances their natural solidarity, it certainly doesn't do them any favors in making friends or promoting themselves as reliable businessbeings! The other major hinderance is that Dohwar are... well, they're kind of stupid. Seriously, this is a race who collectively believes that '''[[Tinker Gnome]]''' inventions are a solid financial investment and that live bugs are viable currency!

The usual encounter for a Dohwar is a telepathically-bonded monogamous mated pair, who work as a team to try and bamboozle, befuddle and bewilder gullible idiots into buying whatever crap they have to hand (well, flipper) - two giant penguins both speaking at an incredibly rapid pace in tandem, with one randomly finishing the other's sentences and them taking turns between offering to buy or sell can overwhelm dumber or more inexperienced spacefarers. They are at least smart enough as a race to realize that their appearance as 4ft tall, garishly dressed penguins can work against them on less cosmopolitan worlds, so they often disguise themselves as [[gnome]]s, [[dwarf|dwarves]] or other small [[demihuman]]s by wearing hooded robes.

Dohwar society is structured entirely around their obsession with being businessbeings - they are what [[TVTropes]] would call a "Proud Merchant Race". Even lifemates refer to themselves as "mergers" and their annual clutch of 1d4 eggs as "new assets". The lowest ranked of their society are called "Salesmen", who seek to work their way up to the more elite ranks of "Merchants". These in turn report to "Managers", who serve "Executive Board Members", who answer to "Presidents", with the basic social unit being essentially a cartel in everything but name. Managers and their superiors are the spellcasters of Dohwar society, and thus hugely important for their ability to make a spelljammer function; a ranking Dohwar is either a Generalist [[Wizard]] or a [[Cleric]], of varying power level (6th for Managers, 7th for Executives, 9th for Presidents). Their preferred currency for transactions bizarrely are live [[Buzzjewel|Buzzjewels]], a speicies of gem coated insects that feed exclusively on rare gemstones. 

The Dohwar worship powers associated with commerce, profits and wealth. The power’s race or alignment is unimportant. Dohwar variously venerate [[Abbathor]], the dwarven god of greed; the Realms’ [[Waukeen]], goddess of commerce; Krynn’s [[Shinare]], goddess of commerce; and [[Zilchus]], Greyhawk’s god of business and money. Though they love money, the Dohwar are generous with religious contributions. Some speculate that they see such tithes as “cosmic investments”, with the powers in return giving the Dohwar a divine advantage in bargaining sessions.

Fortunately for the rest of the universe, Dohwar are merely annoying rather than dangerous; they are far too cowardly and pain-averse to actually take up something like banditry. Dohwar spellcasters largely shun offensive spells, despite the levelling effect they offer for a race physically unsuited to combat, and prefer instead to focus on defensive, divinatory, negotiation-enhancing, concealing, and especially healing spells. For defense, Dohwar rely largely on hired mercenaries, preferring bigger, stronger races - [[Giff]] are especially desirable, for obvious reasons. Still, a rare few Dohwar are courageous enough to try and take up the defense of their race; known as "Protectors", these Dohwar typically fight with "weeges", razor-sharp blades fitted over their beaks. The elites of the Protectors, known as "Deathsquealers", ride into battle atop flight-capable winged pigs, which are the preferred labor-beast of choice amongst Dohwar. Despite how ridiculous they look, they have achieved ''some'' victories... if only by attacking whilst the enemy is busy laughing at them. Still despite how silly the Dohwar seem they are a species dedicated to the art of the deal and in the rare places where Arcane dare not go, such as [[Astromundi Cluster]], Dohwar are there to manipulate the market ruthlessly and with surprisingly effective methods such as using decoy traders from other races.

Dohwar are omnivores, largely favoring a seafood-based diet; fish, seaweed, aquatic vegetables, and plankton are the bulk of their foodstuffs. As a can be expected by this diet and the inspiration of their race, Dohwar's prefer to live by lakes and ocean, particularly in cold climates they are well adapted for. A peculiar quirk of their racial anatomy means that alcohol has no effect on them, so they are very fond of strong liquor as a race... ironically, the same biological quirk instead means they become intoxicated by ''sugar''. To a Dohwar, one apple has the effect of strong beer, and a few tablespoons of honey or maple syrup get it blind drunk.

They returned for 5th Edition, sporting more cutesy-looking new art and lore that is largely a condensation of the old version, trying to minimalize the comedic elements. Though they did add a few odd details such as the Dohwar being Fey for some reason.

[[Category: Monsters]] [[Category: Spelljammer]]