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{{Promotions}}
{{Promotions}}
[[File:Cute Elesh Norn.jpg|400px|thumbnail|right|Completely Canon Elesh Norn]]
[[File:Cute Elesh Norn.jpg|300px|thumbnail|right|Compleately Canon Elesh Norn]]
'''Elesh Norn''' is one of the fuckawesome [[Praetors]] from the totally fuckawesome game [[Magic the Gathering]].
'''Elesh Norn''' is one of the fuckawesome [[Praetors]] from the totally fuckawesome game [[Magic the Gathering]].


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As of [http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtg%2Fdaily%2Fur%2F263 recent developments] in Magic fluff, she has subdued at least two of her fellow Praetors, [[Sheoldred]] and [[Urabrask]], and is well on her way to becoming the sole ruler of New Phyrexia (for those not familiar with Magic or lacking attention to detail, Elesh Norn is white and the color of the other 2 praetors just mentioned are black and red, which are white's enemies). Whether or not they are alive and serving her or dead in her wake is unknown; given this is Phyrexia, they could easily be both.
As of [http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtg%2Fdaily%2Fur%2F263 recent developments] in Magic fluff, she has subdued at least two of her fellow Praetors, [[Sheoldred]] and [[Urabrask]], and is well on her way to becoming the sole ruler of New Phyrexia (for those not familiar with Magic or lacking attention to detail, Elesh Norn is white and the color of the other 2 praetors just mentioned are black and red, which are white's enemies). Whether or not they are alive and serving her or dead in her wake is unknown; given this is Phyrexia, they could easily be both.
Urabrask has avoided both fates as of New Capenna being name a "heretic" on his card.


==In Game==
==In Game==
In the actual game, she's a legendary creature, a really expensive one, that gives all your creature +2 to power and toughness and -2 power and toughness to your opponents. ALL her controller's opponent's creatures with 2 or less toughness die pretty much instantly. It doesn't matter if they have protection from white or are indestructible, they're dead. Like the rest of the praetors, the game is all but over if she comes out, though her mana cost makes a lot players shy away from using her. Her evergreen keyword ability is vigilance, so no, you don't get to tap that (via attacking at least). Despite her mana cost she does see play in some modern decks that reanimate with Unburial Rites. Most powerful (not necessarily "Power"-ful) creatures, such as Emrakul, the Aeons Torn and The first Eldrazi Titans are designed to shuffle back into the library when they hit the graveyard making them antithetical to most (e.i. sorcery speed) reanimation strategies. (Phage is an undesirable reanimation target for an obvious reason). Blight steel and Progenitus get shuffled into the library instead of going into the graveyard in the first place, so you can't typically reanimate them even at instant speed. WotC has decided to move away from these drawbacks in new powerful cards, as demonstrated by Ulamog (the Ceaseless Hunger) and increase pricing on the reanimation spells.
[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=214352 Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite] is a fuckawesome Legendary 7-mana creature that continuously gives your creatures +2/+2 (except her) and your opponent's creatures -2/-2. A resolved Elesh Norn is just completely backbreaking against any creature based strategy; she immediately kills any opposing creatures with 2 or less toughness (through stuff like Protection from White and Indestructible), neuters the rest, and turns any other creatures you may have into game ending threats. Seriously best of luck pushing through damage into an Elesh Norn when your 15 Saproling tokens are wiped, your 5/5s ''are now trading into 1/1s mana dorks'', and Elesh Norn's 4/7 ass is blocking anything that's not an Eldrazi Titan (after a -2/-2). Elesh Norn singlehandedly ends games if the opponent doesn't have a clean answer, and even if she's immediately [[/d/|plowed]] or pathed she's still murdered all the X/2s and X/1s around for their trouble.
 
In competitive play, Norn is used in Reanimator lists as the anti-aggro target of choice. Other reanimator targets are great against a specific problem permanent ([http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=373689 Ashen Rider]) or locking out future spells (blowing up lands or [http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=401636 Iona]-esque effects), but can struggle against established boards with a lot of creature threats. Whereas Norn smacks down "a lot of creature threats" ''really'' well, regardless of how many Spirits or Elves or Humans the opponent mustered beforehand. There are creatures more bullshit than Norn, but they either can't be reanimated (first set of Eldrazi titans, Blightsteel Colossus, Progenitus) or have their big effect tied to ''casting'' the card instead of cheating it into play (second set of Eldrazi Titans), so she gets the love of the necrophiliacs. Though since she has vigilance, they don't get to tap her fat 4/7 ass.
 
As an interesting tidbit where fluff and crunch overlap, Norn is fully capable of defeating any of the other praetors, even [[Vorinclex]] despite his higher stats since her debuff on enemy creatures means she can survive the damage he deals out while dealing enough to kill him


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
<gallery>
<gallery>
File:Elesh_norn_original.jpg|Elesh Norn's original art.
File:Elesh Norn, Judge version.jpg|The judge promo of her card is in Phyrexian.
File:Elesh Norn, Judge version.jpg|The judge promo of her card is in Phyrexian.
File:Elesh_norn_original.jpg|Magic the Gathering's original take on Elesh Norn
File:Elesh_norn_stylized.jpg
File:Elesh_lineart_phyrexia.jpg|It is a little-known fact that Elesh Norn personally chose the symbol for New Phyrexia PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T
File:Elesh_norn_angry.jpg|Not always fappable.
File:Elesh_norn_scaled.png|A handy scale for fapfiction writers
File:Elesh_norn_scaled.png|A handy scale for fapfiction writers.
File:Elesh_norn_drawn.jpg|No one has ever been able to see the eyes of Elesh Norn, even when they should be able to
File:Elesh_has_great_idea.jpg|Thinking of wonderful new ways to convert heretics like yourself...
File:Elesh_norn_and_sheoldred.jpg|Elesh Norn and [[Sheoldred]] are the bestest of buddies
File:Elesh_norn_fabulous.jpg|Elesh Norn has a predisposition to be FABULOUS in everything she does
File:Elesh_norn_lol.jpg|Every time you make an Elesh Norn thread, she loves it.  [[C.S. Goto| It pleases her]] ''immensely''
File:Elesh_has_great_idea.jpg|Elesh Norn, thinking of new and wonderful ways to convert heretics like yourself...
File:Elesh_Norn_by_Slugbox.png|... and this is what she came up with.
File:Elesh_Norn_by_Slugbox.png|... and this is what she came up with.
File:Elesh_card_jack.jpg|Elesh Norn is in your cards, hijacking them
File:Elesh_card_jack.jpg|Elesh Norn is in your cards, hijacking them.
File:Elesh_norn_snow.jpg|That isn't actually snow, it is the ashes that spew from the depths of Phyrexia.  She loves to frolic in it
File:Elesh_norn_and_sheoldred.jpg|Elesh Norn and [[Sheoldred]] are the bestest of buddies.
File:Elesh_norn_stylized.jpg
File:Elesh_norn_angry.jpg|Not always fappable
File:Elesh_blonde_human.jpg|The human version is considered equally desirable BY FAGGOTS, but for different reasons MAINLY FAGGOTRY
File:Elesh_norn_pregnant.jpg|This is what happens, /tg/. ''THIS'' is why you stay away from [[/d/]]!
File:Elesh_norn_pregnant.jpg|This is what happens, /tg/. ''THIS'' is why you stay away from [[/d/]]!
File:Elesh_norn_drawn.jpg|No one has ever been able to see the eyes of Elesh Norn, even when they should be able to.
File:Elesh_norn_fabulous.jpg|Elesh Norn has a predisposition to be FABULOUS in everything she does.
File:Elesh_norn_lol.jpg|Every time you make an Elesh Norn thread, she loves it.  [[C.S. Goto| It pleases her]] ''immensely''.
File:Elesh_norn_snow.jpg|That isn't actually snow, it is the ashes that spew from the depths of Phyrexia.  She loves to frolic in it.
File:Elesh_blonde_human.jpg|The human version is considered equally desirable, but for different reasons.
File:Elesh_lineart_phyrexia.jpg|It is a little-known fact that Elesh Norn personally chose the symbol for New Phyrexia.
</gallery>
</gallery>


{{Template:Phyrexia}}
{{Phyrexia}}


[[Category:Awesome]]
[[Category:Awesome]]

Latest revision as of 22:57, 20 June 2023

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.
Compleately Canon Elesh Norn

Elesh Norn is one of the fuckawesome Praetors from the totally fuckawesome game Magic the Gathering.

She leads The Machine Orthodoxy, the white-aligned New Phyrexian faction that believes that Phyrexia must adhere to the teachings of the Father of Machines. Elesh Norn intends to indoctrinate everyone about the truth, even if it means flaying them, tearing them limb from limb, and reattaching the parts into a creation that is worthy of Phyrexia. She is kinda like a miniature version of Khorne, Tzeentch, and the Inquisition all rolled into one. Yes she's that awesome. She also has been seemingly designated by /tg/ as the most fappable of the Praetors. Oh, sweet heresy.

As of recent developments in Magic fluff, she has subdued at least two of her fellow Praetors, Sheoldred and Urabrask, and is well on her way to becoming the sole ruler of New Phyrexia (for those not familiar with Magic or lacking attention to detail, Elesh Norn is white and the color of the other 2 praetors just mentioned are black and red, which are white's enemies). Whether or not they are alive and serving her or dead in her wake is unknown; given this is Phyrexia, they could easily be both.

Urabrask has avoided both fates as of New Capenna being name a "heretic" on his card.

In Game[edit]

Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite is a fuckawesome Legendary 7-mana creature that continuously gives your creatures +2/+2 (except her) and your opponent's creatures -2/-2. A resolved Elesh Norn is just completely backbreaking against any creature based strategy; she immediately kills any opposing creatures with 2 or less toughness (through stuff like Protection from White and Indestructible), neuters the rest, and turns any other creatures you may have into game ending threats. Seriously best of luck pushing through damage into an Elesh Norn when your 15 Saproling tokens are wiped, your 5/5s are now trading into 1/1s mana dorks, and Elesh Norn's 4/7 ass is blocking anything that's not an Eldrazi Titan (after a -2/-2). Elesh Norn singlehandedly ends games if the opponent doesn't have a clean answer, and even if she's immediately plowed or pathed she's still murdered all the X/2s and X/1s around for their trouble.

In competitive play, Norn is used in Reanimator lists as the anti-aggro target of choice. Other reanimator targets are great against a specific problem permanent (Ashen Rider) or locking out future spells (blowing up lands or Iona-esque effects), but can struggle against established boards with a lot of creature threats. Whereas Norn smacks down "a lot of creature threats" really well, regardless of how many Spirits or Elves or Humans the opponent mustered beforehand. There are creatures more bullshit than Norn, but they either can't be reanimated (first set of Eldrazi titans, Blightsteel Colossus, Progenitus) or have their big effect tied to casting the card instead of cheating it into play (second set of Eldrazi Titans), so she gets the love of the necrophiliacs. Though since she has vigilance, they don't get to tap her fat 4/7 ass.

As an interesting tidbit where fluff and crunch overlap, Norn is fully capable of defeating any of the other praetors, even Vorinclex despite his higher stats since her debuff on enemy creatures means she can survive the damage he deals out while dealing enough to kill him

Gallery[edit]

  • Elesh Norn's original art.

    Elesh Norn's original art.

  • The judge promo of her card is in Phyrexian.

    The judge promo of her card is in Phyrexian.

  • Not always fappable.

    Not always fappable.

  • A handy scale for fapfiction writers.

    A handy scale for fapfiction writers.

  • Thinking of wonderful new ways to convert heretics like yourself...

    Thinking of wonderful new ways to convert heretics like yourself...

  • ... and this is what she came up with.

    ... and this is what she came up with.

  • Elesh Norn is in your cards, hijacking them.

    Elesh Norn is in your cards, hijacking them.

  • Elesh Norn and Sheoldred are the bestest of buddies.

    Elesh Norn and Sheoldred are the bestest of buddies.

  • This is what happens, /tg/. THIS is why you stay away from /d/!

    This is what happens, /tg/. THIS is why you stay away from /d/!

  • No one has ever been able to see the eyes of Elesh Norn, even when they should be able to.

    No one has ever been able to see the eyes of Elesh Norn, even when they should be able to.

  • Elesh Norn has a predisposition to be FABULOUS in everything she does.

    Elesh Norn has a predisposition to be FABULOUS in everything she does.

  • Every time you make an Elesh Norn thread, she loves it. It pleases her immensely.

    Every time you make an Elesh Norn thread, she loves it. It pleases her immensely.

  • That isn't actually snow, it is the ashes that spew from the depths of Phyrexia. She loves to frolic in it.

    That isn't actually snow, it is the ashes that spew from the depths of Phyrexia. She loves to frolic in it.

  • The human version is considered equally desirable, but for different reasons.

    The human version is considered equally desirable, but for different reasons.

  • It is a little-known fact that Elesh Norn personally chose the symbol for New Phyrexia.

    It is a little-known fact that Elesh Norn personally chose the symbol for New Phyrexia.

Factions and Praetors in New Phyrexia
Factions:
The Machine Orthodoxy
The Progress Engine
The Seven Steel Thanes
The Quiet Furnace
The Vicious Swarm		 Praetors:
Elesh Norn
Jin-Gitaxias
Sheoldred
Urabrask
Vorinclex
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