George R. R. Martin

I like you, I'll kill you last.

George Raymond Richard Martin is a high level neckbeard who prestige classed in fantasy author and created the much loved (and hated, and loved-to-be-hated) A Song of Ice and Fire series. Like most full time authors, he actually has a massive body of other work that you've neither heard of nor give a shit about. (Hey, you do know he invented the githyanki, right?)

Martin is an avid tabletop player, making him somewhat /tg/ related. He is regarded as the American Tolkien. He might see himself as living in Tolkien's shadow, considering how often George mentions the works of the aforementioned author, uses the "R.R" naming convention also used for Tolkien, analyzes Tolkien's works ad nauseam and repeating how his own works are different. His comment about "whuddabout Aragorn's tax policy" is a meme throughout /tv/ and /lit/.

Recently, has been criticized for losing his narrative pacing and creating 31 view point characters, most of whom are boring as fuck and don't do much. Primarily, some argue that the series has been going on for like more than a decade NEARLY THREE DECADES and we're not even near to the beginning of the resolution. Also likes to kill off characters in horrific and brutal ways, such as getting massacred at your own wedding, or SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS adding a dash of irony for assholes who really deserve it like Joffrey Baratheon or Gregor Clegane (though book-Boltons and book-Euron are alive and well while Rorge, a murderous marauding pedophile rapist, got a quick and clean death). The morally black or morally white characters come to bad ends in the series; the morally gray and smart ones, such as Bronn and Petyr Baelish/Littlefinger, prosper.

Nonetheless, promises that The Winds of Winter will pick things up a bit.

And now for some ranting

A Dance with Dragons was released in 2011, and as of late 2022 The Winds of Winter still isn't anywhere in sight. Many observers have noted George may be suffering from an extreme case of writer's block, having written himself into an impossible box by killing off key characters who might otherwise have advanced the plot forward. He also seems keenly aware that the finale to GoT Season 8 was highly insufficient. Others have noted that George has no reason to continue his work because the existing books have allowed him to rest on his laurels quite comfortably, and he's never been known as being the most energetic writer to begin with (and frankly, is a bit of a whiner to boot). Still others cynically observe that all of the aforementioned conditions are likely true. Furthermore, even if they weren't, the cold reality is that the morbidly-obese George is now 74 years old as of late 2022. Every time he eats another cheeseburger it's practically a miracle that he doesn't keel over right on the spot. Therefore the probability that he'll be alive for more than a few more years (and somehow wrap up the entirety of his life's work between now and then) seems increasingly remote with every passing day.

Instead of actually getting off his ass and finishing ASOIAF, he worked on a vidya, helping to bring the world of Dark Souls spiritual successor Elden Ring into existence, so at least he created a (mostly) complete world and storyline even if his magnum opus never gets its bookend.

In any case, much like Darius Hinks, he does at least have a beard. However, any inherent awesomeness is heavily offset by the pedo-adjacent tugboat captain cap he also insists on wearing everywhere.