The 666 Rituals of Detestation

The 666 Rituals of Detestation that Grey Knight initiates must pass.

---

(Although not a rite, please note that for an Initiate to even be allowed the Grey Knight application form, said aspiring Knight must have proof that they have punched Matt Ward in the face)

• Rite 001: Fill in the Grey Knight application. Spell your name correctly. HARDMODE: Convince them that your name really is the Great and Powerful Oz.
• Rite 002: Answer the riddle of steel.
• Rite 003: Bring back squats and convince everyone who spams GW about them to actually BUY some this time. (With the release of the Votaan, and the high number of sales, there is great debate among the Grand Masters as to what shall replace this Rite)
• Rite 004: Volunteer to be converted to a 4chan server for 1 month.
• Rite 005: Eat an entire peck of pickled peppers whilst punching a Carnifex in the face. Naked.
• Rite 006: Read all of the books written by Terry Goodkind and neither rage nor an hero.
• Rite 007: Kill Bond and all variations of.
• Rite 008: Find a huge creature who should have huge guts. Rip and tear its guts. HARDMODE: Without a berserk pack and wearing only flourescent green pyjamas.
• Rite 009: ???? HARD MODE: Figure out what ???? is. Do not tell anyone, even other GK Initiates
• Rite 010: Profit!!!
• Rite 011: Prove that Michael Jackson never molested a kid.
• Rite 012: Beat all 12 levels of Battletoads in a single run. Aspirant must resist the temptations to curse or swear, as these would interrupt veneration to our glorious Emperor. Absolutely no self-deprecation shall be permitted, for the Emperor guides thee in all things.
• Rite 013: Find [a water chip/the sacred G.E.C.K.] for your Vault.
• Rite 014: Correctly thin your paints.
• Rite 015: Confront Chaos and return.
• Rite 016: Become more manlier than the entire Manly Marines chapter. HARDMODE: While talking with a pronounced lisp and standing as though you are miming "I'm a little teapot".
• Rite 017: Get GW to lower their prices.
• Rite 018: Re-read Descent of Angels. HARDMODE: Convince others that yes, it IS absolutely necessary to read it again.
• Rite 019: Watch Gigli without falling to Chaos.
• Rite 020: Touch MC Hammer.
• Rite 021: When life gives you lemons make apple pie.
• Rite 022: Pick yourself up by your own bootlaces.
• Rite 023: Beat the Arena and kill the Adoring Fan.
• Rite 024: Use Candlejack's name withou
• Rite 025: Suck the Emprah's dick.
• Rite 026: Find the lost colony world called "Pandora" in the pre-Gothic tongue. You will note that it is a blasted husk of moon orbiting a blue gas giant. Exterminatus it again in the ancient "Ritual of Destestation of the Alien", the only rite that predates the Chapter's founding.
• Rite 027: Become a veteran suicide bomber.
• Rite 028: Set yourself on fire, and, while aflame, freeze to death.
• Rite 029: Come back from the dead, Dreadnoughts don't count. HARDMODE: Do it without making physics angry.
• Rite 030: Deafen a Noise Marine with the sound of one hand clapping.
• Rite 031: Cause a paradox.
• Rite 032: Solve a different paradox.
• Rite 033: Come off as less of a dick than another Astartes in front of a common citizen.
• Rite 034: Make porn of it. No exceptions. HARDMODE: Make an exception. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: Do not make porn of it and have this become the new meme.
• Rite 035: Hold a private screening of aforementioned porn for the Emperor.
• Rite 036: Force a Chaos Daemon to praise the Emperor.
• Rite 037: Find out who peed on your rug. HARDMODE: Via smell test. SUPER HARDMODE: Via taste test. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: While in a coma.
• Rite 038: Find a shrubbery. Then find another shrubbery and place beside the other shrubbery. Only slightly higher, with a nice little path running down the middle.
• Rite 039: Locate the Net Terminal Gene. HARDMODE: Beat the current best time of 3,000 standard Terran years.
• Rite 040: Exit, pursued by a bear.
• Rite 041: Kill the bear.
• Rite 042: Find the ultimate question to life, the universe, and everything
• Rite 043: Cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with.... A HERRING!! *dramatic music!!*
• Rite 044: Hate without being a hater.
• Rite 045: Be a hater without hating.
• Rite 046: Sap a sentry.
• Rite 047: Take a break. You've earned it.
• Rite 048: Bitch slap an inquisitor. He had it coming
• Rite 049: Confirm that a witch weighs the same as a duck.
• Rite 050: Determine the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow. (What do you mean? African or Europ-*BLAM*)
• Rite 051: Simply walk into Mordor
• Rite 052: Overpay for a camel purchased from Crazy Hassan
• Rite 053: Partake in a Pretty Marines Pre-Battle Floral Arrangement Ceremony without becoming an Angry Marine in the process.
• Rite 054: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
• Rite 055: Eat your head.
• Rite 056: Get better.
• Rite 057: Find 100 baneblades
• Rite 058: Do dick pushups. On a bed of nails.
• Rite 059: Babysit Lofn. Do not succumb to her daawwwww-ness.
• Rite 060: Correctly assemble and paint a Forgeworld Imperator Titan, blindfolded with your hands and feet tied together.
• Rite 061: Paint said Forgeworld Imperator Titan. With your eyes.
• Rite 061: Fap to an army of Tyranids.
• Rite 062: Slap an Angry Marine, with a chair, rebuild the chair and hit him again.
• Rite 063: Create Gender-Flipped version of yourself. No Exceptions.
• Rite 064: Kill a Plague Marine. Remove both of your helmets. Breath deeply. Do not lose consciousness.
• Rite 065: Shit a brick.
• Rite 066: Wipe out the Jedi Order
• Rite 067: Make FATAL playable.
• Rite 068: LEAVE THE BRONX. YOU ARE ORDERED TO LEAVE THE BRONX.
• Rite 069: Sisters of Battle. You know what we mean.
• Rite 070: Shoot down a Valkyrie. Without a gun.
• Rite 071: Wikileak this list.
• Rite 072: Sweatin' to the Oldies.
• Rite 073: Skullfuck a servo skull.
• Rite 074: Buttfuck a servo skull.
• Rite 075: Be fired out of a lascannon.
• Rite 076: Convince an Inquisitor to Exterminatus an entire planet even though there is no taint there (this is quite easy). Then be on said planet when the Exterminatus is performed and survive.
• Rite 077: Locate pre-Imperial machine spirit construct designated S.A.N.A.K.A.N. and inform her that she is hawt. HARDMODE: Do not allow yourself to be disintegrated by Dark Age of Technology weaponry.
• Rite 078: Write a 5,000 page(12.0 font, single spaced) report detailing why Dreadknights are tactically unsound and present it to the Grand Master.
• Rite 079: Skateboard to the Quickymart NAKED. Harddickmode: The store must located on the grounds of a women's only Schola Progenium.
• Rite 080: Convince GW to stop letting Matt Ward write fluff. Mission accomplished. Mission failed.
• Rite 081: Do the previous rites blindfolded.
• Rite 082: Win a dance-off against the Disco Marines.
• Rite 083: Buy, Model, Paint, and Field an entire chapter of Space Marines. HARDMODE: Still get laid.
• Rite 084: Successfully use "Death or Glory."
• Rite 085: Engage in, and win an elegant battle of wits with a Classy Marine.
• Rite 086: Fight for your rite (to paaaartaaaay!).
• Rite 087: Train a Magikarp to level 100 by just fighting other magikarp.
• Rite 088: Play the Mass Effect series, harbor no heretical thoughts toward the filthy xenos depicted.
• Rite 089: Buy the Emperor a dog and new curtains.
• Rite 090: Make Apple Jacks actually taste like apples so people will stop bitching.
• Rite 091: Put sugar in the fuel of a Retribution Class Battleship. HARDMODE: Find a potato big enough to fit in its exhaust pipe.
• Rite 092: Tip over 1,000 sleeping Grox, simultaneously.
• Rite 093: A coke bottle on purpose. Yes, the whole bottle.
• Rite 094: Travel to Terra, wait till midnight, sneak into (in a cardboard-box) the Imperial Palace, to the Emprah's throneroom, steal a snack out of the Ultimate Refrigerator, which is disguised as the Golden Throne.
• Rite 095: Infiltrate The Rock and release one of the captured Fallen. Escape without being seen.
• Rite 096: Recapture the Fallen you released and receive a commendation from the Dark Angels.
• Rite 097: Read the 5th edition Grey Knights Codex. Resist the urge to nuke GW's home office from orbit.
• Rite 098: Visit Wall Drug. Don't be disappointed.
• Rite 099: Find an 99Flake ice cream that actually costs 99p. During battle.
• Rite 100: Lead a squad to victory whilst performing an a capella version of "Boom Boom Dollar".
• Rite 101: Cooperate with a fellow Grey Knight in any other rite he performs.
• Rite 102: Cause a fellow Grey Knight you were helping to fail his rite.
• Rite 103: Simply walk into Mordor. Backwards.
• Rite 104: Resist asking the grandmaster why you have to do so many fucktarded trials.
• Rite 105: Track down the Blue Scribes of Tzeentch and write the recipe of your favorite cookies on their parchment.
• Rite 106: Beat I Wanna Be The Guy using one life. HARDMODE: on your first try in under 5 minutes
• Rite 107: Convince Khorne to mellow out and smoke a joint.
• Rite 108: Convince Nurgle to take a shower. HARDMODE: With soap.
• Rite 109: Convince Tzeentch to relax and just see how things play out.
• Rite 110: Convince Slaanesh to go to rehab for sex addiction. HARDMODE: Get him to go to rehab for the other stuff too. The dude needs help.
• Rite 111: Eat an entire Carnifex. The Grey Knight is allowed to have the Carnifex restrained beforehand, but if he wants it dead, he must kill it himself. HARDMODE: Eat it alive.
• Rite 112: Shake hands with Faptau.
• Rite 113: Explain how the war started. HARDMODE: Don't confuse Baldrick while doing so.
• Rite 114: Prove that it indeed is Lupus, and make House laugh in the process.
• Rite 115: Cure the Lupus, and make House sad in the process.
• Rite 116: Reinfect the patient with Lupus, and make House laugh again in the process.
• Rite 117: Beat Halo 2 on Legendary without dying
• Rite 118: Put your pauldrons on backwards.
• Rite 119: Break the cohesiveness and morale of a Blood Angels squad using only your penis. Bonus points for making them give into the Black Rage.
• Rite 120: Play a bitching guitar solo in space. Make sure everyone can hear you rock out.
• Rite 121: Determine the true legality of abortion. Tell no one.
• Rite 122: Snort Doomrider under the table.
• Rite 123: Convince a Sister of Battle to not be a pedo.
• Rite 124: Kill the garbage pail kids and carve your name into their heads with their teeth.
• Rite 125: Beat every video game that the Angry Video Game Nerd couldn't beat, especially ones he said are impossible, no matter how convincing his argument is.
• Rite 126: Manage to complete Battletoads in 2-player mode by yourself.
• Rite 127: Teach a Necron the value of human life, but be sure to not teach it the value of Xenos life.
• Rite 128: Read Warrior without succumbing to Rage for it's no nonsensical stupidity.
• Rite 129: Convince Inoue Orihime and Rangiku Matsumoto to have sex and then video tape them doing it.
• Rite 130: Kill Uwe Boll.
• Rite 131: Torture and kill Stephenie Myers in a fashion even Slaanesh wouldn't approve of. HARD MODE: Method can't include forcing her to read Warrior.
• Rite 132: Steal Doomrider's bike.
• Rite 133: Rhyme with orange(must be a real word).
• Rite 134: Do a barrel roll!
• Rite 135: Stop moralfaggotry.
• Rite 136: Rhyme with purple.
• Rite 137: Kill it with fire. "It" is preferably a furry.
• Rite 138: C-c-catch the wave. Drink Coke.
• Rite 139: Read the Maradonia Saga and Eiken, then launch them at daemons and watch as their heads a splode from the sheer raw fuckness. That's not really needed even on HARDMODE, but it's funny so who the hell cares.
• Rite 140: Stop Happy Noodle Boy before people surrender to his demands, or before he becomes a giant Wilford Brimley and begins buttering your loved ones.
• Rite 141: Trick Tzeentch cultists into making you a professional-quality 5 course breakfast.
• Rite 142: Travel to Holy Terra to sacrifice a psyker to the Emperor.
• Rite 143: Remember this lesson I teach you! Use it on nachos! HANGNAIL!
• Rite 144: Convince Lex Luthor that you are not WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! regarding Superman.
• Rite 145: Come with me, you belong with me! We eat the pig and together we burn!
• Rite 146: Recover an unopened bottle of Crystal Pepsi from the sedimentary strata of an underhive on Holy Terra.
• Rite 147: Drink it. If you vomit you must acquire another bottle and try again.
• Rite 148: Recover our sanctified archeotech plasma pistol Flame of the Emperor, from those Bloody Magpies.
• Rite 149: Steal the Flame of the Emperor from the chapter vault and give it to the Magpies, tell no one.
• Rite 150: Form a Dreadnought barber shop quartet.
• Rite 151: Beat a Space Wolf at a drinking contest.
• Rite 152: Eat at Bloaties Pizza Hog. Prevent you small intestine from shedding its inner lining through force of will.
• Rite 153: Dominate a Tyranid Dominatrix, sexually. HARDMODE: No whiskey may be imbibed by either party.
• Rite 154: Convince Fateweaver to headbutt himself.
• Rite 155: Train an Ewok to use chainsword.
• Rite 156: Train said Ewok to use its chainsword to kill Bella Swan.
• Rite 157: Watch Godzilla jump into the air and bodyslam Megagurius and keep a straight face.
• Rite 158: Steal all the skulls from the Skull Throne, and leave a sign saying "I killed your precious, hahaha!" without Khorne being confused by it.
• Rite 159: Fix everything wrong with Soul Storm.
• Rite 160: Find a monster many times your size and grab its tail, then spin round and round and thrown it into a giant bomb.
• Rite 161: Become a 3rd party presidential candidate and get elected president of the United States of America.
• Rite 162: Inform EA that units making lots of horrible puns does not equal comedy.
• Rite 163: Beat Kharn the Betrayer with his own ax.
• Rite 164: Kill Kenny McCormick, YOU BASTARD.
• Rite 165: Win a battle against an Ork Stompa. With your bare hands.
• Rite 166: Beat an Ork mekboy with his own tools
• Rite 167: Pet the dog.
• Rite 168: Insult the Hulk to his face, and live.
• Rite 169: Learn to shoot and kill enemies without actually look at them or aiming your gun. No asking Alucard for help with this rite.
• Rite 170: Learn the Falcon Punch.
• Rite 171: Beat Penance with a no sphere grid party, and not summoning Yoshimbo. HARDMODE: Without Wakka.
• Rite 172: Steal glory from any Imperial force before the Partridges do. Bonus points if it's a First Founding Legion...even more if it's the Space Wolves
• Rite 173: Steal glory from a Partridge. HARDMODE: Steal glory from their Chapter Master
• Rite 174: Kill Azathoth in game of Arkham Horror.
• Rite 175: Find a hiding Sergeant Mkoll. HARDMODE: Find a hiding Scout Trooper MkVenner and actually live to tell the tale.
• Rite 176: Replace the phrase "you and what army" with "you and what Hulk."
• Rite 177: Defeat Norio Wakamoto in ham to ham combat.
• Rite 178: Listen to a Flesh Helm speak without going mad or committing suicide
• Rite 179: Learn the origin of Dr. Insano, tell nobody.
• Rite 180: Beat every serving Chapter Master at darts.
• Rite 181: Acquire CharlesAtlasSuperpower.
• Rite 182: Walk up a flight of stairs in full armor without breaking them.
• Rite 183: Score a perfect 10.0 at a diving event. With Power Armour. You are not allowed to blackmail or intimidate the judges into submission.
• Rite 184: Move Zig
• Rite 185: For Great Justice! (Not to be confused with the heretical "Greater Good" of the faptau)
• Rite 186: Ninja Gaiden. In a single life. No breaks. No passwords. No pauses. Right now faggot.
• Rite 187: Steal an ancient video titled disc "Bible Black" from the Emperor's private porn stash. Don't get caught by the Custodes. Watch it with the English language track. Don't even crack a smile.
• Rite 188: Use you knowledge of the psyker arts to develop method by which to power the Astronomicon that doesn't involving killing 1,000 psykers a day. Tell no one. HARDMODE: Make sure the Emperor thinks someone else did it.
• Rite 189: Find Kharn the Betrayer. Offer him a Commissar's cap. Immolate it with psychokinesis as he reaches for it. ZoomJapfacejpg. Run. HARDMODE: No jumppacks.
• Rite 190: Find the Night Lords 10th company. Claim you have found the original recording of the assassination of Konrad Curze. Give them a hololithic recording of the DAoT youtube clip of your choice. Run. HARDMODE: You can't use a teleport homer to escape.
• Rite 191: Convince a member of the Emperor's children to give up fapping for one day.
• Rite 192: Steal all the chain weapons belonging to the Flesh Tearers and a Khornate warband numbering no less than 300 warriors. Convince each party that the other took their weapons. Make sure to steal a popcorn popper from a movie theater while you are at it.
• Rite 193: Learn the origin of the Joker. Tell no one but the Joker.
• Rite 194: Spend a day with Deadpool without gaining the desire to shut him up or kill him.
• Rite 195: Solve a rubix cube. HARDMODE:With Angron.
• Rite 196: Get Valvatorez and the scenery chewing vampire from Twilight to engage in ham to ham combat. Keep a straight face during this.
• Rite 197: Learn to deflect bullets with a sword.
• Rite 198: Knock some sense into Frank Miller.
• Rite 199: Determine the status of Disgaea demons as being closer to humans or aliens.
• Rite 200: Punch Crazy Steve.
• Rite 201: Get Phil Kelly a raise.
• Rite 202: Kill Matt Ward and make him get revived as a Prinny, and make sure he revives as Prinny every time he dies.
• Rite 203: Find the planet where the cabbits come from and take one home as a pet. Hard Mode, teach Cabbit to turn into an Super Star Destroyer (Executor minimum requirement, Eclipse is extra credit) rather than the space-ship they normally turn into.
• Rite 204: Clear up confusion with somebody that went "WTF" at the previous Rite.
• Rite 205: Punch the Irate Gamer. Hard Mode, get him arrested for plagiarism and being a jerk.
• Rite 206: Kick the idiot that directed Final Fantasy 10's English voice cast. HARDMODE: Do "the laugh" while delivering the kick and have them laugh too.
• Rite 207: Falcon Punch the jerk that cancelled Spectacular Spiderman.
• Rite 208: Kill a shark to prevent a franchise from jumping it.
• Rite 209: Learn the Doctor's real name. Asking River or the Master/Missy doesn't count.
• Rite 210: Make a good version of Ultima VIII.
• Rite 211: Make a good version of Ultima IX.
• Rite 212: Beat Gig in a hotpod eating contest. Hard Mode, avoid getting your ass kicked when he realizes you ate hotpods he could have eaten.
• Rite 213: Teach an incubator to fear, than beat the shit out of it. Hard Mode, beat the shit out of Kyubuy.
• Rite 214: Kiss Bayonetta.
• Rite 215: Read New Guardians #2 without going "WTF."
• Rite 216: Convince a terrorist of his stupidity.
• Rite 217: Find an Infinity+1Sword, tell no one where you found it.
• Rite 218: Determine the weight of Garland's sword.
• Rite 219: Steal Garland's sword. The fact that it probably weighs more than suit of terminator armor is no excuse.
• Rite 220: Get Link and Zelda to kiss. Hard Mode, make it occur on screen, but don't get spotted and leave no trace of your involvement.
• Rite 221: Kiss Morrigan Aensland. Hard Mode, make it against her will, which would likely mean making her angry first.
• Rite 222: Romance a Jedi Master.
• Rite 223: Get 1001 American's to realize that the AMA is run by evil men.
• Rite 224: Punch an Avatar while wearing no armor.
• Rite 225: Save a fallen Adeptus Astartes to be put in a Dreadnaught. Don't be seen while doing this. HARD MODE: You're not allowed to be the one who cripples the Adeptus Astartes.
• Rite 226: Defeat a Necron playing as the Necrons in Dawn of War. Using IG.
• Rite 227: Convince an Ultramarine to not use the Codex Astartes in a combat situation. Doing this with Captain Titus is cheating. HARDMODE: Convince the Chapter Master to not use the Codex.
• Rite 228: Beat Sonic The Hedgehog in a foot race.
• Rite 229: Shoot bullets out of the air with bullets. Hard Mode, do this with 18th century musket.
• Rite 230: Read through the CAD Archives.
• Rite 231: Finish blood on extra crispy
• Rite 232: Beat Ghosts and Goblins. Suffer no more than three aneurysms.
• Rite 233: Stop saying desu.
• Rite 234: STFU
• Rite 235: GTFO
• Rite 236: Be the ball.
• Rite 237: Make Orange Soda using only oranges.
• Rite 238: Kill the pig! Drink his blood!
• Rite 239: Touch your tongue to your forehead. HARDMODE: No cutting off and reattaching your tongue.
• Rite 240: Decide which seat to take. (Only applies on fridays)
• Rite 241: Lay siege the Imperial Fists and successfully force them out. HARDMODE: Do it to their own Fortress-Monastery.
• Rite 242: Power bomb an Ork Warboss.
• Rite 243: Strangle the Swarmlord. HARDMODE: After out-swashbuckling him.
• Rite 244: Read a Loli D comic and have no heretical thoughts about it.
• Rite 245: Read a Yuri manga and have no heretical thoughts about it.
• Rite 246: Visit the DeathWorld Felayra. Return with a harem of the the planet's giant maneating Monstergirls.
• Rite 247: Survive psychically arm-wrestling with a greater daemon of Tzeentch.
• Rite 248: Count the licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop. In the middle of a battle.
• Rite 249: Conquer an entire daemon world. And do it FABULOUSLY.
• Rite 250: Replace the entire cocaine stock of an Emperor's Children warband with baby powder. HARDMODE: Replace their stock of babies with baby powder as well.
• Rite 251: Out-sex Cain.
• Rite 252: Read "A Crushed Empire"(fanfic). Do not give in to NERDRAGE!
• Rite 253: Defeat Cain under the Old World of Darkness rules.
• Rite 254: Romance a super saiyan. Yes, make sure it's a woman.
• Rite 255: FIRE YOUR LAZER!
• Rite 256: Fellate a plaguebearer.
• Rite 257: Make the Emperor blink.
• Rite 258: Find something that will piss off a Black Templar (easy). Present Black Templar with said annoyance (easy). Keep the fucktard from rushing it with a powersword (rage).
• Rite 259: Make a 40K version of Blood Bowl.
• Rite 260: Convince the Hulk you are stronger than he is, and live.
• Rite 261: Create working power armor by yourself. HARD MODE: IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!!!
• Rite 262: Beat any R-Type game. HARD MODE: Do so without losing a life. INSANE MODE: On the hardest difficulty. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: While your girlfriend (yep, you will need to get your first ever girlfriend, might want to re-think those Y-fronts you were about to buy) covers your eyes every time enemy ships appear onscreen.
• Rite 263: Successfully sneak into an R-rated movie (only applicable if under 16 Terran years of age).
• Rite 264: Discover the sound of one hand clapping.
• Rite 265: Find an intact STC. Keep the discovery a secret from the Adeptus Mechanicus.
• Rite 266: Remove your own underwear without removing your pants. HARDMODE: Be British when attempting this (pants means underwear to us).
• Rite 267: Remove another initiate's underwear in the same fashion. HARD MODE: Do not let the initiate notice what happened.
• Rite 268: Demonstrate the art of Tactical Genius to Vance Motherfucking Stubbs.
• Rite 269: Challenge Ciaphas Cain, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM! to a duel.
• Rite 270: Steal one of Vegeta's dragonballs. Survive the ensuing Angry Marine-level rage.
• Rite 271: Find and kill a Weeping Angel. Please note that if you are sent back in time by said Angel, then you are disqualified.
• Rite 272: Beat all 20 waves of Last Stand by yourself.
• Rite 273: Show me your war face! HARD MODE: Show me your REAL WAR FACE!!! INSANE MODE: Suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
• Rite 274: Find out what makes Cinnamon Toast Crunch so popular.
• Rite 275: Convince a traitor to come back to the Imperium. HARD MODE: Convince a Chaos Marine.
• Rite 276: Kill said traitor for heresy.
• Rite 277: Make a Mac-fag buy a PC.
• Rite 278: Make a PC-fag buy a Mac.
• Rite 279: Bring a knife to a gunfight.
• Rite 280: Finish postal 2 without smoking crack or killing anyone.
• Rite 281: Replace your blood with antifreeze.
• Rite 282: Pick up some elbow grease and headlight fluid from the store.
• Rite 283: Discover the truth of the (nonexistent) Alpha Legion.
• Rite 284: Defeat the Alpha level psyker Micheal Ironside in a battle of wills.
• Rite 285: Call Draigo a pussy
• Rite 286: Assassinate Koro-Sensei.
• Rite 287: Haikyuu!!
• Rite 288: Win a breakdance competition against a Harlequin.
• Rite 289: Find a Spehss Muhreen with working genitals.
• Rite 290: Cut them off.
• Rite 291: Bring a tank to a gunfight.
• Rite 292: Steal a World item. HARD MODE: Steal the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown.
• Rite 293: Do anything. anything at all, without Pissing off Assholetep.
• Rite 294: One-shot a Great Unclean One. Exterminatus and Force weapons don't count.
• Rite 295: Shoot yourself in the face.HARD MODE: with a Battle cannon.
• Rite 296: Die to death.
• Rite 297: Cry yourself awake.
• Rite 298: Disimpact the Emperor's bowels.
• Rite 299: Learn The Master's real name, no asking The Doctor.
• Rite 300: Kill the trigger happy Inquistor you convinced to exterminatus a planet with no Hersey.
• Rite 301: Challenge an Ogryn to fair arm wrestling match, no cheating.
• Rite 302: Defeat an Ogryn in a fair arm wrestling match.
• Rite 303: Make the Ultimate Warrior pay for what he did to Santa Claus.
• Rite 304: Kill an Ork Warboss and send his orks against Chaos
• Rite 305: Kill Black Mage, then put his soul back in his body.
• Rite 306: Catch bullets with your hands.
• Rite 307: Visibly flex your muscles while inside your armor.
• Rite 308: Run Joe Quesada over with a baneblade
• Rite 309: Eat more than one Devil Fruit, and live.
• Rite 310: Rickroll a fellow commissar.
• Rite 311: Get a Super Saiyan and Kyrptonian to mate.
• Rite 312: Raise child of said union to be the ultimate soldier of the Imperium.
• Rite 313: Write an essay that convinces /tg/ to stop bitching about Eldar.
• Rite 314: Punch Q, he deserves it.
• Rite 315: Grow a Power Beard.
• Rite 316: You must beat Macgyver in a race through all these Trials.
• Rite 317: CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY!
• Rite 318: Fold a piece paper more than 7 times.
• Rite 319: Punch out fire.
• Rite 320: Tear Rick Berman's heart out and shove it down his throat without killing him.
• Rite 321: Find a problem that can't be solved with violence.
• Rite 322: Find a way to solve the problem mentioned above using violence.
• Rite 323: Successfully troll Tzeentch.
• Rite 324: Beat a Tzeentchian Greater Daemon in a game of chess. Then destroy it with a logical paradox.
• Rite 325: Purge one furry site from the Emperor's internets.
• Rite 326: Piledrive a Great Unclean One
• Rite 327: Use a heavy bolt as club and kill an Ork WAAAGGGHHHH with it.
• Rite 328: Break the Fourth Wall
• Rite 329: Teach a gorilla to be a truck driver
• Rite 330: Mutilate Chris-Chan for his unspeakable acts.
• Rite 331: Complete all 1000 of Excalibur's tasks that he requires to wield him, then bury him in a cave.
• Rite 332: Create a bigger explosion
• Rite 333: Win a 1v1 Starcraft match against a Zerg rusher.
• Rite 334: Arrest the Irate Game for plagiarism, libel, and slander.
• Rite 335: Find another undying psychic space vegetable.
• Rite 336: Survive being sat on by Ulkair. HARD MODE: Without your terminator armour.
• Rite 337: Resist asking the grandmaster why you have to do so many fucktarded trials. Again.
• Rite 338: Resist being impaled, by said Grandmaster's force weapon.
• Rite 339: Make a professional five course meal, using only Tyranids
• Rite 340: Beat all 4 Iron Chef contestants in the kitchen stadium. At the same time.
• Rite 341: Replace the Twin-linked bolters on your bike with twin linked Meltaguns, Flamers, or Plasma Guns. HARD MODE: replace them with twin-linked Volcano Cannons.
• Rite 342: Kill 666 Chaos spawOHSWEETMOTHEROFFULARBLBLBLBLWARUEAGIRHARAUIRGLLLLLAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHH-
• Rite 343: Call Angron a slaaneshi whore.
• Rite 344: Call Fulgrim a Khornate meathead.
• Rite 345: Bring an Emperor-Class titan to a gunfight.
• Rite 346: Scar a Bolter Bitch for life, using only a funny look in her general direction. HARD MODE: kill her by looking at her funny, with and an AP1 funny look!
• Rite 347: Read the entire Twilight series without becoming an hero.
• Rite 350: Relax.
• Rite 351: Talk about Fight Club
• Rite 352: Rip Kneelix's fucking head off and then shove it down his throat, without killing him!
• Rite 353: Survive a fatality
• Rite 354: Cast Super-Tier Magic.
• Rite 355: Introduce one cup to two Shlicktaus.
• Rite 356: Introduce a Faptau to this occurence
• Rite 357: Convince Tumblr to let go of Bucky Barnes.
• Rite 358: Write the great American romance novel. HARDMODE: Figure out how to make it readable by a human being.
• Rite 359: Successfully keep /pol/ in /pol/. Permanently.
• Rite 360: Make everything in a one mile radius EXBAWKS HUEG.
• Rite 361: Prove exactly who killed JFK using only the evidence available in the 41st Millennium. HARDMODE: Implicate George W. Bush, somehow.
• Rite 362: Uncancel Firefly, but ensure that it doesn't run for too long and end up a sad ruin of a show like so many others.
• Rite 363: Smoke a joint rolled with a page from the Necromicon. Lose no SAN.
• Rite 364: Purge the universe of the vile heretic known as Byron Hall.
• Rite 365: Create a realistic, yet enjoyable, End Times scenario for 40k.
• Rite 366: Reticulate Splines
• Rite 367: Assemble a bolter. Without your hands.
• Rite 368: Wax On
• Rite 369: Wax Off
• Rite 370: Perma-kill a tarrasque.
• Rite 371: Get drunk on only flat Dr Pepper. HARDMODE: Diet Dr Pepper.
• Rite 372: Drink a gallon of milk.
• Rite 373: Eat a spoonful of cinnamon.
• Rite 374: Do the Dew.
• Rite 375: Kick Chuck Norris' aging bigot ass into last week and next week.
• Rite 376: Meet a rabid SPESS MAHREEN fanboy and answer all of his questions without killing him.
• Rite 377: Complete the Adventures of Bayou Billy using the zapper.
• Rite 378: Fight against Jackie Chan in a chair, ladder and rope factory, while having Jackie Chan to hold a baby and he wants 'No trabble'. And win. With you dressed only in an underwear. And both hands tied behind your back. HARDMODE: said underwear must be lingerie. And Jackie Chan is accompanied by Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris.
• Rite 379: Successfully manage to defeat Hulk and Hulk's weight, squared, in bees. Simultaneously. HARDMODE: You must fight Hulk and his weight in bees an hour after they fight each other. Since Hulk grows bigger the more he's enraged, and the bees always regenerate to weigh the same as Hulk's weight squared, this is an easy enough HARDMODE for you.
• Rite 380: Kick Chuck Norris's ass and show him for the fraud he is.
• Rite 381: Defend Hinzerhaus. HARDMODE: Don't get spooked to shit while doing so.
• Rite 382: Convince a commissar that his methods are folly.
• Rite 383: Outsnipe Trooper Larkin.
• Rite 384: Introduce Lijah Cuu to all 4 Chaos Gods at once. HARDMODE: Stop them from breaking down in tears.
• Rite 385: Fight a wirewolf. With bare hands.
• Rite 386: Learn how to sneak and earn the approval of either Mkoll or MkVenner.
• Rite 387: Kill a Custodes, put on his armor, get in the throne room, materialise a pair of balls for the Emperor, and fondle them.
• Rite 388: Find Rogal Dorn.
• Rite 389: Talk to Rogal Dorn and resist the urge to groan.
• Rite 390: Win a staring contest against the Emperor.
• Rite 391: Spar against Sly Marbo.
• Rite 392: Convince a daemon to praise the Emperor.
• Rite 393: Convince a Chaos God that the Emperor isn't all that bad.
• Rite 394: Make Malal relevant.
• Rite 395: Bring back Horus and obliterate him again.
• Rite 396: Get away with it, despite those meddling kids.
• Rite 397: Sex up a Daemonette without contracting any Chaos taint. Then you must have her hand in marriage after the proper Rituals of Courtship. This step is to be done BEFORE said sexing up.
• Rite 398: Beat Skyrim.
• Rite 399: Endure being locked in a cell with 1 of every major xeno species - Ork, Eldar, Tau, etc. You must not allow any xenos to be killed.
• Rite 400: Make love bloom on the battlefield.
• Rite 401: Move and Shoot. With a heavy weapon.
• Rite 402: RAW! RAW! FIGHT THE POWAH!
• Rite 403: Forbidden: You don't have permission to access this rite
• Rite 404: ERROR. RITE NOT FOUND
• Rite 405: Snap a pencil with your testicles.
• Rite 406: Destroy the xenos cult of races known as the covenant.
• Rite 407: Deactivate the HALO array
• Rite 408: Acivate the HALO array.
• Rite 409: Date with a Daemonette and resist her brea- er, charms.
• Rite 410: Be voiced by James Earl Jones.
• Rite 411: Do a particularly Silly Walk to attract the attention of the Ministry of Silly Walks.
• Rite 412: Steal a trainee Sister of Battle's panties. HARDMODE: Whilst she is wearing them.
• Rite 413: Reunite with your loving wife and daughter.
• Rite 414: Heal Jake Lloyd's mental scares.
• Rite 415: Organize a Schola-Progenium scavenger hunt.
• Rite 416: Master spiral power. Tell no one how.
• Rite 417: Hang M. Night Shyamalan using paper made from reviews of his movies.
• Rite 418: Find a Chuck Norris fanboy and break their spine, then explain to them why Chuck Norris sucks and jokes related to him aren't funny. HARDMODE: In front of Chuck Norris. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: Kick Chuck Norris's arse.
• Rite 419: Smoke your weight in Slaaneshi psycho herbs. Then smoke your weight in Slaaneshi cultists.
• Rite 420: Legalize marijuana.
• Rite 421: Eat a bell pepper even more dramatically than Chairman Kaga does.
• Rite 422: Steal and destroy Chris-chan's Sonichu medallion.
• Rite 423: Find out which Brother Captain Ravenor is the sentient testicle of.
• Rite 424: Go to a furry board. Resist the urge to troll. (Only impossible Rite in this article)
• Rite 425: Replace a Noise Marine's Sonic Blaster with a replica that only plays polka.
• Rite 426: Defend Burgertown
• Rite 427: Out-dick Eldrad(Not that hard really).
• Rite 428: Kill a Chaos Terminator using only a Flashlight. HARDMODE: Use the gun as a melee weapon rather than as a gun.
• Rite 429: Add an item to the Emperor's To-Do List without him realizing it.
• Rite 430: Beat Wesley Crusher over the head with a Land Raider.
• Rite 431: Kill yourself HARDMODE IN A CAVE! BY HANGING YOURSELF WITH YOUR OWN SMALL INTESTINE!!!
• Rite 432: Un-Kill yourself HARDMODE No Dreadnoughts UBERHARDMODE no contemeptors, deredeos, or even helbrutes.
• Rite 433: Re-kill yourself HARDMODE: IN ANOTHER CAVE! BY SUFFOCATION, WHILE PAINTING THE MONA LISA ON THE WALL WITH THE BLOOD FROM THE LAST DEATH!!!
• Rite 434: Get Mortarion on a date with a Slaaneshi daemon prince(ss), and reveal, he/she/it is a psyker, and SURVIIVE!! HARDMODE get he/she/it to reveal his/her/its dick to him.
• Rite 435: Complete this fucking crossword puzzle I got in the paper today.
• Rite 436: Build a MechaPenis onto your power armour.
• Rite 437: Watch the Koro-Sensei Death Scene and ONLY cry for 5 minutes, or less.
• Rite 444: Eat 100 White Cathedral burgers with everything without getting up to take a shit.
• Rite 445: Suit up completely, including placing the helmet firmly onto your head and turn off your armor's ventilation except for air recycling systems. Do not remove your helmet under any circumstances until told to do so.
• Rite 446: Watch Zoolander, and drink a shot of tequila whenever something stupid happens. Survive the ensuing alcohol poisoning.
• Rite 447: Laugh at Yuuki's death in SAO2, the Cry yourself to sleep for watching SAO and SAO2.
• Rite 448: Listen to a full rant about the benefits of socialism, and resist the urge to kill the speaker for their stupidity. HARDMODE: The speaker is also an extremist vegan supremacist.
• Rite 449: Do the dishes.
• Rite 450: Clean the floors.
• Rite 451: Reload all Grey Knights bolters mid combat. HARDMODE: Without them noticing.
• Rite 452: Be the best. HARDMODE: Be better.
• Rite 453: Steal a Jeanstealer's pants.
• Rite 454: Delete the entire "The 666 Rituals of Detestation" after looking through it, and rewrite all 666 Rites from memory.
• Rite 455: Resist asking the Grandmaster why you have to do so many fucktarded trials. Again.
• Rite 456: Become the god of the new world!!
• Rite 457: Charge a horde of tyranids while wearing a shrub on your head with a pre-unification bolt rifle yelling BANZI!!. HARDMODE: Somehow survive.
• Rite 458: Call out Ragnar Blackmane for his mary sue level plot armour
• Rite 459: Come on bro its just one drink.
• Rite 460: Go down to the local mechanicum and get some groceries.
• Rite 461: Shoot a bullet with a smaller bullet from a slingshot...riding a horse...backwards while blindfolded... onehanded.
• Rite 462: Uncover the true face of the male harleyquin called H2O delerious.
• Rite 463: Play catch with the corpse emperor, without the emperor noticing.
• Rite 464: Out twitter debate Donald trump.
• Rite 465: Create a likeable and well recieved meme to the public.
• Rite 466: Destroy said meme as the only happiness pure enough is the light of the emperor.
• Rite 467: Scare batman to the point of convulsive urination.
• Rite 468: stare at your own asshole without the aid of mirrors.
• Rite 469: Saden the joker to such a depressive state he does not laugh up until his suicide which you orchestrated you heartless bastard.
• Rite 470: Become a perpetual and die anyway.
• Rite 487: Be balanced in Dawn of War - Soulstorm, even if a Chaplain is attached to your squad.
• Rite 488: Find and permanently kill SCP-682. HARDMODE: With something that it has already adapted too.
• Rite 489: Make an Angry Marine happy.
• Rite 490: Watch anime until you realize its trash and so are you.
• Rite 491: Learn the many intricacies of pasta making only to inevitably default back to Spaghetti boiled in garlic water with store bought meatballs and slightly spicy sausage.
• Rite 500: Internal Rite error.
• Rite 501: Read and understand the entire Blame! comic in one sitting. Without coffee, you pansy.
• Rite 502: Take a Dreadknight. Take off the power generator. Move it with your raw manliness ONLY. HARDMODE: Do not ask an ork or Kamina how.
• Rite 503: Same as 502, but replacing the Dreadknight with a Warhound Titan. HARDMODE: Replace it with an Imperator Titan.
• Rite 504: Combine a Imperator titan with an Emperor-class battleship an turn them the biggest Titan EVAR. With your raw manliness. HARDMODE: The orks, Kamina and even Leeron are out of the question.
• Rite 505: Convince a Tau Firewarrior to become a capitalist after he gets out of the military.
• Rite 506: Capture all four Chaos Gods. HARDMODE: With a sharp stick.
• Rite 507: Go to Holy Terra and sacrifice the four Gods to revive the Emperor.
• Rite 508: Kill the Emperor.
• Rite 509: Think about what you've just done. HARDMODE: Make a member of Britain's Tory Party think about what they have done.
• Rite 510: Find Abaddon.
• Rite 511: Teach him how to win wars. HARDMODE: Make sure he still doesn't fail. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: Make sure he wins a black crusade.
• Rite 512: Give him AIDS.
• Rite 513: Punch him into the head with a Daemonhammer.
• Rite 514: Banish him into the warp.
• Rite 515: Eat half a fudgesicle in one bite and survive.
• Rite 516: Kick High Ecclesiarch Brennan up the arse. HARDMODE: Convince him you didn't.
• Rite 517: Close the pool. HARDMODE: Do this without pissing in it.
• Rite 518: Reopen the pool and bless the water.
• Rite 519: Invite Chaos daemons for a friendly swim.
• Rite 520: Use the Super Galaxy Dai-Gurren to destroy a daemon world.
• Rite 521: Join the Classy Marines and act ungentlemanly.
• Rite 522: Prove your mental acuity by stopping an Orkish WAAAAGH using conversation and no less than six graphs.
• Rite 523: Prove your mental acuity by re-inciting said WAAAGH against Chaos.
• Rite 524: Beat Chakan the Forever Man in one sitting. HARDMODE: Enjoy playing it.
• Rite 525: Rebis Dungeon. Find him and kill him. If another aspirant has already done the good deed, defile the corpse.
• Rite 526: Teach an Ork proper English.
• Rite 527: Kill him 'cause he is a filthy xenos.
• Rite 528: Decipher Lil' Orphan Anne's secret message with your decoder pin.
• Rite 529: Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.
• Rite 530: Watch the following films on drugs and not freak the fuck out: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Lucy, Full Metal Jacket and Doctor Strange.
• Rite 531: Participate in a /k/ innawoods summer challenge, and complete all objectives in European Extreme Mode.
• Rite 532: Actually play a game of Rifts.
• Rite 533: Find and reattach Abaddon's lost arms.
• Rite 534: Steal Abaddon's arms.
• Rite 535: Prove you have a will to live by escaping the planet before Exterminatus. HARD MODE: You only have 10 seconds.
• Rite 536: Eat your Khorne Flakes every morning. Do not succumb to the whispers of Chaos.
• Rite 537: Convince a Feminist that they aren't oppressed. HARD MODE: Without threatening Exterminatus on their entire way of life while doing so.
• Rite 538: Beat Doom Eternal without getting hit once or missing a single shot.
• Rite 539: Murder all the villains in a grimdark hentai. HARDMODE: Resist the advances of any women you rescue.
• Rite 540: Rip Griffith's hair off and shove it down his throat.
• Rite 546: Fuck a hive queen.
• Rite 547: Do the Kessel Run in 11 Parsecs.
• Rite 548: Slam a revolving Administratum building door.
• Rite 549: Become a blank.
• Rite 550: Get possessed anyway.
• Rite 551: drown the daemon that possess you. HARDMODE: Teach it to swim then drown it anyway.
• Rite 552: Play a game of hide and seek against a Callidus Assassin and win. HARDMODE: Blindfolded. SUPER HARDMODE: With your legs and feet bound. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: In under 5 minutes.
• Rite 566: Try to enrage Bob Ross to the point of violence and profanity. HARDMODE: Ensure that in his next painting, he doesn't stick a log cabin in the middle of it.
• Rite 567: Beat Lightning McQueen in a footrace
• Rite 568: Climb a wall of dicks. Without ropes or hooks.
• Rite 569: Catch the double bitch before he jumps over the candle-sniffing fuckfence.
• Rite 570: Out-swear an Angry Marine.
• Rite 571: Survive 30 Angry-Marine Bombs. In the middle of an Exterminatus HARD MODE: With no Power Armor on, while arm wrestling Doombreed. And win.
• Rite 572: Take a Power Chair to the face.
• Rite 573: Travel by map.
• Rite 574: Go on live television and say you believe in men's rights. HARDMODE: Do this on BBC News.
• Rite 575: Discover what happened to the 2 lost primarchs.
• Rite 576: Tell everyone.
• Rite 577: Convince everyone.
• Rite 578: Survive incoming exterminatus from the Inquisistion.
• Rite 579: Sensually suckle the emperors let big toe. HARDMODE: Without the custodians knowing. SUPER HARDMODE: Without the emperor knowing. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: There is no requirement to do anything else for this task, I just wanted to say that this could well happen in an Ian Watson novel.
• Rite 580: Drown a fish.
• Rite 581: Drown a different fish while it is being burned to death.
• Rite 582: Steal another aspirents fish and beat him with it. HARDMODE perform the previous two Rites on the stolen fish.
• Rite 583: Regenerate 13 times. HARDMODE: Support the BBC's agenda by regenerating into the opposite sex.
• Rite 584: Locate the time traveler known as the doctor.
• Rite 585: Shake his hand.
• Rite 586: Break his hand.
• Rite 587: Kick his ass.
• Rite 588: Steal the type 40 TT capsule known as the tardis, go back in time and kill your grandfather. HARDMODE: survive the ensuing paradox.
• Rite 589: Infect Madagascar. HARDMODE: Do it after they CLOSE. FUCKING. EVERYTHING.
• Rite 590: Eat spinach, then DO THE IMPOSSIBLE... in a way that is harmful to Chaos.
• Rite 591: Cause at least every second Grey Knight member with whom you have become acquainted to lose the game.
• Rite 592: Make love not war. Then make some war.
• Rite 593: Go to Disney World.
• Rite 594: Destroy Disney World.
• Rite 595: Rescue Matt Ward's soul from the chaotic Warp vortex that the last aspirant cast him into. Find a different Warp vortex and throw him into it.
• Rite 596: Get an anime fan to do a drinking game for every flashback in Naruto and another for every flashback in One Piece and see who passes out first.
• Rite 597: CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY.
• Rite 598: Piledrive a Hive Tyrant.
• Rite 599: Convince a Chaos Cultist to kill himself because of how annoying his voice is.
• Rite 600: Find the Baneblade you used to run over Quesado and clean every trace of his vile existence from it
• Rite 601: Cure the cancer that is killing /b/. HAHA! YOU ARE TEH CANCER THAT IS KILLING /b/!!!
• Rite 602: Road trip!
• Rite 603: DO IT FAGGOT!
• Rite 604: Learn what they were thinking.
• Rite 605: Watch every season of Whose Line is it Anyway? without laughing once.
• Rite 606: Here's a storm shield. BLOCK THAT EXTERMINATUS!
• Rite 607: Return Patrick Bateman's video tapes for him.
• Rite 608: Get a more impressive personalized business card than Paul Allen.
• Rite 609: Introduce your brother Grey Knights to the works of Huey Lewis and the News. HARDMODE: Don't let them roll you up into a carpet and throw you into the atmosphere of Jupiter afterward.
• Rite 610: Mindfuck a psyker. Manually.
• Rite 611: Bring sexy back.
• Rite 612: Be aware of the current location and activities of C. S. Goto, and take no action.
• Rite 613: Reread all the works of C. S. Goto and resist the urge to equip yourself with a multilaser.
• Rite 614: Become a major share holder in Games Workshop.
• Rite 615: Use your influence as a share holder to steer the company off its current path of evil.
• Rite 616: Convince a Sister of Battle to play a game of battleshits with you.
• Rite 617: An American band is coming to your town. Help it party down.
• Rite 618: Watch any movie with Christopher Walken in it and not even THINK that any scene involving him is awesome. HARDMODE: Do this while watching Communion.
• Rite 619: Win a ladder match for the custody of your son against Eddie Guerrero. HARDMODE: Do it with your underpants around your ankles. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: Win custody of your son from your wife.
• Rite 620: Add more cowbell.
• Rite 621: Hear the name "Chaos Lord Metallica von Freebird" without even cracking a grin. I DID IT!
• Rite 622: Yes.
• Rite 623: No.
• Rite 624: Watch every episode of Seinfeld and enjoy it. Without drugs.
• Rite 625: Count to infinity.
• Rite 626: Divide what you've counted by zero.
• Rite 627: Present results to Chaos.
• Rite 628: Find the abomination known as Fred and cut his head off with Thunder Hammer.
• Rite 629: Complete Excalibur's 1000 provisions.
• Rite 630: Interrupt Commissar Fuklaw's speech and survive. HARDMODE:Fuklaw must be equipped with a working Volcano cannon and must be in command of an Imperator class titan when he tries to execute you.
• Rite 631: Bury Excalibur in concrete so somebody can did him out later.
• Rite 632: Learn to cut through metal with blunt objects.
• Rite 633: Find a codex written by Mathew Ward and write a good version of it.
• Rite 634: Kill a Fire Warrior by catch a shot from Pulse Rifle out of the arrow and kill throwing it back at him.
• Rite 635: Slay an overused Meme.
• Rite 636: Add an item to the Emperor's To-Do List without him realizing it.
• Rite 637: Help the Emperor complete the item you added to his To-Do List.
• Rite 638: Write your own name in Death Note and survive.
• Rite 639: Get a harem of women far more powerful than you could ever hope to become lusting after you and turn them lose on the enemies of man, and make sure they aren't the type that can fall to Chaos.
• Rite 640: Defeat a Dalek in ham to ham combat.
• Rite 641: Steal the Dalek's time machine and a random rite you've completed from happening and then complete it again.
• Rite 642: Beat Khârn at checkers (the game must be played through to the end, and event that forces the game to end prior to this is a loss for you).
• Rite 643: Perform a rendition of "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston before a Canoness of the Adeptus Sororitas.
• Rite 643: Teabag the corpse of Rouboutte Guilliman. HARDMODE: Do it now he is revived. UBERHARDMODE: Without him noticing. SUPERUBERHARDMODE: Kill him again and then teabag said new corpse.
• Rite 644: Single handedly defend the polar fortress of Macragge from a tyranid invasion.
• Rite 645: Crash a stormraven into an Imperator Titan whilst giving the Princeps the middle finger and playing 'Flight of the Valkyires'.
• Rite 646: Buy a Pizza.
• Rite 647: Eat the Pizza.
• Rite 648: Don't lose count of what rite you're on.
• Rite ???: FUCK.
• Rite 649: Achieve true stealth.
• Rite 650: Notice that rite 649 is missing.
• Rite 651: Punch Lorgar in the face, just like the Emperor would. But faster.
• Rite 652: Want candy.
• Rite 653: Nuke from orbit.
• Rite 654: Tell a small child called Luke that you are not his father.
• Rite 655: Join the Grey Knights' secret inner-inner circle- The knights who say 'Ni!'
• Rite 656: Ride Boris the Titan into battle.
• Rite 657: Walk on water.
• Rite 658: Complete Halo: Reach on MYTHIC...alone...without dying once. HARDMODE: While that musclebound female She-ra kicks you repeatedly in the balls. C-C-C-COMBO: Enjoy it, and convince the inquisitor you didn't fall to Slaanesh.
• Rite 659: Tank shock gretchin with a Battlebarge.
• Rite 660: Survive HUGS TIEM with the Unyuufex. Then kill that abomination.
• Rite 661: Make a fortress on Dwarf Fortress that survives this many years, EXTRA CREDIT: start with no skills on a goblin tower OR start with 100+ cats and never put a cat in a cage or intentionally kill a cat.
• Rite 662: Survive the Vortex of Total Perspective and remain sane.
• Rite 663: Punch out an Angry Marine.
• Rite 664: Name every rite completed beforehand, the method for doing so, and every minute detail involved. HARDMODE: Say it all backwards. WAY OF THE NIOH MODE: Say it backwards three times fast.
• Rite 665: Rinse (your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher).
• Rite 666: Repeat.

Make a checklist of all of the aforementioned items. If you score 100 or higher, CONGRATULATIONS! We don't give a shit!

(extra points for fixing the fuck load of gaps in the list)

Archived Thread