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| {{heresy}}[[Image:Failaddon.jpg|thumb|right|He has no arms.]]
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| [[Image:1226670366859.jpg|thumb|right|Or does he?]]
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| '''Ezekyle Abaddon''', known as '''Abaddon the Despoiler''' to the people of [[Warhammer 40,000]] and '''Failbaddon the Armless''' or '''Failbaddon the Harmless''' to the people of the fanbase, is [[Horus]]' successor as [[Chaos Lord|leader]] of the [[Black Legion]] and Warmaster of [[Chaos]]. He is renowned as the single greatest threat to the [[Imperium]] in the galaxy. This says more about the Imperium than Abaddon as his [[rage|raging]] [[FAIL|incompetence]] is now well known; he has launched thirteen consecutive [[Black Crusade]]s against the Imperium, every one of which has [[FAIL|failed]] miserably (by all we mean an overwhelming majority of 12/13). As is well known, the ruinous powers don't tolerate failure from their servants, which is why Failbaddon has been <s>turned into a mindless [[chaos spawn]]</s> rewarded with the mark of every [[Chaos Gods|Chaos God]]. Wait what?
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| ==Overview==
| | {{WTF}} |
| [[Image:Abaddon.jpg|thumb|left|Failbaddon failed his crusade for change]] | | {{heresy}} |
| During the [[Great Crusade]], Ezekyle Abaddon was the First Captain of the Luna Wolves/Sons of Horus, and Horus Lupercal's right hand man. Like most legionaries, he had a father/son relationship with his [[Primarch]], but it extended further with Abaddon looking at Horus <strike> as a friend with benefits </strike>like a god. When Horus was wounded on Davin, Abaddon agreed to First Chaplain [[Erebus]]'s idea that they heal Horus at the Serpent Lodge. When Horus came back corrupted by Chaos, Abaddon didn't notice a thing and was corrupted along with his Primarch, gladly following him into the [[Horus Heresy]]. When Horus was killed by the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]], Abaddon, panicking, ordered the Sons of Horus to retreat, earning the hatred of the other Traitor Legions.
| | [[image:csgoto.jpg|thumb| Police sketch.]] |
| | You are reading the 1d4chan article for '''C.S. Goto''', and this pleases him. |
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| After [[Fabius Bile]] made a clone of Horus, Abaddon became enraged and ordered the Sons to attack the [[Emperor's Children]], destroying the clone and Horus's body. After this, Abaddon, suffering great hatred for his mentor, declared himself the new Warmaster of Chaos and renamed the Sons of Horus the Black Legion, ordering them to paint their armour black and expunge the memory of the "failure" from their name (in a vain attempt to try and remove the stain of Abaddon's flight at Terra).
| | Cassern Sebastian Goto is a <s> Demon prince of [[Tzeentch]]</s> <s> [[Nurgle]]</s> black, Irish leper Daemon Prince of [[Tzeentch]] [[Khorne]] [[Slaanesh]], who is one of [[/tg/|/tg/'s]] most beloved [[Black Library]] authors. If you think that the aforementioned title is nonsensical, here's the reason. Slaanesh got so happy reading Eldar torture scenes so he got daemonned by him/her/hermie, Khorne got pissed off by that, but Khorne likes that so he got Daemonned, and Tzeentch loved the troll, so he got daemonned.His books contain plenty of [[Eldar]] torture scenes, and also completely disregard most [[Warhammer 40,000]] [[canon]]. Most likely because they are actually recycled versions of his old movie scripts (rejected by all studios with at least as much sense of self-preservation as a retarded lemming – i.e., all of them) from fifteen years ago, with just some names changed (this pleases him). |
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| Abaddon somewhat fulfills the role of your typical, Saturday-morning cartoon villain, like Dr. Robotnik from Sonic or Dr. Wily from Megaman: He comes up with some extremely diabolical plan to take over the galaxy/planet, but ends up getting foiled by the hero EVERY fucking time, the only difference is that this is has an obscene amount of [[grimdark]] to make his defeat somewhat awesome. Despite this however, the [[High Lords of Terra]] still fear Abaddon as he might unite all of the [[Chaos Space Marines|traitor legions]] in a single attack that would destroy all of the Imperium......but with his inability to get shit done correctly, [[Angron]], [[Cypher]], [[Ahzek Ahriman]], and a half-a-dozen-or-so nameless Chaos Lords are more likely to get this done than Failbaddon. Even [[Bale]] gets more done, even though he's too busy shouting about [[METAL BOXES]] and our favourite sorceror.
| | * [[Multilasers]], anyone? |
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| [[Image:SkullCrusher.jpg|thumb|right|A fan of Zoomjap it seems. And look where it got him, armless and failures galore!]]
| | * Oh yea. And Eldar. It's fucking CANON that the Aspect Warriors don't own their armor (except Exarchs, but '''theirs doesn't come off''') and return it to the Aspect Shrine when they grow too much sense to play dress-up kung-fu ninjas anymore. Goto had several Eldar keeping the helmets they wore as Aspect Warriors like some sort of fucking souvenir. And they all worship [[Slaanesh]], including the entire Ulthwe Seer Council and [[Eldrad]] himself. |
| He also has a model in the [[Warhammer 40k|tabletop game]]. <s>It eats everything in front of it in close combat faster than an obese guy would eat his McDonald's supersized meal.</s>Oh goddammit. Though after you watch this model go down in a single round to a couple of trigger-happy Tau Broadsides, it won't be fun anymore. Fucking railguns. Even more embarrassing is when he somehow manages to get murdered by a Crisis Suit in close combat. Seriously. Or loses all of his wounds to an unlucky series of Invulnerable saves when facing down any competently-done Tzeentchian Chaos Lord, who kills Abaddon for about half his points cost, [[just as planned]].
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| His 7th Black Crusade was technically a "success" because he set his goal very very low this time, he basically freaked out Cadia with the threat of a massive invasion but was actually no more than a couple of skirmish runs on certain cities. Ohh yeah and he massacred an unknown number of marines from the [[Blood Angels]], but mostly it was to do with the fact he got an army of Khornate Berzerkers to fuck the Blood Angels over. Success is in quotes because even sending a whole crusade to target a single chapter is sad, especially when the chapter's still around at the end so yeah, it's still a failure by long-term accounts. The closest thing he can come to success is really just like those evil guys in cartoons who just laugh evilly and say "I have won!" even though all they've managed to do is take over Wyoming or become the mayor of CWCVille or something.
| | * Or D-Cannons? The things teleport chunks out of the target (looks kind of like Looney Toons-style swiss cheese production, but messier). The retard had them fire '''bullets'''. |
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| His 5th Black Crusade was also technically a success since it managed to wipe out 2 Space Marine chapters, but only with the help of [[Doombreed]], the second angriest daemon entity in the universe. However all ''he'' managed to do was burn a city down, which isn't really that much of a feat since there isn't a Chaos Champion who hasn't burned some kind of major populace down either. However, the greatest victory he has even achieved, and the most competent action of his life was basically pointing Kharn in a direction and letting kill everything in his path.
| | * Or [[Craftworld|Biel-Tan's]] Avatar? Apparently he hasn't had his Wailing Doom sword for the past 3,000 years. And is dead. |
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| He also enjoys calling Horus a weakling and a fool, which is ironic, because Horus actually came close to killing the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprah]] and caused the biggest heresy in Imperial history, whereas Abaddon has barely managed to take [[Cadia]], which is step one to getting any fleet of value out of the Eye of Terror, all the more hilarious considering a single Waaagh! lead by Warboss Tuska Daemon-killa managed to force the Cadian blockade to get inside the Eye of Terror in order to stomp some Daemon Worlds. <span style='color:green;font-size:115%'> Even more dead 'ard factz proovin' dat da orkz iz da best, an' even da runtiest o' boyz can krump anyfing lotz more betta den any o' dem spikey boyz can! WAAAGH!!! </span>
| | * Everyone knows that [[Terminator]]s, wearing the ridiculously heavy armour that they do, are perfectly capable of performing backflips, right? No, not right, fucking stupid. |
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| To his credit, Abaddon is a hilariously destructive force on the tabletop - between his Daemon Sword, Combined Chaos Mark, and Talon of Horus rules, there are very few units in the TT game which can go toe-to-toe with Abaddon and hope to come out on top. Truthfully, most forces lack entire ''squads'' that can do much more than offer him more than a token resistance. He can be [[Tarpit]]ted, but even this isn't guaranteed - his balls-out toughness and sheer volume of attacks if you roll well means he will mulch through formations in a turn or two at the most by himself. In terms of origins, Drachn'yen (his Daemon Sword) is an heir-apparent to Archaon's extremely bad-ass weapon, the Slayer of Kings. If Abaddon gets near something, that something is going to wind up [[FATAL|raped]] in a matter of seconds. So, copy his statline into your homebrew Chaos Lord. <span style='color:green;font-size:115%'>And then Zogwort turns him into a Squig. Yeah. This has happened. It was tears-of-joy-worthy hilarious.</span>
| | * [[Land Raider]]s. They can transform into [[Razorback]]s now. (They also change back in under a page and a half.) |
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| As a note of mockery, his full name is Ezekyle Abaddon. Oh, nice GW. Ezekiel, as in the Prophet Ezekiel, Abaddon as in that demon in the Bible. Ha. Ha.
| | * You know that Dawn of War book he wrote? Apparently, during Winter Assault, [[Sturnn]] got to the titan first and met a company of blood ravens who claimed there was a webway gate buried underneath. Oh and the [[Ultramarines]] [[Sturnn]] escorted? [[derp|They were the Alpha Legion in disguise]]. Fucking Stupid. |
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| There's an ongoing betting pool on which Chaos Lord or Sorcerer is finally going to have enough of Abaddon's shit and [[Sindri]] Abaddon so someone more-competent can take command. Given Abaddon's progress and number of failures, it's entirely possible he'll be turned into a Chaos Spawn and.. '''WAIT OH GO--GRABLAAWRASDAFGSFDH'''
| | * [[Khorne|Khornate]] Sorcerer. ('''[[Rage|RRRRAAAAGGGGEEEE!!!!]]''') |
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| Ahem, as the previous writer was saying.. and save every single stripe of Chaos the trouble of putting a few dozen Daemon weapon strikes into the douche. Most bets are on Eliphas the Inheritor, a revived Araghast the Pillager, a certain random Tzeentchian Lord, [[Dranon]] of the Word Bearers, or Huron Blackheart of the Red Corsairs.
| | * 180 pages of describing the gory (and non-canon) death of [[Taldeer]] (who is now a novice Farseer from Biel-Tan instead of a veteran from Ulthwe) during the events of Winter Assault. The resulting torture scenes rival Matt Ward for his sexist snuff obsessions. |
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| Also, it is tacitly known that Doombreed > Abaddon. Mostly because he actually succeeded during a Black Crusade and wiped out 2 chapters completely, unlike Abaddon who couldn't even do one. Fitting, considering that Doombreed, being the most ancient Daemon Prince of Khorne, is stronger than all the Daemon Primarchs combined, <s>and perhaps stronger than the Empra himself!! </s> This would be true if the Emprah didn't banish Doombreed by simply telling him to fuck off and go back to the warp. <-- Word.
| | While similar accusations might be fairly leveled at almost any [[Black Library]] author, instead of the usual once-per-book or once-per-chapter, or even just once, against Goto you can count one for every page on average (sometimes more). |
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| ==Miserable Failure? Or Greatest of Trolls?==
| | He is also the only Black Library writer to ever be so much of a pussy to try excusing himself with "having an artistic license" (which in his definition apparently means he's being free to screw the canon left, right and inside out however it fucking pleases him). He is apparently also a cigar-smoking midget, and rides a motorcycle that pleasures him simultaneously — much like [[Doomrider]] — which pleases him. |
| Abaddon's Black Crusades generally fail due to the same reason - and it is ''always'' the same reason. When a Black Crusade gets going, Abaddon's forces bribe/coerce/intimidate other Chaos forces to accompany them, in a similar manner to an [[Ork]] WAAAAGH!! absorbing other Ork tribes as it gets going and building momentum. Many of the forces Abaddon winds up forcibly conscripting in this manner serve one purpose, and one purpose only - an expendable force of morons whilst Abaddon goes on to accomplish whatever the fuck his objective is. Once he's gotten what he's gone out for, he effectively [[Sindri Myr|SINDRIIIIIII]]s his erstwhile allies and leaves them to rot whilst his forces make off with cargo holds full of slaves, loot, and whatever the fuck else Abaddon was headed out for. This is, again, similar to how Orks operate - as a WAAAAGH!! loses steam, little bits will break off from the main force to do its own shit. Abaddon uses these force castoffs in pretty much the exact same way, using them to keep his enemies busy whilst his forces float back to the Eye of Terror.
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| Whilst Huron Blackheart of the [[Red Corsairs]] uses similar tactics, there's a difference - Huron doesn't abandon his followers to die for no particular reason but the lulz, an advantage which has allowed Huron to garner something precious from his troops: loyalty. It is this reason (amongst others) that many believe that Abaddon's days are numbered if Huron ever gives enough of a shit to go give Abaddon a [[Anal Circumference|stern talking to]].
| | It is also a known fact that [[Matt Ward]] is another pen name for C.S. Goto. (What? You thought the books they wrote were similarly terrible by coincidence?) |
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| Whilst it can be argued that Abaddon's failures are just that - failures - especially when directly measured against the victories of the Thousand Sons during the Obscuras Purging or World Eaters' exploits during the Dominion of Fire - a more adequate description is that he got what he wants and then leaves. In this regard, he kind of serves all the chaos powers at once - his dicking over his allies appeases [[Tzeentch]], the death toll these little raids of his cause appease [[Khorne]], the sheer volume of slaves and plunder they take please [[Slaanesh]], and the destruction left in the wake of their crusades (which often end with virus bombings to cover their tracks) pleases the [[Nurgle|Plaguefather]] greatly.
| | Fortunately, though [[Games Workshop|GW]] demand that anything published through the Black Library be considered canon, they also state that canon doesn't necessarily mean ''true''. The work (in universe) may be written as Imperial propaganda, for example. Or in this case, the real-world fan fiction of a disabled child living in the slums of a hive city. C.S. Goto is not [[Ben Counter]], though he may wish he was. |
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| Though even the staunchest of Abaddon's defenders will point out he's overpriced and that the arms on his model break fucking constantly. And that he generally sucks at extreme long-term planning. Tzeentch must enjoy fucking him over.
| | [[Twilight|Still, it could get worse, just pray to the Emperor that it doesn't.]] |
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| ===Failure no more?===
| | We have recently obtained information on his background confirming that at some point in his life he was butt-hurt by a man in a red robe. Well it's either that or approached by a salesman of these items. |
| In a desperate attempt to restore Abaddon's long gone credibility, the [[Warhammer 40,000 6th edition|latest edition]] of the 40K rule book describes Abaddon's Black Crusades as "''repeated blows to gradually weaken the Imperium as part of a [[Just as planned|greater plan]]''" and "'''Definitely not 13 separate failed attempts to march on Terra''', you would be mad to think that".
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| Thus far their attempts to fix Abaddon's reputation have been met with about as much success as their attempts to fix his arms (See below).
| | Which would explain his near-on obsessive need to fit the words red robe into nearly every paragraph and his desire to rape the established background of 40k. |
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| To elaborate: Abaddon's new plan is something called [[Bloody Path|The Crimson Path]]. The idea is to zerg rush Cadia with enough daemons to overload the Pylon system, and envelop the planet in The Warp. After Cadia falls, he intends to use the same strategy to hopscotch his whole way to Terra, by bringing the Warp to it.
| | ==Gallery== |
| | <gallery> |
| | Image:Multilasers.jpg|This is what C. S. Goto actually believes. |
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| Although this pretty much defeats the entire purpose of controlling the Cadian Gate, that being the only stable means of passage in and out of The Eye of Terror, Games Workshop has again done the literary equivalent of shitting on proper strategy and tactics. Rather than just conquering the planet and then swarming out once he has consolidated his forces, they have Abaddon use a ridiculously costly, painfully slow method of advance that gets kneecapped if any planet holds him off, like what Cadia has done for the past 10 millennia. And it would certainly go belly up if he runs out of chaos space marines, which might happen if he keeps up this war of attrition long enough. It would work out on paper, especially now that the Emprah is too busy dying to really take care of as many of his worshipers as he was once able to; but if he takes Cadia this way, good job, now you just have to find another orifice to crawl out of. This is assuming, of course, that he's not just shooting parts of the eye of terror at the fucking planets, and thus not depending on being able to get in and out of the Eye at will.
| | Image:GOTO_HH.png|Typical Goto heresy - Superb Cover clamped around manure. |
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| This is like trying to finish one Crusade by launching fifteen more each time you take a step forward. But somehow, it's actually working.
| | </gallery> |
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| But by the time he gets to the third planet the Tyranids will have eaten everyone and Abaddon will find Terra stripped to the bone, prompting him to scream in frustration until he gets stabbed by a hundred lictors.
| | ==See Also== |
| | * His website: http://www.csgoto.com/csgotopositions.html |
| | ** Read the interview. He ''KNOWS'' about the Multilasers, and all the stuff we said about him. He reads the pages and forums about him... and it pleases him. Yeah. He is almost an avatar of [[Tzeentch]], [[troll]]ing everything in his way. Well, he would be, except [[Nurgle]] just loves his utterly devastating fluff-corruptive powers. |
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| ===What Really Made Failbaddon?===
| | [[Category:Warhammer 40,000]] |
| Abaddon is clearly conceptualized as one bad motherfucker. He leads the [[Black Legion]], which remains the largest and most coherent warbands of Chaos, he is the one that makes Imperial Commanders quake in their boots, he beats Draigo in one-on-one about 70% of the time, and his minions regularly sack Imperial worlds. So what happened?
| | [[Category:RAGE]] |
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| Fucking Games Workshop happened.
| | [[category:Black Library]] |
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| Despite the fact that they wanted to make a dude who was the magnetic and indomitable personality that managed to get Chaos to get its shit together 13 times, despite the fact he rewrote the book on evil after Horus went down, and despite the fact that he is the #1 threat to the Imperium at large, he's little more than a joke to the fanbase except for when he's in close combat (and even then, depending if the players modeled him with arms or not). 13 failed crusades, and his reputation is victim the the company that's trying to prop him up as a major threat. To save face with their number one "threat", GW has made him moderately more useful on the tabletop since he buffs his army and is slightly stronger, and since 6th ed. was released he's now immune to power swords as well as given a cynical attempt to salvage his reputation.
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| At least they didn't try to retcon anything; even though it probably would have been better as having shown that he did permanent and widespread damage to entire swathes of Imperial space, rather than giving all but about 2 of his crusades as the names of failed campaigns with zero details.
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| Still, there is hope that GW will make him look like a legit threat, with 6th ed. and [[Aaron Dembski-Bowden|ADB]] writing up a series about the Black Legion pretty soon, Abaddon might find some face with each and every fa/tg/uy.
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| ==The "No Arms" meme==
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| [[File:Abaddon's master plan.jpg|250px|right|thumb|His plan from the very beginning]]
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| While the exact origin of why /tg/ continues to depict Abaddon without his arms is unclear, this is partly the story. It all started when some drawfag made a picture of Abaddon painting, being the failure that he is he depicted him without arms and so now he fails in the ability to paint.
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| The other explanation is that [[Creed]] stole them during his invasion of [[Cadia]], probably while doing doughnuts around him in a Baneblade, or it was [[Tzeentch|Just as planned]].
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| Another explanation points to a certain [[Eldrad|dick]], who actually fought Abaddon and defeated him (in a White Dwarf issue where Abaddon was trying to wipe out the Ulthwe Seer Council but was driven off, actually defeated/killed alongside his retinue by Eldrad and his council, but 'teleported to safety'), cutting off both of his arms in the process, which further points to Abaddon's incompetency and lack of arms.
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| But actually, it's mostly due to the fact that his model's arms are fragile and thusly tend to [[RAGE|BREAK ALL THE TIME, FUCK]].
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| Recently, the Abaddon model has been remodeled in Finecast, affixing his [[pauldrons]] to his torso and socketting the arms into them. In other words, GW may have actually solved Abaddon's arm problem. (Nope, the arms still fall off like no tomorrow until the glue dries, especially his Sword arm.) Of course a pin vice would eliminate that problem, but there's no pleasing some people.
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| And with his arm problem solved, Abaddon can go back to (trying to) destroy the Imperium
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| ==Appearance in Chaos Rising==
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| Abaddon makes a brief cameo during any of the endings, who's about to torture Eliphas for his failure to kill the Blood Ravens. For a second, it would appear that he ACTUALLY had arms, but it was later revealed by the camera crew that another Chaos Terminator with a lightning claw was behind Abaddon to act as his arms.
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| ==Appearance in Retribution==
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| Abaddon finally gets his big break in Dawn of War II: Retribution. He appears in the Chaos Campaign and serves no purpose than to screech about killing Kyras. The camera is conveniently positioned and several filters are employed in his portrait to avoid showcasing his lack of arms. This would explain why all he ever does is screech. At one point after Eliphas fails to dispatch of Kyras, Abaddon declares how he will make him suffer. Eliphas, no doubt unaware of his armlessness, bargains for mercy. Realizing that he ''can't'' do anything to him because he has no arms, he quickly lets Eliphas go under the guise that he wants to see him suffer.
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| Nurgle, Khorne, Slaanesh and Tzeentch all collectively went; 'Son, I am disappoint."
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| ...But we all know better than that. And this is because, even with his retinues, Abaddon still could not kill off the Ulthwe Seer Council and a [[Eldrad|certain dick]]. Eliphas has, by this point, brutally murdered the entire Biel-Tan Seer Council with their Farseer by himself. Thus, we come to the obvious conclusion that Eliphas is probably the one who should be running the Black Legion. To be fair, /tg/ has had an ongoing betting pool on which of the Chaos Lords is going to be the first to up and try to [[Sindri Myr|SINDRIIIIII]] him, with the most common executioners listed being Ahriman of the Thousand Sons, Eliphas, and Huron Blackheart.
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| ==Abaddon's 14th Black Crusade==
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| ti;mh
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| (Too important; moved [[Abaddon's 14th Black Crusade|here]].)
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| ==See also==
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| *[[Abaddon at the Therapist]]
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| *[[FAIL]]
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| *[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15590031/] In which, Abaddon becomes a god among men. And this is only the start!
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| *[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=Abaddon+Quest The entire Abaddon Quest archive, read on and laugh hard.]
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| *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_I8FDCrFeUc&feature=player_embedded|The true story of how Abaddon lost his arms.]
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| *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB4Kb2A0o5A Abaddon's epic battle with Eldrad]
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| *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c4-uo9vOSE Failbaddon is no more ;_;]
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| {{Template:Chaos-Marines}}
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| [[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Chaos]][[Category:Space Marines]][[Category:FAIL]] | |
