Cadia

Cadia

Cadia is an Imperial Guard fortress world located within high proximity to the Eye of Terror. Due to large Xenos mobilization, it has become a fortress world and a strategic gem for the Imperium of Man. On another note, that place is a hellhole. Avoid if at all possible. It might be a good vacation spot if you LIKE trenches filled with bodies and tracer fire lighting up your hotel room... on second thought fuck that shit!

The Planet Itself

Fortress. That's the one word that can sum up the planet of Cadia. Since it's close neighbors to those nice boys from across the street, Cadia always needs to be on active defense. All the time you have your Lasgun shouldered and are twitching from a combination of going 47 hours without sleep and being raised to be paranoid as fuck.

As far as geography goes, Cadia holds a temperate climate not unlike the Holy Hiveworld of Terra. 70 percent of its surface are covered in bodies of water, and its landmasses are covered with bodies of guardsmen. Think Yorkshire but with more laser guns and fewer Chinese.

Cadia and you

First, let me start with saying that it sucks to live on Cadia. Oh, you think where you live sucks? Live in a crime infested ghetto or something similar? A couple drive by shootings and a stolen TV are nothing compared to how much it sucks to live on Cadia. Why does it suck you ask? Oh, not much of a reason at all. Just the fact that it's like, six feet away from the Eye of Terror (It also sucks to live there, but for many reasons other than Cadia).

Cadia: A very, very shitty place to live

It just sucks to live on Cadia, period. Yes, there are several manly, redeeming qualities (see below) about the planet, but if you live on Cadia you're too busy replacing the batteries in your flashlight to notice. A short list includes, but is not limited to:

• Being drafted before you can walk, learning to shoot before you can count, and getting thrown in the the meat-grinder (mostly figuratively, sometimes literally) by age 16.
• Marauding bands of Chaos Space Marines and assorted heretics trying to kill you.
• Random WAAAGH!!!s of greenskins trying to kill you.
• Stealthy platoons of Space elves trying to kill you.
• Your own superior officers trying to ki-*BLAM*
• No privacy whatsoever for your entire life.
• Constant fear of death before you reach puberty.
• Superior officers barking orders down your neck for the 10-16 years that you're alive.
• No time to screw around, you're always on duty.
• Heresy cults springing up by the dozen every week.
• Voices keep telling you to ditch the duty and relax.
• The fact that the planet's main export is Soldiers should clue you in.

Seriously, it just sucks to live there, just take my word for it. Avoid prolonged stays on Cadia at all costs.

Redeeming Qualities

Yes it sucks to live on Cadia, sucks beyond all hell, but there are several reasons why it's one of the most awesome places in the Imperium.

The Cadian Shock Troopers

First and foremost, the finest (and perhaps most numerous) breed of the Imperial Guard are born, trained, and live on Cadia. You see the Cadian as the common model for your generic, garden variety guardsmen figurine, and as such they are the most easily recognized. They fight tenaciously for the Empra and die with the same degree of vigor. Manliness is never in short order here on Cadia, making it one of the most awesome planets around.

Their elite troops are the Kaskrins, basically the elite of the elite of the Guard. Only SPESS MEHREENS are better. But the Kasrkin are probably scarier than the Spess Mehreens anyway, because they do about the same on the battlefield, without wearing a concrete wall on every inch of their body and they don't have mini-rocket launcher guns, no, they're just humans with balls of steel, both of which have thier own pair of balls of steel.

Creed

CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!! This article has infiltrated your computer. You just got tactical geniused.

The Place of Lorgar's Enlightenment

Perhaps the greatest reason for Cadia's importance is that it is, in many ways, the birth place of the Horus Heresy. It was on Cadia the forces of the Word Bearers met with Ingethel the Chosen and were inducted to the service of the Great Powers. As such, Cadia holds tremendous idealogical importance for the Champions of Chaos.

Canada?

Some think this is Canada IN SPAAAAAACE where Canadians are too busy dieing to play hockey and drink maple syrup. Which is bullshit since NOTHING gets between a Canadian and its hockey and maple syrup. The eye of terror could easily pass for Quebec though. Its best General and Canada's best general (Ursarkar Creed and Arthur Currie) do bare some resemblance.