Doomrider

This article is awesome. Do not fuck it up.

Doomrider is the Chaos version of Charlie Sheen crossbred with Snowflame. His head burns with his sheer amount of awesome...... And drugs in his system. He does cocaine and every other drug known to the galaxies. Plus other stuff that makes every drug known to man and xenos (combined) look like powdered milk. He is a pretty fun guy to be around just like Kharn. I'm afraid that's all we know. He bangs 700 gram rocks that make Mick Jagger and Keith Richards look like droopy eyed armless children.

Doomrider is an old Warhammer 40,000 Slaaneshi special character that had to be summoned, and would disappear if the player rolled a one on a special die roll at the end of his turn. This could lead to him disappearing on the same turn he was summoned, completely wasting the points spent on him which sucked ass. As for his performance, think of a titan moving like a skimmer that requires the constant blessing of Lady Luck and Admiral Awesome.

He and Warboss Wazdakka Gutsmek fought once, the planet they were on promptly exploded because no planet can contain that much motorcycle related awesome.

The Ballad of Doomrider

"Out of the mists of chaos he rides, bike in his crotch and sword at his side!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom Rider.
Na na, na na.
He fights his own war, takes his own track, If he doesn't bail he might make his points back!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom Rider.
Na na, na na.
Son of Slaanesh, full of desire, He does cocaine and his head's on fire!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom rider.
Na na, na na.
Fights with fury of a dozen men, Spends two turns on the field then he's gone again...
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom Rider.
Na na, na na.
His bike squeals as it ploughs on through the nearest guard, His skull is flaming as his daemon sword gets hard!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom Rider.
Na na, na na.
He's a killer and he's bursting out for fun! Screaming off, now he's gone, someone rolled a one!"

Summoning Ritual

Oh great Lord Slaanesh, send forth your servant, the Daemon Prince Doomrider!

Let our enemies tremble in ruptured awe before his fearsome visage!

Grant them an exquisite death, crushed beneath the flaming wheels of his chromium steed!

Permit them the ecstasy of being slaughtered by Doomrider's throbbing Daemonsword and his pulsating gun of gushing plasma!

Bestow on them one fleeting moment of pleasure as they stare in wonder and orgasmic delight at one of your most divine creations before dying at his hand!

Oh great Lord Slaanesh, for these reasons and many others that tease and titillate our imaginations, we beseech you, send forth your servant, the Daemon Prince Doomrider!

Death

Doomrider's luck would not last forever though...one day Doombreed, greatest of all of Khorne's servants found Doomrider while he was busy wrecking the shit of Fulgrim's Daemon world with Angron, An'ggrath, Kharn, and the other World Eaters. Doombreed found Doomrider filling up his Bike with Cocaine and took the opportunity to chop Doomrider's head off with his giant flaming axe, then he burned his essence into ash with his fire breath and threw the ashes into a Black Hole. And that kiddies, is why Doomrider isn't in the recent Chaos codices.

This editor was found dead several days later, dildos shoved in both of his eye sockets. The only evidence authorities found were traces of cocaine on the body and motorcycle tracks that lead straight into a wall, up it, and then end without explanation.

Anway, the real reason none of us have seen Doomrider for a while is beacuse of his "experiment", which involved him taking EVERY SINGLE DRUG known to sentinet creatures(and quite a few that aren't) in under a minute. It took him three weeks of repeated testing untill he got it under a minute, after which he fell off his bike, blacked out and has spent the last few editions comatose.

Gallery

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  In all his mini greatness.

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  NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA DOOM RIDER

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  Your failure is killing his high.

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  I DO COCAAAAAAAAAINE

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  KEKEKEKEKEYEAAAAAAH

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  Fuckin' DOOMRIDER NA NA NA!

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  Doomrider's stats

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  COOOOOOOCAAAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

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  It's not sure if Love Can Bloom on the battlefield, but COCAINE does.

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  More of cocaine.

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  Rule 63!!

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  You know what DOOMRIDER likes in his coffee dontcha??