General Sturnn

Gritness Incarnated

General Sturnn is the commander of the Cadian 412th Regiment in the Dawn of War: Winter Assault game.

Unlike the other Imperial Generals in the succeeding Dawn of War games, Sturnn is actually old (rather than looking in his early 40s) , and looks like he's been into a fight or ten. He and his Regiment were ordered to secure a Titan Dominatus on Lorn V (that's 5 in roman), left behind when the Planet was lost to Chaos Forces.

The main difference between himself and General Vance Motherfucking Stubbs is that Sturnn got the one thing that separates the Man-General from the Boy-General: Grit. His idea of a Planet beachhead against his super human Chaos worshipers wearing Power Armour opponent is to land with a Commissar and 5 squads of Imperial Guardsmen right on the doorsteps on a Defense Fortress. His choice of tactics might be connected with the fact that since he possesses a gritted, roached out voice, he possibly drinks himself to sleep at night, but that's just how he does things.

He also doesn't feel the need to wear a golden breastplate, have a plasma pistol, Super duper powerclaws, bodyguards, optical bionics, Over-sized Pauldrons, fancy golden boots or a shiny new cape. He only wears his gritted face, cheap powerclaws, forearm bolter gun and his Medal covered Imperial Guard uniform, which offers good protection against anything, especially against Space Fairy trickery and guile. The sheer amount of medals he has gained gives him about as much armor as a Space Marine Terminator. All of these have been earned from incredible feats of manliness, such as killing an Ork Warboss by beating him to death with his own severed arm, or single handily holding off a Tyranid Hive Fleet while pleasuring three women.

His Manly Grit earned him praises from Space Marines, right after defeating a bunch of Necrons who just woke up and had a bad case of the morning blues, Orks looking for trouble and the Chaos forces on Lorn V.

Some would have you believe that Sturnn died in Winter Assault and the Eldar ending is canon. However, this notion is heresy, and all would would spread such lies should report to their local commissar's immediately for summary execution.

Sadly, he did not make it to Dawn of War:Dark Crusade, being replaced by some snot-nosed Boy-General, who laughably tried to imitate his gritness by finding A SINGLE ARM OF SOME RANDOM TITAN WHICH WAS JUST LYING 5 FEET FROM HIS SUPER SECURE AND OUT OF REACH LANDING ZONE. That General was Named Governor-Militant, if only because Sturnn was elsewhere, possibly busy killing some other enemy of the Imperium of Man with but a glance of his Grit-filled stare.