Grimdark Songwriting

Observing some striking correlations between the songs found in children's movies and the 40K universe, people on /tg/ sometimes adapt these songs to bring out their true grimdark potential.

Disney Adaptations

The most popular segment to be subjected to grimdarkification, Disney songs seem to lend themselves well to the total despair of the 41st millenium.

Pocahontas: Savages

-Part 1-
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
What can you expect
From filthy little xenos?
Their whole disgusting race is like a curse
For them no tears are shed
They're only good when dead
They're vermin, as I said
And worse

[Grey Knights]
They're aliens! Aliens!

[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
They're not even human

[Grey Knights]
Aliens! Aliens!

[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
Astartes to the fore!
They're not like you and me
Which means they must be purged
We must sound the drums of war!

[Inquisitor Ratcliffe+Grey Knights]
They're aliens! Aliens!
Filthy xenos rabble!
Now we sound the drums of war!

[Eldrad]
This is what we feared
With their absurd ambition
The Mon-Keigh only seek to conquer and destroy

[Caerys]
Beneath that armour plate
They only harbour hate

[Aspect Warriors]
Killing them shall be a joy

[Aspect Warriors]
They're savages! Savages!
Their zeal and fervor blinds them
Savages! Savages!

[Caerys]
Killers at the core

[Exarch]
They're a lesser race than us
Which means they can't be trusted

[Eldrad]
We must sound the drums of war

[Aspect Warriors]
They're savages! Savages!
First we deal with this one
Then we sound the drums of war

[Grey Knights]
Aliens! Aliens!

[Brother-Captain]
Let's go kill a few, men!

[Aspect Warriors]
Savages! Savages!

[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
Now it's up to you, men!

[All]
(Aliens) Savages! (Aliens) Savages!
They are lesser creatures!
Now we sound the drums of war!

-Intermission-

[Taldeer]
They're going to kill him at sunrise, Grandmother Wraithbone.

[Grandmother Wraithbone]
You have to stop them!

[Taldeer]
I can't...

[Grandmother Wraithbone]
Child, remember your vision-

[Taldeer]
I was wrong, Grandmother Wraithbone, I followed the wrong path! I feel so lost...

[Taldeer]
The auspex... The spinning arrow...

[Grandmother Wraithbone]
It's the arrow from your vision!

[Taldeer]
I was right, it was pointing to him! Sunrise...

[Grandmother Wraithbone]
It's not too late, child! Let the spirits of the webway guide you! You know your path, child, now follow it!

-Part 2-
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
This will be the day ...
(Let's go men!)

[Eldrad]
This will be the morning ...
(Bring out the prisoner!)

[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
We will see them dying in the dust

[Taldeer]
I don't know what I can do
Still, I know that I must try

[Grey Knights]
Now we make them pay

[Taldeer]
Isha, help my feet to fly

[Rangers]
Now without a warning ...

[Taldeer]
Kurnous, help my heart be great

[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
Now we leave them blood and bone and rust

[Taldeer]
Spirits of the wraithbone cry ...

[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
It's them or us

[Taldeer]
Please don't let it be to late ...

[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
They're just a bunch of
Filthy, stinking

[Grey Knights]
Aliens!

[Aspect Warriors]
Savages!

[Grey Knights]
Daemons!

[Aspect Warriors]
Primates!

[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
Kill them!

[Aspect Warriors]
Savages!

[Grey Knights]
Aliens!

[Inquisitor Ratcliffe+Grey Knights]
What are we waiting for?

[All]
Destroy their evil race
Until there's not a trace left

[Taldeer]
How loud are the drums of war

[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
We will sound the drums of war
(Savages! Savages!)
Now, we sound the drums of war
(Aliens! Aliens!)

[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
They shall all succumb
The rotten xenos scum

[Aspect Warriors]
Now we sound the drums ... of ... war!

[Grey Knights]
Of course it means the drums ... of ... war!

[Taldeer]
Is the death of all I love
Carried in the drumming of war?

[Taldeer]
No! If you kill him, you'll have to kill me too.

[Eldrad]
Daughter, stand back.

[Taldeer]
I won't! I love him...

I Wan'na Be Like You: Jungle Book

Now I'm of caste Ethereal

Oh, a Tau VIP

I've reached the top and had to stop

And that's what botherin' me

I wanna be a man, gue'la

And stroll right onto Terra

And be able to approach the Golden Throne

And end this warring era!

Oh, oobee doo

I wanna be like you

I wanna walk like you

Talk like you, too

You'll see it's true

A xenos like me

Can learn to be humen too

Gee, mister Aun

You're doin' real good

Now here's your part of the deal, cuz

Lay the secret on me of man's psyker powers

But I'm not a psyker!

Now don't try to kid me, gue'la

I made a deal with you

What I desire is man's psychic power

To make my dream come true

Give me the secret, gue'la

Clue me what to do

Give me the power of man's warp flower

So I can be like you

Dreamworks Adaptations

Although less prolific than Disney, some of Dreamworks' titles show great promise.

The Prince of Egypt: Playing with the Big Boys

[Cult Leaders]
By the power of Tzeentch...
Nurgle...Khorne...Slaanesh...Malal...
Magnus...Lorgar...Curze...Angron...
Fulgrim...Khârn...Lucius...Typhus...
Mortarion...Perturabo...
Abaddon...Alpharius...Erebus...Slyte...
Fabius...Ahriman...
Tzeentch...Nurgle...Khorne...Slaanesh...
Magnus...Lorgar...Curze...Angron...
Fulgrim...Khârn...Typhus...Lucius...
Malal...Slaanesh...Khorne...Nurgle...Tzeentch...

So you think you've got friends on High Terra
With the power to put us on the run
Well, forgive us if we give a chortle
You'll know what power is when we are done
Mortal...

You're playing with the daemons now
Playing with the daemons now (Oh, that's nice...)
Every spell and gesture
Tells you who's your master
You're playing with the daemons now

You're playing with the daemons now
You're playing with the daemons now
Stop this vain resistance
Embrace your true existence
Give in to temptation now
Pick up your powerfist, boy
You're playing with the daemons now!

[Chanting Cultists]
By the power of Tzeentch
Nurgle, Khorne, Slaanesh, Malal
Magnus, Lorgar, Curze, Angron
Mortarion, Perturabo
Malal, Slaanesh, Khorne, Nurgle...

[Cult Leaders]
You're playing with the daemons now
You're playing with the daemons now
By the might of Horus
You will kneel before us
Kneel to our splendorous power...
You try to keep faith
But you know we're right
And just to show we feel no spite
You can be our acolyte
But first, boy, it's time to betray
(All the way!)
Or your soul will be consumed, boy
You're playing with the daemons now
Playing with the daemons
Now!

Other Sources

Through random circumstance or creative providence, some songs and poems lend themselves to grimdarking regardless of what media they are tied to.

Queen: Bohemian Rhapsody

Iz dis da real life?
Iz dis jus' fannasy?
Caught in a big push,
No 'scape from reality.
Open ya eyes, Look up at da skies and see,
I's jus' a poor boy, dun need no sympafy,
'Cause I'm big 'n mean, not a grot, chop and smash, shoot a lot,
Any way the waaagh goes doesn't really matter to me, to me.

Warboss, just killed an ork,
Put mah dakka 'gainst 'is 'ead, pulled my trigger, now 'e's dead.
Warboss, waaagh had just begun,
But now I's gone and shot up all ya nobs.
Warboss, ooh, Didn' mean ta make ya mad,
If I's not back again dis time tomorra,
Keep stompin', keep stompin' as if nuffin' really matters.

Too late, I gots shot up,
Sends hurtin' down me spine, body's aching all the time.
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face da troof.
Warboss, ooh, I dun' wanna die,
I sometimes wish I'd never waaaghed at all.

I see a little silhouetto of a beakie,
Zoggin' humies, Zoggin' humies, is it your turn to stomp now?
Thundabolts and Lightnins, very, very fright'ning me.
(Gorkamorka.) Gorkamorka. (Gorkamorka.) Gorkamorka, Gorkamorka Gork n' Mork
Waaaaagh! I's just a poor boy an' nobody loves me.
'E's just a poor boy from a poor goff tribe,
Spare 'im 'is loife from dis monstrosity.
Easy come, easy go, will yas lemme go?
Xenos! No, we will not let you go.
(Let him go!) Xenos! We will not let you go.
(Let him go!) Xenos! We will not let you go.
(Let me go.) Will not let you go.
(Let me go.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(Oh Brother Captain, Brother Captain.) Bruvva Kaptin, lemme go.
Da Commissar 'as a boltgun put aside for me, for me, for me.

So you fink you can shoot me and spit in my eye?
So you fink you can curse me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can't do dis to me, baby,
Jus' gonna get out, jus' gotta get stompin' again!

Nuffin' really matters, Anyone can see,
Nuffin' really matters,
Nuffin' really matters to me.

Any way the waaagh goes.

Robert Browning: My Last Duchess

   That's my last adjutant painted on the wall, 

   Looking as if she were alive. I call 

   That piece a wonder, now: The Confessor 

   Worked busily that day, and there she stands. 

   Will't please you sit and look at her? I said 

   Confessor by design, for never read 

   Strangers like you that pictured countenance, 

   The depth and passion of its earnest glance, 

   But to myself they turned (since none puts by 

   The curtain I have drawn for you, but I) 

   And seemed as they would ask me, if they durst, 

   How such a glance came there; so not the first 

   Are you to turn and ask thus. Sir, 'twas not 

   My orders only, called that eager spot, 

   Of joy into her pallid cheek; perhaps 

   A Guardsman chanced to say "She wears her cap 

   Askew, as it please her," or "Prayer 

   Must never hope to match a lock of her hair 

   Taken from her head": such stuff 

   Was unacceptable, I thought, and cause enough 

   For flagellation (she did not). She had 

   An attitude - how shall I say - relaxed 

   Too easily beguiled; she listened to anything 

   She looked on, and her ears heard many things. 

   Sir, 'twas all one! Morning prayers, arrests, 

   The whispers of the Dark Gods in her breast, 

   The impious jibes some vulgar soldier 

   Would throw her way, unaware of her 

   Position and my power. All and each 

   would draw from her alike the approving speech, 

   Or an ear at least. She took confession - good - but prayed 

   Somehow - I know how now - as if her faith was any other jade. 

   A heretic. Who'd stoop to blame 

   This sort of crime? Even had you time 

   For a trial - which I had not - for heretic slime 

   And to say she burns, and to say "Just This 

   Is your fair fate, you lying bitch, 

   Traitor to the Emperor" - and if she let 

   Herself be lessoned so, nor plainly set 

   Her wits to yours, forsooth, and made excuse, 

   - E'en then would be some stooping, and I choose 

   Never to stoop. Oh sir, she prayed, no doubt, 

   On every feast, but which gods blessed without 

   Those same prayers? This became clear. I made commands. 

   Then prayers turned into screams. There she stands, 

   As if alive. Will't please you rise? We'll meet 

   The Governor below, then. I repeat, 

   The Inquisition's munificence 

   Is ample warrant that no just pretence 

   Of confession will be disallowed; 

   Though to find heresy, as I avowed, 

   At starting, is my object. Nay, we'll go 

   Together down, sir. Notice this seal, though, 

   The skull and I, together as you see, 

   Which gives certain... powers to me. 

Charlie Daniels Band: The Devil Went Down to Georgia

The daemon went down to Terra,
He was looking for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind 'cos he was way behind: he was willin' to make a deal.
When he came across this young man chainswordin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot.
And the daemon jumped upon a hickory stump and said: "Boy, let me you what:"
"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too."
"And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you."
"Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the daemon his due:"
"I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you."
The boy said: "Mah nahme's Boreale ahnd it might be ah sin,"
"But Ah'll take yooouuur bet, yoouugghhrr gonna regrort, 'cos Ah'm the best thawt's ever beahn."

Boreale, rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard,
'Cause hellwarp's broke loose in Georgia and Tzeentch deals the cards.
And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold.
But if you lose, the daemon gets your soul.

The daemon opened up his case and he said, "I'll start this show."
And blue fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow.
And he pulled the bow across the strings and it made an evil hiss.
Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded somethin' like this:
When the daemon finished, Boreale said,
"Worl, you're prehtty guud, oorrld sawn,"
"But sit dorn in that cheer rigghht ther and let me show you whore it's dorne"

Fire on the monolith.
Run, boys, run
Slaanesh in the House of the Rising Sun.
Squiqs in the bread pan pickin' out dough.
Granny, does your cyberdog bite?
No, child, no.

The daemon bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.
And he laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Boreale's feet.
Boreale said, "Daemon, just cuhm on baahhck if you ever wahnt to trah agahin."
"'Cause Ah told you once, you son of a grot,"
"Ah'm the best that's evah bihn."

External Links

• [http://youtube.com/watch?v=RSu4hOLYrXk - Video of Pocahontas: Savages]
• [http://youtube.com/watch?v=7VFvtNF6ScA - Video of The Prince of Egypt: Playing with the Big Boys (German). Someone find a proper English video with the right footage.]
• [http://youtube.com/watch?v=irp8CNj9qBI - Video of Queen: Bohemian Rhapsody]
• [http://youtube.com/watch?v=5wON8-glDb0 - Video of Robert Browning's poem My Last Duchess]