Matthew Ward

This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail. Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

Behold, the great beast has come, destroyer of verisimilitude.

Matthew Ward (Commonly known as Matt Ward) is a writer working for GW, as well as the world's single largest Ultrasmurfs fanboy.

There are few things so capable of inflicting apocalyptic rage in the 40k community writ large as this man. He is as hated by Space Marine players as much as he is loathed by Chaos Marine players. Necrons are terrified that he may be the one in charge of their update. He is as reviled by Tyranid and Imperial Guard players as he is despised by Tau and Dark Eldar. Orks, Eldar, and other factions of the 41st Millenium may normally wish nothing but to murder each other into oblivion, but the one thing virtually all will unite upon is their blinding fucking hate of Matt Ward, a burning rage so potent that it would give an Angry Marine pause.

Take C. S. Goto and give him carte blanche to play with the setting of the 41st millenium. You now know why Matt Ward is hated.

Actually - Nix that. Read Ward's shit long enough and you can't even see too much wrong with Goto. I mean, he seems like he's trying to keep things in context, he's just very confused about it and happens to write one word when he meant another. Plus he's got maybe a bit of an ego, sure, but Goto seems more like a newfag who refuses to admit he's a newfag, rather than someone who's decided that everyone has to indulge in his stupid fantasies.

Overview and Analysis

There are two things Matt Ward is infamous for: atrocious fluff-writing that induces vomitting and making fucking broken rulesets for armies.

Your classic case of an ascended fanboy; Matt is a stereotypical over-promoted moron who chooses to change things not based on any respect or reverence for the franchise he works for, but rather to reflect his own personal agenda and how he feels things should be. Initially this was primarily what he was known for, but in more recent times he's gotten better with the crunch in exchange for creating fluff so horrifically stupid that it is worthy of C. S. Goto. Note that whilst his work on crunch has improved, he is known to add a bit of brain-igniting retardation here and there just because he sucks that badly.

In essence, /tg/ regards him as a living embodiment of every giant fuck-up Games Workshop has ever made.

Overhyping a single faction to the exclusion of all others, constantly blowing stories so far out of proportion that they lose all context or believability (especially in the face of previous fluff), constantly trying to one-up his last bullshit story with an even-less-believable story, and not really giving a damn about what any of the other players think of what he does, Matt's abuses have been so consistent and numerous that it has caused several posters on /tg/ to say that Matt Ward is the herald of the impending demise of Warhammer 40k - as if he were one of the horsemen of the apocalypse, riding ahead on an endless wave of Space Marine releases that will inexorably alienate every player of every single faction - both those being updated and not - until each give up in disgust and rage and leave the hobby.

In some anti-Ward threads, someone (whom much of /tg/ strongly believes to be Ward himself - and there's considerable evidence to support this theory), has begun claiming that everybody is just hopping on-board a Matt Ward hate-bandwagon. There's even a picture of a bunch of anons riding on a wagon with Ward's face on it, blaming Ward for everything from the Judean People's Front to head lice.

To be fair: It is undeniably true that /tg/ hates Ward so much that most of us are willing to blame anything on him - the man is basically Satan to every fa/tg/uy who used to love the 40k fluff. However, the fact that the defender(s) of Ward are referring to the hate of Matt Ward as "bandwagoning" is extremely telling - how widely-hated does a man have to be, and how deeply-loathed before people feel the need to identify themselves as non-conformist groups of Matt Ward Not-Haters? The answer, of course, is obvious to anyone browsing /tg/: at this time, there are no remaining Ward sympathizers; at best there are indifferent/neutral parties who have accepted Ward's various crimes and who hope to move on with their lives and start families some day.

For an accurate, if satirical portrait of the man, examine Who Watches Them?

Gallery of Disaster

Artist's rendition of the Ultramarines honouring their True Spirtual Liege. Also: Proof that Rawbutt Girlyman was a transvestite.

Below is an ongoing list of Matt Ward's considerable fucktardedness in a concise, easy-to-read format. Feel free to add further examples...

• Responsible for the Warhammer Fantasy Battles Daemon Codex, which is considered by most players to be the single most game-breaking army list in WHFB history. Matt purportedly set the codex up to be this cheese specifically because he felt Daemons should just be awesome like that. Completely shattered the general game balance and is largely considered the reason he's not allowed to write codexes for WHFB anymore.

• Responsible for widely-ridiculed and openly-despised Fifth Edition verison of Codex: Space Marines, which is basically a Codex full of Ultramarines fanfiction. About half of the Fluff and Crunch was centered around the Ultramarines, with the fluffy bits portraying the Ultramarines as second to the Emprah in damned-near all regards, and that all Space Marines view Roboute Guilliman as their spiritual liege. Even in the face of their own Primarchs. Any who don't are clearly deviants on their way out, no matter how they outnumber the Ultramarines. In some cases, certain special characters are "rumored" to rival (if not exceed) the motherfucking Emperor's power. Did we mention that Matt Ward plays Ultramarines?

• Responsible for the equally-ridiculed and openly-despised Fifth Edition release of Codex: Blood Angels, which brought us the cheese of deep-striking Land Raiders and Flying Librarian Dreadnoughts, both two of the most absolutely broken things ever put to tabletop, and proof that Games Workshop hasn't learned a fucking thing from the WHFB Daemon Codex disaster. The resulting bullshit from this Codex has made players nostalgic for when Necron march of doom and Fish of Fury were the extent of their problems. Don't worry though, he ruined the fluff, too: He's also responsible for the fluff in the aforementioned Codex that has caused /tg/ to announce that the Blood Angels and Necrons are totally Super Secret Pony Princess Unicorn Best Friends Forever, seeing as how Matt Ward depicts the two factions teaming up to take down the Tyranids and then peacefully parting ways afterwards.

His Taint Spreads

We feel his pain. :(

As of February 27, 2011, he was known to be writing the Grey Knights codex. /tg/ cringed in horror.

One big question about writing this codex was, if the Ultramarines (his favorite chapter) are already the best out there and their fluff is overdone to the point of enciting Khorne Berserker-esque rage from Reasonable Marines, how the hell is Matt going to write about the Grey Knights, a chapter that is literally, in canon, the best of the fucking best?

A bit of leaked fluff gave us the answer: he'll do it like the total fucking asshole that he is.

Gray Knights roam around carving their names in the daemon hearts of daemon primarchs, an act unthinkable until Matt Ward said that it was done. They burned down the gardens of Nurgle, killed Greater Daemons on their own turf, and destroyed Daemon Worlds. All in the warp.

He also undid 10+ years of canon in stating that Grey Knights armies can take Daemonhosts, which are daemonically-possessed individuals capable of using extremely powerful psychic powers. Formerly these units were the exclusive property of Radical Inquisitors (and the only real advantage they had to be perfectly frank), and Grey Knights rather notoriously had nothing but hatred for these creatures. Making things all the more fun, Matt removed Daemonhunters as Allies and Inducted Force rules - ergo ensuring that Daemonhunter armies that relied on not-Grey Knights were left with no choice but to buy all-new models or go for dramatically-weaker force compositions.

Oh, and there's also Khornate Knights, which kind of deserves its own entry.

And then he gave them fucking space-monkeys called Jokearo. Oh, and Grey Knights have no problems with Radical Inquisitors using Daemon Weapons now. Additionally gone is the "reasons that the Ordo Malleus may fight this faction" list, which was well-suited to lighter games and for those setting up campaigns, furthering the meme that the entire new Codex was nothing more than an "I Win at Everything Forever" tournament-level army list.

Finally, he gave them Exosuits after watching the climax to Aliens. Even the Tau winced and looked away in horror. Which, when combined with his utter disregard for previous editions wording on entries about the personal teleporter (unit type becomes jump infantry) means at least a few wankers will be trying to cite the teleporter Dreadknight, blathering on about RAW, as jump infantry for purposes of cramming it in a Stormraven. Complete. Fucking. Bullshit.

That sound you heard was your brain shifting without the clutch. Like everything Matt Ward produces, it's stupid, ignorant, makes no sense, and gives a giant "go fuck yourself" to the WH40K community: Meaning it's exactly what we've all come to expect out of Matt "I'm a Giant Faggot" Ward.

Sadly, it wasn't just the fluff. The crunch is nearly as bad.

Grey Knight Marines that, at twenty points a pop, are nearly triple the cost-effectveness of any other marines. Feel No Pain on two-wound Terminators. Commanders out-CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED-ing Creed and being able to scout d3 units as opposed to one. Rad Grenades which reduce the defending squad's toughness by one for the round, and which are factored for instant death, unlike any other toughness-affecting items (Mark of Nurgle for example), basically guaranteeing that a GK unit wins combat in most circumstances.

Also, this imbecile made available wargear for thwarting Plasma weapons, since that was apparently "too good" against Terminators for Matt Ward. Bearing in mind that Imperial factions make up a sizable portion of 50% or so of the playerbase (Chaos, Space Marines, Imperial Guard, etc), the effect of this item also covers Tau plasma weapons, which means the usual means for popping high-value jackasses like Terminators with Crisis Suits no longer is viable. Further, the text doesn't specifically state whether or not it affects weapons other than the obvious Plasma Pistol/Rifle/Cannon options - after all, plasma isn't a rules-specific quality of a weapon like Melta - meaning that the effect could theoretically apply to Tyranid Bio-Plasma and roughly 75% of the Tau arsenal, including but not limited to: Pulse Rifles, Pulse Carbines, Burst Cannons...

Regardless of what weapons get affected, the result is the same - the unit with the Plasma Syphon and any allied unit within 12" treats all plasma shots fired at it/them as if they were BS1, ergo making Plasma weapons virtually useless - even spammy ones like the Leman Russ Executioner - against a solid Grey Knight list, and removing what is otherwise one of the few tried-and-proven weapons to counter Terminators from consideration. To put that in perspective, you may reasonably expect a Grey Knight with this to be able to survive a shot from a Stormblade. The entire force comprises units that pack Force Weapons, ergo guaranteeing that armies that rely on big, scary, multi-wound models are at a complete disadvantage.

TL;DR: The only armies consistently able to beat the new army list are mass-heavy armies (Orks, Guard), ones loaded with Poison (Dark Eldar) and other Grey Knights.

The Damning Evidence

Still not convinced that Matt Ward needs to be stopped? Just turn to page 48 in your copy of Codex: Space Marines and read the title you find at the top of the page:

The Zeist Campaign

That's right. Matt Ward put a reference to Highlander 2: The Quickening into the Space Marines codex. That's how much he hates you. Hate him back.

Trivia

Matt Ward in his fortress of solitude, jerking off to Ultramarines Porn.

• He is believed to be the pen-name of C. S. Goto. You didn't think his works were this bad by coincidence, did you?
• /tg/ has an ongoing betting pool on how long it's going to be before some enraged Neckbeard tries to kill him. Hopefully, it won't be long now, and someone reduces this fucktard into a pile of steaming gore.
• Long-time Ultramarines players affiliated with Games Workshop, such as Matt Hudson, reportedly strongly disagreed with Matt Ward's fanboyism and tried to stop it, to no avail.
• /tg/ also has an ongoing betting pool on whether or not the would-be assassin will, in fact, be an Ultramarines player (who didn't play the UM because of the "Spiritual Liege"), enraged by what Matt Ward caused.
• Ergo Matt Hudson has 2:1 odds on being Matt Ward's assassin.
• He has thus far destroyed every single codex whose fluff he has touched, and often left ridiculously-imbalanced shit in its wake. Should the new Grey Knights Codex be as bullshit as Codex: Blood Angels was, Matt Ward will thus far be 4 for 4 in making books unilaterally loathed by the community. Nevermind, Matt Ward is universally hated now.
• His name, "Matthew," is spelled with two of the letter 't'. This is because the 't' stands for "terrible".
• Matt Ward is actually a writhing pile of maggots hidden in a suit of human skin. The maggots lay eggs in the food around the Games Workshop offices, and when they hatch the tiny creatures burrow straight into the brains of anyone unfortunate enough to have eaten them. This is why he still has a job writing codices.
• He regularly prowls /tg/, acting as the one guy in every thread rolling in a sea of hatred for Matt Ward who will actually take the time to defend Matt Ward. Normally, he is spotted and recognized instantly by every other poster.
• Matt Ward's office contains a wall of posters declaring his greatness to himself. See picture at right.
• In a decade, Matt Ward will have delusions of grandeur so large he will actually write himself into the fluff as the reincarnated Emperor. This will be what finally makes all the races of 40k unite in the face of such unspeakable evil. With luck, this will finally get GW to stop letting him write shit, retconn EVERYTHING he wrote out of existence, issue an order that anyone who starts to follow that path again will be fired, and perhaps move the plot along.
• He has also managed to fuck up growing facial hair.
• Has managed to strike terror into the soulless Necron forces by being rumored to be in charge of writing their codex.
• Some speculate that Matt Ward's rampant faggatory will be the catalyst for change in the WH40K universe, where his horrid 'dex writing skills will eventually affect GW's profits and the board of directors will eventually boot his fat ass off the company and GW will then start making WH40K awesome again by re-writing the codices Ward ruined for the better and actually progressing the storyline to attract the old crowd again. Another is that the board of directors will still ignore him and WH40K will eventually degrade into a Ultramarinehammer 40K and 99% of it's playerbase will quit the damn game, leaving WH40K to rot and be but another obscure tabletop game that's played for nostalgia's sake.
• GAMES WORKSHOP, LISTEN TO YOUR SWEATY NECKBEARD CUSTOMERS: GET. RID. OF. MATT. WARD.

TL;DR

Matthew Ward is made of skub and derp, wrote four Codices which are all rightfully skub, and Geims Werkshoop appears to have no intention of stopping him, which is strange considering that even the ever necrotic GW board of directors should have noticed that their profits and fanbase have been slightly going down since Matt Ward came in. HOW DARE YOU COMPARE SKUB AND WARD!? How dare you soil the image of Derp?!

Gallery of Fail

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  Matt Ward masturbates furiously to this every single night.

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  The most broken army list in 40k to date.

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  This Marine has the right idea.

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  THIS PLEASES HIM

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  Coming to a Codex near you.

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  This is believed to be true.

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  Actual Grey Knight unit.

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  Spiritual Liege.