Reasonable Marines

A /tg/ chapter, the Reasonable Marines are what Space Marines would be if 40K was less grimdark, the Imperium was a benevolent governmental body, Tau were happy Koreans and Abaddon was competent. They wear camouflaged power armor, fight using careful tactics that make heavy use of cover, and are the epitome of practicality. They also seek to avoid combat whenever possible and are adept diplomats. However, in its own way, being clever badass can be even cooler than balls out badass.

They're one of the legions with the lost Primarchs, their primarch currently wandering around dazed and confused in an alternate reality where he is known as Jean Luc Picard.

There is an awesome painting tutorial of them on the internet now! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdpFgmLEfRk&feature=g-u-u&context=G29931dfFUAAAAAAABAA

Synopsis

++Reason begets doubt, doubt begets heresy.
Heresy begets retribution.
Imperial Thought for the Day.++

Stealth Tactics

‎A Rather Content Marine you might say Reasonable Marines operate with efficiency. They fulfill their orders and fight valorously and without hesitation, unless they see a more sensible solution that can fulfill the same goals. They always prefer to force a surrender rather than routing the enemy, and take prisoners to interrogate them humanely and use as bargaining chips. It's not so much that they don't like to fight as it is that they're not bloodthirsty - they understand that fighting puts their own in harm's way and is detrimental to their cause due to its great expense.

Seeking vision without prejudice, yet understanding that this ideal may be unattainable, the most important thing to them is to successfully serve the true interests of the Imperium. If this involves negotiating with or even protecting xenos, then that is what they will do. For this they have earned, among many nicknames, the Star Trek marines.

Heroism and a thirst for glory are frowned upon in their ranks, as they are wasteful of personnel and other resources, and perpetuate the conflict. They wish to create a stable end to the war with mankind in a comfortable and free position. Victory is their goal only insofar as a civilization vanquished in this conflict is sure to be subjugated or annihilated.

In battle, they employ sophisticated and highly coordinated group tactics not commonly associated with normal space marines. Their armor is painted to blend into their environment in order to limit visibility (maybe camouflaged in multiple spectra so that, for example, their heat signature is harder to detect). No matter how cool it looks, a Reasonable Marine still needs to request permission from their commanding officer to carry nonstandard equipment into battle, and must justify this in a way that demonstrates its effectiveness in combat.

One of their mottoes is Sun-Tzu's saying, "For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill", which is actually pretty fucking long for a motto.

As such, they're super happy sunshine puppy best friends with the Tau since they are the only other faction who have the word "Reasonable" in their dictionaries. It doesn't mean they haven't come to blows, mind you, since there are a few occasions where there are things too vital to give to another. However it can be guaranteed that the Reasonable Marines would attempt to pacify them with as little killing as possible to minimize future aggressions.

Tactics

Typical Reasonable Marine camouflage for desert and scrubland operations.

If Reasonable Marines were to be considered an actual Marine faction, they would quickly become one of the most infamous for rage inducing as their approach to war in the 41st millennium is radically different than the typical Wardian space marine chapter. Seeking to always operate at utmost efficiency, minimizing casualties and avoid pyrrhic victories, Reasonable Marines aren't likely to even pop their heads up until the odds are in their favor.

Favoring a ridiculously mechanized approach to protect their own, chances are somebody who proves stubborn enough to force Reasonable Marines into combat would find themselves being bombarded from orbit for days on end. In this example, consider a force more prone to reason like Imperial Guard, Tau or Eldar. The following siege strategies don't apply to more heavily armored foes like Chaos Marines, Necrons or even other Space Marine chapters. If the opponent in question persists, they'll be carpet bombed endlessly by waves of Stormraven gunships, aiming to force a surrender while simultaneously providing a distraction for initial drop pods to seed scouts and devastators in their territory . If that doesn't work, that's when things begin to get ugly.

Operating under the confusion of constant bombardments and propaganda drops, the Reasonable Scouts would act as pathfinders for the Devastators. Digging in to key positions, the sniper fire begins, killing commanders and high ranking officers to further increase the the chaos and confusion amongst the ranks. A final, orchestrated bombardment of dozens of krak and frag missiles courtesy of Devastator squads topples defenses and shatters the morale, at least if things go according to plan. If the enemy's commanders have evaded assassination and continue to rally their troops to the cause, the Reasonable Marines engage in one final show of force.

Dozens of Land Raiders and Predators are deployed, now free to move ahead free of high-risk scenarios. Rolling up at the opponent's front door, heavy vox systems broadcast final warnings.

It is here they are given an ultimatum - surrender and resolve things diplomatically, or be pacified.

If this fails to work, the action begins. Infiltrated squads of Tactical Marines storm the enemy, subduing them under a hail of shock bolts, stun grenades, and taking officers prisoner. More prisoners are taken off to be brought up to the Reasonable Marine ships to serve as bargaining chips while tanks below deploy hydro-cannons with intensely freezing waters to pacify infantry and use traditional weaponry to pick apart enemy armor formations. Tech Marines scurry back and forth erecting defenses and surface-to-air missile silos in case of enemy reinforcements. What cannot be captured or fortified, is destroyed with maximum efficiency and a minimum of fuss. At this point, it is merely a question of wearing the opponent out.

Even in the heat of battle, Reasonable Marines cleave to their principles and creed. You will not see chainswords or power weapons being brandished within the ranks of these Astartes. Assault Marines are clad in riot gear and equipped solely with shock mauls and stun grenades to apply a reasonable degree of force necessary to force violent brawlers into submission. In times where the enemy knows no reason such as the Tyranids or more fanatical factions of Chaos Marines such as the Word Bearers, these troopers wield traditional weaponry with full intention to kill off threats. A few of the commanders considered extreme and naively optimistic even in the eyes of the other Reasonable Captains have been trying to find ways to reason with the Necrons after initial shocking - and absurd - reports were confirmed of Blood Angels actually managing to ally with them.

Relations to Other Races

Given the Reasonable Marine's radically different outlook on the galaxy they wage war in, it's not too surprising that the traditional dispositions the Space Marines possess are also radically different. This isn't necessarily a good thing for them, however, as the realm of 40k isn't one that is particularly enamored towards reason. Outside of their own systems, the Reasonable Marines are painted as a threat to the Imperium by the High lords of Terra and Inquisition, who fear that such reason coupled with the iconic might and position of an astartes chapter could quickly bring about another mass heresy. Thus, in a twist of fate, the Reasonable Marines are treated as a traitorus extremus group and find themselves in conflict with the rest of the Imperium almost more often than the alien or heretic. Relations with the other Space Marine chapters are generally unstable, but still a step up from the Inquisition and Imperial Guard forces.

Imperial Forces

The Inquisition- The two factions abhor one another, seeing the other as a taint to what the Imperium should rightfully be. The Reasonable Marines find clashes with the Inquisition particularly unpleasant and generally stay out of their way, though they share a common hatred of demons and the pervasive warp, and in turn the Inquisition is happy to make sure the rest of the Imperium is largely ignorant of the chapter's existence. The Grey Knights, however, have shown remarkable reasonableness for operating alien devices in their all-out fight against daeminkind, thus both the reasonable marines and the knights have each earned each others' grudging respect and tolerance.

Clashes with the Inquisition mostly occur in the form of the Sisters of Battle whenever one steps on the others toes. With a particular disgust towards the Sisters overzealous and often vicious approach to dealing with conceived 'problems', it is not uncommon for Reasonable Marine raiding forces to crash an Adeptus Sororitus purge they deem "overkill" . In these scenarios, the Marines act more as a rescue party, rounding up as many of the purge's targets and retreat to judge them in a more civilized manner or even occasionally rehabilitate the intended targets. Asides from the Traitor Marine Legions, Imperial forces attacking civilians are the only human force the Marines will bring all traditional lethal weaponry to bear against.

Imperial Guard- The Reasonable Marine's relations to the Imperial Guard is colorful, to say the very least. While relatively quick to ally with one another, it is never too long before the two factions command structures begin to butt heads with one another over some breach in rank or protocol. The Imperial Guard is generally the more reluctant of the two when it comes to buddying up, mainly because contact with the Reasonable Marines always end with swathes of men attempting to defect to the Marines. Commissars have an unusual tendency to flare up the normally calm and reserved Reasonable Marines with their approach to treating guardsmen. This results in headaches for everyone as clashes between Marines and Commissars are inevitable and generates a plethora of paperwork.

When the Guard and Reasonable Marines go to war against one another, the result is a war of attrition that rages on until one of the sides goes "Fuck it", takes his ball and goes home. It is also an example of how the Reasonable Marine's reason can sometimes do more harm than good as on their side they put great effort into minimizing casualties among the Guard. When coupled with propaganda, this causes a fair portion of the Guard to hesitate in fighting their fellow loyalists (and as mentioned earlier causes plenty of defects and treason in the process). However, it also causes another large portion of the Guard to attack with greater ferocity, knowing their foe is reluctant to engage with full force. Both forces boast massive manpower, but the difference in tactics means either side can often come out triumphant. The biggest danger to any Guard force going up against the Reasonable Marines is their tendency to mix mind games and diplomacy, as the Marines opt to try and turn the whole IG Force against its leaders or sometimes even talk the whole entire division into switching allegiances. Utilizing Commissars to reinforce the chain of command often ends up doing more harm than good as the Marines are quick to play up the average Guardsman's resentment of such authority figures.

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Space Marines

Like the Imperial Guard, the Reasonable Marines relations with the other chapters vary widely. However, recorded incidents of Reasonable Marines engaging other Loyalist Marines are unpleasantly common. Indeed, the Reasonable Marines have not forgotten the kinship they ought to still share with the other Chapters, and harbor a particular bitterness towards fighting them. In these cases, the adversity arise not so much out of pure hate as many of the Chapters are aware of them and skeptical of the Inquisition's propaganda. It arises in conflicting goals. While some Chapters team up with the Reasonable Marines just as often as they fight them, others are wholly incompatible with them.

Black Templars-- Like the Sisters of Battle, the Black Templar's zealotry and lust for violence is too much for the Reasonable Marines. Coupled with their massive legions of soldiers, the Reasonable Marines outright avoid contact with the group unless forced to due to matters of importance or during extraordinary circumstances.

Blood Angels- The Reasonable Marines frown upon the Blood Angels, considering them more like beasts than Space Marines. Given the unstable nature of their geneseed defects, and their borderline psychopathic affinity for close combat, Reasonable Marines seldom deal with the Angels. However, this opinion is conflicting as some captains have become fascinated by stories of the Chapter somehow managing to ally and part peacefully with the Necrons: a foe the Reasonable Marines long believed to be wholly unreasonable. Such interest is discouraged however by more senior battle-brothers in the Chapter.

Dark Angels - The Reasonable Marines are distrustful of the Dark Angels, not beyond working with them, but far from accepting. While the Reasonable Marines are no stranger to being scrutinized as treasonous, the Dark Angels show a sort of morbid love in persecuting threats to their credibility. Such behavior means they have something to hide, and the Reasonable Marines keep their distance, especially out of caution that the Dark Angels might lash out under the belief that they could by some chance be similar to the Fallen or worse; harbor some of them- which given the way the Reasonable Marines recruit, does not help dispel these suspicions.

Imperial Fists- The Reasonable Marines have no problems with the Imperial Fists and find great value in their defensive capabilities. In times where relations are smooth, it isn't uncommon for the two to collaborate in exchanging knowledge about the others' combat specialization. They still have their occasional disagreements, but they are often brief and usually resolved peacefully.

Raven Guard - While the Reasonable Marines consider the Raven Guard fierce rivals in the aspect of covert ops and tactics, this is also the same reason the Reasonable Marines respect the Raven Guard, and they often go to great lengths to stay up to speed with their tacticians. The Reasonable Marines still get in scrapes with the Raven Guard, but more often than not, in a more competitive manner than truly aggressive. However, on the rare occasion that the two chapters do get locked in conflict, it results in painstakingly long, lethal guerrilla campaigns fought almost entirely beyond the naked eye. It's not uncommon for bystanders to think: "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED" after several city blocks vaporize and life is somehow still going on business as usual. Still, the times where the two share a cause are often enough that the they are more likely to come to the others' aid, than to oppose them, becoming in those times a truly terrifying and utterly lethal alliance to be reckoned with. In this they are a rare example of a friendly rivalry between chapters.

Salamanders- The two could not be of greater opposites in terms of approaches to combat speciality and tactics, but the two chapters share a high regard for prioritizing human lives over destruction of the enemy. This is why they get along very well and will work together easily enough. Conflict does occasionally rise, but they are easily diffused between the like-minded groups.

Space Wolves- Relations with the Space Wolves have not been particularly for the better. Like, at all. Not along the same vein of disaster as Black Templars or Blood Angels, the Reasonable Marines still have never worked well with the Wolves. The two share a common hatred of the Inquisition, so they see eye to eye on at least one topic, and might be all that keeps them from being wholly incompatible. But the Wolves obsession with melee, drunkenness and, well, wolves, doesn't go well with the Reasonable Marine's doctrine. They could ally, but probably under circumstances where they both share a common enemy.

Ultramarines- While the Reasonable Marines are ones who admire enforced tactics and strategies, the Ultramarines and their codex are just another chapter to them, one they are particularly indifferent towards. They are easy enough to get along with and in comparison to some of the other chapters are preferred chapter. But in terms of overall ability, they find the Ultramarines lacking, except in arrogance. The distaste has arisen from several occasions where the two did work together, only for the Ultramarines to take all the credit. Since then, even the Reasonable Scouts view them with a sense of ire.

White Scars- Another chapter the Reasonable Marines are fairly indifferent on, having nowhere near as much contact with them. They find the chapter's hit and run tactics highly effective and do occasionally emulate these tactics with fleets of landspeeders, but ultimately the White Scars have had little history with the Reasonable Marines and there isn't much that can be said the relationship between the two.

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Aliens

Eldar- As with all other forces of the Imperium, the Reasonable Marines are naturally distrustful of the Eldar and more heavy handed on them than other factions they deal with. However, the Chapter has come to accept that it is very possible the Eldar possess knowledge and foresight of events that they do not, and as such give them a bit more leeway and take heed of their warnings. However, the Reasonable Marines refuse to be used as unwitting pawns and do not hesitate to bring force into the equation if there is evidence that they are being treated as an expendable asset (as the Eldar often do when they deal with 'lesser' races). While they generally apply the same ethics they treat all other races with, the Reasonable Marines have often resorted to abducting and taking Farseers, Warlocks, or Autarchs hostage to make it clear that they will not be used.

Orks- The Orks are beyond reason and beyond even the most basic forms of negotiation. As such, the Reasonable Marines have excluded them from the ethical approach to warfare they exhibit with other races. However, the more 'kunnin' orks often give the Marines a challenge in guerrilla warfare and as such dealing with high priority targets like Kommandos are treated with the same sporty enthusiasm they would show when competing with the Raven Guard.

Tyranids- Unlike the Orks, who the Reasonable Marines take a more laid back approach to dealing with them, Tyranids are a considered a top-tier threat. No holds barred- shoot to kill. The sole race that the Reasonable Marines will bring out the flamers to use on, the Chapter will pursue the routing of the Tyranids with such dedication that they are willing to side with almost any other foe long enough to flush them out and destroy them. As creatures with heavily advanced senses and innate psyker abilities that defeat much of their stealth, the Tyranids are the only race that the Marines will abandon their traditional doctrine in favor of a separate codex's worth of tactics; designed specifically to eliminate them.

Tau Empire- While the Reasonable Marines refuse to abandon the Imperium and as such have no intention of joining their Empire, the Tau are often a welcome change of pace for the chapter. The Reasonable Marines are quick to aid the Tau in situations that do not concern the Imperium, and in return the Tau Septs generally co-exist peacefully with the chapter. Trade is common between the worlds of the Chapter, and the Tau, and the Marines are willing to humor the Tau diplomats attempts at swaying them towards the Empire, if halfway to keep them from stepping up their attempts and the other half to keep their own diplomacy skills at their peak. This isn't to say the two haven't had their battles, but compared to any other faction these conflicts are often brief shows of force rather than full fledged warfare. The Reasonable Marine's dealings with the Tau do come at a price, often earning them a black mark against them in Imperial Chapters or Regiments in neighboring systems.

Dark Eldar- It would seem surprising that the Reasonable Marines would employ non-lethal weaponry against many of Commoragh's kabals, but the usage here is for a different reason. The Dark Eldar are perhaps the one of the only races the Chapter holds and embraces a hatred towards that would be recognizable amongst the other loyalist chapters. Here, the Reasonable Marines use their non-lethal weaponry, stealth and diplomatic skills to deprive the pirates of the thrills they seek in their realspace raids. It is not uncommon for the Reasonable Marines to swap over to lethal weaponry should the raiders prove particularly aggressive or sport a clear agenda they intend to fulfill, something even the Reasonable Marines don't mind admitting they look forward to on such occasions.

Necrons- For the longest time the marching hordes of Necrons have been another example of shooting first and not even bothering to ask questions later in the Chapter history. The chapter has always held a particular dislike of the Necrons, if only because they hold them aloft the same threat level as the Tyranids with their baffling technology and seemingly total disdain for all life, not to mention how insanely difficult it is to keep them down. However, this changed once news began cropping up that the Blood Angels (a chapter they long since held with some contempt) actually convinced to ally with them to fight off Tyranids and then peacefully part afterward. Since then, the Reasonable Marines have been in some internal conflict as to whether or not the Necrons need to be reconsidered and more closely investigated. Some amongst the chapter find such a thing absurd, while more hopeful, idealistic members are excited that a race could show potential. Where this will lead the Reasonable Marines is yet to be known. Until then however, the Reasonable Marines devote all their effort and ferocity to combating the stoic machine servants of the Star Gods.

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Chaos

Naturally, it doesn't take much of a genius to realize by now that the Reasonable Marines would never allow Chaos to run rampant. Chaos daemons and the Traitor Legions are treated with the same aggressive and unrelenting effort that any other true loyalist chapter would display. On rare occasions the Traitor Legions have looked the other way in the presence of the Reasonable Marines, perhaps because word spread that they know the Emperor not to be a god or figure of total adoration. Regardless, the Legions pose a grave threat and as such the Reasonable Marines will defend the Imperium accordingly.

The difference however is how the Reasonable Marines handle heresy amongst the people. Cults and rebellions are still persecuted, but with the Chapter's usual use of non-lethal force. With such members rounded up, they are put through therapy and rehabilitation in order to try and restore them to being clean citizens. Freedom of religion is something that they repeatedly bump into in terms of difficulty, however. The subject will continue to be a controversial one, but for the time being, citizens amongst Reasonable Marine Chapter worlds do not have to fear the same retribution for 'thought crimes' delivered in the rest of the Imperium.

Writefaggotry!

Captain Darren of the 3rd Company was one of the most decorated members of the Reasonable Marines for three reasons: He was a supreme executor of reason and logic, he was a formidable warrior, and he had a certain manner about him that put many non-Astartes at ease. He was massive, well over eight feet, but he perpetually wore a rather mild facial expression improved with a slight smile. His eyes invited conversation from those around him, and unlike many Astartes from their brother legions, he did not attempt to tower over those Xeno/Heretics/Imperials that they bothered to talk to. He stood well outside of their personal space, and nodded politely as they talked, only offering his own input when it was necessary.

As such, Captain Darren possessed the honorific "Master of the Deal", essentially meaning that diplomacy was his forte. He excelled at it, and was greatly respected for his record of avoiding bloodshed when other Astartes would have simply engaged in a ferocious battle.

As such, when the Tau attacked the Imperial colony on the planet Teron I, Darren was chosen as the ideal candidate to reason with them. The Imperial forces in the sector were baying for blood, but the Reasonable Marines were in the lead: the Imperial Guard forces of the XIV "Rip and Tear" Doom II (a large planet in the Quake system) regiment had no choice but to defer to the command of the Space Marines.

Arriving on the planet, the Reasonable Marines ordered the XIV Regiment to garrison the drop zone and absolutely refrain from hostilities unless fired upon. Darren himself took a squad of Marines and requested negotiations from the Tau commander, which was accepted. A half-company of Guardsmen led by the Regimental Colonel Voss accompanied him.

Arriving at the designated meeting zone, the Tau Commander was wearing his Crisis Suit and was accompanied by a squad of similarly suited warriors. Darren inclined his head, and extended his hand to the larger figure:

"I am Captain Darren of the Reasonable Marines, and I come in peace." The Guardsmen murmured and grumbled seditiously, and some of the Astartes politely requested they keep quiet.

The Tau Commander was taken aback by Darren’s manner, and looked to his personal bodyguard, who raised an arm in a gesture equivalent to a shrug. “I am Shas’O B’aw, and I welcome you here to Bah’ntowhn, outpost of the Tau Empire.”

Darren smiled graciously, though Colonel Voss’ back stiffened at the presumptuousness of this Xeno. “I respect your claim to this area Shas’O, but I’m afraid this is an Imperial planet. You have to buy term papers for your claims. Have you filed the necessary forms to annex an established area of Imperial space?”

The Tau seemed confused. “No…”

“Well I am here to help you in this regard. While I have the greatest respect for your race’s right to expand space, surely there is no need for aggression in doing so? There are unclaimed planets in the area, it isn’t necessary for you to attack an Imperial planet.”

“Well…”

“I am willing to overlook your intrusion into this area and supply you with anything you need as recompense for the effort it must have taken to control this outpost. I however must request that you leave for now.: if you still desire to take control of this planet I will forward the necessary papers to the local Departmento, which will be forwarded to the system Administratum, which will be forwarded to the Imperial Administratum, and I will have the necessary forms you must sign to request the forms for annexation of an Imperial planet within the decade. Is this acceptable?”

“Gu’ela…you do realize we Tau are not as long-lived as your race, right?”

“I do, and you have my sincere condolences.”

Only a few days later, completely baffled by the willingness of Darren and his Astartes to help at every opportunity, the Tau vacated Teron I and the Reasonable Marines helped rebuild the damage done. The locals were simply thankful further destruction was avoided.

Colonel Voss filed a formal complaint to the local Departmento in regards to what he saw as treason by Darren in bargaining with a Xeno, but was not willing to wait for a response. Accompanied by a company of his men, he challenged Darren to a duel. Darren politely accepted, and offered to make things fair by allowing Voss to choose nine men to assist him during the duel.

There were no survivors. The Reasonable Marines are suckers for such gentlemanly acts of violence.

Campaign Data

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Accessing Reasonable Marine Date Ref. No. 435-CD...
Permission granted. Loading excerpt from "Tales of Imperial Liberation" by Scribe Tedecis.

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When the Warp Storms abated about the Derelis System after three hundred years of isolation, the Imperium's first contact with the primary production world of Derelis II was disheartening. With the taste of freedom on their lips, the ruling Government split away from the Imperium, and demanded the explorator vessels leave immediately under pain of death.

Nearest of Imperial Forces able to mobilize swiftly, the 3rd Company of the Reasonable Marines led by Captain Sensibus (Ref. The Comforting of Colot) dropped out of the warp a scant week later, striking swiftly at the seat of power of Derelis II's primary hive. Before any of the citizenry knew what was occurring, the Astartes had set up an intense negotiation with the rulers, and convinced them through an old planetary law that their succession was invalid.

Parting amiably from the system, the Reasonable Marines stopped to improve space-born defense systems, and promised to return with a nice gift they would pick up from their next campaign.

Upon news of the system's swift re-absorption into the Imperium of Man, Inquisitor Explodor (Ref. The Big Book of 101 Exterminatus Methods) kicked a nearby wall, and was heard to utter "Dangit".

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Thought for the day: I quite like butterflies.

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More Writefaggotry!

"Incoming signal."

"Hail, Eldar. I am Force Commander Spock of the Reasonable Marine Chapter of the Imperial Adeptus Astartes."

"What is your buisness here, Mon'Keigh?"

"We have become aware that this system harbors a Necron Tomb World, a Chaos incursion, an Orkish WAAAGH! and a Dark Eldar army. We are here to cleanse it."

"Your hostility will not be tolerated!"

"We hold no quarrel with you, Farseer. If we keep out of each other's way there's no reason we can't both fight the true threats here. In fact, if we coordinated against the Necrons..."

"I will not be deceived by your clumsy trickery! This system was once ours and it shall be ours again! I HAVE FORESEEN IT!" <end signal>

"Your orders, Commander?"

"Prepare to land on the Necron Tomb world, and inform the Battle Brothers that the Eldar are now targets as well. If we can kill their high-and-mighty Farseer, we might be able to route them back into the Webway without much fighting."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Sir, Tau signals inbound."

"This is wonderful, the Tau are famous for listening to reason, hail them!"

"Greetins Gue'la, this is Shas'Or'es'ka, this system will be made into a sept of the Tau Empire to defend its borders against Gue'la madness. Have you come to join us?"

"If by join us you mean fight side by side against a common enemy then yes. If you would be so kind we could fight the Orkish tide on Kaurava II as one."

"Erm...no I mean become part of the Tau Empire."

"Oh...well...I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Then I must regretfully inform you that we must do battle Gue'la. Prepare the Ar'ka cannon for firing!"<end signal>

"Oh dear...Change of plans, land on Kaurava II and make plans to invade the Nan Yaonoi moonbase and deal with the Orks."

"Commander! Incoming signal from an Imperial Guard regiment!"

"What? Excellent! Now we can..."

"So, you Space Marines think you can just tromp in on your battle-barge and steal the glory of the Imperial Guard, do you?"

"...I..."

"Well we'll show you! I, Vance MOTHERFUCKING Stubbs, declare myself Governor-Militant of this system, and will claim it in the name of the Imperial Guard!" <end signal>

"What just..."

"Brother-Captain, Heretical signals inbound, identified as Fieravious Carron."

"I see your Metal Boxes in orbit! YOU COWARDS! YOU FOOLS! We....we shall take away your metal boxes."<end signal>

"But...."

"Sir incoming Dark Eldar signals."

"Don't Hail the-"

"-Your screams shall satiate our thirsts for pain and pleasure Mon'keigh!"<end signal>

"Ugh...."

"Necron signals inbound."

"Oh come o-"

"You...shall die here....Space Marines....The Deceiver....Grants us strength..."<end signal>

"..."

"My Lord! The Inquisition has arrived in the system!"

"Oh what now..."

"Commander Spock! Don't think we didn't detect you sending a signal to those filthy xenos! ALL IS TAINTED! ALL WILL BE PURGED BY THE FIRES OF THE SISTERS OF BATTLE IN THE NAME OF THE HOLY EMPEROR! <DEAN SCREAM>!" <end signal>

"Sir..."

"WHAT!?!?"

"Ork signals, identifying self as Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'unta."

"WAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! MY BOYZ IZ GONNA KRUMP YA 'UMIE GITZ!!! Ya 'eadz gonna look nice on me pointy stick."<end signal>

"Sir, fellow Astartes signals coming from the Blood Ravens chapter, it's from Brother-Captain Indrick Boreale."

"Yes! Finally someone who will work with us!"

"Heretic! You parlay with xenos! But we are blod rehvens, we are SPEHSS MEHREENS!! Face the rath of multiple, simuhltaneouhs, devahstating, defensive, deep strikes in what the Codex Astartees calls Steehl Rain! We are teh Emprah's Fureh!"<end signal>

"Oh for the love of..."

...

"My Lord?"

"Fuck this shit we are out of here."

= Incoming transmission = 

"Captain Spock, this Captain Steinner of the 1st compnay. Is your company having trouble with cleaning out this system?"

"Yes brother captain, It would seem that every gun is pointed at us and no negotiation is acceptable."

"Then I have good news, I have destroyed all the webway gates in the sector and I have redirected our spare forces... a good 10,000 strong battle brothers, on board the 7 Battle Barges, and a whole legion of Imperator War titans."

"You mean the 1st company is coming here? Titan Legion? 7 Battle Barges? Where did you get all of those?"

"A peaceful agreement with the Cult Mechanicus goes a long way captain, particularly when insert a good deal of fine print. As for the 10,000 Astartes, apparently our influx of recruiting went well last year that our own chapter is swelling with raw brothers itching to test their skills at what our chapter does best..."

"You mean you brought twice the armour for them..."

"Exactly Captain Spock, now, shall we commence another reasoning with them one more? And this time, tell them we have exterminatus capable ships."

"Thank you Brother and the Emperor."

See Also

• Knights Inductor

External links

• http://oldsuptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/graveyard/1009422/ (The original idea)
• http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1470967/ (Discussion on a 40K army that would make players rage turns to Reasonable Marines)