Sisters of Battle

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Thou shalt not refer to the Adepta Sororitas as "Bolter Bitches," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of their "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.

What? U MAD SPESS MAHREEN?

Sisters of Battle are essentially Warhammer 40k's female equivalent of Space Marines, and are warriors devoted to the Emprah. Although they lack the genetic modification of their beefier brethren, they also wear power armour and are armed mainly with the eponymous Bolter. The Sisters of Battle are also known as the "Daughters of the Emperor", and officially as the "Adepta Sororitas", though the Adepta Sororitas refers to their entire organization, while the term Sisters of Battle refers only to their militant branch. They are more colloquially known by players as "Bolter-bitches" or "Nuns with guns".

Overview

The Sisters of Battle are part of the Ecclesiarchy, the religious arm of Imperial government, and often work closely with the Inquisition. They have somewhat of an obsession with the purifying effects of flame, and generally choose equipment that allows them to cover their enemies with as much holy promethium as possible. This philosophy is most obviously exemplified by the Immolator tank, essentially a modified Rhino with giant flamethrowers stuck on it. They also own a giant mobile organ that sprays missiles like a garden hose, yep they do some missile spam too.

The Sisters may or may not be giant pedophiles. They also may or may not be flaming lesbians (Insert Rimshot Here).

Though they are technically a part of the Ecclesiarchy and not the Inquisition, they are more or less the chamber militant of the Ordo Hereticus, much like how the Grey Knights are technically an independant chapter but work with the Ordo Malleus so much that they are more or less its chamber militant.

When compared to the Extremely Experienced and specialized Deathwatch and the Extremely well equipped and Psychic Grey Knights, the Sisters of battle are quite clearly inferior in virtually every way on an individual basis. However, while there are only 3-5,000 or so Grey Knights (strike that, Ward retconned 3/4ths of them out of existence) and an unknown number of Death Watch Space Marines (probably 10,000 or so), there are millions or perhaps tens of millions of Sisters of Battle.

This in addition to the numbers of inquisitorial stormtroopers keeps a firm balance of power between the three branches of the Inquisition as well as between the Departmento Munitorium (Imperial Guard), The Imperial Navy, the Inquisition, the Adeptus Arbites, the Adeptus Mechanicus, the Adeptus Astartes, the Officio Assasinorium, and the Ecclesiarchy as none of the armed orders of the Imperium are able to defeat another.

Sisters Snuff

In 2002 when the Necrons were launched Games Workshop demonstrated the Necrons' awesomeness by having them exterminate a whole convent of Sisters (Sanctuary 101). Games Workshop liked the result so much that they decided the Sisters of Battle should get slaughtered all the time. Unless they are falling to Chaos, obviously. It's notable that the Sisters of Battle tend to get killed and mutilated repeatedly when Matt Ward writes fluff, leading many to ask uncomfortable questions regarding Ward's sexual deviancy that nobody really wants the answers to.

Fa/tg/uys masturbate furiously to fanfics of Sisters engaging in bdsm fetish sex with the likes of servitors, children, Schola Progenium cadets, or even the likes of Nurgle.

Some highlights include:

• A whole Order turned to Chaos by one Slaaneshi Keeper of Secrets.

• A whole Order Mind Controlled by one chaos Psyker.

• A strike force of Celestians and an Inquisitor being killed, cannibalized, and sacrificed by the Sons of Malice Astartes chapter for disturbing their victory rites and falsely accusing the chapter of heresy. (Imperium does nothing......apart from declaring them heretics anyway.)

• A whole Commandery being killed by Flesh Tearers Astartes chapter (who were eating allied milita at the time). (Imperium does nothing.)

• Three whole Orders killed by the Space Wolves Astartes chapter when they try to inquire about that ship full of unarmed priests the Space Wolves shot down earlier. (Imperium does nothing.)

• 99% of sisters in the galaxy vanishing due to to a retcon in the two whole paragraphs of fluff given them by the 5e rulebook.

• A whole shrine-world of Sisters killed by Chaos Dreadnought. Said dread shrugs off meltas, meltabombs and multiple Exorcist volleys, a Living Saint even gives up her divinity to stop it, and fails. It's destroyed instantly when a Marine throws a hammer at it.

• An entire Order of Sisters of the Order of the Sacred Rose dying and ultimately destroying their base and everyone in it, who were sent to the Kaurava Campaign and killed by Vance Motherfucking Stubbs after they refused to fuck off.

• An entire convent of Sisters killed by Grey Knights, their bodies violated and their blood applied to the Grey Knights' armor, so the Grey Knights can be immune to demonic corruption, even though they are were already immune to all forms of demonic corruption, due to the fact that they are the imperium's daemon killers. Unlike a few examples on this list put here for comic effect, this one actually happened; see also: Khornate Knights. Alternatively, this can be viewed as a middle finger at the feminists. God-Emperor knows that those are nothing but trouble.

The Sudden Yet Inevitable Betrayal

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

This article contains something which makes absolutely no logical sense, such as Nazi Zombie Mercenaries, Fucking Space Orangutans, anything written by a certain Irish leper or Robin Crud-ace, or Wizards of the Coast hiring the fucking Pinkertons over a children’s card game. If you proceed, consider yourself warned.

The new sisters codex is terribad incredible decent SKUBTASTIC.

As of August 1, it seems Games Workshop finally decided to attempt to "revamp" the Sisters of Battle, much to the aggravation of about two thirds of the entire Witch Hunters playerbase. It's by no means a horrible update; initial worries on /tg/ suggested it to be akin to a biblical plague in terms of disaster-level, when in truth it's simply sub-average. The Codex Update is written by your SPIRITUAL LIEGE, but with oversight from some GW heavy hitters which has ensured Ward's utter contempt for the Sisters doesn't quite bleed through the fluff. In spite of this, it's squarely in-level with another bad codex update.

For starters, gone are the various special characters that got gobbled up by the Grey Knights during the infamous Ward-related codex update, like Inquisitor Valeria. The Sisters have many of their own special characters now, but a lot of the classics, like Lord Krazypantzoff, are gone now since they're now part of the Grey Knights army list. Also gone are rules for inducted Imperial forces, which were a nice component of many army lists. Immolators took a nasty nerf-bat to the face (they can't fire on the move and have no firepoints now, which makes them basically more-cost-effective Razorback Transports now). Who would have thought that Games Workshop would update an army by nerfing the one model every player had a couple of so that they all have to go out and buy new models? Inquisitorial Stormtroopers are gone as well, and Faith is now randomized, which means that it's much harder to manage in big games. Faith is now, functionally, a game of roulette, with randomized dice rolls deciding how much (if anything at all) you get. Sisters now all have very specific faith powers on a by-squad basis now, and whilst several are powerful, the breakdown means you actually have to vary up your units if you want more variety in them.

Heavy armor in an update? We fucking wish.

Sadly, things were muddled by a spree of fake releases as part of an April Fool's Prank. Original reports of genuinely useful units to offset the loss of the Stormtroopers and inducted forces thus turned out to be false. As of thus far, there's been no reports of new units - so in other words, about a third of the Sisters' armory is now gone without being replaced by anything. The new special characters reportedly are nothing worth getting excited over.

The Sisters carry over a number of Grey Knight units as well, including Death-Cult Assassins, Arco-Flagellants, and Crusaders. There was talk of a new heavy transport/assault vehicle called the Repressor (see image above), but it turned out to be part of the same fucking April Fool's Prank and is still Forgeworld-only (which sucks because it would be an improvement). Sisters Repentia were originally purportedly nerfed, but codex excepts obtained by /tg/ shows that the Repentia now are vastly better, boasting Feel No Pain, a 6+ armor save, Fleet, and double their original number of attacks with a faith act to do more on death - meaning they stand a good chance of fucking up a lot of units they wouldn't before now... So now instead of paying ridiculous prices for a sick joke, you're just paying ridiculous prices for a suicide squad. At least they'll rape shit while they're there now. Progress!

The fluff is very clearly not written by dickface either, since the Sisters in it are portrayed as completely badass, fighting off a Daemonic incursion by themselves without ever needing the Grey Knights to butcher them and turn them into armor paint. One can only imagine how the development meeting for this codex went - because most of /tg/ argues that it had to be hilarious.

In addition to the above problems, GW has declined to re-release or Finecast Sisters of Battle models - indicating that either they're going to take the Dark Eldar route and finally fucking update them for a change, or the Tyranid route and never release models for units that very obviously exist in the fucking codex.

All we can do is brace ourselves and hope to fuck that when a full update hits, it's something worthwhile.

Tactics

The Sisters of Battle employ a costly yet simple tactic whenever they're called out for battle:

1.Bring thousands of sexually deprived Sisters of Battle into the field.
2.Arm them all with Melta and flame-based weapons.
3.Tell them they can shlick to the image of the Emperor if they triumph over the foul enemies of the Imperium. HERESY. *BLAM*
4.Set them loose.
5.If they so win, all remaining Imperial troops, save for the SoBs, are ordered off the field.
6.No other accounts can be heard of, as remembrancers and all other Imperial journalists are sworn to an oath of silence on whatever events transpired.

See Also

• Sisters of Cleaning - a /tg/ created order.

External Links

• suptg archive about Sisters of Battle and pedophilia.

Costume Gallery

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  Sister Shoju

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Gallery

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  They aren't actually this cute.

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  Love Can Bl-- wait.

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  Can't read my, Can't read my, No he cannot read my Purging Face (She's got no one to spare)

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  There are not too many men in Adepta Sororitas so they have to improvise.

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  dum dum dum... dummmm

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  Sisters Repentia are supposed to repent.

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  Not that they are fanatical about it.

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  Cum my sisters!

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  OMNOMNOMNOM

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  Post whenever you need to make a fa/tg/uy rage that he doesn't understand the role and jurisdiction of Commissars.

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  GENESTEALERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. *But they should*

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  Chaos daemons, however, *do* work this way.

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  What is this I don't even

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  Sister in deep trouble.

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  Sisters love delicious xeno shota.

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  The lesser known loli chapter.

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  moar

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  Yes We Can

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  Are we this desperate for recruits?