C.S. Goto

This article contains something which makes absolutely no logical sense, such as Nazi Zombie Mercenaries, Fucking Space Orangutans, anything written by a certain Irish leper or Robin Crud-ace, or Wizards of the Coast hiring the fucking Pinkertons over a children’s card game. If you proceed, consider yourself warned.

Police sketch.

You are reading the 1d4chan article for C.S. Goto, and this pleases him.

Cassern Sebastian Goto is a Demon prince of Tzeentch Nurgle black, Irish leper, who is one of /tg/'s most beloved Black Library authors. His books contain plenty of Eldar torture scenes, and also completely disregard most Warhammer 40,000 canon. Most likely because they are actually recycled versions of his old movie scripts (rejected by all studios with at least as much sense of self-preservation as a retarded lemming – i.e., all of them) from fifteen years ago, with just some names changed (this pleases him).

• Multilasers, anyone?

• Oh yea. And Eldar. It's fucking CANON that the Aspect Warriors don't own their armor (except Exarchs, but theirs doesn't come off) and return it to the Aspect Shrine when they grow too much sense to play dress-up kung-fu ninjas anymore. Goto had several Eldar keeping the helmets they wore as Aspect Warriors like some sort of fucking souvenir. And they all worship Slaanesh, including the entire Ulthwe Seer Council and Eldrad himself.

• Or D-Cannons? The things teleport chunks out of the target (looks kind of like Looney Toons-style swiss cheese production, but messier). The retard had them fire bullets.

• Or Biel-Tan's Avatar? Apparently he hasn't had his Wailing Doom sword for the past 3,000 years. And is dead.

• Everyone knows that Terminators, wearing the ridiculously heavy armour that they do, are perfectly capable of performing backflips, right? No, not right, fucking stupid.

• Land Raiders. They can transform into Razorbacks now. (They also change back in under a page and a half.)

• You know that Dawn of War book he wrote? Apparently, during Winter Assault, Sturnn got to the titan first and met a company of blood ravens who claimed there was a webway gate buried underneath. Oh and the Ultramarines Sturnn escorted? They were the Alpha Legion in disguise. Fucking Stupid.

• Khornate Sorcerer. (RRRRAAAAGGGGEEEE!!!!)

• 180 pages of describing the gory (and non-canon) death of Taldeer (who is now a novice Farseer from Biel-Tan instead of a veteran from Ulthwe) during the events of Winter Assault. The resulting torture scenes rival Matt Ward for his sexist snuff obsessions.

While similar accusations might be fairly leveled at almost any Black Library author, instead of the usual once-per-book or once-per-chapter, or even just once, against Goto you can count one for every page on average (sometimes more).

He is also the only Black Library writer to ever be so much of a pussy to try excusing himself with "having an artistic license" (which in his definition apparently means he's being free to screw the canon left, right and inside out however it fucking pleases him). He is apparently also a cigar-smoking midget, and rides a motorcycle that pleasures him simultaneously — much like Doomrider — which pleases him.

It is also a known fact that Matt Ward is another pen name for C.S. Goto. (What? You thought the books they wrote were similarly terrible by coincidence?)

Fortunately, though GW demand that anything published through the Black Library be considered canon, they also state that canon doesn't necessarily mean true. The work (in universe) may be written as Imperial propaganda, for example. Or in this case, the real-world fan fiction of a disabled child living in the slums of a hive city. C.S. Goto is not Ben Counter, though he may wish he was.

Still, it could get worse, just pray to the Emperor that it doesn't.

We have recently obtained information on his background confirming that at some point in his life he was butt-hurt by a man in a red robe. Well it's either that or approached by a salesman of these items.

Which would explain his near-on obsessive need to fit the words red robe into nearly every paragraph and his desire to rape the established background of 40k.

Gallery

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  This is what C. S. Goto actually believes.

• 

  Typical Goto heresy - Superb Cover clamped around manure.

See Also

• His website: http://www.csgoto.com/csgotopositions.html
  • Read the interview. He KNOWS about the Multilasers, and all the stuff we said about him. He reads the pages and forums about him... and it pleases him. Yeah. He is almost an avatar of Tzeentch, trolling everything in his way. Well, he would be, except Nurgle just loves his utterly devastating fluff-corruptive powers.