Chakat

This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail. Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

If this arouses you, kindly turn your faggot self over to the Ordo Herecticus for cleansing by fire.

In every subculture, there are outcasts.

Even Furries. And that is where Chakona Space, and its resident, the Chakat, come in.

The penultimate creation of deranged mental-patient Bernarde Doove, a notoriously bad writer whose books are reminiscent of the Pinelight series, Chakats are a spacefaring genetically-engineered group of hermaphrodite Mary Sue Telepathic Space Cats that make your average Furry look as reasonable as Reasonable Daemonette. Widely mocked for their race being a group of flagrant Mary Sues, Chakats are an ideal example of a threat to every single internet subculture in existence; as despised by Furries as they are by fa/tg/uys and ca/tg/irls. Whilst they have roughly one-twelfth of one percent (and that's being generous) the exposure any other spacefaring subculture of any other existing universe, from Star Wars to the the 41st Millenium, fans, usergroups, and communities keep running into these fucking things, invariably with facepalm-worthy results.

Important Warning

For your own sake, never try looking them up on Google Image Search if you have safe-search off. You have been warned.

Overview

Pair a cat-taur hermaphrodite with the sort of godless "we is superior" fluff provided by the likes of Matt Ward for the Ultramarines, and crank the dial to 11, and you get your average Chakat. Engineered to be perfect survivors and colonizers (according to their creator), they were also engineered to be attractive and psionically gifted with empathetic abilities, making them always able to understand everyone all the time. They are the most psychologically stable race in the universe and they can use their psychic abilities to listen to your thoughts from a solar system away.

They are the strongest physically and for the most part perfect in every single way. Hating them at all makes you a horrible person who, in the eyes of the rest of the world in Chakona Space, should be killed or forced to repent, and not wanting to fuck one makes you a horrible deviant who needs to be cured. By turning you into a Chakat yourself, if need be.

Fucking serious.

Even TVTropes openly acknowledges that they are basically an entire race of Mary Sues.

They prefer to be called by Hermaphroditic pronouns, such as Sie and Hir, but the Commissariat advises you to fuck that noise and grab a fucking gun. If /d/, /tg/, and fchan had a child, the Chakat would be the product of their sweaty lust, and all three would advocate immediate abortion before the abomination had a chance to fester. It is, perhaps, one of the only things in existence that furries and not-furries can agree upon - the Chakats are that fucking bad.

In their native works of fiction, Chakats are festering piles of sexual derangement; they are hermaphrodites, take on multiple mates (of multiple species), and general lend themselves to the most horrifying fetishes the internet has available. They, along with a term that adequately describes most Chakats started as a fan-fic race in Star Trek, and have since moved on into their own universe which is barely different from it (just enough so it can say it's its own setting).

Rather like Maradonia Saga is for bad literature, Chakats represent everything that is foul and disgusting about Furries in general. Incest is rampant, and humans who oppose the likes of the Chakats are a persecuted minority, treated as Terrorists. Some players of Dark Heresy and d20 Modern have staged glorious campaigns around these, in which the Chakats are cast down for the glory of the Imperium.

The Foul Threat

In case it wasn't obvious from the above, Chakats are so bad that even other Furries wish to cause an Exterminatus on them via their mere presence; Cultist-chan wishes she could inspire this kind of rage. The problem is that Chakats (or rather, fans thereof) routinely invade other spacefaring universe RPs and games, bringing with them this awesomesauce new race that they just HAVE to play as.

You don't believe us? You will soon enough.

Whilst Warhammer 40K has not been impervious to their foul attempts (as demonstrated here), the fact that every race in existence hates everyone else has done an amicable job of keeping the spread down. Wargames such as Wing Commander, Star Wars, and so on, however, have not been nearly as fortunate, with small and thriving Chakat cross-over communities in each. When rooted out as the shameless Mary Sues they are, they are often given the same mercy one might give a pedophile or serial rapist, which is, to say, they are handled with the Commissar Fuklaw approach.

If you encounter these deranged psychopaths, you are to finish them off immediately, or failing this, immediately contact the Commissariat, if not the Inquisition. You do not want the infection to spread. Perhaps the most thoroughly infiltrated fandom, however, is Star Trek, with entire websites devoted to nothing but Chakat/Star Trek crossover porn. God save us.

On that note, fucking Bernarde Doove deserves to get brutally and mercilessly beaten up. Goddamn Chakats.

Gallery

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  Wow.

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  Whenever someone asks you why Chakats are tripe, link this image.

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  Would you believe that her "condition" is that she's constantly sexually aroused? (The fact that she has a penis is apparently not a condition)

See Also

• Furry
• FATAL
• Confrontation
• Chakats Meet the Hammer of the Emperor