Dark Angels: Difference between revisions
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|Homeworld = The Rock, originally Caliban | |Homeworld = The Rock, originally Caliban | ||
|Specialty = Hunting the [[Fallen Angels]] | |Specialty = Hunting the [[Fallen Angels]] | ||
|Strength = 1,000{but they are so badass that they can summon their successor chapters to join them to easily form | |Strength = 1,000{but they are so badass that they can summon their successor chapters to join them to easily form 6,000 basically legion level. | ||
|Allegiance = Emperor of Mankind and themselves(Fuck everyone else) | |Allegiance = Emperor of Mankind and themselves(Fuck everyone else) | ||
|Colours = Green, black | |Colours = Green, black | ||
Revision as of 08:13, 26 January 2012
| Dark Angels | ||
|---|---|---|
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| Battle Cry | "Repent! For tomorrow you die!" / "Gotta Catch 'Em All!" | |
| Number | I | |
| Founding | First Founding | |
| Successors of | None | |
| Successor Chapters | Angels of Absolution, Angels of Redemption, Angels of Vengeance, Guardians of the Covenant, Disciples of Caliban | |
| Chapter Master | Azrael | |
| Primarch | Lion El'Jonson | |
| Homeworld | The Rock, originally Caliban | |
| Strength | 1,000{but they are so badass that they can summon their successor chapters to join them to easily form 6,000 basically legion level. | |
| Specialty | Hunting the Fallen Angels | |
| Allegiance | Emperor of Mankind and themselves(Fuck everyone else) | |
| Colours | Green, black | |
The Dark Angels was the first Space Marine Legion to be formed by the Emprah. Their Primarch was Lion El'Jonson a.k.a The Lion. As a result, the Dark Angels are totally gay, their Primarch happening to apparently be named after a homosexual poet. Funnily enough Jonson had written a poem called "The Dark Angel". Another redeeming fact would be he might've dated Oscar Wilde. But seriously who gives a shit if they are gay, everything about space marines is gay if you look at it from the generic perspective, i mean come on how many fans of Warhammer have sex with girls daily? So yeah fuck it Lion El'Jonson's name is gay but he fucks up pretty much all the other primarchs in terms of BAMFNESS!
History
The original Dark Angels had black armour, back in the days of the Corvus pattern helmets. However GW thought 'wow Dark Angels are too badass, fuck they basically own the shit out of every other legion we need to paint them green so they arent as badass.(but for some fucking reason they decided to make the black templars who are basically copy cats of the original Dark Angels) Modern Dark Angels instead use a dark green colour, except for the Deathwing company, which is composed entirely of bone-white Terminators. They were introduced in the Deathwing expansion to 1st edition Space Hulk with a spiffy background story by Bill King.
They also seem to enjoy using monk robes cuz they are secretive and monastic like real templars and as such they wear them on the field of battle, and it looks pretty awesome.
Over a 100 years ago, some planetary ruler insulted Leman Russ and he got all pissy about it. Then Lion ended up killing the leader and Leman was like "Whatchu do that fo' fool?" because he wanted to take the bitch-ass out. And Lion was like "Well i killed him already so FUCK OFF FURRY," despite his furtastic name and his dickish kill-stealing. Leman, never being good with words, reason, or sobriety, megaton punched the Lion. The two of them fought for a day or two, an epic struggle between the most badass primarch master-tactician and hot-blooded, drunk, mentally-unstable, barbarian, quite-storm and drunk rage-tard. Then Leman realizing he sucks started laughing and said "haha i cant kill you' cuz i'm fucking slow and i suck," so the Lion Supermegaton punched Lemen for being such a bitch and he got knocked da fuck out for like 2 days. Leman after waking up a loser, found out that the Dark Angel's took all the hot women on the planet and left 2 days earlier. Poor furries had to masturbate all the way until another solar system were they barbarically raped and pillaged all life on those planets. Them dark angels really know how to piss people off.
In true anime fashion, After Leman regained consciousness and was less-inebriated, the two eventually became best buds and treated it as water under the bridge, but their respective chapters carry on the friendly rivalry, a pair of champions engaging in sacred and non-fatal honor duels whenever the Dark Angels and Space Wolves meet. And a couple of lightyears away, the Tyranids eat a planet while two of the most important Space Marine chapters waste time on this Nerf chainsword duel honour bullshit.
They have apparently also become the love-chapter of some of GWs writers, scince they now have the best motorcycle squads around (yes, apparently even better than the White Scars), the last jetbike in the Imperium, and Watchers in the Dark (servant aliens).
History of the Dark Angels
Dark Angels have the best gene seed among all the chapters, they have no flaw at all in their gene seed, and NO THEY ARE NOT EMO, THEY ARE BADASS DARK SORTA EVIL IF YOU ASK ME... (SHIT MAYBE ARE THEY TRAITORS?) They killed lots of Orks,xeno scum and even raped the shit out of chaos on their own planet for great justice and were the most successful Legion during the early years of the great crusade, though their critics pointed out that the Dark Angels, being the First Legion, got a head start. But who cares, being the first, being the best. Talk shit Emprah its the Dark Angels your gonna deal with not the other douchey marines and inquisition.
- (Note: they might have been the 1st Legion, but Horus Lupercal was the first Primarch to be discovered, and as such he got a head start, not Lion; and as Such since he was the first child and the Emprahs bitch boy, he was appointed Warmaster for being such a good son and not Jonson who would have been the 2nd choice for the EMPRAH.)
During the Horus Heresy Lion El'Jonson rushed to come to the aid of the Emperor, fighting his way through the Night Lords and traitor guard to reach Terra. Horus was like FUCK Dark Angels are around the corner so fucking close COME ON EMPRAH AND SANGUINIUS LETS DUEEEEEELL!!!!! And as such the Lion didn't make it in time, and shockingly returned home to Caliban only to find that his closest friend Luther had turned to Chaos, converting the garrison force with him.
Chaos Thought(and this is probably khornes version) WELL FUCK! HORUS FUCKED UP CUZ DARK ANGELS WERE AROUND THE CORNER, LETS HAVE THE DARK ANGELS HAVE A PERSONAL HERESY HAPPEN TO THEIR OWN CHAPTER AND IM GONNA TURN HIS BEST FRIEND INTO THE INCREDIBLE HULK SO HE CAN FUCK UP THAT HOMO LION FOR BEING SO SMART!!!!!!! BLOOD BLOOD SOMETHING SOMETHING BLOOD!!!!! Slaanesh's version " OOH MORE GAYNESS LETS MAKE THEM FUCK EACH OTHER!!"slaanesh begins to touch himself.... Tzeentch's version " OH SHIT THEY ARE BADASS AND SMARTER THEN MEEEEEE BUCK BUCK BAKAWWW!! Nurgle's version " BUWAHAHAHA IM GONNA MAKE GW TURN THEIR ARMOR GREEN FROM BLACK SO THEY ARENT AS BADASS BUWAHAHABLOBBLOOPdickfallsoff" The Lion fought his way into his own fortress and dueled Luther who was super overpowered for the fate of the legion. The 2 Had an Anime like battle that was so fucking epic that everything was destroyed in their ultimate unrealistic battle.
When daybreak came Caliban was nothing more than an asteroid field, a result of the Dark Angels loyalists bombarding their own planet so mercilessly cuz they dont give a fuck about their own home. When Dark Angel forces reclaimed the void shielded remnants of their headquarters Luther was a gibbering wreck, and Jonson was nowhere to be found. Oh, and the traitors. TOTALLY LOYAL AND NOT ACTUALLY TRAITORS Dark Angels painted their armor green. This rather stressing turn of events caused one Dark Angel to comment, "I hate Mondays. Because Caliban was far away from many Imperial Worlds, the core leaders of the Dark Angels known as the "Inner Circle" decided to cover up Luther's treason. THE COMPLETELY RANDOM ACCIDENT INVOLVING SOME FUCKTARD FIRING A FULL SALVO OF ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT CANNONS ON THE PLANET and mask it as an freakish warp accident. The Imperium's not exactly sure what happened to Caliban as anyone who investigates about this matter, even Inquisitors, disappears faster than Candlejack snatching away a victim after saying Ca
After the destruction of Caliban
Ever since that fateful day ten thousand years ago, the Dark Angels have striven to prove to the Emprah and their Primarch that they are still cool guys to hang around with, despite their earlier Heresy ABSOLUTE LOYALTY. Therefore, they have acquired toys like plasma cannon jetbikes, Terminators that count as scoring units, and a mini-Gitmo in an asteroid to torture the Fallen, in order to prove that they are still made of awesome sauce and epic win, and to attempt to disprove the rumour that that they are flaming homosexuals, however, having xeno pokémon instead of servitors make a probe they are still being extremely homo. (Interesting Fact: The little Xenos are the souls of the Exorcised Fallen who have been forced to serve the Loyalists.) (Another Interesting Fact: LION EL'JONSON IS STILL ALIVE. AND ON THE ROCK. HE'S IN THE CELL NEXT TO LUTHER!!)