Dark Eldar: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Dork_Elfdar_Winch.png|thumb|right|Your argument is invalid. My bra is a face.]] | [[Image:Dork_Elfdar_Winch.png|thumb|right|Your argument is invalid. My bra is a face.]] | ||
Now, shortly before the Fall of the Eldar (A.K.A the birth of [[Slaanesh]]), much of the Eldar were already a race of hedonistic psychopaths who were raping everything that could be. Eventually, the millions of souls who died in the Eldar's planet-wide orgies and hedonistic rituals gathered in the warp and gave birth to a Chaos God, who came to be known as Slaanesh, the prince of pleasure. After Slaanesh came to be, he/she/it raped the majority of the Eldar populace and Gods, created the swirling vortex of doom known as the [[Eye of Terror]] which consumed all of the major Eldar worlds and long story short, clusterfucked the entire Eldar race. The Eldar who escaped in the massive craftworld ships and survived in maiden worlds became the present day Eldar, the ones who managed to survive Slaanesh's birth and retreat into the webway became the Dark Eldar. | |||
Dark Eldar | The Dark Eldar are still the old degenerates before the fall, so they're still into pleasure and drinking souls, unlike the regular Eldar who are totally disciplined about these things. And also like the Eldar, Slaanesh owns every last one of their souls and Slaanesh also constantly leeches their life force. They retreated into the Webway and constructed a city within the Webway called "Commoragh" to escape Slaanesh's influence, however this only dampened his influence and they're still doomed to die a slow, sex-fueled death. So to solve this, they raid planets and capture the populace there to drink their souls to extend their lives and torture the poor saps, just for the pleasure of it. | ||
The whole deal begins when the Eldar established an empire of their own in the galaxy. They became complacent, bored, and horny. Basically, they just fucked so goddamn much that they tore open the universe, which is pretty fucking hot. /r/ Rule 34, fuck yes. | The whole deal begins when the Eldar established an empire of their own in the galaxy. They became complacent, bored, and horny. Basically, they just fucked so goddamn much that they tore open the universe, which is pretty fucking hot. /r/ Rule 34, fuck yes. As of today, the Dark Eldar is still held back by GW's inability to expand the storyline of the other races who aren't Spehss mahreens/Imperial Guard or Chaos Marines, so there's not much about the DE these days. | ||
==What ACTUALLY Happened, For Serious== | ==What ACTUALLY Happened, For Serious== | ||
Revision as of 06:56, 4 December 2010
The same as the Eldar, only they look like they came from a particularly bad S&M party. Over 9,000 years ago Eldar were killing and raping each other, but then suddenly a wild Slaanesh appeared and fucked the shit up. Some Eldar decided to GTFO and started wearing chastity belts, but some were too used to BSDM and continued as usual. Subject of many, many sexual fantasies by teenagers incapable of looking at/relating to real women. Renowned for taking to battle on unstable cocktails of drugs which causes their elite forces to spend the bulk of the confrontation examining their own hands. Dark Eldar have even weaker amour then normal Eldar so a human could blow on Dark Eldar and kill them, this also goes for dark Eldar tanks which are renown for being made from papier maché, and being destroyed by sneezing in their general direction.
What The Fuck Happened, Yo
Now, shortly before the Fall of the Eldar (A.K.A the birth of Slaanesh), much of the Eldar were already a race of hedonistic psychopaths who were raping everything that could be. Eventually, the millions of souls who died in the Eldar's planet-wide orgies and hedonistic rituals gathered in the warp and gave birth to a Chaos God, who came to be known as Slaanesh, the prince of pleasure. After Slaanesh came to be, he/she/it raped the majority of the Eldar populace and Gods, created the swirling vortex of doom known as the Eye of Terror which consumed all of the major Eldar worlds and long story short, clusterfucked the entire Eldar race. The Eldar who escaped in the massive craftworld ships and survived in maiden worlds became the present day Eldar, the ones who managed to survive Slaanesh's birth and retreat into the webway became the Dark Eldar.
The Dark Eldar are still the old degenerates before the fall, so they're still into pleasure and drinking souls, unlike the regular Eldar who are totally disciplined about these things. And also like the Eldar, Slaanesh owns every last one of their souls and Slaanesh also constantly leeches their life force. They retreated into the Webway and constructed a city within the Webway called "Commoragh" to escape Slaanesh's influence, however this only dampened his influence and they're still doomed to die a slow, sex-fueled death. So to solve this, they raid planets and capture the populace there to drink their souls to extend their lives and torture the poor saps, just for the pleasure of it.
The whole deal begins when the Eldar established an empire of their own in the galaxy. They became complacent, bored, and horny. Basically, they just fucked so goddamn much that they tore open the universe, which is pretty fucking hot. /r/ Rule 34, fuck yes. As of today, the Dark Eldar is still held back by GW's inability to expand the storyline of the other races who aren't Spehss mahreens/Imperial Guard or Chaos Marines, so there's not much about the DE these days.
What ACTUALLY Happened, For Serious
Macha got laid. Ages ago. She's been lying to us. The universe at large thought that this was an affront, and tore itself a new one in response. You silly fuckers, did you think that just by fucking, the Eldar race as a whole could create the Eye Of Terror?
Actually, it is far more likely that the C'tan did it. Hell, it's more likely that the 'nids did it. Macha will never get laid. Actually, Eldrad did it to troll the Galaxy.
Dating a Dark Eldar
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