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The following article is a /tg/ related story or fanfic. Should you continue, expect to find tl;dr and an occasional amount of awesome.

IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE, WAR RAGES THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY. MANKIND IS UNDER SIEGE ON ALL SIDES FROM XENOS, HERETICS, AND THE TAINT OF CHAOS. THE SPACE MARINES, THE IMPERIUM'S FINEST SOLDIERS, BRING WAR TO THE ENEMIES OF MAN. THEIRS IS AN ENDLESS FIGHT, AS THEY WORK TO SAVE MANKIND FROM ALL ITS FOES.

(record needle scratch)

DIS AIN'T DERE STORY

SOMEWHERE IN DEEP SPACE, A BUNCH OF ORKS HAVE DONE DA IMPOSSIBLE! DEY'VE TRICKED DA IMPERIUM INTO THINKIN' DEY'Z SPESS MEHREENS! DA STUPID 'UMIES AIN'T EVA GONNA KNOW WHAT HIT'EM! OUT ON THE LOOTED REPULSIVE CRUISER "DA LOOTED KROOZA," TROUBLE BREWS...

Watch out for this picture. It signals a Deffwotch thread.

Deffwotch is a Rogue Trader campaign in which all players are Orks posing as a Deathwatch Kill Team. And just in case that alone wasn't hilarious enough, gamemaster Shas'o R'myr tosses in some of his own fluff free of charge.

Episodes[edit]

Less than half the session report threads have been [archived] on Suptg, but they all show up on Foolz...Which is now dead, so to Warosu we go... Also, past no 6, Warosu is missing the pages, all the way to ninth Warosu decided to remove /tg/... 4plebs it is:

Da Kill Team[edit]

The stars of Deffwotch, deze boyz ain't exactly right in da 'ead, but that doesn't really matter when you're so effective.

Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy/Mekboy

Kroz is a walking arsenal of heavily modified armaments, packing gravitics, pulse, lightning and a shield and breacher drill. The shield is made of Necrons. He's also convinced that at least half the Marines out there are secretly orks too. Wants to loot the sensor echoes in the warp.

Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando

Ultra-Sneaky, 'Eadmangla squeezes into tight spaces and somehow finds ways to snipe from them. Sniper Orks are twice as scary, especially popping up at ten paces with automatic weapons. For maximum sneakiness, he also has a box.

Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy

With his Deathspinner and his Grenades, Wazgor will rokkit his way to finding culinary perfection, even if it means "sampling" every Xeno species in the 41st millennium. Recently, Wazgor learned about battlefield medicine that wasn't just Ignoring it, which is what he thought was what those giant syringes were full of until now.

Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy/Tank

Da Deffwotch Chief Apothecary is more of an armored vehicle. His Flamer-equipped Rokkit-Power-Klaws hit like lascannons, his Mega-Armer powers a set of tank treads. Recently cannons were mounted to him, manned by grots. Eating them after the plasma cannon decides to "vent" gives him some of the lost health back.

Wurrza Zzappar - Weirdboy MegaDred

Pouring Wurrza's goop into a mold and reforging him, Wurrza now pilots a Mega-Dred with Rippa Klaws and Psychic Gubbinz. Wurrza does not know the meaning of 'holding back'. Looking like the bastard child of a Contemptor Dread, Dreadknight, and Mega Dred, Wurrza waltzes into battle and psy-fries everything. Just like he did his fate points.

Voltrog - Morkanaut or Gorkanaut

Wurrza & Grakgut's secret weapon, formed by screaming "WE FORM VOLTROG!!!" and crashing into each other. Throw 1d4, becomes Morkanaut on 1-2 and Gorkanaut on 3-4.

Da Last Danca - Kustomized Blasta Bomma

Missiles everywhere, Rokkits everywhere the missiles aren't, and turrets in less than secret places. 'Ast Danca can take a beating.

Ravagork - Dark Eldar Ravager

Currently under construction, to provide a great shoota platform for the diggagrots.

Da Looted Krooza[edit]

Looted Repulsive-Class Grand Cruiser

Da Looted Krooza has a variety of weaponry and secondary equipment.

  • Armored Power-Fist Prow - The only armor improvement possible due to the ancient Grand Cruiser attribute. It woz dis giant powerfisty ram wot gave da boyz da idea fer SDS mode. Stab with your ship, shoot with your sword.
  • Torpedo Launcher - Rough Ork equivalent to a Mars-Pattern, mounted within the prow. Opens in the upper torso in SDS mode.
  • Dorsal Macro Kannonz - Rarely fail to down the target's voidshields. Distributed across the shoulders in SDS mode.
  • Port and Starboard Zzap Lances - Sometimes neglected due to the limited bridge crew, we think they're somewhere around the hips in SDS mode.
  • Wurrza's Wierdboy Tower - The Astrowaagh singin boyz can fire as a short-ranged lance, from atop the ship.
  • Port and Starboard Launch Bays - Several wings of Fightas, Fighta-Bommas and Bommas are launched with every fight, some of which even return. However, the Krooza's SDS mode currently prohibits further launch and recovery. Solution pending.
  • Wraith Skranda - Eldar Nightshade in fleet, functions as a backpack in SDS mode.


Da Looted Krooza is an extremely fast vessel, fielding a looted Miloslav drive, a Big Orky Red Button, and a Wrothful temperament from the days before orks came across the space hulk revived by its new occupants. Indeed, Krooza can feel the flow of battle, and will often charge itself into combat, even before the Kill Team has identified an enemy! It is truly the perfect vessel for a party of crazy orks. Even before the Skranda, Da Looted Krooza could overtake the average raider when in battle, and even outturn some of them.


Supa Dimenshun Stompa Mode[edit]

Ever since Episode 13, da Krooza has had the ability to turn into a super robot. This has gained a few upgrades since then.

  • Orkross Kannon - a Kannon that can fire either as a Macrobattery or as a Charged Shot. It can also function as a Power Sword.
  • Manta Heavy Command Cruiser - Hat. Purely Cosmetic.
  • Tyranid Hive Leviathan Chitin - Commissar Captain's Coat that flaps in the winds of spess. Purely cosmetic.
  • Wraith Pauldrons - An Eldar Wraithship smashed in half and worn as pauldrons. Purely cosmetic.
  • Wraith Skranda - Backpack: a looted Eldar Nightshade that grants +1 Speed, a Dodge due to additional engines, and enough power to supply Macro Mode and Charge Mode of the Orkross Kannon
  • Uzgob's Sekret Projekt- Due to the fruit's of Uzgob's labor, da ship can now launch Rokkit Fists at the enemy.
  • Necron Tombshield

Da Krew[edit]

Every Kill Team needs support, and da Krew delivers.

Uzgob - Uzgob is a Mekboy who's been around the sector quite a few times. He performs minor repairs and innovations when the Kill Team is either too busy or ain't lookin'. He has an assistant named Grakkar, a Painboy. Uzgob has improved Krooza (out of boredom) with the Wraith Skranda and the Rokkit Punch, and is always on hand to offer technical advice or assistance.

Clarence - The only human on the entire ship, Clarence is a Digga-nob, a Human who believes he's an Ork. Clarence drives a buggy, which allows for fast travel between areas in the ship. Clarence's also a skilled martial artist, and can be found in his arena for a fight, or for oddly-buddhistic advice on the current mission.

Pliskin - Pliskin's a Kommando in charge of loot acquisition. Usually dropping down in a rokk pod with the rest of his Boyz Wifout Bordaz, Pliskin and his boyz don their standard issue cardboard boxes, sneak into an area and steal EVERYTHING, increasing the Kill Team's Profit Factor. Pliskin often offers stealth advice, locations of alternate paths, or intelligence about high-level fights to the Kill Team. Definitely a Snakebite.

CyGrot - Cyborg hydra created by Grakgut when he sewed 5 grot heads onto a boy and then connected them with a Cogitator. We do not talk about Cygrot It. Creepy as all warp.

Runtz[edit]

This assortment of Grots, Servo-Skulls, and Mutant Rhinos serve da Kill Team either in support or in battle.

Kroz:

  • Dantalion: a Servo Squig, a squig with floaty bitz and a gun duct-taped to the side. Unlike the rest of the Kill Team, it somehow learned to AIM.

Grakgut

  • Grakkagrak: Grakgut's Grot Manservant, in charge of finding new test subjects for 'surjery,' and for keeping track of those test subjects afterwards. Grakkagrak holds the tools and gubbinz during operation procedures.
  • Da Tank Krew: Grakgut, being a tank, has mounted numerous weapons on himself, from plasma kannons to bolters. These grots fire them.

'Eadmangla

  • Dak: A grot who works for 'Eadmangla. 'Eadmangla decided that after training him to use pulse weaponry, he needed to be sneakier. So he sent him to Grakgut, who returned the grot with Cameoline Skin and the ability to curl up and roll around like a Morph Ball. He combs the depths of the ship, looking for remnants of the players' ill-thought out medical experiments.
  • Gun Drone: A normal gun drone found on the Manta, it can be configured to Sniper form or Shield form.

Wazgor

  • Firegit: A grot who assists Wazgor in the kitchen, as well as reloads his weapons in the midst of combat.

Wurrza

  • Skullmuncha: A Rambisaurus looted from Delta Forge, Skullmuncha was Wurrza's mount before his critical existence failure. Skullmuncha was orkified through surjery to become 'arder and tougher than the average animal.

Special

  • Diggagrots: 20 or so first graders Da Kill Team 'saved' from a planet raided by Dark Eldar. Awaiting injections of Nob Juice impending followup call to figure out side-effects. We'll burn that bridge when we get there. Currently housed and trained at Clarence's dojo, or taken out on Ravagork raids.

In Memoriam

  • Boldo: An energy draining Battroid that hatched on da Looted Krooza after a particularly harrowing mission, it imprinted on the kill team and follows them around, chirping. Boldo gave his life to save the Kill Team against the Chaos God of Anti-Theism, Necoho.

Skwad Mode[edit]

Da Kill Team has a set of special abilities called Skwad mode. These are buffs that are declared at the start of the round and last until the end of it.

WAAAGH: The Dakka never stops coming. Using this ability grants an extra single attack after a full action, even if that action was another attack.

STEEL REHN: The Codex Astartes states the importance of an Orbital Bombardment to soften one's enemies. Once per session, the krew may call in something similar - except they're dropping asteroids! These asteroids even have a 50% chance of having some boyz aboard! When Roks Fall, Everybody Dies. The incoming asteroid causes 5d10+10 Pen 6 Tearing.

An' Dey Know No Zoggin' Fear: Sometimes, the scarier an opponent is, the more encouraging it is for an Ork to fight. Combining the teachings of the Codex Astartes with natural Ork stubbornness, a solution was devised. Engaging this Skwad Mode ability allows for the fear test from an enemy to be ignored, and the Kill Team gains a bonus of +5 WS or BS per Fear Rating.

Wozzat Supposed Ta 'Urt?: Caught in the heat of battle, an ork can often forget about trivial things like pain or death. Engaging this Skwad Mode increases the level of an ork's unnatural toughness by +1 (i.e. x2 becomes x3) for that round, with all the appropriate bonuses.

Deffwotch: A Thousand Years of Silence[edit]

Out of nowhere came Deffwotch: A Thousand Years of Silence. This feature-length episode wraps up the story of Deffwotch, where the Kill Team finally makes it to Holy Terra, dead-set on meeting the Emperor. Encountering everything from very frightened shopkeepers to some of the High Lords of Terra, Deffwotch comes to its exciting end, and sets up the next story in the series - Squat Crusade: The Musical.

Deffwotch - A Thousand Years of Silence



See also[edit]

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