Genghis motherfucking Khan: Difference between revisions
Line 65: | Line 65: | ||
** In fact this is the reason the Khwarezmid empire doesn't exist today. They killed one group of his emissaries and dissed the second, in response he [[Exterminatus|WIPED THEM OFF THE FUCKIN' MAP, KILLING OR ENSLAVING EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM AND DESTROYING ALL THEIR SETTLEMENTS]]! * Raping | ** In fact this is the reason the Khwarezmid empire doesn't exist today. They killed one group of his emissaries and dissed the second, in response he [[Exterminatus|WIPED THEM OFF THE FUCKIN' MAP, KILLING OR ENSLAVING EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM AND DESTROYING ALL THEIR SETTLEMENTS]]! * Raping | ||
* Honoring worthy opponents by giving them a bloodless execution, though said bloodless executions involved getting stomped on by a bunch of pissed-off Mongol soldiers. This practice annoyed Khorne badly for obvious reasons. | * Honoring worthy opponents by giving them a bloodless execution, though said bloodless executions involved getting stomped on by a bunch of pissed-off Mongol soldiers. This practice annoyed Khorne badly for obvious reasons. | ||
* Being wholly reasonable to people so long as they didn't give him any shit and paid their taxes/tribute on time. | * Being wholly reasonable to people, he even allowed them the freedom to choose their own religions, so long as they didn't give him any shit and paid their taxes/tribute on time. | ||
* Did we mention rape ? | * Did we mention rape ? | ||
[[Category: Chaos]][[Category: Warhammer 40,000]] | [[Category: Chaos]][[Category: Warhammer 40,000]] |
Revision as of 02:33, 28 September 2014
Despite being very similar, he is not the same person as Jaghatai Khan.
[1] Tada! The Wiki article!
Since Genghis Khan was a daemon prince anyhow it figures accuracy shouldn't be much of a problem here. They're already way off.
In short, He killed a ton of people (40 million to be exact, with bows, arrows, spears, really primitive rockets, blackpowder guns, and swords), made an empire (the biggest pre-spacefaring empire of all time, though it may be exceeded by the British depending on how far north you define its borders as stretching), and became the first daemon prince of Khorne to kill a ton more people. We know Ghengis motherfucking Khan as Doombreed.
He is the most badass Asian of all time, because he killed 40 million people in a time before automatic weapons and conquered like 16 million square miles of territory in an age before motor vehicles. Ghenghis Khan enjoyed using a combination of arrow shooty faggotry and mounted melee. Thus making him the inspiration for the Blood Pact cult of Khornate worshipers. He also liked flanking and encirclement of enemy cities. Contrary to popular belief, he was no bloodthirsty dumbass: he was a bloodthirsty genius as he learned new and different strategies and war machines to use with every passing empire he destroyed, so he could kill people better in both open field and siege warfare. And those empires he did trample to the ground were no lightweights either -- what's more is they were at the pinnacle of power as well.
Not only does he help Khorne outthink Tzeentch, he helps him outsex Slaanesh. Because in life, he fucked so many bitches that today there are 7 million people directly descended from him... So he is the greatest warrior and womanizer of all time. He also out-plagues Nurgle because it was his mongols who ended up spreading the Black Death that gave Nurgle sentience. So in other words, he is so awesome that thanks to him, Khorne can beat the other three Chaos Gods at their own games. It is said that an entire 2% of the World's population can trace their bloodlines to him (see two paragraphs above above). 2% of the world now worships Khorne, though with all honestly he was sort of Chaos Undivided; he was blood hungry for Khorne, a beast that would make Slaanesh proud, plagued Europe to the point where Nurgle came to be and was a complete bastard of Just As Planned tactics like the great schemer himself.
Alternative spellings of his name include Chinggis Haan, Tchingis Khan, etc., which are all transliteration of the Mongolian title he bore. His real name was Temujin. Historyfags would say "he's actually a more badass version of Alexander the Great. He's misunderstood as a dumb bloodthirsty yellow monkey because he allowed no man to keep a well documented account of him, and so the conquered people slandered him out of sheer butthurt." What's funny is these gits are the one's who are misunderstanding him, because Alexander the Great started out as a prancy little princely faggot (literally), but Genghis Khan started out as a poor little son of a tiny nomadic clan chieftain, who was poisoned when Temujin was a kid which made him have to act the man of the house from the age in which modern kids go to the internet and become butthurt noobfags. There's a solid reason he could grow up to be Khorne incarnate -- he lived the life of a Primarch without being a genetically-engineered supersoldier.
He was also said to be physically strong (indeed, tall and powerful. Noted for great endurance among a people known for their endurance). He also likes depopulating races. You know Baghdad? Place was the most civilized and glorious city on earth, now it's as it is BECAUSE HE SACKED IT, Iraq used to be a beautiful fertile flood plain until he sacked it so hard it became a fucking desert because he salted their fields until practically nothing could grow there ever again. The crazy bastard. WHICH IS ALL VERY NICE, EXCEPT I DIDN'T DO THAT. MY ASSLICKING CHRISTFAG GRANDSON HELAGU DID.. His was the clan Bortijgan. Which is Mongolian for Blue Wolves.
He was so badass that his death embodied a massacre itself. When he died, per his orders, they were to have a funeral march of an army to bury him in some unknown location in the Steppes, and to keep it a secret, have that army killed by another army, which in turn was SLAUGHTERED BY ANOTHER army to keep it double secret. Then everything around a wide radius was to be trampled to the ground so no one would know where the funeral army was originally headed.
His children and generals all went on to slaughter even more people and conquer even more territory, they all also became Daemon Princes of Khorne, with Genghis' greatest General Subutai becoming Khorne's greatest strategist who helps Khorne out-think Tzeentch along with Genghis.
Biographic Summary
- Father is poisoned, master of a poor clan
- Commits his first murder at the tender age of 14, when his brother, Behter, decides to be a dick about sharing his food.
- Grows up to avenge his father, razes enemy clan
- Local clans make him their leader, polices aberrant clans to submission
- Ends up conquering other clans and uniting Mongols.
- Rebuilds Mongolia, invents the Phagspar Mongolian Alphabet, makes laws (99% which were basically "Don't FUCK with the KHAN." and the variable ways on how NOT to do this), promotes trade, and builds many many bridges between the West and the East, for trade.
- Genghis Motherfucking Khan: We want to trade more with you.
- Minyak empire: No.
- GMFK: You die now!
- GMFK: Trade, you faggots.
- Jin Dynasty (Northern China): Fuck Noh. Trorororor Mongorian monkey.
- GMFK: >:C
- GMFK: TRADEEEE
- Khwarezmian Empire: *picks arab stache* yearrrhh... Fuck off.
- GMFK: D:<<<
- GMFK falls off horse, suffers lasting damage in his old age, takes it like a boss to fuck up Tanguts for a final showdown.
- To decorate the last year of his life, massacred so many Tanguts no descendants remain to this day.
Preferred tactics
- Horse Archer Rush
- Arrow Spam
- More of both
- Horse Charge
- Raping the Chinese
- Raping Persians
- Raping other Mongols
- Using prisoners of war as human shields or disposable labor. Essentially, they were treated like servitors, but without even the dubious peace of mind-wipes.
- Raging on how the movie of him casted a Wapanese faggot in his role Khorne derives much enjoyment from this
- Pouring molten silver into the eyes of people. Sometimes, when Genghis' men were in a good mood, they would instead offer their victims a refreshing drink of smelted lead.
- Wanking about how he was a barbarian from the North
Having the epic smarts to extort tons of money from various Chinese city states so that he WOULDN'T kill, maim, burn 'emHis adviser who's name is known in English as Long-Beard convinced him to do that, Genghis wanted to raze China to the ground because he thought they had nothing useful to offer him at first glance.- Throwing plague-ridden dead bodies using catapults
- Rape
- Pillage
- Genocide for the Blood God.
- Burn
- Feigned retreat followed by luring anyone dumb enough to give chase into a predetermined kill zone. Cue charge of said faggots and then regrouping of said group back to main formation. CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-*BLAM* KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!
- Using the above to scare people into surrendering rather than fight him (also helps that he kept his word about not doing the above to those that do).
- Reserving "special" treatment for those who had the balls to kill Genghis' emissaries, which was a huge no-no in his book. Whenever the assholes who tried this shit got caught by the Mongols, they were introduced to a refreshing glass of boiling silver.
- In fact this is the reason the Khwarezmid empire doesn't exist today. They killed one group of his emissaries and dissed the second, in response he WIPED THEM OFF THE FUCKIN' MAP, KILLING OR ENSLAVING EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM AND DESTROYING ALL THEIR SETTLEMENTS! * Raping
- Honoring worthy opponents by giving them a bloodless execution, though said bloodless executions involved getting stomped on by a bunch of pissed-off Mongol soldiers. This practice annoyed Khorne badly for obvious reasons.
- Being wholly reasonable to people, he even allowed them the freedom to choose their own religions, so long as they didn't give him any shit and paid their taxes/tribute on time.
- Did we mention rape ?