Idranel

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Idranel.

Idranel is an Eldar Farseer from Dawn of War 2. Before the release of Dawn of War 2, she would frequent the threads and cuss out mon-keighs and uphold what it meant to be a true eldar: A racist bitch. Occasionally would call us "double mon-keighs" in which we would become extremely offended.

Her badass style of doing things led some to believe that she is actually a man, due to also the fact that her robes don't have any boob armor like the previous farseers. Nevertheless, she's earned our respect for being an honest fluffy eldar.

There is recent development that after Idranel's supposed death in the events of Dawn of War 2, she was taken underneath the care of Derosa and healed back to full strength.

We're a little sketchy on these things, but while it seems that Idranel's personality of being a racist bitch towards anyone not Eldar was ruined with Derosa's lesbian attempts, we can rest easy knowing that Idranel is still in the process of acting like a proper Eldar and will break her heart with her deceptive nature, merely using Derosa to get healed and get the fuck off that double mon-keigh planet.

Dear 'Farseer' Part One

I am an avid reader of this column, but even so, I never thought something would happen to me, to inspire me to write a letter of my own. But, here I am, writing. So, let me tell you of my encounter with the mon-keigh I now call my own.

It started, as these things often do, with a vision. You have likely already heard of the Tyranid fleet that was scheduled to intercept my Craftworld, so I shall spare you the details of it - but I found myself engaged in a battle against these humans on one of their worlds, and things were going splendidly, and just as planned, until those unforgivable brutes the mon-keigh call their space marines involved themselves rather than gracefully accepting their fate. Again, sparing the details, I found myself defeated in battle at every turn - not just once, but twice did they get in my way, and after the second encounter, I found myself facing what I believed to be certain death! However, the strands of fate are fickle, and a mere coincidence left me with nothing more than a chainsword wound to the gut, and a few dozen broken bones - and those space marines left, without noticing my continued survival! At the time, I believed it a brief despite before my wounds would do me in, and it was not long before I lost consciousness.

But that was not to be. Apparently, I was found by a clean-up crew, and brought in secret to the newly established planetary governor, a female human going by the name of Derosa. Rather than interrogate me in ways most terrible, or turn me over to their foolish zealots, she - and this, she told me later - proceeded to have me brought in secret to her own quarters, and as again I opened my eyes, straining against the unexpected light, it was to her face. She had, with her own hands, set my broken bones and patched my wounds, cleaned me and watched by my side - I was, as I am certain any other readers would be, obviously shocked. Why would a mon-keigh do something like this? These are the apes, brutes, primitives that foil our plans whenever they can, that worship the corpse of their past leader - why would one of them take it upon themselves to cure and hide *me*?

I still remember her answer to my first question with perfect clarity, as were it yesterday, and I believe I always will. As I lay, my body still broken, and never one to inspire anyone to anything, she smiled - that smile, how could a mere mon-keigh have such a brilliant smile? - and spoke.

"Because you were beautiful."

Signed, Farseer Idranel.

(Editor's Note: Due to the unusual length of this letter, we will publish the remainder in our next issue. Stay tuned!)

Dear 'Farseer' Part Two

(Editor's Note: This is the second part of the letter. The first part was published in the previous issue of Farseer.)

"Because you were beautiful."

I was absolutely stunned. This woman had taken an enemy into her own quarters, and nursed her back to health, because she thought _I_ was beautiful? To begin with, I'm not! I'm completely flat-chested, my face looks like a man, and I was completely torn up! Remember, this was just days after almost being killed. My first reaction was to pull away - but that failed completely. Did I mention I'm clumsy, as well? I fell right off the bed, away from her, and I think I cracked another few ribs there. Finally, to add insult to injury, I had been naked beneath the covers, and I couldn't even move enough to cover myself! Putting aside the pain, I've never felt so humiliated as when she had to help me back into the bed. (Her own, it turned out.) I'm going to go ahead and admit it - I cried as she did so. But, when she had returned me to the bed, and replaced the covers, I also looked at her, for the first time. She was clearly a woman of authority - her clothes signified high office, though her hair was undone, and I found her rather.. soothing, to look at. I was exhausted, of course, but as I fell asleep, I think I felt her stroking my hair. She never did admit to it later, though.

Over the next few days, and weeks, I was confined to that bed, seeing none except her, except Derosa. She fed me until I could move well enough to eat on my own, and checked on my broken bones daily, changed my bandages and, cleaned my body - She is rather resourceful, and has unexpected skills when it comes to caring for the wounded. We spoke, of course, as she cared for me, but it was not until over a week had passed before I dared ask - about the tyranid, and from that of the fate of my home, my craftworld. Learning of the end of the hive fleet, I again confess to weeping - this time in relief. After that, my recovery was more rapid, and I could soon begin to move about her quarters, and change my own bandages, as well as handle other things on my own. She had no visitors, in all this time, and I believe I sensed a certain loneliness, to begin with. Even so, she always seemed bright, if not outright happy, when in my presence. As time passed, we would eat together, before she left for her official duties each morning, and then again in the evening, when she returned. And we would talk, of our homes. She had lost her family long ago, and had no close friends, or friends at all, except for those she worked with. I spoke of the craftworld, but strangely, felt no urging to return.

To my great wonder, I found myself as happy as I'd ever been, in that little world we shared.

Signed, Farseer Idranel.

(Editor's Note: This letter sure was a long one! You can read the next part in the next issue!)

Dear 'Farseer' Part Three

(Editor's Note: This is the third part of the letter.)

We spent two weeks, living just like that - I stayed within her quarters, I wore some of her old clothes, and even even slept in her bed. She insisted the couch of her sitting room was as comfortable, and refused to ever consider taking turns, saying I should have the bed, being injured. I'm not sure how she kept my presence hidden, with the additional food and supplies she brought home just for me. My wounds healed, little by little, and while the flesh wounds started fading, the broken ribs took time to heal. Each night, Derosa would help me change my bandages, and check how my body was recovering, gently probing to see that the broken bones set properly. She had seen, and touched, my body often enough, in the first time after my arrival, but even so, this time always had me nervous, fidgeting as she went through the routine. So it was, too, the day when she finally declared the last of my injuries healed. The procedure was the same - she'd sit behind me, on her bed I had occupied as my own, first pulling my - her - shirt over my head, then unwrapping the bandages, before running smooth fingertips across my ribs, checking carefully for remaining fractures. This day, however, her fingers stopped at the bottom rib, and she leaned forward, speaking close to my ear, in a near-whisper. "That's it. They've set properly, and are completely healed, now. You're as recovered as you will ever be." I was happy, of course, but also felt some trepidation. Would this make our time here, this time I'd begun to treasure, come to an end? As if she'd read my mind, she continued. "But that doesn't mean you have to leave... right?"

The last word sounded almost terrified, but I had no time to respond. The fingers that moments ago had checked my ribs moved, quickly, and I felt something on my neck. It took a few moments to identify the sensation as her lips, softly pressed against me. They were followed by her body, moving quickly, pressing close, as her arms crossed and her hands settled, square over my breasts. She held me tightly, as thoughts raced through my mind.

Was my being here so important to her? Why does this feel so utterly, so terribly and undeniably _right_? Is it... is it really okay? To begin with, she's a mon-keigh, and I'm... and we're both women! Her fingers, now taking hold of my nipples, already stiff, and squeezing lightly, ended these thoughts. Right or not, I wanted this. More than anything, at that moment, I wanted her. I wanted this woman named Derosa, and I never wanted to let her go. I half-turned, and whispered back to her. "I'm not leaving." It was just what she'd wanted to hear, and it felt as if something was released, at that moment.

My friend - no, lover - pulled herself forward, planting kiss after kiss on my back, on my neck, and on my ears, and her fingers begun rubbing my nipples - rousing the flames within higher, as a sense of spreading warmth within, which mixed with that undeniable rightness, producing... something. My first moans, escaping unbidden, seemed to spur her onwards, her kisses growing ever more fervent until she half-raised herself and sucked the point of my right ear - I never knew that could feel so good! Derosa, satisfied with the reaction it evoked, proceeded to slide one of her ever-moving hands down, into the panties she herself had loaned me, and two fingers found their way even further, sliding inside with no resistance between lips already as invitingly wet as they had ever been. The sensation as she explored within, added to the fire already awakened, and the tip of my ear in her mouth, lovingly caressed by her tongue, soon brought me to a place I'd never before seen - I lost myself to the waves of pleasure so completely that, while Derosa claims I screamed as well as any banshee, I have no memory of doing so.

(Editor's Note: And that's it for this time! Could it get any hotter? Buy the next issue to find out!)

Dear 'Farseer' Part Four

I knew, I am certain, love. This mon-keigh, this human woman, she was different from the Eldar in more ways than is apparent, and similar in so many others. Certainly, she had some of the crude and childish traits normally associated with their kind, but more than that, she had a kind of vitality, a kind of energy, I have not encountered before, or since. Our routine continued, for a time, and the memory of it alone holds an intensity no other experience can match. She would return, after a meeting, or seeing to some problems with the reconstruction, and I would find myself all but waiting at the door - More than a stranger who had taken me in when I needed it, more than the friend and lover I would never have considered one of her kind for, even, I needed her with a near-physical fervor. At times, I scared myself with my desire for excess, barely able to contain it, and when she came home to me, I could not manage even that. I loved; we loved, as I have never loved before. At times with such soft gentleness that I could not believe she was human, and at times with such vigor that there could be no mistake, all but tearing the clothes from each other, desperate for a closeness that could be acheived only in the pressing-together of our naked bodies, in the moans and screams that resulted, as we would grind against each other, both wanting the next inevitable climax and dreading it, in that it would herald the eventual end of our stamina, leaving us panting, side by side, capable of no more than whispering sweet words.

It had to end, of course. I knew that even without Seeing it. Sooner or later, someone would find out. Someone would suspect, and suspicion would build until someone dared investigate - and then it would be all over. Governor or not, there are few things the filthy mon-keigh masses hate more than us, and their deluded religious "Inquisition" would stop at nothing to end what we had, to end the life Derosa - Helen. My lover. -had given me, and take hers along with it - and dying in this place, this position, the strands of excess already encroaching upon my mind, would be an end too terrible to imagine. I believe Helen knew it, as well, but she even more than I needed this relationship, needed _me_, so much that delaying our separation was her topmost priority. We made plans together, discussing how to best slip me from this world safely, but slowly, and without the enthusiasm we found when else we were together. The plan, eventually, was to slip me onto a trade vessel, disguised as a mon-keigh, and for me to make my way to a planet known to harbor rogue traders, and through them to pirates of our kind, and eventually home. It did not go so smoothly as that, but I eventually took that journey, and survived it with no further damage, or humiliation beyond that of my disguise. But even so, how these mon-keigh live! The smells, sounds and speed at which they live and act, was as a torrent of filth washing over me, only the memory of Helen keeping me from hating them one and all. Regardless, returning to the final time of our private world of happiness, our farewell was as you might expect.

We made love, again and again, through the night before my departure. We wept, together and separately, and then comforted each other once more, but in the end dawn came, and we executed our plan of my escape. Our last words together, before our hands parted and I rushed off towards the space-port, was a promise: To meet each other once more, before she fades away with age, while still barely a child, as her kind do. Certainly, they have ways of extending this life-span, which might be available to her as a governor, but not by more than an instant, from our perspective. Despite this reality, it is a promise I fully intend to keep, come what may. I have since Seen war, and conflict with the mon-keigh "imperium", but that promise is one I will not go back on.

So think on this, when you next look down upon the filth and chaos of mon-keigh worlds - even among them, there are good things. Even among them, there are individuals deserving of more than our scorn. And scourging them from the galaxy as the filth they resemble, were we even capable of it, would lead to a loss. Humans, too, can know love. And I am a better person for learning this.

Signed, Farseer Idranel

(Was her name Helen or Helena? I don't even remember.)

Gallery

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  IT'S RIGHT THERE, JUST FAP TO IT YOU DOUBLE-MON'KEIGH

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  "You're damn right I'm hot."

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  wut

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  so ronery

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