Imperial Guard

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Basilisks are AWESOME

The Imperial Guard are the footsoldiers of the Imperium. They only exist to die gloriously in the Empra's name. Commissars (like Holt and Ciaphas Cain) ensure they do so by shooting anyone who looks like deserting. Though the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a torch at their enemies, much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armored vehicles fielded by the IG, which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks from a very long way away.

It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are either:

• Robots
• Genetically engineered killing machines
• Horrific mutants
• Clad in powered armor
• In possession of extremely weeaboo technology and can jump around making damn accurate shots like Quake players
• Retarded Space Communists
• Some combination of the above

The footsoldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, and a copy of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer (if they have not already used it for toilet paper). They have balls of steel. Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond this, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful; Ollanius Pius is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking Horus himself; the original Dawn of War features the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week; Dawn of War II has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack on a fucking Tyranid hive. Although the average front line Guardsman is highly unlikely to survive his first deployment, veteran soldiers are considered to be some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer. One dusturbing thing is that if the tactics of the Imperial Guard were improved from WWI style warfare (mass charges aganist machine guns and tanks) and updated to modern style warfare(such as taking cover and useing air/armor/ support) the Imperial Guard could become the most feared army in the Universe but NO that's not grimdark enough!

Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard

• Ciaphas Cain - Charming Commissar in the Harry Flashman tradition.
• Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt - Main protaganist of Gaunt's Ghosts.
• Commissar Holt - Awesome cinematics are awesome, from Warhammer 40,000: Final Liberation.
• Commissar Dan - "But Commissar Dan says we're on a blaze for glory run".
• Commissar Fuklaw - currently in service with the Angry Marines.
• General Sturnn - Manly damn old son of a bitch, from Dawn of War: Winter Assault. Struggles with grammar.
• Ollanius Pius - The catalyst for the Emperor finally slaying Horus. (No longer canon, which is BULLSHIT)
• Vance Motherfucking Stubbs - Another manly bastard, famous for losing 100 Baneblades.
• Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed - Famous for outflanking enemies with Titans.

Main Advantages of Fielding an Imperial Guard Army

• Shit loads of men to throw around the battlefield.
• BASILISKS
• BANEBLADES
• *BLAM*
• Titans acting as scouts.
• Reasonable prices for vehicles.
• Cool looking models and plenty of variety to choose from.
• Balls of Steel.
• Cheap expendible soldiers that die in the millions to take one planet. Grimdark is it not?

Downsides to being a Guardsman

While your local propaganda might say that being in the guard is the most honorable thing you could ever get into, there are some downsides to being one. Here is a small list of reasons why it's not always the best idea to join the Imperial Guard:

• You will die in the line of duty and noone but your family and friends will remember you unless you've done something that only a Space Marine could do in combat or save an important Imperial figure.
• You're expendable.
• Your Commissar might execute you to make your squadmates fight harder.
• Unless you're in a special forces division like the Kasrkin, you're really just a meatshield in large scale assaults.
• Your standard weapon is a laser pointer and you have armor that's been outdated since 1944.
• Even you can't die when you want to.
• Even your own allies want to kill you.
• You might be: mutilated, eaten alive, sacrificed for the Chaos Gods, disemboweled, left for dead, tortured for fun by xenos, mutants, heretics and zealots.
• You cannot think differently as it's heresy.
• You will be sent into hopeless situations and your superiors expect you to fight without retreating or cowardice.

Memorable Quotations

- "When in doubt, throw more men at it."

- "That which I cannot crush with words alone, I shall crush with the tanks of the Imperial Guard!"

- "You don't die until I say so!"

- "Yes, you shall die when assaulting a well maintained fortress under a competent commander. But at least strive to make your death useful." (Paraphrased)

- "We go beyond the emperor's light. To the darkest reaches in the galaxy. Good thing we brought our flashlights!"

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- "To each of us falls a task, and all the Emperor requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line, and we die fighting. It is what we do best: We die standing." --General Sturnn, Dawn of War: Winter Assault

A Piece of Writefaggotry That Explains the Imperial Guard

At the end of the day, though he's been ferried through Space Hell on a ship that's four thousand years old to his destination, though he deployed from high orbit with a grav chute, though he is one of ten million men raised from his homeworld to fight a war he barely understands, though he has been given a weapon that fires miniature suns and might annihilate him when he fires it because no-one knows how it works anymore, though his company is supported by tractor-tanks that run on anything you can burn, though he wages war against a devouring hivemind, space demons or a group of space communists...

...a Guardsman is a man, just like you, though he grew up in another culture. He has no millenia-old genetic engineering, no prophetic leader, no miracles of faith. He has his lasgun, his orders, and his fellow soldiers.

And he will hold the line.

Notable Imperial Guard Forces

• Cadian Shock Troops
• Catachan Jungle Fighters
• Death Korps of Krieg
• Tanith First (And Only)

See Also

• Lasgun
• Chem-chan
• Baneblade
• Commissar
• Imperium

Gallery

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This is painfully accurate. But this works too. Commissar in action

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Standard issue. "Thank the Emperor! Action!" File:Tallarn chan Colored by FilthyBusiness.jpg Vostroya is a cold and crappy place. Still people like it there. Guess why? One should never underestimate the awesomeness of a Guardsman.