Inquisition

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Bet you weren't expecting that.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE IMPERIAL INQUISITION.

Also known as the Emperor's pet psychopaths - at least according to Commissar Cain. Strange how he gets away with this heresy. (It was because the Inquisitor writing it was his lover, and he was probably dead when it was published.)

MP jokes aside, the Holy Orders of the Emperor's Inquisition or just Inquisition are the secret police and internal investigators of the Imperium of Man, the eponymous hunters of the alien, the mutant and the heretic. The inquisition is a semi-omnipotent and all powerful organization that has authority over every other organization and watch every single life in the Imperium for the slightest signs of heresy 1984-Big Brother style. The Emperor and his guards are the only people in the Imperium beyond their jurisdiction; even the High Lords can be (and were) subject to Inquisitorial investigation.

History

Heresy, chaos, and xenos. These were the most dangerous threats to the Imperium that were foreseen, but the Emprah of Mankind suddenly forsaw something more threatning than the three: EXTRA HERESY. Thus, the Inquisition was born! Using their ultra abusive authority, the Ordo Malleus, Hereticus, and Xenos, have dedicated their lives to defending (and destroying) the Imperium, and killing the enemies of the Emprah!

So when it became obvious that the Emperor's plan to starve the Chaos Gods with atheism was a failure due to the Horus Heresy, the Big E ordered Malcador the Sigilite with the formation of the Inquisition. Charged with finding "men of character" to seek out the heretic, the xeno, the daemon, and the unexpecting, the Inquisition serves as the secret protectors (or murderers) of the Imperium of Man, guarding it from those who would destroy it from without, from within, and from beyond.

As part of their duties, Inquisitors have damn near unlimited power, up to and including the destruction of worlds. If they have good cause, they can demand service from anyone, from lowly citizens to the High Lords of Terra. The only people officially exempt from this are the Adeptus Custodes, who can legitimately say they have a more important job in guarding the Emperor on the Golden Throne. In practice, though, Inquisitors tend to at least say "please" and "thank you" when they require service from Space Marines, since they tend to get turfy about taking orders from any non-Space Marine save the Emprah. Those who don't tread lightly tend to get a close encounter with a chainsword.

"Innocence proves nothing."

Inquisitorial motto

Song

(tune)

The eye that sleepth not.

The Inquisition (Let's begin)

The Inquisition (Look out, sin)

We have a mission

To kill all the Xenos (Xenos, Xe-e-nos)

We're gonna teach them (Wrong from right)

We're gonna help them (See the light)

And make an offer that they can't refuse.

(That the Xenos just can't refuse)

Confess, don't be boring

Say yes, don't be dull

A fact you're ignoring

It's better to lose your schlicktau than your skull (Or your gavalt)

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay

The Inquisition (Oh boy)

The Inquisition (What joy)

The Inquisition (Oi oi)

I was posting down in /tg/, I was minding my own business

I was about to post some Loli Daemonette.

Then these Ordos Hereticus persons plunge in

And they throw me in a dungeon

And they shove a red hot poker up my ass.

Is that considerate?

Is that polite?

And not a tube of Preparation H in sight.

I'm sittin' flickin' daemons

And I'm lookin' through the thickens

When suddenly these guys break down my walls.

I didn't even know them

And they grabbed me by the scrotum

And they started playing Ping Pong with my balls.

Oh, the agony!

Ooh, the shame!

To make my privates public by a game!

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

But the Inquisition's here and it's here to-

Hey, Torquemada!

What do you say?

I just got back from the auto-de-fe,

Auto-de-fe? What's the auto-de-fe?

It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway!

Skit scat doodlebac doodle be bay

Will you convert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you confess?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you revert?

NO NO NO NO!

Will you say YES?

NO NO NO NO!

Now I asked in a nice way

I said pretty please

I bent their ears

Now I'll work on the knees

Hey Torquemada

Walk this way

We got a new game you might want to play!

Pull this handle, try your luck

Who knows, Torque, you might win a buck! (All right)

Put it in the car!

(In the car! In the car!)

How we doing? Any Heretics confess today?

Not a one! Nay Nay Nay!

We've flattened their fingers,

We've branded their buns.

Nothing is working!

SEND IN THE NUNS WITH GUNS!

The Inquisition (What a show)

The Inquisition (Here we go)

We know you're wishing that we'd go away

So come on all you Heretics and you Xenos

We got some big news for all of yous

You'd better change your point of views today

'Cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

(bet you weren't expecting that song, either!)

Branches

There are two main branches in the Inquisition.

• Ordo Malleus - They are guys who hunt daemons. This branch works with the Grey Knights. Currently, they may be subject to more RAGE than ever before, by guilt by association to your spiritual liege.
• Ordo Hereticus - Guys who like to hunt witches, heretics and mutants. This branch fights with the Sisters of Battle.
• And the Ordo Xenos - The guys who fight aliens. All the time. This branch works with the Deathwatch. Three branches (there are minor branches with jobs raging from extremely specific to extremely vague, but they rarely get mentioned anyway).

And nice red uniforms OH DAMN.

See Also

• Daemonhunters
• Witch Hunters