Jim

Fuck Yeah!

James Jerald Joswald jarrington III (you can call him Jim.) is a character created by a writefag known as Everything man. Jim first appeared in the Roll and tell monster girl thread. Described to be incredibly strong and boarder line insane, Jim exiled himself from the rest of the human world and built himself a surprisingly Luxurious lodge in the middle of the Neutral zone, which is inhabited by nothing but monsters. Jim quickly became popular with fa/tg/uys who were reading stories within the thread due to his happy go lucky nature, his quirky personality, and the ridiculous actions he performs to defend himself.

The story

Let me tell you a story, about a man that lives on the southern boarders of the kingdom. He's a strange fellow, bit he wasn't always so strange. His name was Jim, or at least that's what he wanted people to call him. Now the thing is with Jim was, even as a boy Jim was very tolerant of monsters, even curious. This led to mistrust around the village he resided in, children threw stones and mocked him, and adults would curse and scare him off if he got too close. At the age of 18, Jim kind of went off the deep end, he was seen waltzing through the streets at night, singing to himself and laughing a little too hard at his own jokes. The villagers (Being southern kingdom and all), formed a mob and attempted to lynch poor Jim, believing that he was possessed or some wacko shit. Fortunately for Jim, he was out collecting rocks for no actual reason, he came home and noticed that well, his hut was on fire. And in the dead of night, Jim fled with nothing on his back but his clothing. Jim should be about 30 now, and resides deep within the neutral lands, a land considered forsaken too humans, why you may ask? Because the Neutral zone is populated entirely by monsters.

It was early morning, the sun just breaking over the horizon. The beams of light shined against a rather gorgeous looking lodge, almost too neat looking to be in the neutral zone. The sound of birds chirping filled the air. Suddenly the door of the lodge swung open, and out came ol' Jim, humming to himself and dancing out the door. "Good morning world!" he yelled out loud, standing still for a moment, like he was awaiting a "good morning Jim!". "Aww, still a little shy I see!" he yelled out again. With that he continued to dance out into the forests, chuckling at his own joke. He continued his stroll outside, giving no attention to the outside world. Jim span around once at the tune to his own humming, kicking past leaves and bushes as he went off in a random direction, seeking excitement. Without even noticing he ran face first into something. It felt like skin and was very well built. He opened his eyes, only to be greeted by a Minotaurus, a large grin plastered on her face. "Can I help you?" asked Jim in the kindest voice he could muster. The tall monster leaned over, her large breasts bouncing with the motion. Snorted "I'm bored, human...How are you going to entertain me." She licked her lips, but Jim seemed to not be afraid, or even interested at her question. Instead he grabbed her by the horns. "Oh wow!" he yelled out. "Are these real?"

"H-hey!". The Minotaurus didn't really know what to do, no one has ever touched her willingly before. Jim twisted her around, trying his best to pull the horns off her head, until he realized that they were real. "You know, I've never seen a Minotaurus around these parts before, are you new? Would you like to come over for a cup of tea?". The horned woman reached up and grabbed him by his hands, pulling away from his grip. "Stop it!" she yelled out, falling backwards. Jim crouched down, grabbing her hove and lifting it up, unnoticeable revealing her genitalia. "Do your legs taste like beef?" he asked before she clamped down, freeing her leg from his grip. She scurried backwards, her back slamming against a tree. "W-whats the matter with you?" she asked, gasping frantically. Jim smiled and shrugged, "I'm just a curious person thats all, now calm down before you hyperventilate."

The Minotaurus managed to calm herself down, she gazed upon the surprisingly well groomed man, he was wearing clothing you would see in a village, A red top and blue trousers. Jim gazed back, a look of curiosity across his face. "Do you have a name?" he asked excitedly. She gulped and nodded "Mara...My name is Mara.". Jim jumped forward, startling her. "HELLO MARA!" he yelled out as if he was addressing a crowed. "My name is James Jerald Joswald Jarrington III, but you can call me Jim!". She couldn't help but giggle at his introduction. Jim pushed his hand forward, Mara grabbed onto it as Jim helped her to her feet. And as soon as she stood up, he began to shake her hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Mara!". He grinned at her before his expression turned to shock. "Oh my! Where are my manners!? Would you like to come in for tea?". Jim presented a lodge standing behind him, made of rather fine oak. She hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Alright...".

Jims Lodge was rather amazing. Two stories tall, including a living area and a kitchen, bathroom with actual plumbing, and a fireplace to keep the place warm at night. Mara had to duck to get through the door, she was awe struck at how tidy the place was. Jim marched ahead. "Do you like it?" he asked, obviously proud of himself. "I built it myself, took me forty seven and a half tries!". Mara sat down at the kitchen table as Jim lit the stove with a match. "I hope you don't mind, I only have caramel tea.". She nodded, never actually having tea before. "You live out here?" she asked out of curiosity. "How did you get most of this stuff?". Jim placed the pot onto the stove, thinking to himself. "HMMM! Well, I built the house of course. The stove was originally a rather plump barons stove, I managed to make off with it when he got a new one. I stole the pots from a rather nasty elderly woman...And I make the the tea myself!". As the water boiled, Jim quickly presented two cups, placing them onto the table. After pouring the hot water he dipped in two tea bags in each. He looked at her and smiled. "Two for double the flavor.". Mara watched him first as he took a sip from his cup, raising his pinky for comedic effect. She did the same, taking a sip and raising her pinky, causing Jim to chuckle heartily. The tea was also a surprise, tasting like actual caramel. "Oh wow!" she exclaimed in surprise. "How did you make this?". Jim grinned and took another sip "Family recipe...Or should I say Jim recipe."

Mara stayed at Jims lodge for well over 5 hours, telling him story after story of which he absorbed, clinging on to every word. Mara looked out the window and frowned. "I guess I should get going before it gets too late.". Jim had a disappointed look on his face for a quick moment before his trademark smile returned. "Alright then! Let me show you the door.". Mara looked back at the lodge, waving back at Jim with a warm smile. "Ya'll come back now, y'hear!" he yelled out in a stereotypical southern kingdom accent before walking back to his lodge, Giggling at his joke once more while repeating the word "Y'all." in between laughter. Mara turned her back to the strange mans residence, intending to come back before the month is done.

---

As I said before, Jim is a strange man. But even his lack of saneness could protect him from the monsters in the neutral zone. And lucky for Jim, he was also stronger than an Ox. It was the night of the very same day Mara left. After having another cup of tea, eating dinner, and throwing rocks out his window for sport. Jim decided it was time for bed. Dressed up in his pajamas "Which were strangely enough the same color as his normal clothing." Jim stretched and peaked his head out the window. With a big smile on his face he yelled out "Good night world!" and of course awaiting for a response which never came, "Ah, I'll get you next time!". later that night Jim was vast asleep, sleeping on his back so he could quickly rise to greet the world in the morning. The night was dead silent, except for the creaking noise of Jims door bedroom door opening. Sneaking into the room on four legs came a werewolf, the moon light reflecting off her dark blue hair. The wolf crawled up onto Jims bed, pinning him down by his arms, she pushed her face a inches away from his, letting out a soft growl, hoping to alert him of her presence and causing him to panic....Nothing. She stopped growling and sniffed him to make sure he was still alive. And then suddenly, Jims eyes opened wide and his head jutted forward. "BOO!"

The werewolf screamed and flung herself backwards, falling off the bed and onto the ground. Jim sat up, laughing happily and slapping his knee. "Oh brother, I can't believe that worked!". The werewolf jumped to her feet, growling "STOP LAUGHING HUMAN, ITS NOT FUNNY!". Jim laughed once more before resting his head in his hands. "Are you kidding me? You should of seen the look on your face!". She pouted at his comments "Thats it, you just made your fate even worse!". Everyone knows what a werewolf does to a human male she captures, but Jim found this generally hilarious. She took a battle stance "Prepare to defend yourself!". With that, Jim stopped laughing, his face mustering a dead serious look. "Alright.." he said as he pushed his blanket to the side. Before Jim actually got up, he began to do push ups on the ground with the lower part of his body resting on the bed. She looked at him in confusion "What are you doing?". Pretending to work up a sweat Jim replied "Getting ready for the epic battle awaiting me ahead!" After pushing up 10 or 15 times Jim jumped up to his feet, his smile returning to his face. "ALRIGHT! LETS WRESTLE!"

The Werewolf lunged forward, her claws out and her teeth bare, ready to smash the human to the ground, when suddenly..She was stopped? She looked up to find Jim has halted her advance with one hand against her head, his grin never leaving his face. She attempted to push forward, but failed. In frustration she wailed her arms in his general direction but hit nothing. Jim pushed her back to her original position, hopping up and down. "Come on, I know you can do better!". The wolf gritted her teeth before lunging at him from all fours, a victorious smile came across her face as her shoulder made contact with his stomach. Believing that she has knocked the wind out of him she attempts to pull back..Only for her head to be locked in place. She began to yell in shock as Jim lifts her from the ground, her legs up into the air. With the roar of the words "JIM SUPER POWER PLEX!" he dropped backwards. The Wolf closed her eyes and cringed her teeth, expecting to be smashed into the hard wooden floor, only to bounce up once. Jim purposely aimed for his own bed. He began to strut around the room. "AND THE CROWED GOES WILD!! WHAT A AMAZING MATCH UP!". She looked at him in confusion. What was wrong with this man?

Jim stopped strutting around and assumed another battle position. "IS THE DARING WOLF OF WRATH READY FOR ROUND TWO WITH JIM THE DARING!?". She looked at him and couldn't help but giggle, never has she met a man that was so...Strange.. Jim took the laughter as a signal and casually returned to his normal posture, a bright smile across his face as usual. "So, what brings you to my humble abode?" he asked with a slight Victorian accent. She looked to the ground. " I guess I was looking for a easy target...And since you "Technically" defeated me in battle...Then I must call you master..What do you wish for me to do?". Jims face molded from a happy one to a angry and stern one, he approached her, grunting and snorting. She closed her eyes, expecting the worst. After a few moments she noticed the room went quiet, opening one eye slowly she saw Jim, only a few inches away from her face. "Whats your name?" He asked curiously. "I...I don't have a name.". Jim stood away, rubbing his chin in thought. "Hmmmm. Well you can't NOT have a name, thats silly." He continued to ponder. "I think I'll call you...JIM!...Wait no, I'm Jim..". He examined her for a moment and noticed her fur was a dark blue. "How about...Blue?". She gazed at him before repeating the name "...Blue..". He crouched down to even the height again, with a smile he asked. "Do you like it?. She smiled and nodded, "Yeah..I like it.".

"Well Blue, I'm Jim!" he said, taking her hand into a shake. He looked outside, dawn still far away. "Well, Blue. Would you care to stay the night? it wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me to send you on your way at this time of night!". Blue looked at him confused, he obviously doesn't understand the idea of owning another living being. Blue nodded in agreement. "Great!" he said with a clap of his hands. "You can sleep in my bed, and I'll...Sleep on the floor!". A moment after he finished his sentenced he stretched out on the floor. She looked down at her in more confusion. "Uhm..Okay." she said, a smile appearing across her face. "Good night Jim. "Good night blue."

---

In the morning, Jim sent Blue on her way, giving her a pack of jerky for the way. With a hug she went on her way, waving back at him as she left. "Come by and visit any time!" yelled out Jim with a open smile. And as she faded from his vision, Jim stretched "Well, I better go get some vegetables!". Jim made his way behind his lodge where a moderately sized garden sat in wait. As he picked carrots from his field, he noticed two long ears peaking out from inside the field. Jim let out a whistle, the ears rose to reveal the face of a young wererabbit, eating away at his carrots. "What're you doing back there?" he yelled in his best impression of a old grouch. She eeped and began hopping into the woods. Jim stared confused for a moment before a excited smile spread across his face. "TAG? I LOVE TAG!". And with that he threw his bucket into the air, and chased after her.

The wererabbit turned her head back as she ran, and to her shock and surprise, Jim was right behind her, hopping over logs, stumps, and bushes to keep up with her. "I'm gonna gitcha!" he yelled out with a laugh, the rabbits heart began to pump furiously, scared out of her mind, what was this man going to do to her? Rape her? Torture her? Kill her? Distracted by her thoughts he leg got caught on something, sending her flying to the ground. She tried frantically to free her leg from the snare. But it was too late, the man was standing over her, a large grin on his face. She closed her eyes, thinking of a plead for her life in her head. But before she could even speak, she felt his finger touch her nose. "Tag!" he said with a cheery yell. "You're it!" and with that, he was off back towards his house. She looked at him, bewildered at first, before her face turned to one of determination, freeing herself from the snare, she rose to her feet again. "HEY! GET BACK HERE!" she yelled out as she hopped after him. She quickly gained on Jim, his laughs filling the air. "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET ME!" he yelled out as he ran ahead of her. The rabbit let out a frustrated yell before leaping forward, wrapping her arms around Jim's waist, sending them both flying back into his fields, they slid across the ground, Jim face first. She sat up. "Oh my, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt yo-". Before she could even finish her apology, Jim rose from the ground, his face covered in dirt, he laughed cheerfully. "Holy cow! You must of really wanted to catch me!". She looked at him in disbelief that he wasn't hurt one bit, but his laughter caught on and she covered her mouth, giggling with him.

Jim brushed himself off. He pushed his hand forward, which the rabbit grabbed with a smile as he helped her onto his feet. Jim shook her hand as usual with a usual grin. "Whats your name?" he asked the blushing rabbit girl. "Um..I'm Carrie.." she said with a smile. Jim gave her a bow. "Hello Carrie! My name is James Jerald Joswald Jarrington III, but you can call me Jim.". She giggled and shook his hand again. "Nice to meet you, Jimmy.". Jim froze in place and then scratched his chin. "Jimmy...Yeah I like that! You can call me Jimmy if you want!". The two spent the morning sitting in Jims garden, eating carrots and listening to Carrie tell stories, which Jim was of course interested in. Carrie looked into the sky and frowned. "Its almost noon, I bet mother wants me back for lunch.". Jim smiled and nodded. "Well it was nice meeting you Carrie, I hope you come back to visit.". Carrie grinned and bowed "Of course I will!". Jim stayed to wave her off as she hopped into the woods. He sighed and stretched. "Been meeting a lot of new friends recently!"

It was the after-noon now. Jim was taking his usual stroll through the fields near his house, humming a song to himself. But then something felt odd...He was walking forward, but going up. He looked down to see that his feet have left the ground, and then looked up to see that he was being carried off by a harpy. He snapped his fingers lightly. "Excuse me?". "Hm?" was her only response as she looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "What are you doing?" "I'm taking you to my nest." "Why?" "To mate with you of course?" "Mate?" he said with a chuckle. "Darling, I know I'm attractive, but we just met, I haven't even bought you dinner!". He of course, laughed at his own joke as the Harpy looked at him in confusion. "Now would you kindly put me down?" "Nope, sorry, no can do." "Alright!". And with that, Jim reached up and pushed his fingers between her toes. "H-hey, what are you doing?" she asked in shock. Jim began to tickle the inside of her bird like feet. She began to laugh manically. "S-Stop it, that tickles!". And before she knew it, she let go, sending Jim falling into the pond in the middle of the field. She gasped and swooped down, landing at the edge of the pond. Jim came splashing out, laughing cheerfully. "Thank god for this pond! I needed a swim anyway!". The harpy looked at him in awe as he walked away. "Well miss harpy lady!" he said with a grin. "Better luck next time!". And with that, Jim turned around, and walked home.

---

Jim let out a yawn, a odd noise from down stairs woke him up. He sits up in bed and scratches his head, clearly not in a hurry to go down stairs. After managing to drudge down the stairs, he turned the corner to the kitchen where the noise was coming from. His eyes were greeted by the sight of a rather petite woman's behind, sticking out of his cupboard, a mouse tail waving in the air. Jim, being the curious fellow that he is. Approached the snacking creature, with a firm grip he grabbed its tail with one hand, it squeaked and leaped back she took a battle stance and drew her knife, expecting a battle. Jim simply smiled. "Hi! Whats your name?"

The mouse lunged forward with her knife, slicing downwards aiming for Jim's chest. He leaped out of the way, reeling backwards "Wo,hohohoho! Was it something I said?" he asked with a chuckle, the Mouse squeaked in frustration and lunged her knife forward, Her entire movement stopped, she looked up, believing that the knife made her mark. Only to be greeted by her trusty blade being trapped between two of Jim's fingers. "Now,now." he said with a giggle. "Girls like you shouldn't be playing with knives.". The large mouse attempted to retract the steel from between Jims fingers but it was no use, Jim pushed his wrist back, pulling the knife out of her grip and throwing it across the room. She took a few steps back, her hands up front to shield herself from the human. Speaking nervously. "L-Look, I was just hungry thats all.. P-please just let me go and I'll n-never come back..". Jims eyes widened in curiosity, he looked at her and then at his kitchen before he smiled again. "Would you like something to eat?".

The mouse sat at the table of the now lantern lit kitchen. Dangling her feet from the chair and looking down at the ground as Jim hummed and made something at the stove. After awhile, Jim presented her a plate of pan cakes and a cup of his "Famous" caramel tea. She stared at the meal for a quick second, she never had a hot meal presented to her, happily, she lifted her fork and knife, and began to dive into the pancakes. Jim laughed at her eagerness. "So! Do you have a name?". The large mouse managed to gulp down a rather full mouth before nodding. "Miya, my name is Miya.". Jim nodded "Hello Miya! My name is James Jerald Joswald Jarrington III! But you can call me Jim.". Miya smiled brightly, revealing the large clumps of pancake stuck in her teeth. After the meal, Miya fell asleep at the table, curled up in her arms. Jim snorted once and yawned. "I think I'll follow you on that..". With that he picked her up and moved her onto his living rooms arm chair, unrolling the blanket at the feet and tucking her in with it. Making one more yawn, he blew out the lanterns, and went back upstairs to sleep.

Of course, Jim woke up early in the morning, after dressing himself in his normal red and blue clothing, he proceeded down the stairs, noticing that Miya was long gone, and nothing was actually stolen (or nothing Jim actually cared about.). Jim sighed, kind of disappointing that she didn't say good bye. But that feeling quickly went away when he realized it was another bright and sunny day outside. With a quick chomp on some bread, Jim ran out the door and off into a random direction. After a bit of running, Jim screeched to a halt when he realized the forest suddenly changed from its normal northern oak, to tropical rain forest. The air was wet and heavy, and he generally sweated just for being in that area. Jim took a step back and examined his surroundings before the silence was suddenly broken. "HALT, INTRUDER!". Jim froze for a second before stepping forward, he was the only person there and didn't know anybody named "Intruder.". "I SAID STOP!". With that, a Amazoness leaped from the woods, "Not one more step, intruder!". Jim looked at her in confusion before looking around to see if there was anyone else there. "You must be mistaken, my dear. My name isn't Intruder, its Jim.". She jumped forward, pointing her sword at Jim's face. "One more word out of you, human and I'll cut your tongue ou-." before the amazoness could finish her threat, Jim made a "Num!" noise and bit down on her sword.

"H-hey! What are you doing!?". The amazon tried with all her might to either push the blade down his throat or yank it out of his mouth, but it wouldn't budge. With his teeth baring down on the steel, Jim began to jut his jaw upwards with his head. CRRAAACCK!! The blade split in half, sending the amazon flying to the ground. Jim spat out the large slab of steel in his mouth, a triumphant grin plastered on his mug. The amazon pushed her hair away from her eyes and charged forward, fists ready to pound the humans face in. Jim chuckled and moved casually to the left, sticking his foot out. The amazon gulped as she tripped over his foot, sending her reeling into the ground. With one more grunt of frustration she stood back up, ready for Jims attacks, but Jim simply walked passed her. "Mother always told me never to hit a girl." he said lightly as he began to hum. The amazon looked at him in awe, before becoming intrigued. Silently, she followed behind him.

Jim looked around himself every now and then, always thinking that he was being followed, but brushed it aside and continued his happy stroll. It wasn't until he smelt something very pleasant that he stopped in place. He took a long inhale, what ever it was it smelled really sweet and welcoming. After a little concentration, Jim realized it was coming from a large green plant sprouting from the west side of the field. He approached it and began to examine it. Its leaves seemed to be enclosing something inside. He took one more step closer, wondering if he could use it for food. Jim then felt something wrap around his legs, looking down he noticed two vines snaring him in place. The plant suddenly opened, grabbing onto Jim and swallowing inside. After a few moments of silence, struggling could be heard from inside, it sounded like a woman... Jims hands pierced the cracks of the plants cage, prying them apart slowly until they gave out and slammed into the ground, as he stepped out, the vines ensnared him again, but he simply lifted his feet and tore away from their grip. Out of the plant lied a woman, her skin was pink and her long green hair covered her breasts. "I...How!?" she asked in disbelief, a human escaping from a man-trap with almost no effort. "Sorry lady." he said with a grin. "You're going to have to be sneakier to catch me!". And with a chuckle he waltzed off. "Oh, but you're welcome to stop by at my lodge for tea sometime! I would love the company!" he yelled back before continuing his waltz, humming his usual tune.

Jims trek home led him past a batch of caves he didn't notice before, and of course Jim being Jim, he wanted to know what was inside. He stood outside the caves, his arms at his side, examining them from the outside, after a few moments he could hear the sound of feint giggling coming from the cave. As it got louder the source of the sound made itself clear. Four rather matured orcs came bumbling from the cave, staring at Jim and licking their lips. "A man!" one yelled out. "I haven't had one of those in a long time!". The four approached him, swinging their hammers left and right. Jim smiled and shrugged. "Ladies, please! Do not fight over me!". The orcs laughed "Who said we're gonna fight over you! Nup-nup, knock him out cold!". The farthest right orc nodded and charged forward, her large hammer held high over her head, Jims smile turned into a confident grin as he crouched down, the hammer about to drop on his head. "JIM PUNCH!" he yelled out as he threw his fist forward, making contact with the hammer. The blades of grass under them swayed away as the two forces met. The orc looked in confusion for a moment before a cracking sound was heard. She squealed in shock as her hammer shattered into pieces, she gulped and stepped away from Jim. Jim stood back up to his normal posture and smiled, shaking his hand to get the shock out of it. Each orc stepped back murmuring to each other before running back to their caves. With a victorious stretch, Jim continued his trek.

It was nightfall when Jim finally made it back to his house, he let out a yawn as he waltzed through his front door. "I think its time to head in early." he said to himself as he marched up stairs, quickly dressing into his pajamas. After making his bed, he opened his bedroom window. "Good night world!" he yelled out cheerfully, and of course no replies. Smiling he closed his window "I'll get you next time..". Stretching once more, Jim curled himself up in his bed, and drifted to sleep. His bedroom door creaked open again this night. The intruder crawling into his room on all fours. She leaned over his bed, the moon light revealing that it was Blue. She looked at Jim and then looked behind herself. Carefully she tip toed over to the door she opened and slowly creaked in closed, then tip toed back to Jim's bed. slowly and quietly raising the covers, Blue crawled into the bed and laid next to Jim. She looked at his sleeping face and smiled. "Good night Jim." She whispered before closing her eyes. "Good night Blue." he murmured back.

---

Jims eyes slowly opened as the sun beamed into his room, he sat up and yawned loudly, scratching his head in the process. Jim took time examining his room, he could of sworn he heard Blue last night...Oh well! As soon as he finished dressing in his daily outfit, he jumped at the sound of loud and frantic knocking coming from the door downstairs. He opened the door to be greeted by two pairs of rabbit ears. Tilting his head downwards he was greeted by a frightened Carrie, tears were streaming down her eyes and she was holding a make shift club. "Uh, hey Carrie, whats wrong?" "Poachers! Poachers took my momma!" Jim shook himself out of his drowsy state, her words alerting him. "W-what? Which way did they go!?" Carrie pointed to the east. And with a nod, Jim sprinted off in that direction, with Carrie hopping behind him. "What a waste of time.." mumbled a man clad in chain mail, he was armed with a Halberd that was the same height he was. "Three days in the woods and all we get is a stinking were rabbit.". A man dressed in leather armor and had a Morion on top of his head. He was armed with a repeating 30 round crossbow, and was apparently the acting commander of the 2 other men with crossbows. "Quit your belly aching, Easterling nobles would pay a good price for one of these.". There were exactly 10 poachers, all of them armed with either a sword, a halberd, or a crossbow. Carries mother was curled up within a cage being carried by two of the men. The poachers march halted suddenly when the tall man with the halberd stopped walking. "Hold it.." he ordered as the two men put the cage to the ground. Standing in front of them was Carrie, armed with her club she attempted to look as intimidating as possible. "Well well well, what do we have here..Dis lil poppet here wants to fight us....Well sorry for you little missy, we only have one cage..." With a nod to the crossbow captain, he and his two companions hurried forward, they aimed their crossbows and the poor were rabbit, and opened fire. The three men stood in place, their drums now empty of bolts, the spot that Carrie was standing was now covered in dust kicked up from the high powered barrage. Carries mother had her eyes covered, afraid to witness her daughters fate. The leader of the poachers stepped forward, his halberds end resting in the dirt, he squinted in disbelief as the dust settled. "What...The...Hell..". As the sight of the carnage became more visible, their eyes came upon a normal man standing in front of wererabbit, surrounded by missed shots. Jim stood between Carrie and the barrage, he grinned as he raised both his hands, in between each finger was four bolts. The crossbow men took a few steps back, murmuring to each other about a "Some kind of demon...". The leader cleared his throat. "Oi, you there, I suggest you and your little friend step aside before we have to do something more drastic!". Jim stood up straight and crossed his arms, pretending to be in deep thought. "Hm...Nope! I don't think I can do that! Sorry!" He then pointed forward towards the cage. "But you can let my friends mother go, before I have to do something drastic!". The Leader spit to the ground. "Have it your way..". He nodded to two of his men, each armed with a sword. "Kill him..". The two nodded and drew their blades, each taking one step before charging forward. Like a flash of lightning, Jim sprinted ahead, appearing right in front of the two men, catching them by surprise. Before they could swing their swords, Jim leaped forward, Cloths lining both of them by the neck, sending them spiraling to the ground. A third man charged from Jim's side, swinging his sword for his neck. But to no prevail, the sword only cut through air as Jim ducked under it. "HAHA! TOO SLOW!" yelled out Jim in a Victorian accent before connecting a uppercut with the mans chin, sending him flying through the air and through a tree. Three more men tried their luck against Jim, each armed with a Halberd they all stabbed at his stomach at the same time. Before steel could make contact with flesh, Jim was holding each weapon together with his right hand. Lifting all three men into the air by their weapons he swung them around, sending each hurling into the air and then into the ground, leaving a large crater. "HAHA! BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME MY GOOD CHUMS!" taunted Jim once more. In a last ditch effort the few men still able to move, including the crossbow men all charged at Jim. He grinned before charging back at them, his right hand balled into a fist and cranked back. "JIM PUUUNCH!" he yelled out as he through his fist forward, making contact with the leading mans chest. A shock wave coursed through the air as every man in the vicinity of the attack was sent flying in all directions. All that remained now was the leader. The poacher leader stood frozen in place, his gruff hard ass attitude replaced by sheer terror. Jim marched forward, each hand wrapped into a fist. The leader took a few steps back before falling onto his rear. "L-l-l-look, we didn't really MEAN to take her it was all a uh...A joke! yeah thats it...And uh...And we're really really really really sorry and I'm sure we ca-". Before the leader could finish speaking, Jim stood in a crouch, his face a few inches away from the frightened man. Jim looked at him with a look of sternness and anger. "Look here, buddy." said Jim in a demanding voice. "I don't like poachers. Its not even a real job.. I want you to take your buddies, run back to what ever possibly pleasant village you came from, and look into a real profession...Like a black smith...Or a baker...". With a few accepting and scared nods, the poacher scurried backwards before standing to his feet and running into the woods, with his employees limping behind him. "H-hey boss, wait up!" "Don't leave us out here!". With a victorious stretch, Jim turned towards the cage, tearing the top off and helping the captured were rabbit out. "MOMMA!". Carrie hopped towards her mother, falling into a embrace. Her mother smiled and looked back to Jim. "Thank you so much. I don't know what Carrie would do without me." With one last grin, Jim bow. "No problem ma'm. Just doing whats right.". And with that, Jim turned away from the two and made his way back to his lodge. "I think I just earned my breakfast. It was noon, and already the captain of the monster control regiment was given a report. He rubbed his eyes in frustration. "Let me get this straight....You're telling me...A Normal man...Took down you and 9 of your men?" "T-thats correct.." "And...This must be a typo...He punched someone...Through a tree?" "Yes sir...It fell down and everything." The captain gave him one more stare before leaving back into his barracks. He was greeted by one of his officers. "What are the reports? Sir." asked the officer curiously. "Bull shit, that's what..."

---

West of Jim's lodge lies a part of the forest that is very dark. It is said by the villagers back in the kingdom that a Elf kingdom lies deep within these woods, and they reside only were the sun truly shines within. Jim has never tried to enter the woods, mainly because he hasn't interested him, but today he was simply strolling around the outside, when he noticed someone emerge from the woods. She was wearing a green, leaf like dress, her hair was long and bright blond with two long ears protruding from each side. Apparently the rumors are true. The elf girl continued her walk almost zoned out to her situation. She didn't stop her march until she realized she was being watched. She turned her head to the side to see Jim standing a few feet away from her, examining her curiously. He smiled and raised one hand. "Hi!". "..Hello." "Whats your name?" The elf looked at him, confused to why a human was walking around in the neutral zone. "Uhm...Eve.." Jim bowed. "Greetings Eve. My name is James Jerald Joswald Jarrington III. But you can call me Jim.". Eve smiled, the man obviously meant no harm. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Jim. But, might I ask...What are you doing out here?" "Out here?" "Yes...In the Neutral zone..." "...I live here.". Eve looked at him in disbelief, her mind trying to comprehend a human living freely in the neutral zone. "Aren't you afraid of being captured by the monsters?" Jim snorted out a laugh. "No, its alright, I can look after myself! But...May I ask you a question?" Eve tilted her head "What is it?" "What are YOU doing out here?" She sighed "If you must know.. Its a oath my family made to a noble family in the Kingdom. The first born daughter of my family must marry the first born son of the noble family." Jim nodded. "Do you want to marry this man?". Eve sighed "No...Not at all...The Duke of Artin is a very evil man, a sadist and very cruel.". Jim stepped forward, alarmed by her words "Well he doesn't sound very noble at all! Surely you can avoid the wedding! Once more Even sighed, now trying hold back tears. "I meet him tonight at a ball. My only hope is if some phantom would just whisk me away...". With not one more word she left Jim standing there. As she left, Jim rubbed his chin. "Phantom, eh?..." Eve stood at one side of the Ball room, trying her best to blend in with the crowed in order to avoid the duke for as long as possible. She could see him from the other side of the dance floor, his eyes cold and unforgiving as he scanned the crowed. He was a bearded man, wearing a suit only a duke could afford and a sword lied sheathed to his side. It didn't take long for his eyes to meet hers, Eve gulped down the lump in her throat before stepping forward to greet her husband to be. The Duke stepped forward, towering over her by a full two inches. "You are Eve, I presume?". He asked in a dark tone. She gulped once more and nodded, feeling his eyes brush over her. "You are not what I'd have hoped for...But you will do..". He reached out with one hand, expecting her to give him hers. Eve looked down, her hand shaking as she too reached forward. "AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!". A loud and shrill laughter echoed through the ball room, the party went quiet as the laughing continued, when suddenly the large windowed ceiling shattered. coming down with the glass was a man draped in black, a cape waving behind him, he wore a half mask on his face, just enough to see the crazed look on the left side of his face. "WHAT IS THIS I SEE!?" asked the man loudly. "A DUKE NOT WORTHY OF THIS FINE LADIES HAND!? HE TAKES IT BY FORCE, WHAT HE CANNOT CLAIM BY RIGHT!? SUCH A SHAME. The duke stood forward, towards the masked man. "How dare you! I am the Duke of Artin! You shall show respect peasent!". The masked man stood up. "OH, A PEASENT!? I AM HURT MY DEAR BRUTE, TO BE A PEASANT YOU MUST LIVE IN SERVITUDE OF ONE, I HOWEVER LIVE IN SERVITUDE OF NONE, A FREE MAN WHO WALKS THESE PLAINS, A PHANTOM OF WHOM SHALL TAKE THIS DAME!". It would seem at this point, the "phantom" decided to start rhyming. The Duke snarled and lunged forward, drawning his sword and thrusting at the mans stomach, only to be stopped cold by just two of the phantoms fingers. He pulled the sword out of his hands and jabbed the man in the forehead, knocking him off his feet. The Phantom leaped over the duke and wrapped around Eve, covering her in his cloak. She looked up at the man, at first frightened, until he looked down and grinned a familiar grin. "Don't worry Eve." he whispered. "I'm here to rescue you!". The duke sat up and pointed at the Phantom. "Guards! Seize him!". At his order, thirty guards marched into the room, surrounding the phantom and Eve. One more maniacal laugh was let out before the phantom examined the guards. "SURRENDER, A TERM OF WHICH I DO NOT KNOW, BUT IF YOU SURRENDER NOW I SHALL LET YOU GO!". Each guard let out a confident chuckle before advancing forward. "VERY WELL MY FRIENDS THEN THIS DAME I SHALL TAKE, AND NOW I SHALL MAKE MY DARING ESCAPE!". With these last words the Phantom crouched down before springing upwards into the broken window he came crashing down on. His maniacal laughter filling the air once more. The captain rubbed his eyes in frustration, he's been doing this a lot lately. "So..He disarmed the Duke with two fingers?" "That is correct." "And then........He uh...He leaped out through the way he came in.." "Yes." "...Which was a few stories high.." "Correct." "....I guess I'll put some one right on it..."

---

After the whole ball fiasco, Jim led Eve back to her forest and they said their good byes, It was getting late and it was time for bed. It wasn't until half way home that Jim smelt something, something almost rancid. He took the time to smell his arm pits when he realized it. "Pew yew.." he mumbled to himself. "I think its time for a bath..". After filling a few buckets full of father from the near by spring he marched off into his bathroom, filling his bath tub with the hot water. After managing to peel his clothing off his skin he dipped into the water. "Ahhh." he let out a long sigh as he relaxed in the tub, letting the warm water sooth his muscles. But wait...Something didn't feel right...The water was a lot gooeyer than usual. Looking down he noticed something strange about the water...It was staring back..

Jim froze in place as a head emerged from his tub. It wasn't long until the slime took the shape of a woman's upper body. She pressed herself against Jims bare skin and wrapped her slimy arms around his neck."Hello." she purred with a smile. Jim gave a nervous grin, attempting to remain calm, not to excite the slime. She inched her face closer to his. "Now why would you "Kidnap" me from my resting place?" she asked him, her mischievous smile never leaving her face. "W-W-Well I- I'm sorry, I thought you were water." She giggled before pulling back a bit. "Well I guess you're mine now..". With those words Jim leaped out of the tub, sending the slime splashing backwards before leaping out of the tub and following him. "NO THANK YOU!" he yelled before leaving the bathroom, completely naked.

As Jim ran down the stairs, he noticed something from the corner of his eye, when he turned his head towards the living room he realized his window was wide open, and standing on the back rest of his favorite armchair was the harpy from a few days prior, grinning from ear to ear. "I finally found you!" she yelled, pointing her right wing at Jim. "And you are already naked for the taking!". Jim backed up into the kitchen. "Can this wait? I'm kind of in the middle of something..". As he backed up, his back bumped into something soft and squishy. He gulped and turned his head around his eyes being greeted by a orc, the very same orc who's hammer he crushed with his fist. As he backed away from her now, she advanced, licking her lips. "You owe me a new hammer, and I don't think you have the craftsmanship to make one..". Jim backed towards the door, either he would have to go with one monster, and become a human dildo, or be shared between the three, and still be a human dildo. There wasn't much he could do inside, too cramped, and he didn't want to break his furniture, and of course he couldn't hit any of them, what would his mom say? His only hope was to get outside and think of a plan, He spun around and bolted for the door, slamming it open only to be greeted by a familiar sight.

Mara the Minotaurus stood in shock at Jims front door, the basket full of fresh apples she managed to pick dropped to the ground, her face red as Jims naked body stood before her. "J-Jim." "Yes Mara?" "Why...Why are you naked?...An-And sweaty....And naked?" Everyone in the general vicinity froze in place, Jims eyes jutted left and right before staring back at Mara. "Well Mara, I was trying to take a bath, and my cloths are stinky and sticky so I didn't want to wear them". He then paused for a second before put his hands on his side, a insulted look spread across his face. "And do you have a problem with my sweaty manhood?". Mara managed to take her eyes away from him to examine the three other monsters chasing him. "Are you having troubles here?" "....Yes...". Mara snorted and reached for the side of the door, drawing her large war hammer that she rested there. The three monsters gulped and backed out the window the harpy came in on. Jim looked back at Mara and grinned. "Perhaps I should get some pants now.."