Kurdoss Valentian

The ultimate beta.

"If you're not her priority, you're only an option."

– common wisdom for men in dating

Behold, the spooky love child of Scar from the Lion King, the Scriptural first murderer Cain (the real-life namesake for this Khaine), and Bob Cratchet from a Christmas Carol! Kurdoss Valentian (also known as "The Cuckold Craven King") is a Nighthaunt character and Husband to Lady Olynder. In life, he was a ruthless deceiver and a master tactician that backstabbed and betrayed his way to the throne of his country to the point that even Tzeentch would applaud. He even killed his own brothers to secure his rise to power. But, he made the ultimate mistake any monarch that lived in/around the Age of Myth could do; he did this AND chose Sigmar as his patron. And Old Bonesy-boy did NOT like this at all.

So, to punish Kurdoss, he was struck dead just before he could ascend to the throne - literally at his own coronation ceremony - sending Kurdoss' soul screeching down to the underworld as an angry wraith. But even then, he kept his nasty streak and was as deadly as ever. Nagash, ever the utilitarian was impressed, but still salty about Kurdoss' - this is Nagash we're talking about, he doesn't recover from Butthurt easily. And so Nagash condemned him with further punishment. The final part of this was he was forced to marry Lady Olynder. One might initially think that being betrothed to the Mortarch of Grief would be a boon, if anything, until one remembers that Olynder is canonically the literal most whiny and miserable spirit in the realms. It's also another joke at their expenses from Nagash; in addition to Olynder's misery, being married to Olynder puts him as close to rulership as possible without actually having it, cementing his title as the Craven King. Amazing.

About those extra punishments, what Nagash did was condem Kurdoss to never be allowed true rulership. To that effect - and to rub salt in the wound for Kurdoss, because y'know, why not - Nagash bound him with several things;

• He is forced to obey Olynder, no matter what, meaning that Olynder is most definitely the one who wears the ethereal pants in this relationship.
• He cannot raise his voice above a whisper, so no regal and inspiring speeches from Kurdy.
• He was graciously given several gifts which serve solely to take the piss. These include a Scepter, a massively oversized Crown, a big floating throne and a pair of ghost "heralds" that loudly mock him, like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets (Herald 1: "I wouldn't say we're like Statler and Waldorf." Herald 2: "Yeah, why's that?" Herald 1: "I think in a few plays, those guys got to see actual kings." Both: "DoHOHOHOHO!")

Naturally, this hasn’t left him too happy. He is literally so bitter about his fate, that he exudes an aura of bitterness so potent that it makes the words of ACTUAL generals and such choke in their mouths. Perturabo is suddenly feeling inadequate in terms of bitterness levels.

Gallery

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  Basically Kurdoss' entire (un)life.