Necron

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5th Edition wrecked their shit.

Necrons are the source of all grimdark in the Warhammer 40,000 universe. They also worship (theoretical) vampires who like sucking the (tasty, gooey) living shit out of a star. Which is bizarre, but Games Workshop frequently does shit like that. Apparently the star-suckin' vampire ghosts have a stupid name like C'tan or some shit like that. Also most necron players will almost always lose, much like the teams from Toronto.

What The Fuck Happened

A long-ass time ago (even before the Spess Elfs) the Necrontyr (original much?) lived on a planet blasted by radiation from their sun. Their short lives were punctuated from beginning to end with cancers and pain.

At the same time, a race of psychically-attuned forefathers called the Old Ones had built a vast civilization throughout the galaxy. They seeded many races (leaving humanity alone) and generally showed off. Oh yeah, and they are speculated to be immortal lizards.

The Necrontyr met the Old Ones and whined about how short their lives were in comparison to the Old Ones, so they threw a hissy fit. The Old Ones were badass though, and seriously fucked up the Necrontyr's shit until the whiny bitches were clinging to the edge of the galaxy because nobody cared enough to wipe them out.

The Necrontyr loosed a force known as the C'tan, beings of immense power over the corporeal world. The realm of the Warp, which the Old Ones used extensively, was as anathema to them, and they sought nothing less than the total separation of the real world from the Maelstrom.

The Necrontyr bargain with the Deceiver (lol, they had it coming; except that's not what the Necrons called it) for eternal life. The Deceiver agrees and then rips their souls out their collective urethra, replacing the Necrontyr with the skeletal metal bodies of the Necrons.

War breaks out between the Necron and the Old Ones. The Old Ones get their asses soundly beat over and over again, creating new races (lol, Krork) to defend themselves with. Oh, and by using the Warp as a weapon, they turned it into the fun place we all know and love.

After the Old Ones were pwned by the Enslaver Plague, the C'Tan go on a feast of galactic proportions. It isn't until they realize that the food (see: EVERYTHING!) is drying out that they decide to go to sleep for 60 million years, 'till McDonald's are invented.

In present time, the Necron spend most of their time killing anything with a pulse and generally hating anything living, including bacteria. They're the goth craze if you dipped them in liquid hate and injected them with 400% of your daily allotment of cheese.

Moral of the story: Finish the damn war and wipe the bastards out or they WILL beat you over the head with a Deus Ex Machina.

Gameplay

The Necron have been severely nerfed in 5th Edition with the new Armor Penetration rules. This wikifag welcomes the nerf, as the boon to his Guard makes up for it.

Necron are pretty much slower Space Marines with a 4+ Invulnerable save ("We'll Be Back!"). They have only one troop type, one vehicle (we only need one!), and the crappiest close-combat unit in history, Pariahs. I mean, seriously, why give them the ability to bust open Termies if they're only as fast as a Guardsman? WHY?!

Gauss weaponry causes automatic wounds/glancing hits on a roll of 6. Supposedly, you could take out a Land Raider with Necron Warriors in 4th Edition. The new vehicle damage table nerfs Gauss weaponry considerably, making it so you have to blow all the weapons off and immobilize the vehicle TWICE to kill it with glancing hits alone. We'll be seeing more Tomb Spyders and Pariahs for anti-vehicle support these days.

The Monolith is probably the most recognizable unit in the Necron army. 14-round armor, a main weapon you can't disable with a "Weapon Destroyed" result, the ability to teleport your guys out of harm's way, and the only (?) skimmer not to crash when Immobilized. Although in 5th, skimmers only do that if they were moving flat out the previous turn, and the Monolith actually can't move fast enough to crash when Immobilized. Mmmmm, cheesy.

Necron infantry are generally slow moving, hard hitting, much like the space marines, if the space marines were able to never die. There is nothing, read me, NOTHING, scarier than a Necron player with almost-cheating luck.

Ex. Player one has just destroyed player two's Necron warrior squad.

Player two, A.K.A. Kenny, rolls the die.

Player one, A.K.A. Commander Numb-Nutz, is making odd sounds with his mouth, in mockery of Kenny.

Kenny, A.K.A. Rob, rolls a one. Commander Numb-Nutz promptly stops making noises with his mouth.

Rob A.K.A. Rob puts his Necron MF back on the board, and promptly smokes Commander Numb-Nutz's ass from here to the golden Shithouse.

Necrons in Books n' Shit

There's almost no (semi)official 40k books that cover 'Cronz as even a main-ish topic, but as time progresses we are seeing them take an almost backstage place in the fluffaggotry of 40k. The fifth book in the Soul Drinkers series by Ben Counter features our favorite purple-armored Astartes fighting some vanilla 'crons with a chocolate swirl of WTFISTHATSHIT GIANT METAL BUG NOMNOMNOMZ MAH BATTLEBROS!?! Oh, and the Mechanicus shows up, fucks with the Soul Drinkers cause traitors in their space hulk is Extra Fucking Heretical! But then, suddenly, Necrons Everywhere! Aaaaand...they're fucked. Final battle and dem humees is trolling a tomb world, facing the big bad brain bot (aka C'Tan-ish thing). Spoilers: Soul Drinkers win...lol jk. Fucking Pwnt! jkjk, or am I?

Victories n' shit

Necrons, though vicious aren't really great at winning. If their army is reduced to 25% they disappear like the fucking sissies they are which has lead to many jokes about them losing including one from a person on dakka who said "The Codex has a few pictures of Necrons winning. I really doubt that." Lulz ensued.

See Also

• lolcron
• Lolicron
• Lovecron

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  Suddenly, Monoliths just got even more awesome.

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  Angry Marines can really fuck your shit up.

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  Necron players are well-known for their carefully planned tactics of "move-shoot-move-shoot".

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  Now that's what I call a Skeleton Crew! Waka-waka.

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  PIRATE NECRONS vs. NINJA BANSHEES

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  Here we see the humble Lolcron, irritably drawing away.

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• Lolcron and lolicron - know the difference!

  Lolcron and lolicron - know the difference!

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  This is ten times funnier than it used to be.

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  Lolcron is a lazy bum these days.

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  /tg/ hates Necrons, Lolcron knows this and abuses it.