Necron

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5th Edition wrecked their shit. It also made their fluff halfway tolerable. It still doesn't excuse the original shit.

Necrons, also known by some as Noobcrons, are the Tomb King expys of the 40,000 universe. Which rounds off the rest of the 40K universe being Fantasy races.... IIIIIN SPAAAAAAACE. They also worship (theoretical) vampires who like sucking the (tasty, gooey) living shit out of a star. Which is bizarre, but Games Workshop frequently does shit like that.

Some have considered the Noobcrons to have been unduly OP during their introduction. A respectable amount of evidence can be gathered to grant credence to either points of view. All agree however that the old fluff they had was absolute shit worthy of Matt Ward and the 5th edition at least fixed that.

Anybody who thought Necrons were an overpowered race probably failed probability in high school. HURR DURR, BITTER NECRON FANBOY. And thus, the cycle of Neckbeard rage begins anew.

They'll probably be hideously overpowered again after their Codex comes out in 2011... they'll probably be able to autokill on a six and do their old auto-wound/glancing hit on 3s or more or some broken shit like that. They are still totally fucking overpowered in battlefleet gothic though, their cruisers can crush many other race's battleships without much trouble. But no one plays Battlefleet Gothic, so who gives a shit?

The Necrons are on the cusp of their next update, but fans cannot tell whether to rejoice or tremble as they live under the constant shadow of Matt Ward. After making the Necrons and Blood Angels secret lovers that the universe was not yet ready to understand, it is an understandable fear that the Great Taint may spread to the robots, who have already suffered from GW's neglect.

Updates EVERYWHERE!....unfortunately for the Space Zombies, Matt Ward is gunning for them.

Birth of the Angry Goth Terminators

Nothing is sacred

A long-ass time ago (even before the Spess Elves) the Necrontyr lived on a planet blasted by radiation from their sun. Their short lives were punctuated from beginning to end with cancers, AIDS, and pain.

At the same time, a race of psychically-attuned forefathers called the Old Ones had built a vast civilization throughout the galaxy. They seeded many races (leaving humanity alone) and generally showed off. Oh yeah, and they are speculated to be immortal lizards.

The Necrontyr met the Old Ones and quickly grew to resent their neighbors, loathing how long their lifespan was by comparison. Resentment grew into bitter jealousy and finally all-consuming hatred. The Old Ones were indeed much stronger though, and repelled Necrontyr assault after assault until the angsty race was clinging to the edge of the galaxy.

The Necrontyr finally located and loosed a force known as the C'tan, beings with immense power over the corporeal world. The realm of the Warp, which the Old Ones used extensively, was anathema to them, and they sought nothing less than the total separation of the real world from the Maelstrom.

The Necrontyr bargained with the Deceiver - yes, suspend your disbelief for a moment that anyone would trust a guy named the Deceiver - for eternal life. The Deceiver promised the living Necron race immortality and fun times if they'd sacrifice their bodies to the gods to be replaced with metallic-y goodness The Deceiver agreed and then ripped their souls out of their collective urethrae, replacing the Necrontyr with the skeletal metal bodies of the Necrons.

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War breaks out between the Necron and the Old Ones. The Old Ones get their asses soundly beat over and over again, creating new races (lol, Krork) to defend themselves with. Oh, and by using the Warp as a weapon, they turned it into the fun place we all know and love.

After the Old Ones strategy of cranking out race after race to be used backfired when the Enslaver Plague rolled around, the C'Tan go on a feast of galactic proportions. It isn't until they realize that the food (see: EVERYTHING!) is drying out that they decide to go to sleep for 60 million years, 'till the scrumptious morsels known as EVERYTHING regrew.

In present time, the Necron spend most of their time killing anything with a pulse and generally hating anything living, including bacteria. The rest of their time is spent on sleeping and being Super Secret Pony Princess Unicorn Best Friends Forever with Blood Angels. Because that makes sense. (We don't like it any more than you do - 'Crons) They're the goth craze if you dipped them in liquid hate and injected them with 400% of your daily allotment of cheese.

Moral of the story: Finish the damn war and wipe the bastards out or they WILL beat you over the head with a Deus Ex Machina.

Gameplay

A mountain of rape

Pre-5th edition, the Necrons were virtually, an unstoppable Shooty army. Their simple tactic of move-shoot-move-shoot in-tandem with their gauss weaponry capable of vaporizing anything (including heavy tanks) infront of them with impunity, and their Marine-like stats spawned the all famous "March of Doom", which was basically a non-stop forward march of Necron Warriors, Immortals, and Destroyers to flatten the table. And the innate WBB rolls ensured that the march was fuckhard to stop, especially in tandem with resurrection orbs, pylons, monoliths, and some of the cheesier necron formations; since the guys your had a very good chance of getting back into the game after getting killed. But that was then

The Necron have been severely nerfed in 5th Edition, due to vehicles being a bit more sturdy. In the previous edition, they could potentially destroy any enemy (including heavy vehicles) with just their default troops choice - Gauss weaponry caused (and still does) automatic wounds/glancing hits on a roll of 6. Necron Warriors dispatching Land Raiders or Leman Russ Tanks with these glancing hits was not unheard of, causing many veterans of 40K tabletop to rightly declare the Necrons to be Cheese.

Post-edition update, due to the new Armor Penetration rules, Necron Warriors can still harass, stun-lock, and annoy vehicles - even heavy ones - but are much less able to gun down a heavy like a Predator Tank or Vindicator with simple massed Warrior fire, to the delight of non-Necron players everywhere. Massed fire from Necron Warriors can still kill a heavy vehicle, but it will take a veritable barrage of shots to do now, making it a bit less likely that players can spam the shit out of warrior squads and come away triumphant, making this an improvement. A smart Necron player learns to not over-rely on Warriors now, using backup from Tomb Spyders, the Necron Lord, Pariahs, and Destroyers in order to pack quality antivehicle options.

In spite of the nerf, Necrons remain a competent and extremely dangerous force to an infantry-based army (especially the Tyranids who are easily fucked over by auto-wounds). A competently-run Necron army will be able to threaten heavy vehicles as well; one that continues to over-rely on Necron Warriors will find itself getting raped if a Leman Russ, Manticore Rocket Launcher, Deathstrike Missile Launcher, or Vindicator hits the table. Stat-wise, Necrons are rather similar to Space and Chaos Marines, though they essentially have a 4+ Invulnerable Save in their We'll Be Back! rule. They have only one troop type, one vehicle, and are heavily-focused on shooting (though they have some tough melee options like Flayed Ones and infuriatingly tough-to-kill Wraiths). They also have a useful Monstrous Creature of sorts in the Tomb Spyder.

The infamous Monolith is easily the most recognizable unit that the Necrons possess, being their only actual vehicle. It has 14 armor on each side (and thus no vulnerable spots), a main weapon that cannot be disabled with a "weapon destroyed" result, the ability to teleport your troops out of harm's way, and, in the previous edition, the only skimmer that would not crash when immobilized. In the current edition, skimmers only crash if they moved flat-out the previous turn - and the Monolith can't actually move fast enough to crash when it gets immobilized. However, the same update to glancing hits made it even harder to destroy.

Necron infantry are generally slow moving, hard hitting, much like the space marines, if the space marines were able to never die. They back this with annoying deep-strikers and fast-moving infantry that are designed to support the Necron player's advance. There is nothing - I repeat - NOTHING, scarier than a Necron player with almost-cheating luck.

Ex. Player one has just destroyed player two's Necron warrior squad.

Player two, A.K.A. Kenny, rolls the die.

Player one, A.K.A. Commander Numb-Nutz, is making odd sounds with his mouth, in mockery of Kenny.

Kenny, A.K.A. Rob, rolls a one. Commander Numb-Nutz promptly stops making noises with his mouth.

Kenny A.K.A. Rob puts his Necron MF back on the board, and promptly smokes Commander Numb-Nutz's ass from here to the golden Shithouse.

Victories n' Whatnot

Necrons, though vicious in combat, aren't really great at winning. If their army is reduced to 25% they disappear. This forces players to steer away from using otherwise handy units such as Pariahs and Scarabs, lest they risk getting phased out within one or two turns. The Necrons are thus a hit-or-miss force, either outright flattening the opponent or getting steamrolled themselves.

If you want to win with Necrons, be prepared to use Warriors by the dozens, and be prepared to back them up with support like Destroyers and Spyders.

Alternately, one can play Apocalypse and use the Monolith Phalanx, which is one of - if not THE - cheesiest bullshit since 2nd edition Tyranid strategy dice rolls and the Tyranid attack mission card, it's on par with the equally bullshit Tyranid Apocalypse formation "out of ammo sarge!" which prevents any squad from attacking (even if it's melee or the ranged weapon doesn't even fucking use ammo) if they rolled more than six 6's but as that formation has been errata'd the Cronz now hold the uncontested title of cheesiest formation ever.

Fuck you GW, fuck you with a Gauss blaster

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

Matt Ward is rumored to be writing the 2011 Necron Codex, All is lost...Please... We'll take Robin Cruddace's "Rarg this faction is unstoppable and can counter everything" b.s. over Matt Ward's nonsense... Please, GW... Give us anyone but Ward...

In the infinite wisdom of Games Workshop (Read: Derp), there are strong indications that Matt Fucking Ward is going to be the writer of the Necrons' new Codex. Since Matt Ward is pretty much the avatar of immeasurable failure in the WH40K community and has been 4 for 4 (and one mini codex update) in writing completely broken, fluff-retarded updates, /tg/ isn't going to be surprised that the Necrons' fluff and crunch will be horridly raped and blown out of proportions unseen since the Grey Knights' update. Past experience tells us that they will either:

A. be nerfed through the nine hells all the way down to the bottom of the fucking warp and given horribly lame fluff that makes them look weak.

B. Be buffed to ungodly levels (see: Invulnerable Monoliths) and be given fluff that makes Cruddance's Tyranid fluff look absolutely fucking reserved in it's praise of it's given faction.

Hold your breath, gentlemen - things will get ugly. No matter what happens, there will be skub and enough rage to go around.

All in all, though, it could be worse. Remember what Cruddace did to the 'Nids? Cruddace is fucking Hemmingway compared to this bastard. At least he actually tried to write something decent rather than just jerk off to his own fanboy porn.

Incidentally, though, a 40K novel called Fall of Damnos came out recently that contains a new fluff version of the Necrons that apparently is based on the new codex. Instead of the usual soulless abominations who just walk forward in silence and shoot you, the Necron PoVs showed off a complex royal heirarchy featuring the Cryptek Ankh's political machinations and various competing and jostling Lords who all have their own ambitions and problems. Most notable is the Necron "afflictions", where Necrons who long for their flesh will go crazy and become Flayed Ones, hunting for new skins. Meanwhile Necrons who go a bit too far towards the machine-end end up mutilating themselves into Destroyers. It's all very wacky, and the Necrons are actually pretty talkative too, where the Lord Tahek Voidbringer has some momentary banter with Tigurius during their battle. There's also Sahtah the Enfleshed, a "Flayer Lord" who happily gallops across the icy world of Damnos in his quest for a new face, and the Undying, a very old Lord who constantly forgets where he is in time. You also get weird shit where Necron Warriors let out metallic cries when they phase out, An abandoned and empty throneroom complete with ornate mirrors and empty throne underground, and the fact that Necrons can open their mouths, shrug, and laugh.

On the one hand, the new fluff from Damnos feels very "Tomb Kings in Space", however on the other it does do a decent job of fleshing out the until-this-point C'Tan lackeys a bit. Of course, that's related to the most major thing in Damnos and the new codex rumours: The C'Tan are gone. No mention whatsoever, both in the new novel, and in the 5th Ed rulebook, which goes so far as to cut off a picture in the Necron section that would have the Nightbringer in it so that he doesn't appear. According to the new Codex rumours, the Necrons themselves did away with the C'Tan and now do their own thing. Whether the rumours that gel with the Damnos and 5th ed books resolve themselves in the final product remains to be seen.

A Disturbing Implication

Oh yes, it could very well be worse alright...

Many years before Matt was the horrifying figure known and loathed the way he is today, he was apparently a Necron player. An old White Dwarf battle report detailed him going up against Ultramarines with his Necrons and getting his ass handed to him. It's easy to see this is where his descent into the blue, white and gold abyss began. However, the truth is likely a far darker one that goes simply beyond the lines of "Hey, what Marines were you using in that game? They were pretty cool..."

His last Space Marine codex had the Blood Angels befriending and fighting alongside Necrons with little to no reason whatsoever. He scarcely ever mentions anything about them otherwise.

Suddenly a little dark voice begins to whisper sinister nothings in your head. Whispers of revelations about absurdities that are uncomfortably plausible given this manchild. Ward spends the last couple years making Space Marines the army faction to go to- the perfect badasses everyone loves. With each codex he makes them more and more ludicrous, more and more powerful till they are all the people know and care for. He lets them sit atop GW's throne of money, basking in their glory.

Then without warning, he pulls the tarp off his final project- the codex Necrons. Insanely and skubtastically blown out of proportion with pants-on-head retarded powers none can match, the Necrons shove the smurfs off their spotlight. Marine players sell out their entire armies just to afford the ridiculous prices on Ward's new bastard creation, pushing the Marines into a dark corner of neglect where ironically the Necrons once hunched imprisoned for nearly a decade.

The other writers will all unite to attempt to thwart Ward's scheme, but it will be far too late. At this point, a statue of a Necron Warrior will stand at the front of the GW HQ on the same pedestal a Space Marine once stood proudly. Ward will be jerking off to Lolicron in his fortress of solitude, now located in the middle of the Dead Sea, laughing like a little child who just cheated his way to victory in a game of Candy Land.

TL;DR: Matt Ward is the fucking Deceiver, and all shall weep as his retardation turns out to be a loathing, evil tactical genius that goes off the charts. Even the Necron players themselves, who realize they've been used after they become the peak of GW standards at the price of ever being remotely likable ever again.

Just. As. Planned.

I, for one, welcome our new Necron overlords.

See Also

• lolcron
• Lolicron
• Lovecron
• Heavy-chan
• False Immortality
• Shanako
• Tactics/Necrons

Gallery

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  Suddenly, Monoliths just got even more awesome.

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  Angry Marines can really fuck your shit up.

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  Necron players are well-known for their carefully planned tactics of "move-shoot-move-shoot".

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  Now that's what I call a Skeleton Crew! Waka-waka...please don't hurt me.

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  IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE 41ST MILLENNIUM, THE ARGUMENT STILL RAGES

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  Here we see the humble Lolcron, irritably drawing away.

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• Lolcron and lolicron - know the difference!

  Lolcron and lolicron - know the difference!

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  The funk of 40,000 years.

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  Lolcron is a lazy bum these days.

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  Necron update 2011 in a nutshell.

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  The Necron's ace in the hole.

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  Damn space commies.

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  Goddamnit.

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  This is what we call a xeno double-down.

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  Monoliths are known to inspire great songs.

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  Flayed Ones are adept at finding ways to maintain a nice figure.