Nurgle

Grandfather Nurgle loves all of his Children.

Chaos God of disease, decay and filth. He is the only Chaos God with the power of Love. He promises freedom from pain, and the gift of life eternal. And choking bitches.

Nurgle's chosen are the Plague Marines, who have willingly accepted his myriad plagues, turning them into shambling, bloated zombie-like things that feel no pain. He gets along okay with Khorne (presumably because his marines are also pretty tough, and the Honor of Warriors/Love of Family thing is close enough) and hates Slaanesh because while Khorne embodies the external expression of force and emotion, Slaanesh embodies the internal expression (nah, Slaanesh just really hates him because Nurgle stole his chick). He loathes Tzeentch, because all of the bird-boy's planning will come to naught in the end when all decays and falls apart. NOTHING, we say! Nothing!

Wait, where were we?

Nurgle's followers refer to him as Papa Nurgle, and usually paint their armor in snotty greens, dookie browns, or biley yellow. Most often greens, though.

Nurgle is Hero of all fa/tg/uys; disgusting, yet getting laid! Nurgle saved eldar goddess Isha from Slaanesh who was buttraping her. Slaanesh is still upset and doesnt really like Nurgle. Nowadays, Nurgle and Isha live has happy couple in Nurgles resident somewhere in the Warp. Nurgle likes to cook, and Isha likes to taste his stewings.

Nurgle's minions mirror their father. His all followers love everybody with their full heart. Nurglings are like cute puppies, wanting good belly scatching. Nurglettes exist to bring joy and satisfaction in life. She loves her master in every facet, from war scar to boiling cyst. Not only is she perfect as a sexual companion, but she lives to hear your every thought and ambition, and will support you and see you through to the end in everything you do. She will love everything about you, without condition. Nurglette wives are the most perfect wives in the universe. And Nurgle is worlds best father-in-law.

Anecdotes about Nurgle

About a year ago, I was out having a few drinks with the guys, when in walks Nurgle. He bought drinks for everyone in the bar. When we were all too hammered to drive home, he loaded us all up in his old Mazda and bused us around town until we all made it back home. And when that cop pulled us over and tried to make trouble, Nurgle boiled his eyes out of his anus. Nurgle is a great guy.

Me and Nurgle were going to go see this movie, I can't remember the name, and we were passing through the bad part of this Khornate neighborhood. These bloodletters ran out in front of the car and started denting up the damned thing. Nurgle just sits there, waiting for them to get out of the way, with that big goofy smile on his face.

It wasn't until one of them busted my window and tried to drag me out of the car that Nurgle absolutely flips out. Before I know it, the whole road is now ground zero for like an army of little black things. I couldn't figure out what they were until the bloodletters start screeching, running around in circles and clawing at their nuts, as their genitals just start exploding, one by one. Nurgle drives off, just wearing a smile. Fucker gave them all a case of super crabs. We laughed all the way to the show. I love Nurgle.

When i visited the Nurglette's family and met Nurgle, he greeted me at the doorstep, football in hand, wearing an old fuzzy sweater and funny orange slacks, with a big goofy grin that says, "I like you already."

To Reader

If you join Nurgle, we can't promise that you'll be the most attractive person in the world, or that you will be accepted in many places, but Nurgle has a place for each and every one of us in his great big ole diseased heart.

• WARNING! NURGLINGS ARE NOT THIS CUTE!*

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  Nurgles followers.

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• Nurgle also has daemonettes. Too bad they all have chlamydia. (Then again if you join Nurgle then it doesn't matter!)

  Nurgle also has daemonettes. Too bad they all have chlamydia. (Then again if you join Nurgle then it doesn't matter!)

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  Awwww...i mean...yuck

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  She slept with the judge!

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  Greater daemon of Nurgle, the Great Uncle One

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  Even nurglings have soft spot (of course they do, theyre nothing but goo.)

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  None loves his Pokemon more than the Nurgle Trainer.

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