Slaanesh

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ALSO: DAEMONETTES ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE. DIDN'T EXPECT THAT, DID YOU?!

And I'll always love you, just the way you are!

PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN!

Chaos God/dess of perversion, rape, and excess. Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the disgusting heresy of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and his/her daemonettes.

History

Slaanesh was born at the fall of the Eldar, when all their torture, rape, S&M, bomdage, decadence, etc. eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the Eye of Terror, this also killed the majority of their race. Slaanesh owns every last Eldar soul in the galaxy and in the event an Eldar should die without a spirit stone, s/he becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever. That is why Eldar are willing to manipulating entire worlds into exterminating each other just to save one of their own (The Dark Eldar takes this up to eleven by sacrificing other souls to Slaanesh so that they don't get eaten). Khorne hates Slaanesh because s/he's a prissy faggot but Slaanesh only gives a thought about hating Khorne or any of the other Chaos Gods after s/he's done playing with herself which is about 1 nanosecond every millennium, so about 13 nanoseconds total so far. Rumors that their relationship is beyond hate and occasional angry sex are just that; Khorne is not telling.

Of course, that sentence is Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Amongst other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs & rock n' roll. He/she is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(dess) of sexual pleasure. While fluff claims this is not true, in practical terms the only Slaaneshi cultists anyone has ever seen are ones who go in for either ridiculous perversions or self-mutilation because of ridiculous perversions. One would think if, as claimed, Slaanesh were the lord of all pleasure there would be more Slaanesh cultists scouring the universe for rare pre-Heresy "Emperor and Horus BFFs" commemorative stamps to complete their collections, or searching Imperial worlds to find just the right gear for their Battle of Armageddon re-enactment. However, this is probably more to do with what is outlined in the grimdark article - there probably are Slaaneshi stamp-collectors, but that's not at all interesting so they're never in the fluff. Everyone completely ignores that Slaanesh lords over beauty and all forms of desire. To be blessed by Slaanesh is to get what you want - limitless amounts of the most delicious bacon ever made, for example, while also not having to worry about so much bacon making you look like a Nurglite.

Note: Liber Chaotica tells us that Slaanesh is the lord of all pleasure, but to her cultists pleasure becomes akin to a drug — if you try something once, you won't enjoy it as much later, so you need to indulge in something else or increase the "dose" — which means doing more and more debased and amoral things. So the pleasure of finding DAT STAMP from above paragraph will be nullified by the fact that you have already collected a ton of stamps, and doing it yet again just isn't enjoyable anymore. However, Noise Marines have been greatly enjoying ROCKING OUT for thousands upon thousands of years, so it's possible that the

SLAANESH AND HIS/HER/ITS WORSHIPERS WILL BE YIFFED IN HELL!!!! Awright, which one of you guys let the Commissar in here? My bad. Yiffed in hell, you say? Oh, it sounds so... exciting. Sign me in!

It is a well known fact that Sigmund Freud was a Slaaneshi cultist (with all the "pleasure principle" and the "everything is about penis and having sex with your mom" psychobabble), and the Emperors Nero and Caligula were worshipers Avatars of Slaanesh, when Slaanesh decided he/she/it wanted to troll Rome. Apparently the Fuck-That-Thing-Called-Physics nature of the Warp let Slaanesh do that, since the Eldar hadn't orgied Slaanesh into existence for about 30,000 years yet. When Rome started converting to Christianity, Slaanesh got bored, decided that they weren't as fun anymore, and left them to their own devices.

Slaanesh is the weakest and youngest out of the four Chaos Gods by a fairly good margin; even on his/her/its best day he/she/it can't fight Khorne at his worst. Though to be honest, none of the other Chaos Gods can except for Tzeentch; however, they can all theoretically put up better fights than Slaanesh.

Followers

Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become colossal perverts; alternatively, he/she/it may attract followers from those who are already colossal perverts, and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. Just as planned.

Slaanesh units are:

• Daemonettes, hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many daemons their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models.
• Fiends of Slaanesh, looking like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion, these units are best used for hit and run attacks against armour.
• Seekers of Slaanesh, daemonettes mounted upon Steeds of Slaanesh; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of bolter fire.
• Chaos Marines, the traitor marines of the third legion worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host.
• Keeper of Secrets, the Greater Daemon of Slaanesh, like a daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. One possessed the primarch Fulgrim (Though only for a short time) Fulgrim and the demon later became best Friends and merged into one, later the now demon Fulgrim would mortally wound Rowboat Girlyman (though since nobody saw what happen it possible Gulliman did it to himself),for which we should be all eternally grateful.

Facts

Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?

• Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
• Slaanesh turns all His/ Her followers into the sex different to his/ her current state.
• Slaanesh's daemonettes possess men and then jack off.
• Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how his/her/its only representation in the DoW series was the Emperor's Children paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, he did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones.
  • However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still pissed off of not getting enough representation OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while he/she/it only gets a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
• Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
• If it exists, Slaanesh faps to it.
• Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne, Slaanesh always loses these fights and loses them hard. Tzeentch then gets a dose of lulz out of it. Slaanesh gets to take it hard. And this pleases him/her/it.
• Slaanesh is secretly depressed that he/she/it has no friends. Khorne is a dick, Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is, and Nurgle stole his Eldar goddess.
• Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it.
  • Slaanesh is secretly turned on from the dickish bullying of the other Chaos Gods.
• Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string him along with offers of porn, whores, and/or drugs.
• Khorne regularly cuts off Slaanesh's arms and beats him/her/it over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
• Slaanesh was using steroids when he/she/it killed the Eldar Gods, he/she/it couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs.
  • Slaanesh is always on drugs.
• Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, he/she/it got his/her/it's left boob for his/her/it's trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six).
• Hellraiser is Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, He/she/it took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects......That is, of course, a lie. He actually ripped off Hellraiser. Hellraiser ripped him/her/it off.
• A Clockwork Orange is one of Slaanesh's favorite movie's. He/she/it likes to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. He/she/it also finds the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!! Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!. His/her/its other favourite movie is The Rocky Horror Picture Show, mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
• He/She also love Gore Vidal's Caligula for similar reasons.
• Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex.
• Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, though arguably just as much (if not more) cock.
• Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized.
• Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really cheesy ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better.
  • Still, he/she/it faps/shlicks/???-PROFIT at this.
• Slaanesh hates Warhammer Fantasy because all its worshipers are either very clearly only male or ugly shit-smeared Huns.

Gallery

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

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  Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!

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  That's a real commissar, just look at the hat.

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  DDaemonette

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  It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

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  Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.

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  Slaanesh can be festive as well.

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  It is possible that some pokémon are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

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  Oh god. ;_;

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  There is no excuse or explanation for this.

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  This image can be used to improve a bad thread.

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  Simply Irresistible

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  Mr Culexus' interpretation. Notice the bulge in the crotch.

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  Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania

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  What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.

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  Who else did you think furries worshiped?

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  LAWL

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  Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...

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  ... which may not be so "little".

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  She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me.

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  The more common and usual fate of female Eldar.

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  Now 262.71% more real!

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  You might be mixing up love and lust.

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  Gimme some sugar

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  I'll love you always as you are

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  Lashes of Torment!

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  She Who Thirsts indeed

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  Khorne is sooo tsundere...

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  From the old WFRP days

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  How can you not want to serve something this adorable?

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy
Four Main Chaos Gods:	Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch
Other Gods of Chaos:	Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin
Chaos Gods of Law:	Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger

See Also

• The Emperor's Children legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
• Fulgrim - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks on this side (and that side) of the warp ever.
• Fabulous Bile - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played Glenn Jacobs instead of Tim Curry.
• Lucius - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
• Doomrider - He does COCAINE!
• Daemonette - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
• Reasonable Daemonette - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
• Loli D - The loli variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is extra heretical. E-Commissars can and will blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice if you click on this link.