Tau

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." -C.S. Lewis.

"Actually a tyranny exercised for the sole purpose of hurting it's victims would be Way worse" -Random guy who takes things way too literaly.

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised to take away people's multilasers may be the most oppressive." -C. S. Goto

Tau is a greek letter. However this article is about the Tau (or bluies as the Valhallan 597th call them), a playable race in Warhammer 40k. It should be noted that the sole reason the Tau are not considered (by players) to be a minor species/faction with little more than a footnote's footnote in some obscure piece of fluff is because the Tau happen to be playable. When first discovered by humanity, the Tau were a barbaric and primitive people. Then their planet was trapped in a Warp storm for a few thousand years (though supposedly tens of thousands of years passed for the Tau, thanks Warp magic) and they emerged from the other side as a unified species, led by the mysterious Ethereal caste and devoted to the concept of the "Greater Good". Although a dystopic society in their own right, the Tau Empire is noted for being the LEAST awful place in all the galaxy of 40k (and that's including mindcontrolling their citizens and slave "client" species).

Tau are a classic case of successful design-based trolling on the part of Games Workshop. The Tau were originally developed because Games Workshop felt their setting needed an optimistic race, making the Tau the least grimdark faction in the game; the dudes willing to negotiate when they've beaten their enemies, when all the others are either too murderously psychotic in ways incomprehensible to anyone who does not the share the same batshit insanity, religiously overzealous, arrogantly indifferent, simplemindedly violent, murderously enigmatic, more interested in eating you than anything, or all of the above to offer such niceties. Recent fluff (or at least Dawn of War fluff, which is of dubious canonicity, given Khornate Sorcerers) has them gleefully arbitrarily sterilizing the rebelling humans on Kronus once they come under the rule of the Tau Empire, (To be fair though, had it been anyone else, including the Imperials, they would be dead, most likely the slow and painful way, or even suffer such a terrible fate to wish death) while their Codex leaves ambiguous the question of just how much of their success is due to various forms of indoctrination, caste-based conditioning, and subtle mind control, which has only been exacerbated by the recent Farsight Enclaves supplement, which makes the Ethereals come off as mustache-twirling, Saturday-morning-cartoon villains. It speaks volumes about the 40k setting that in spite this they're still the friendliest race in the setting.

Cue hotblooded music by JAM Project.

Naive "Weeaboo Space Communists"

This naivete seems at odds with the GRIMDARK-ness of the setting (and to a degree, a lot of it is), but the thing is, Games Workshop specifically plays this straight FOR the Grimdark and knows that this makes the Tau out to be hopelessly naive in their optimism - and dear god do they play this up for maximum effect. In the 41st millennium, the Tau come across as more than a little naive to the other races; the Imperium see any contact with aliens as heretical and will shoot them with Bolter slugs as soon as look at them; the Orks just want to kick the shit out of things, and the Eldar see the Tau as young, powerful because of their technology but a race in its infancy, just staggering out of its borders for the first time and wandering into a pond full of sharks. There's also dozens of stories in the codices alone of the Tau shitting photon grenades because - god help them - an Ethereal choked on a bagel and died, causing their entire formation to collapse in a shower of weeaboo tears.

Putting it simply, there's an ongoing joke that the Tau are some of the most successful trolling performed in the history of mankind just by existing; a case of the company installing them just to mix things up whilst at the same time keeping them surprisingly on-level.

The combination of the above fluff, however, paired with their high technology, generally "Asian" feel (their Fire Caste's combat doctrine is often reminiscent of Sun Tzu's "Art of War" - but derived from two distinct Tau hunting methods), use of battlesuits (just like the Imperium), heavy firepower which rivals that of the Imperial Guard, and one of the most broken tactics in tabletop 40K until it was finally fixed an edition later has conspired to make them very much hated (and by that we mean butthurt) by a reasonable-sized population of the 40K fan populace, and /tg/ has rightly dubbed the Tau Weeaboo (as much due to their Asian-ness as anything else) as a result. As a dark twist on this inherent Asian-ness, a thread concerning lack of grimdark fan fluff on Tau led to the creation of Sept V'iet, the Viet Cong Tau.

And again in a case of much cultural confusion, the Tau are considered communists (despite being a rigorous class society that would drive Marx into RAGE) due to the idea of casting aside the self in favour of the Greater Good. If anything the Tau resemble more like Plato's Republic caste system crossed with Confucianism and Star Trek's Federation (because they're the only ones in the entire galaxy who bother to try diplomacy with xenos willing to shoot them in the head). To be fair though, if GW does decide to up the drimderp it would be more then safe to assume they would go the way of Stalin and start flaunting fancy propaganda posters everywhere- not that the Imperium already fills that part and the drawfaggots haven't already done great work in this field.

However the new Codex has HEAVILY downplayed their naivete, bringing back their first codex mention that the Ethereals declaring both the Orks and Tyranids as "lost causes" (took them long enough) and the Greater Good demands they be killed to the last (no shit). Furthermore, they seem to declare Eldar "lost causes" too, may be due to their first contact with DE (Although since they're battle bros with the craftworld one maybe its just the Dark Eldar). At least when the Tau fleet found an Exodite world while chasing a Dark Eldar raid, they murdered every hippie-elf on the surface - they didn't even try to "talk before shoot". In addition, this codex confirms that the Ethereals DO use mind control to rule the Tau. Oh and by the way, they used biological weapons to "convince" the first race to join the Greater Good. On top of that, they stole their planet which they quickly found out would be a great basis for a new sept-world. IT WAS JUST A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT! THEY ALL DIED OUT OF PURELY NATURAL DISEASE DESPITE OUR HONESTLY BEST EFFORTS TO SAVE THEM!!

Military Doctrine

The Tau disdain melee combat in favour of ranged combat because they're actually rational enough to realize you do not bring a knife to a gunfight (and wouldn't have anything that could melee worth a damn were it not for their auxiliaries), which renders them instantaneously less manly in the eyes of most /tg/'s playerbase (which thusly favours Orks, Tyranids, Guardsmen, SPESS MEHREENS, and Spiky Marines. The Tau have a notably smaller fanbase than the "Big Five" (aforementioned Orks, Space Marines, Imperial Guard, Chaos Space Marines, Tyranids).

The Tau's superior firepower is similar to that of the Imperial Guard, but their strategy is different in that they tend to rely less on mass warfare and more on sophisticated technical support (drones, stealth technology, railguns) and emphasis on tactical precision, mobility and initiative of individual squads of units, just like how modern warfare should be done (apparently if the Imperial Guard learned from Tau tacticians and fought like modern warfare instead of zergrushing everything then they would have been the most powerful army in the galaxy but no that ain't GRIMDARK enough(unless your Solar Macharius)). Their military doctrine is not based on winning by attrition and throwing out quality tactics in favour of absorbing and dishing out heavy shocks in bloody epic clusterfucks like the Imperials, Orks and World War II-era Soviet Russia (unless you count the later war "deep warfare", which is actually the combat doctrine the Tau ripped off of, 40k really seems to like the Russians...). Rather, they use infiltration and their sophisticated battlesuits to bypass enemy strong points and launch deep into their rear, cutting supply lines and logistics, destroying headquarters and support units, leaving enemies cut off and functionally helpless.

The Tau, again, boast some of the most powerful ranged weaponry on the tabletop game, and can crank out more concentrated firepower than any other faction with the lone exception of the Imperial Guard, and even then, the Tau's weapons hit quite a bit harder. They have pathetic hand-to-hand combat skills, however, and so the Tau bolster this by using several inducted races (the Kroot, Vespid, and even some Hhumans left behind by the Damocles Crusade) to act as buffers against assault troops to allow Tau fireteams and their heavy long-ranged firepower to tear enemies apart. The perhaps most-infamous part of the Tau is their battlesuits, which can mount multiple heavy weapon systems and provide excellent mobility. They also have an extremely powerful navy, though not quite as formidable as the Imperium's. Tau air units are among the best in the game, with aircraft superior to or equal to Imperial Guard equivalents, including a stealth fighter, multipurpose heavy fighter, a superheavy fighter with guns that can one-shot a Titan, and their own Titan-equivalent (which is a small starship).

On defence, the Tau are a bit unusual: they leave only token garrisons at their colonies to protect them. These garrisons are intended for scouting rather than combat, avoiding engagement to observe and report on invaders using Pathfinders, scanning towers, and drones. Because the Tau have fairly powerful spacefleets and usually keep their forces within reasoned distance of potential hot-spots, any potential threat can be quickly dealt with by organizing a hunter cadre to deal with the situation. For those of you who doesn't get it, it's Sun Tzu's "He who tries to protect everything protects nothing" strategy. This has, however, backfired on numerous occasions, since it does mean that the Tau are a bit vulnerable on defence.

Non-combat Fluff

The Tau were a new race/culture found by the Imperium of Man during their "slash and burn" exploration of their galactic neighborhood. The Tau were still pastoral, had just discovered flint tools and charcoal, and the Imperium had them scheduled for Exterminatus to make sure they never got off-world and grew into someone that could threaten humanity. By an unfortunate coincidence which most certainly involved Tzeentch or Cegorach or something, a warp storm occluded the Tau homeworld, so nobody could get in or out. Since the Tau were virtually invisible in the warp, the Warp Storm didn't have much of an effect on them as they were immune to the influences of Chaos. The sector was labeled "lost to Chaos," and clean-up was deferred indefinitely. Only the Adeptus Mechanicus still had records of this first contact when the storm died down 6,000 years later. The Damocles Crusade found the Tau, who were completely untouched by the warp storm and now using interstellar colony ships and pulse rifles. The Exterminatus order still stood -- but it was just going to be more difficult than they expected.

Tau history is pretty typical up through the iron-age: a knack for engineering, warfare between "urban" farmers and "barbarian" nomads, and unrestrained growth causing a series of plagues, leading to a dark age. Here's where things go sideways, though the Tau see it as the start of their endless Golden Age: the arrival of the Ethereals. Legend tells of a five-year siege at the castle of Fio'taun, with both sides starving and succumbing to disease, when two foreign Tau entered the battlefield. One went to the castle, the other to the barbarian tribes. Each of these Tau had a quiet grace and irresistible authority. In just a few hours, the castle was persuaded to open their gates, and the barbarians laid down their weapons, and both parties met to parley a truce. These strange Tau called themselves "Ethereals," and stressed the importance of peace and understanding between all Tau. They described a "Greater Good" that each Tau must strive towards. Soon after, soon enough to seem simultaneous, more of these strange new Tau emerged across the continent with their message of peace and co-operation for all Tau. Their quiet authority was always respected, and their message of harmony was universally embraced. Wait a minute, I've seen this historical pattern before....

Castes

Earth, Fire, Water, Air...Ethereal?!? SWEET MOTHER OF KHORNE!!! MY EYES!!!

Tau society after the arrival of Ethereals was organized into castes; everyone with a place, and a place for everyone. Inter-breeding between castes has been outlawed by the Ethereals, presumably to preserve the biological differences between castes. An Imperial genetor's report in the fourth edition Tau codex observes the presence of synthetic proteins in Tau internal organs and suggests they are evidence their evolution has been accelerated, though he might have been confused by synthetic proteins that the Tau were given.

Shas (Fire)

The Fire Caste are the warriors. The miniatures of a Tau army in a Warhammer 40,000 game are almost exclusively Fire caste. They are taller and stronger than other Tau, though still shorter and physically weaker than a typical Human, though they pretty much compensate for this by giving their basic Fire Warrior a pulse rifle, which is sort of like an automatic sniper-plasma gun, and employ heavily armed and sophisticated battlesuits for their elite infantry. Ohh yeah, and Railguns. Regiment-sized Tau forces are called "Hunter Cadres".

Fio (Earth)

The Earth Caste are the laborers and engineers; they are the "civilians" of Tau society. Their appearance can vary widely, though other Tau would describe them as "plain." They all have a stoic outlook, with little ambition other than to excel in their career of choice and work for the "Greater Good." Unlike the Imperial worker classes, whose quality of life generally starts at working 14-hour days seven days a week while living off of nutrislurry mainly formed from reprocessed grox dung and goes downhill from there, the Earth caste is mostly concerned with engineering. They have robots for the grunt work. **Again another change with the new codex is that the grunt work is completed by "sturdy labourers who toil ceaselessly." That's just a brief sum of the caste's mindset, they're still just work eight hours with most work automated, only now in shifts.**

Kor (Air)

The Air Caste are the intermediaries between Tau. They served as messengers and couriers, sometimes scouts/explorers, gliding on membranous surfaces through their planet's atmosphere. When the Tau started exploring offworld, it was the Air caste that took charge of the vessels traveling between the stars, and now the Air caste is the Tau stellar navy/airforce/mailmen. Air caste Tau tend to be tall and slender like runners or dancers, and this is frequently exaggerated by the years the Tau navy spends in low-gravity. Much less likely to be eaten by daemons due to a faulty Geller Field than their Imperial equivalents, but only because their ships are much slower, using a "shutter drive" to make a bunch of short, rapid warp jumps in a row rather than the much-faster and more-dangerous Imperial full-on immersion.

Por (Water)

The Water Caste are the emissaries to non-Tau, they are diplomats, merchants, civil servants. The most open-minded Tau can be found among the Water caste, some even showing individual ambition (but still for the greater good of the Tau Empire). When a new culture is encountered, the Water caste are sent in first to negotiate. If talks break down, the Water caste are withdrawn from the area and it's time for the Fire Caste to then start negotiating with pulse weapon fire. Also, unlike their Imperial equivalents in bureaucracy, the Administratum, they are brisk, efficient, and very good at their jobs. No dumping valuable ammo on an uninhabited dust world because no one signed the paperwork not to... though, give them a few thousand years and a few million light-years, and see how that holds up.

Aun (Ethereal)

The Ethereal Caste are the philosopher-kings described by Plato in "The Republic". They are selfless and always focused on what is best for the Greater Good ("tau'va") for all Tau and every Tau without exception. The Ethereal are inspirational to all Tau caste members, and merely being near one will inspire a Tau member to work harder. In the case of the Fire caste, some Ethereals accompany hunter cadres in battle during important deployments so as to better lead/ inspire the troops, which works because all Tau in the combat zone will fight to their bitter deaths. The backside is that if the Ethereal dies in combat, the Tau are stricken with grief so overpowering they'll go all emo and might fall back from an active engagement or campaign, even if victory is just a few steps away from them ... yeah, they're that fucking retarded ... weeelll, that is unless you're Shas'O R'myr, who became fucking angry instead of emo after his cadre's Ethereal got fucked by an Eversor assassin. Don't forget that crunch-wise any Tau unit that does keep their composure gets pissed off, gaining Preferred Enemy and, in the fluff, proceeding to unleash a firestorm of full auto rapetrain on the enemy until they're just crispy piles of ash, or the Tau completely exhaust their ammunition never mind, the opposing army just gets another victory point. The Adeptus Mechanicus theorizes that the respect the Ethereal caste gets from all other Tau is caused by a pheromone ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTAU......

Alliances

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

In 6th edition, Tau are notable for being one of two factions (the other being Imperial Guard) who can ally with anyone besides 'nids. Yes, this includes both Chaos Space Marines and Chaos Daemons, although, according to the Farsight Enclaves supplement, Farsight is one of the only Tau (maybe the only one period) who actually understands the existence of Chaos, so the average Tau would consider them to be just another kind of alien. This isn't going to end well for the Tau, eventually.

This leads to a few... interesting... alliances, to say the least.

First off, Tau can ally with Orks, even though they are viewed as enemies of the Greater Good to be purged whenever encountered. Smaller Ork warbands (mostly Blood Axes) frequently act as mercenaries, of course, so the Tau might use them in that capacity, plus there might be fluff changes coming up (most notably, it was rumored that the Gretchin Revolutionary Committee would return in the new Orks codex; they, of course, would get along quite well with the Tau).

They are also Battle Brothers with both Space Marines and Eldar, which has caused a large amount of headscratching on /tg/. The Eldar makes a modicum of sense; after all, the Eldar most likely had a hand in their synthetic evolution and the creation of the Ethereals, and the Eldar are well known for being expert manipulators. The Space Marines, though, are... odd, to say the least, since Tau and Space Marines are always going at it in the fluff. Of course, a minor Chapter could always find an alliance with the Tau, or even join the Greater Good, but that seems far-fetched at best.

The weirdest part, though, is that Tau aren't Battle Brothers with the Imperial Guard, despite (or maybe because of) the existence of Gue'vesa (Imperial Guard defectors).

Tau Member Races

Besides the IG, (Do Ratlings and Ogryns even count as a separate species?) The Tau are the only faction that willingly accept other races into their ranks. Typically the races are extended a hand from the water caste first then if they still pose a problem the fire warriors are sent in. Typically the species will keep their planet but just have to answer to the local Ethereal and possible local Shas'o. Most of them don't show up on the tabletop, but that's okay.

• Demiurg-Squats reborn. Showing what the imperium will never do. Save dead codex races.
• Galgs - Employing mercenaries
• Gue'vesa - Human Auxiliaries (If the current trend goes on we may see Sisters join up with the tau)
• Hrenian - Employing Light Infantry
• Ji'atrix - Voidfarers
• Kroot - Employing Carnivores lead by Shapers
• Mal'kor - Vespid Auxiliaries - Employing Stingwings lead by Strain-Leaders Tau fast attack choice
• Morralian - Employing Deathsworn
• Nicassar - Voidfarers and the only Psyker race currently in the tau empire
• Ranghon
• Tarellian - Employing Dog Soldiers mercenaries. These guys are basacally Lizardmen Saurus IIIIIINNNNN SPAAAAACCCCCEEEEE!!!!!! Not really part of the empire, but will gladly fight humans on the cheap since the Imperium virus-bombed their homeworld. They probably deserved it, knowing 40k.
• Poctroon - The first sapient species to be found by the Tau, they were "accidentally" driven extinct by Tau smallpox, and their planet just by coincidence was a great place to set a Sept World.

The Actions of the other races most notably the Imperium also serves as a factor for other races to join the Tau. While the Tau do seem a minor threat to the Imperium now if the current policy continues there will be more and more races joining up with the Tau. Of course, the Tau don't realize just how big and powerful the Imperium is. If they unify a large number of minor xenos, then the Imperium will have a nice, big target to smash and burn. The only reason any minor xenos exists in 40k is that the Imperium (and the other major species) simply don't give enough of a fuck about them to snuff them out. Unifying would cause the big boys to make with the snuffing. We also need a codex for these guys as well. Curious to see how the Tau will react when they realize that the xenos "friends" they've made are hated and hunted by the Imperium for very good reasons. An example being that they did things to human worlds during the Age of Strife that earned those planets the monikers "Nightmare Worlds" and "Hell Worlds". Ah well, the Tau will probably learn the hard way.

Tau are the only race that actively pursues interspecies diplomacy dontch'aknow

It's a well known fact that the Tau Empire has some of the best shopping in the entire galaxy

Bad Moon: Oi, giv us yer shooty flash or we will crump the lottaya!

Water Caste: Are you sure we can't interest in these grain harvesters?

Bad Moon: Orks don't eat none'a that, we eatz squigs! Now give uz the flash!

Water Caste: O-okay.

Bad Moon: WAAAAGGHH!

Evil Sun: Hey, we erd youz lot gave plasma shootas to boyz. Giv us sum a dem.

Water Caste: Well I'm sorry but we don't seem to have any left.

Evil Sun: WAAAAAAGH!

Water Caste: We would like to be the first to welcome you extragalactic travelers to our stars-OH SWEET F-!

Nids: KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!

Water Caste: The Tau Empire is pleased to open negotiations with those that claim to be the most ancient enemies of the Chaos Barbarians.

Cron: ... *Zap*

(Alternatively)

Trazyn the Infinite: My dear blue lady! Do you realize you are the spitting image of O-shaa-mal the Water Caste envoy who first made contact with the Imperium of Man and precipitated the Damocles Gulf Campaign? Now strike a dignified pose while I prepare a stasis grenade.

(Alternatively)

Nemesor Zahndrekh: *riiip* These clothes are terrible! In my day we had reliable stitching. *riiip* Terrible! This merchandise is a shame to Necrontyr weavers everywhere.

Water Caste: Silly robot, those clothes are for Tau.

Vargard Obyron: *Stab* You've said too much.

Water Caste #2: I hear that random strips of cloth are in fashion these days, I'll even give you a discount on those you're looking at now.

Zahndrekh: Really? Sold!

Water Caste: How would you like to pay for these spices and garments?

Noise Marine: I would like to offer a cultural exchange.

Water Caste: What type of cultural exchange?

Noise Marine: A little something I like to call *sunglasses on* Rock n' Roll.

Doom Siren: YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!

Water Caste: We would like to extend the hand of friendship to-

Farseer: Fuckoff newfag!

Water Caste: But we could help if-

Farseer: I’d rather die!

Water Caste: It is good to see an elder race taking responsibility and welcoming its juniors into the galactic community.

Archon: Yesssss. Younger races are so soft and supple; they need guidance in this harsh universe, for they sometimes do not understand the ways of their betters.

Water Caste: Sir, why have you wedged your armor's codpiece between my buttocks?

Archon: Were you under the impression I was wearing a codpiece?

Water Caste: This vessel, in service to the Tau'va, hails the unkno-

Rak'gol: *BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBALM!...blam*

Water Caste: On behalf of the Tau Empire, and the Greater Good with which we serve, we are delighted to welcome you, our new Gue'vesa and why do you have your hands on my breastplate what are you doing with the restraints of my brassiere please stop that.

Human soldier: Hey, I didn't surrender, betray my entire species, and risk the wrath of the Inquisition just because you blueies are decent talkers.

Water Caste: *sighs* Ok, good point...for the Greater Good, I guess.

Human soldier: Whatever gets you through the next 30 minutes, sure.

Water Caste: As a representative of the Tau Empire I wish to offer you-

Angry Marine: FUCK YOU WEEABOO SPACE COMMUNIST!

Water Caste: I'm sure we could work through this anger-

Angry Marine: ALWAYS ANGRY, ALL THE TIME!

Space Marine: Status report, the xenos enemy have reached our positions! Let the light of the Emperor fill your hearts, brothers! Send these beasts back to the slag-hole they have- One moment... Damnation! Another foul xenos incoming! DESTROY-

Water Caste: WAAAAAIT, mighty Gue'ron'sha! I've come with offerings of cooperation and understanding! I wish no harm to you (for now anyways...)!

Ending 1

Space Marine: The Codex Astartes says to "Suffer not the alien to live." SO DIE, XENO SCUM!! *BLAM*

Ending 2

Space Marine: WE'RE BUSY! YOU WANT COOPERATION, GET YOUR FORCES OVER HERE AND TELL THEM TO START SHOOTING THOSE OTHER SCUM-SUCKERS NOW!!

Water Caste: O-okay! Fire Caste, I request a deployment to my position to engage the enemy. Not the Gue'la warriors, the other ones!

Ending 3

Space Marine (probably a Flesh Tearer): FUCK THE CODEX! YOU LOOK TASTY!

Water Caste: Honestly, I don't kno- what are you doing to my leg?

Flesh Tearer: OMNOMNOMNOM...

Water Caste: Oh, the great noble Covenant, would you like to merge our coalition of Aliens together, in order to make a even stronger emp-

Covenant: Wort, Wort, Wort!

Water Caste: Well we will really appreciate if you can speak norm-ARLGRARARAL!

Covenant: Glarble, Glarble, Glarble!

Water Caste: Most honored Alien from beyond the galaxy, well you be inter-

Q'orl: *Cricket Chirps*

Water Caste: Uhhh...why are your proboscis on my pants an-OH SWEET MERCIFUL GO-ARGHGARARARALROLRAL!

Q'orl: *Cricket Chirps*

Water Caste: Oh so Ancient race of beyond the cosmos, we the Tau will be honored if you-AKHGRGHRGHRGALALALLAL!

Dalek: EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

Water Caste: The most kindest of Tau would gladly welcome a Empire of Gue'vesa who are more into peaceful talks then just mindless violence...

Galactic Empire: You have precisely three seconds to identify before our ships will open fire!

Water Caste: Well...Uhm...We are a Empire of Peac-*BLAM*

Galactic Empire: Time is up!

(Alternatively)

Emperor Palapatine: Ohhh....the force is great in this one...

Water Caste: Well we would really appreciate if you tell us what the "Force" is most honored highne-HHHHNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG! *Force Choke*

Emperor Palpatine: What a shame, I was about to experiment on your race's Force potential...

In a Nutshell

Join the Greater Good, lose your virginity to a hot alien babe! Then get shot for heresy....totally worth doing it.

The Stated Reason Why People Hate Tau

Weeaboo space communists - not grimdark enough. (Perpetuated by people who lose to them on a regular basis and have no fucking idea that the Imperium is also Imperial Japanese Soviet Russia IN SPESS Catholic Space Nazis with big-ass robots, and what communism fascism really is about)

The Real Reason Why People Hate Tau

Until the edition update, this would, most assuredly, be Fish of Fury. Fuck, even most Tau players felt this was bullshit.

And they also have a vagina instead of a nose.

Post-edition update, it was that certain undesirables felt that they were trying to take the mantle of the 40K universe's "rightful" Imperial protagonists. And because they are not choppy enough.

And then 6-th eddition codex came, and Tau became one of the shootiest armies in the shootiest edition ever, not to mention their ability to bitchslap cheesmongers, having straight counters against any of the Wardex bullshit.

A Real Reason Why People Like Tau

The one race that isn't being a wall of dicks. If the Tau are trolling done by GW, then the target of said trolling was any fatbeard that needs a constant supply of grimdark to stay alive.

The Real Reason Why People Play Tau

Arguably have the most powerful guns in the game. Often twin-linked. Often on cool-looking robot battlesuits. Also markerlights. Also RIPTIDE. Tau players may also have a tendency towards masochism.

Helping Necrons? Or are they Necrontyr descendants?

An often overlooked issue is that Tau have no warp signatures, just like Necrons, hate Warpspawns and Warp in general (despite the fact that in 6ED they can work with them...I just...I don't...WAAAARD!!!), just like Necrons, have the exact same skull shape, stature and short lives, and the overwhelming need for Technology and beam weapons, JUST LIKE NECRONS. GW may have planned a race that simply prepares a pacified, multiracial galaxy for Necrons to feast upon, supported by Ethereals that have a C'tan phase blade. Then there is a reference of "dark seed in east" by the Deceiver, so the tricky C'tan might give Tzeentch the finger in the JUST AS PLANNED competition. Or maybe GW just has so little creativity that they simply made a new civ conforming to an Old One's standards without knowing it. Given that recent murmurs have suggested that something absolutely massive is in the works at GW, anything could be possible, though past experience has led us to believe that it will simply be a Tau wearing a silly hat. However, seeing as GW is as likely to advance the plot that far as I am to shove both my legs up my ass up to the knee, it doesn't much matter.

TL;DR

High-tech alien race who are the least grimdark of factions. Can't melee for shit but can blow you back to the stone age with ranged weaponry if you have the misfortune of being downrange. You will either love them or hate them because of all this, and many neckbeards do feel the butthurt. Or, as the saying goes: "You can't spell TAUNT without TAU."

Notable Tau

• Blue
• Faptau
• Farsight
• Shas'o Kais
• Commander Or'es'Ka
• O'ren I'shi'ii
• Shadowsun
• Shlicktau
• Xeno

See Also

• Battlesuit
• Gue'vesa
• Sept V'iet
• Tau Quest
• Fire Warrior
• Tau Dark Heresy
• Tactics/Tau
• Tau Cadre Creation Tables

External Link

Typical Tau-Human conversation.

Should one of your Tau actually kill anything tougher than a guardsman in melee, you are allowed to end the game in victory as long as you play this clip. Apparently someone did it.... BLAM! HERESY!

Gallery

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

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  A Tau Fire Warrior, the basic infantry unit.

• 

  And a smaller one.

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  Gue'la.

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  Tau are not above negotiations with humanity.

• 

  At those ranges, those fire warriors are all dead men walking.

• 

  Close-quarters painting strikes again.

• 

  Stealth suits are :3

• 

  Indeed, many humans have already embraced the Greater Good. (The individual with the primitive flashlight has been sent to re-education. Happiness is mandatory, Citizen.)

• 

  Sweet weeaboo heresy.

• 

  Some recruitment methodologies work better than others.

• 

  Ohhh GW.

• 

  Few rarely seen Tau chicks. Maybe because Sisters are hotter.

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  Fire Warriors are :3 too

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  This is what weeaboos actually believe know in coming.

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  This Char Custom Battlesuit-clad Tau demonstrates his mastery of Weeaboo Fightan Magic. Also DYNAMIC ENTRY!

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  The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer's entry on Tau players.

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  Surrender... never shall the Tau.

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  Tau are vicious melee fighters, no less able than Space Marines!

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  Yeah, we all know the truth about their "greater good".

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  MARKERLIGHTS!

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  In spite of being filthy heretical xeno scum, the Tau can really break it down.

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  Here we see Tau propaganda meant to entice men with their terrible, blasphemous, and supple soft skin, smooth curves, perky brea...er...ah...heretical alien bodies.

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  An attractive human female defector who for some reason has been equipped with a highly modified commander's battlesuit, perhaps as a devious ploy to compel desertion by the less loyal.

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  DAT ASS

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  A Fire Warrior appreciating DAT ASS.

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  In hindsight, attempting negotiations with Orks was probably a bad idea.

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  In /tg/, tau are the evil guys.

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  Typical Tau player, engaging in typical Tau behavior. (Pretty badass cosplay, even got the hoof right)

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  What's that? We're not grimdark enough for you, Neckbeard?

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  Propaganda. Sound familiar? (Just like every major political power... Everyone is Godwin's law.)

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  A Greater Good we can all believe in.

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  Fun fact: if you have enough money to buy this, you have too much money.

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  S-shut up you filthy sluts! Among my people it is considered quite a handsome dick!