Tzeentch

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Tzeentch always believed in change.

Tzeentch is the Chaos God of change, mutation and general weird shit. He was born some time in the renessaince, so he probably came to be in the 1600's or so. Also has an unhealthy sexual attraction to birds, particularly ravens. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be. And perhaps the most prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of it's head. No, srsly.

YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO VOTE FOR THE BLACK MAN? YOU'RE ALL WORSHIPING TZEENTCH NOW.

He is typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however in canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and fewest number of defeats. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another. He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster into attacking his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got pissed, unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. Tzeentch got a good laugh out of this and received no negative consequences out of this...

Except that millions of his Cultist will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond out petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate.

He was the only Chaos God who didn't try to help the Eldar Gods when Slaanesh went on his "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. We'll probably find out that he rescued Vaul or something like that in a future Chaos Codex.

Just as planned...

Tzeentch will always be three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks, Eldrad, The Laughing God, the Emprah, and the Deceiver hands down. Just an example: He tricked Slaanesh into having a beef with Khorne which the former lost. Why did he do it? He did it for the lulz.

Followers

Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers and misfits, but instead of Nurgle's "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, stronger and faster, harder and better, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac?

Tzeentch units are:

• Horrors, sickeningly constant shapeshifting masses of limbs, faces and belching fire. Annoying as hell on tabletop.
• Flamers, like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with.
• Skysharks, the Tzeentch notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins.
• Chaos Marines, with an Egyptian motif, and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers.
• Lords of Change, huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing. They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surpirisingly often.

Facts

• Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter want you to believe that every liberal is a dangerous Tzeentch cultist, because they ARE!

• A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

• Tzeentch did WTC. And is, therefore, a Jew. A feathery blue Egyptian vulture/velociraptor snake jew.

• Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

• Tzeentch knows and sees everything, he sees you masturbate and he knows what fantasies you're thinking of and laughs at you.

• * Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because Khorne is very easy to string along. *SOUNDS OF HORRIFIC DISEMBOWELMENT OF THE WEAKLING, LIMP-WRIST TZEENTCH CULTIST* FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YO.....WHY AM I WRENCHING NURGLE'S ETERNAL PUS SAC?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....!*Explosion of things best not described* *Just as planned*

• Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hi-jinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along.

• Starscream is a cultist of Tzeentch, he's got a huge amount of ambition, too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

• Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair.

• Tzeentch is a very unorky god.

• Tzeentch plays poker with Cegorach, the Deceiver, and the Emperor every night of the year. Nobody ever wins.

• During their early days, Tzeentch ones put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. To this day, Khorne still loathes magicks and anyone who uses them, which became evident when the World eaters killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch said "Just as planned".

• Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the skull throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in winter assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Juggernauts, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) and Berzerkers in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in retribution.

• However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got Sindri's voiceactor to voice the generic Chaos sorcerers again. HOWEVER!!!, the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft,monotonous and unenthusiastic, which GREATLY angered Tzeentch.

• Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four chaos gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and he least amount of fluff written for him.

• Every saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the the Deceiver, Cegorach, and the Emperor for a rousing game of paradox poker. The sheer amount of dickery and JUST AS PLANNED that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of Necrons, Daemons, Eldar, and SPESS MEHREENS!. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness...

See Also

• Thousand Sons
• Ballad of the Thousand Sons
• Thousand Son and Guardswoman

Gallery

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  Tzeentchs followers

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  The Avatar of Change. We are all Tzeentchilist now.

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  psychics and sorcerors are attracted to Tzeentch

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  Cultist tattoo

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The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy
Four Main Chaos Gods:	Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch
Other Gods of Chaos:	Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin
Chaos Gods of Law:	Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger