Ultramarines

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Fig.1.1: A Smurf.

The Ultramarines are a chapter of Space Marines, and GW keeps stuffing them wherever they can, blubbering that they are their default chapter of choice or similar nonsense. They even have a movie being made for them.

Thanks to the GW's PR campaign, lots of newfags have raging hard-on on Ultramarines, and have formed a common image of a typical Ultramarine player: ignorant of the rules, new to the hobby, and without any will to paint his minis right.

Ultramarines are considered to be boring by the majority of /tg/ posters, this to be expected for anything default and forced so hard at that, really. The chapter has received a deteriorative nickname 'Smurfs' (Chapter Master Magneus Calgar thus becoming Papa Smurf) for their resemblance of the blue midgets, and is generally referred to in a pejorative manner on /tg/.

Quotes to Rage By

"Chapters [not descended from Guilliman's geneseed] are disciples who owe their genetic inheritance to another Primarch, but follow the Codex Astartes as keenly as their divergent heritage allows. While primarily composed of successor Chapters, this group also includes several Chapters of the First Founding - notably the Imperial Fists, White Scars and the Raven Guard. These chapters can never be Ultramarines, for their gene-seed is not that of Roboute Guilliman. Nevertheless, they will ever aspire to the standards and teachings of the great Primarch.

[Chapters who do not emulate the Ultramarines] are aberrants, Chapters who, through quirk of gene-seed, mutation or stubbornness, eschew the Codex Astartes in favour of other structural and combat doctrines. Some, such as the Blood Angels and their successors, strive to be worthy of Guilliman's legacy, but their recalcitrant gene-seed drives them ever further from it. Others, such as the Space Wolves and the Black Templars, remain stubbornly independent, looking to their own founder's ways of war and caring little of how they fare in the eyes of others. These aberrant Chapters were always few in number and their presence diminishes with each passing decade, for their gene-seed is no longer the source of fresh Chapters." - Matt Ward, Ultramarines player, codex writer.

"Trust me, somewhere deep in the Eye of Terror, the Blood God himself weeps alone in the dark, for he knows in his heart of hearts: no matter what he may do, no matter what incomparable feats he may accomplish, no matter how infinite and unfathomable his glory...he can never be an Ultramarine." - Calgar, Chapter Master of the Ultramarines.

"This wouldn't be a problem if Horus was an Ultramarine. You know it's true." - The God Emperor of Mankind, remarking to Sanguinus during the Horus Heresy.

"My company and I alone have more victories and battle honours than do the entirety of other individual chapters!" - Cato Sicarius, captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company.

"Don't you know it? A shining batallion of Ultramarines, high on every wall around the palace, fought the unwashed hordes who dared to attack the Imperium. When The Emperor and Guilliman went to fight Horus they found the poor man had painted his armour blue and had glued horse shoes to his pauldrons. The Emperor was mortally wounded, but Horus had been no match for Guilliman. Sanguinius, who was also there, killed himself out of shame, realizing then that he would never be an Ultramarine." - A modestly confused historian.

"I am indeed so proficient at my work as a scout sergeant that other chapters borrow me to train their own scouts." - Torias Telion, scout sergeant of the Ultramarines.

"I am positively and undeniably the most gifted of all tank commanders in the entire Imperium. This is not a statement of arrogance, but rather one of verifiable fact." - Antaro Chronus, tank commander of the Ultramarines.

"Eldrad Ulthran voluntarily sacrificed himself to Slaanesh, for he had finally foreseen that even had they struggled for all eternity, the Eldar would never be the equals of Ultramarines, nor could they ever fully grasp the glorious legacy of Roboute Guilliman. Any torment She Who Thirsts could conceive would pale in comparison to living with this horrible truth, and in the end, maybe Slaanesh would take pity on the Eldar since she, too, shares the pain of never being able to reach the shining peak of superiority that are the true Sons of Guilliman." - An unidentified farseer of Craftworld Ulthwé.

"I have pierced the mind-crippling veil of the Hive Mind and can forsee their intents with such accuracy that many suspect only the Emperor Himself could have attained such a feat. It is without question that I am uniquely the most powerful psyker in the entire galaxy, perhaps even as powerful as the Emperor." - Varro Tigurius, librarian of the Ultramarines.

"I was not a tactical genius. My Legion should follow another primarch instead and aspire to his teachings more than my own. My only regret is that thanks to my inferior gene-seed my sons can never be true Ultramarines." - Jagatai Khan, primarch of the White Scars.

"I supported the codex reformation from the beginning out of respect for Roboute Guilliman, who is my spiritual liege. Since my own knowledge of warfare is severely lacking I was overjoyed when my Legion was given the opportunity to learn from a more competent general's experience. My only regrets are that we, rather than they, were charged with protecting Terra, and that thanks to my inferior gene-seed my sons can never be true Ultramarines." -Rogal Dorn, primarch of the Imperial Fists.

"I may be one of the greatest of primarchs, warmaster, Imperium destabilizing traitor, embodiment of the ruinous powers. Yet even I have to admit that my dear brother Guilliman is clearly superior in every way. Hell... I specifically orchestrated the events of this treason so that the Ultramarines are on the other side of the galaxy. Why? Not because I knew they'd trounce us all within mere moments - which they would - but because the entire purpose of my actions was to weaken the Imperium just enough so that my brother, o prestigious Guiliman, could impose his superior ideology over our bretheren. I knew I could never live up to his name, so I gave it up all for him, for you, my brother!" - Horus, primarch of the Luna Wolves/Sons of Horus.

"You jealous little people just don't know what it's like to be so faithful, awesome, and praised by the Emperor! The rules for fighting against my chapter invented proper strategy, and then we wrote a proper book on strategy to show those bitches how it's done! Get a job!" - Roboute Guilliman, during an address to the stunned citizens of Ultramar.

"Indeed, it was Guilliman who would have the greatest lasting effect upon the now leaderless Blood Angels. Through the Codex Astartes - that great treatise on the restructuring and ordering of the Space Marines - Guilliman's legacy would reshape the Blood Angels Legion into the Chapters that defend the Imperium to this day." - Matt Ward, Ultramarines player, codex writer.

"[The Ultramarines] are one of the hardest working chapters out there... The Ultramarines are the most focused, proficient, and tactically aware force in the galaxy..." - Matt Ward, Ultramarines player, codex writer.

"The Ultramarines are undoubtedly the best Space Marines ever. Yes, really! Thanks to the heritage of Guilliman and their myriad heroic deeds, the Ultramarines are the exemplars of the Space Marines. With a few fringe exceptions... all Space Marine chapters want to be like the Ultramarines and recognize Marneus Calgar as their spiritual liege." - Matt Ward, Ultramarines player, codex writer.

History of the Ultramarines

The Ultramarines have some of the most boring 1st founding histories for any Astartes Chapter in the Imperial history.

Circa M29: The Unification Wars. The Emperor of Mankind unites Terra, and sets off to conquer the stars in a series of violent and bloody battles. The Ultramarines’ Primarch, Roboute Guilliman (Nicknamed Rowboat Girlyman for his utter douchebaggery during the Heresy), is conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

012.M31-014.M31: The Horus Heresy. Almost half of all Space Marine legions betray the Emperor and turn to Chaos. The traitors lay siege to Holy Terra, and most of the Space marine legions suffer major losses. The Blood Angels, Imperial Fists, and White scars are forced to make a stand on Terra while the Dark Angels lose their homeworld to renegade elements within their home planet, the Salamanders, Iron Hands, and Raven Guard are nearly destroyed, and the Emperor is crippled while battling Horus. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs. After the Heresy, Rowboat Girlyman created the Codex Astartes as we know it today, including the separation of the 10,000 strong legions into 1,000 strong chapters. Note that the Ultramarines didn't participate in the defense of Terra, didn't sustain crippling damage to their Chapter's manpower, and note that, best of all, when they arrived they were too fucking late. The war was already won, yet their primarch still was the first to create the new rules.

546.M32: 'The Beheading': The High Lords of Terra are all slain on the orders of Drakan Vangorich, Grand Master of the Officio Assassinorum. The rogue Master of Assassins is tracked down and slain by a Space Marine strikeforce drawn from the Imperial Fists, Halo Brethren and Sable Swords. Only a single Space Marine survives the campaign. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

843.M35: Distress call from Grendel's World investigated. Planet discovered to have been attacked and all inhabitants slain by terror tactics of the Night Lords. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

Early M36: The Age of Apostasy and the Reign of Blood begin. Warp storms increase dramatically and Chaos and Ork attacks multiply. The Imperium falls into turmoil. An empowered Ecclesiarchy becomes more tyrannical. High Lord Goge Vandire becomes the most powerful member of the Senate of the High Lords of Terra, and manipulates a small sect, the Daughters of the Emperor(AKA: today the Sisters of Battle), into becoming his personal bodyguards, the Brides of the Emperor. Vandire rules largely unopposed and more and more bloody and tyrannical. Zhoros (Fire Hawks' world) thermal bombed. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

266.M36: Sebastian Thor is born on Dimmamar. He eventually becomes a threat to Vandire, who sends the Frateris Templar fleet to destroy Dimmamar. The fleet is completly destroyed by a warp storm, still existing today, named the Storm of the Emperor's Wrath in the Clax system. Vandire's armies are finally defeated by combined forces of the Tech Guard and several chapters of Space Marines, organized under the banner of the Confederation of Light, led by Thor. Vandire is executed by Alicia Dominica, the leader of his own bodyguards, who reclaim their old name Daughters of the Emperor in a conspiracy involving the Adeptus Custodes and the Emperor himself. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

723.M36: The 5th Black Crusade begins. Doombreed, a prince of Khorne declares war on the Adeptus Astartes. The Warhawks and the Venerators are lost. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

995.M40-000.M41 The Macharian Crusades. Lord Solar Macharius sets out to reconquer the Segmentum Pacificus for the Imperium. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

444.M41: First War for Armageddon. Chaos incursion led by Angron and World Eaters beaten back by Space Wolves and Grey Knights but only at a terrible cost. Only about a dozen of the grey knights survive the battle with Angron. The local planetary militia and the other citizens are mind-wiped, sterilized and put into work camps, to slave away for the rest of their short, miserable lives much to the horror of Logan Grimnar. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

742.M41 Damocles Crusade is launched against the Tau Empire due to the Imperium's ever growing Xenophobia, a small, strategically insignificant piece of nothingness, inhabited by weak fish people with minimal Faster-Than-Light Technology. The Ultramarines are thoroughly defeated along with the rest of the Imperial forces.

745.M41: First Tyrannic War. Hive Fleet Behemoth attacks the Ultramarines homeworld Macragge. Most of the chapter is eaten by Nids and lost their entire 1st company, the Chapter's company of hardened veterans and Terminators. The second fight they get and they still blew it, lulz.

901-912.M41 Badab War. The Astral Claws, Lamenters, Executioners, and Mantis Warriors chapters rebel against the Imperium, and are defeated by loyalist chapters. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

941-942.M41: Second War for Armageddon. The Ultramarines bump into an Ork Waaagh! while running away from the Tyranids. They are saved by the timely intervention of Commissar Yarrick and the Blood Angels.

988.M41: The battle of Rynn's World begins. A large ork army, led by the Warboss Snagrod attacks the Crimson Fists and thier homeworld. During the battle, a stray missle strikes the Fortress-Monastary of the crimson fists, killing most of the Marines. The survivors are wounded severly and are forced to rebuild their chapter. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

757998.M41: The Third War for Armageddon begins. Having learned from past mistakes, Imperial Commanders commit a ridiculous amount of forces to hold the world. It drags on for months in a bloody stalemate, and soon Ghazghkull grows bored and leaves his generals to finish the fight while he goes looking for other worlds to conquer. Commissar Yarrick joins a Black Templars Crusade and gives chase. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

5999.M41: Warmaster Abaddon launches the 13th Black Crusade. The armies of Chaos Undivided lay siege primarily to Cadia but attack many of the surrounding worlds as well. Imperial Forces launch a massive counterattack, and eventually push back the tides of Chaos, but only just barely, and at great cost. The Space Wolves' 13th Company are amongst the forces seen fighting against the forces of chaos. The Ultramarines are conveniently located on the other side of the galaxy when this occurs.

As an additional note of interest, there stands reasonable evidence that the Ultramarines are partially responsible for unleashing the Nightbringer on the galaxy in the current age. On the planet Pavonis, it was brought to the attention of Uriel Ventris, of the 4th company of the Ultramarines, that a group of revolutionaries were digging their way straight to the Nightbringer's sarcophogus while the Dark Eldar rounded up the keys to unlock the thing. Uriel was given a choice: he could either exterminatus the planet, burying the Nightbringer, revolutionaries, and Dark Eldar all at once in a single fell swoop, or he could boost his own ego by making a balls-first attack on the excavation site with nothing but chain swords and bolters. Unfortunately for the entire galaxy, Uriel chose the latter of these options, lost the fight, and let the Nightbringer get free.

Notable Members

• Papa Smurf
• Captain Sicarius, the captain of the Ultramarines Second Company, is suicidally brave. He and his company alone have held off over 10,000 Orks at once, using only knives and plot armor favoritism to survive, and he in fact posesses more individual honors than an entire ordinary chapter. Yes, a whole CHAPTER - 1,000 Space Marines cannot typically earn as many honors between them while working together as has Sicarius. He once divided his company into thirds to defeat an entire tomb world, was only wounded as a result, and still managed to blow up the planet.
• Ortan Cassius, a chaplain of the Ultramarines, is one of the oldest Space Marines alive and not yet placed in a Dreadnaught. His public speaking skill is perfect, so much so that it makes the Eldar weep. Though the Ultramarines are already supremely and undeniably perfect enough - undefeatable to the point of being boring really; it's like watching Superman: "Oh, no! Not a continent made out of Kryptonite! What's Superman going to do? Oh! I guess he throws it into space! I was on the edge of my seat!" - Cassius is such a great Chaplain that he can push his men to even more god-like feats of brilliance.
• Varro Tigurius, the Ultramarine's Chief Librarian, is the most special snowflake of all the Imperium's psykers. He is so amazingly powerful that he can predict an enemy's entire battle plan before the fight begins, allowing him to counter any attacker from the start. His Mary Sue presence is so great that he can do unbelievable things, such as communicating with the Tyranid Hive Mind, allowing him to understand and predict the plans of untold numbers of inhuman monsters all thinking and acting as one. Supposedly his powers rival those of the Emperor, put Eldar farseers to shame, and yet place him in no real danger of being lured to the Ruinous Powers.
• Torias Telion (aka. Shawn Connery made Grimdark), the Ultramarine Scout Sergeant, is the best sniper currently alive in the Imperium. His ability is so beyond realistic that he can shoot a target so far away that the curvature of the planet must be taken into account (then again, that isn't so great; Real Life has been doing that since World War I). He's so great that other chapters prefer to borrow him to train their scouts instead of using their own sergeants. He once killed a Tau ethereal and cadre commander in one sitting using only two bullets from extreme range. He is also bald.
• Many others. If there is a tactic or important role that is occupied in an army, there is a snowflake in the Ultramarines who has mastered it with such gravity that he makes the rest of the Imperium, or more likely the entire galaxy, redundant.

See also

• Mary Sue
• Fluff